Xenosaga Scripts & Randomness
Chapter 4
Setting: Uzuki Residence Outside
Jin: Alright, tell me again why we have to act like we've never met before.
chaos: Because I'm mysterious and…we need to keep it that way.
Jin: Tell me again why your name's lower cased.
chaos: Because I thought it would be a very mysterious thing to do…and it's unique.
Jin: Tell me again why you changed your name in the first place.
chaos: Because then it would be too easy to make the connection to Mary. I don't want to hint at anything because—well you know, because it's—
Jin: Mysterious. Yes I know. Tell me again why—
chaos: Hey, I'm not going to answer any more of your questions. FYI, we're supposed to be talking about you right about now—stick with the lines already!
Jin: The lines are sooo boring. I thought this would be more interesting.
chaos: Jin, do you even know your lines?
Jin: I'm asking the questions here. Now. Tell me again why you don't have a last name?
chaos: No, I'm not going to `tell you again`. You're never going to know. Just 'cus you don't know your lines doesn't mean I have to go along with the program.
Jin: Oh, you don't have a choice, chaos.
chaos: Oh? And why is that?
Jin: Because your name doesn't rhyme with anything.
chaos: What?
Jin: Nevermind, inside joke. Anyways, tell me again why on your free time you like to spend time with Nephilim instead of KOS-MOS.
chaos: Ugh! Not this again. No more questions. You know the answer to this one—because it's a mysterious thing to—Hey, what are you implying?!
~hears laughter behind a bush~
chaos: Who's there?
Jin: Are you hearing things, chaos? The only people in this scene are me and you so everyone else is at home.
chaos: I know I heard something, Jin—I'm not crazy. ~stands up~
Jin: ~blocks his way to the bush~ Maybe all this mysteriousness is making you hear things. Let's talk about it, chaos. It's okay, I know you have a lot of things on your mind.
chaos: Jin, I heard something—I swear! Did you really not hear that?
Jin: Of course I didn't. Now sit down, chaos. Let's talk.
chaos: ~glances over at the silent bush~ Well…okay. I guess I do have a lot on my mind…
Jin: So, what happened 6,000 years ago?
chaos: Huh? Oh that? Well…*sighs* As soon as the writers tell me, you'll be the first one to know, Jin.
~Jin falls down anime style…and so do the rest of the Xenosaga cast behind the bush~
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Jin: Hey, Albeeedo!
Albedo: No! Go away!
Jin: Why? We hardly ever talk.
Albedo: ~sighs exasperatedly~ We have absolutely no interaction on screen—and I'd like to keep it that way.
Jin: Oh, come on, I won't bite ~catches up to Albedo~
Albedo: After what I heard from Margulis and chaos about you, I'm going to steer clear.
Jin: What did they say about me? ~is confused~
Albedo: Forgetting your lines and interrupting important plot sequences—unlike you, I'm a professional. Now if you excuse me, I need peace and quiet to—
Jin: ~steals Albedo's Xeno Ep 1 script~
Albedo: What the hell, Jin! ~tries to take them back~
Jin: ~deflects every attempt~ Oh, calm down, Albedo. I was just curious. I'll give them back in a few moments.
Albedo: Well, hurry up. I don't have all day.
Jin: This looks confusing…I don't get it, what are you even talking about?
Albedo: Newsflash, Jin. I'm basically going to be spurting out nonsensical things for the majority of the game just so I can get on Rubedo's nerves—it's not supposed to make sense.
Jin: Good luck trying to remember all of this. ~hands him back the script~
Albedo: I told you; I'm a professional ~snatches it out of Jin's hand~ Go bother someone else.
Jin: But first…we have to find out what your name rhymes with.
Albedo: Rubedo.
Jin: Hey, that's cheating!
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Jr.: Hey, old man, whatcha doin'?
Ziggy: What do you think I'm doing? Nothing.
Jr.: No need to get testy ~frowns~ Besides, I'm not here to get on your nerves or anything.
Ziggy: Then why are you here?
Jr.: I don't know. Bored?
Ziggy: Did you run into Jin yet?
Jr.: No. Why? Should I avoid him?
Ziggy: I would. Just be ready to answer `the question`.
Jr.: And what's that?
Ziggy: ~sighs~ It's very random.
Jr.: Oh, just say it.
Ziggy: What does your name rhyme with.
Jr.: ~thoroughly confused~
Ziggy: See what I mean?
Jr.: No, I just don't know what it rhymes with that's all. Umm…lunar?
Ziggy: Tenure
Jr.: That's a good one.
Ziggy: ~looks at Jr. sideways~ Was that a compliment? You feeling alright?
Jr.: Yeah, I'm fine. I can't be a jerk all the time.
Ziggy: You could. It wouldn't be surprising.
Jr.: That was just that one time on the first episode. Give it a rest already.
Ziggy: How would you like it if I took it upon myself to call you `little boy` all the time?
Jr.: But I'm not a little boy.
Ziggy: Right.
Jr.: Well…I have more names than you.
Ziggy: Now you're doing it too.
Jr.: Doing what?
Ziggy: Obsessing with names. First Jin now you. Is the entire Xenosaga cast doomed to fall into randomness?
Jr.: Well, I do have more names. Care to prove me wrong?
Ziggy: Against my better judgment—yeah.
Jr.: Alright, let's see. Jr., Little Master, Gaignun Jr., Rubedo
Ziggy: Is that all? Jan Sauer, Captain, Zigguraut 8, Ziggy, old man.
Jr.: Hey, you cheated! `old man` isn't a name.
Ziggy: Look, I'm already letting you get away with both Jr. and Gaignun Jr. which is basically the same thing.
Jr.: ~pouts~ No it's not.
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Wilhelm: My precious little compass…how are you doing today? ~pets the inanimate object lovingly~
Red Testament: Ahem! Wilhelm? Earth to Wilhelm. You're doing it again.
Wilhelm: Oh! Didn't know you were here. You Testaments just seem to pop out of nowhere.
Red Testament: Yeah…it's about the only way anyone can even get in this ship. Maybe you should invest in getting a door.
Wilhelm: Are you back talking to me!
Red Testament: N-no.
Wilhelm: Learn your place ~looks back to his compass~ Interrupting me like that. What gives you the right to do such things!
Red Testament: I have something very important to tell you though, sir.
Wilhelm: Why do you even bother coming here? I'm practically omnipotent!
Red Testament: Because then otherwise, you wouldn't interact with any of the Xenosaga cast and you'd be left alone…with that compass. I…thought you might want some company.
Wilhelm: No! My ship! My compass!
Red Testament: The compass isn't a person! It's not going to talk back to you!
Wilhelm: Yes it will, damn it! He's my friend!
~complete silence~
~silence thickens~
Red Testament: Alright then…I'm going to take my leave now.
Wilhelm: You do that. Ummm…report back when the situation changes.
~Red Testament fades out~
~Wilhelm strokes his compass lovingly~