All Hail Delusion.

When Yuuri's hormones decided to remind him that he's still technically a teenager, a week before his seventeen birthday, they did so with a vengance that, Yuuri thought, was entirely unfair on their part.

For starters, he'd like to know just how many teenagers where the kings of whole nations, how many of them had had to save that world – and the Earth as well – in an almost semestrial basis, and how many of them had been thoroughly traumatized by the yaoi manga their mother and best friend kept showing them.

Once they did that, then Yuuri would hear about hormone abuse and whatever.

It wasn't, even, that he had stopped paying attention to his hormones on purpose: before he had gone for the first time to Shin Makoku, he had noticed girls, more or less, and after a long, tiring day he had enjoyed being able to masturbate to relax.

But again: mother with no sense of personal space who doesn't believe in knocking. And an obnoxious and nosy older brother who didn't want to believe he was growing up, sheeze, and then his dad had tried giving him the talk and the two times he had tried he had almost passed out and then Yuuri had had to tell him that his mom had already gave him the talk. Both possible versions, even. With diagrams.

And then, well. Getting engaged with a pretty boy you had slapped because he had insulted your mother and then he deciding not to break up said engagement, then sharing a bed with that fiancé just to find out that he's a Rocky Balboa when he sleeps, and then when you're barely getting used to that getting the cutest daughter in the world and having her sleep in your bed with your fiancé (and realizing that she, too, kicked and punched in her sleep), well. That didn't exactly make it easy to have a healthy relationship with your hand.

Besides, Yuuri hadn't actually minded. Most of the times when he was in Shin Makoku he ended up too exhausted to even consider the toilet as an option, so even when he was alone back on his room in Earth and he thought about perhaps jerking off before he fell asleep, most of the time he just rolled over unto his stomach and was gone in seconds, not missing jerking off at alland just missing the feeling of feet, fists, knees and elbows hitting him from everywhere.

But after Greta's twelfth birthday she started sleeping more and more in her own room and only after she had a nightmare they'd find her there between them both, and eventually Yuuri simply forgot to keep on telling Wolfram to get a room of his own, for not mentioning that he was well aware that, as used as he was to Wolfram's presence in his bed, he'd hate sleeping alone.

Perhaps his hormones sensed that weakness, the moment where Yuuri simply gave up on the idea of ever sleeping alone in Shin Makoku, because That Night (and yes, it deserved the special mention), as he was putting on his pajamas, Wolfram came from his bath, hair a dark gold from the water and skin flushed, but he was buttoning his uniform shirt instead of wearing his usual nightie.

"Huh? Wolf? Where's your pajamas?" Yuuri asked, stretching.

"In their drawers, of course," Wolfram said, rolling his eyes. "I have to go out."

"What? This late?" Yuuri's shock morphed quickly as he frowned, concerned. "Is there something happening? If there is--"

"Not everything is about you, wimp," Wolfram huffed, still buttoning his jacket. "I'm a soldier, remember? That means that my squad and I, sometimes, have to take on night patrols, even when there's nothing going on."

"Oh," Yuuri felt himself blushing a little at Wolfram's statement, but he knew better than to actually say that sometimes he did forget Wolfram was a soldier. He liked his ass unburned and unkicked and in one piece, thank you very much. "So you won't come back tonight at all?"

Wolfram nodded, sitting on the edge of the bed so that he could put on his boots.

"I'll be back around six am if nothing happens," Wolfram stood up, eyes on the mirror for a moment to make sure that his uniform was complete, tutting at the way the water that had dripped from his hair had darkened the blue material of his shoulders, brushing it once. "You better be still sleeping when I come back, cheater."

"You kidding?" Yuuri grinned before he flopped unto the wide bed, right on the middle, stretching as wide as he could and moving his legs and arms as if he was making a snow angel. "It's the first time in years I have the bed all for myself! I'm gonna take advantage of that to sleep and sleep and sleep some more."

Wolfram huffed, but Yuuri knew him well enough to know the difference from an annoyed huff and an amused one, even if Wolfram sort of ruined it by adding under his breath stuff about 'wimpy cheaters who should miss their fiancé instead of enjoying the bed', going to the side to pick up his sword, then walking towards the door.

Yuuri pushed himself up on his elbows, looking at Wolfram's back.

"Hey, Wolf?"

"What, now?" Wolfram asked, turning to look at him, an eyebrow raised.

"Be careful, alright?"

Wolfram's expression went all soft around the edges, probably without Wolfram's consent on his his face going all Conrad-ish like that, and that did something to Yuuri's insides, how happy and kind Wolfram could look after someone said something so simple as telling him to take care.

"Of course I will," Wolfram added, before he huffed, rolling his eyes. "I'm not a wimp, after all."

Yuuri chucked a pillow at him, but it only hit the door.

And then, despite Yuuri's best attempts, he just wasn't able to fall asleep. He tried. He counted T-Zous, and Bearbees, and little Pochi's puffing smoke out their mouths, and Sandbears and pretty much all the fauna of Shin Makoku and the only thing he got from that was on making the mental note to tell Günther that they should go camping one of these days.

The bed was too big and too cold. Yuuri stayed in the middle of it, but even with the growth spurt he couldn't touch the edge of any side of the bed with his fingers. His brain, simply, was telling him that he was in Shin Makoku, and that in Shin Makoku he slept with at least another person in his bed, sometimes more, and so the unusual situation stopped him from falling asleep.

Yuuri rolled unto his side, and then unto the other side, away from the blue moonlight that came through the open curtain, grabbing a pillow (Wolfram's) and sighing. He supposed he could go and find Conrad to see if he wanted to talk, but he would feel guilty if he actually managed to wake him up. Yuuri briefly considered getting up to go to the kitchen and get some milk and cookies, perhaps, but he rejected that idea as well. He was tired, and before Wolfram had told him he was going out, he had been ready to sleep for as long as he could.

"Gaah, this is crazy!" Yuuri whined, covering his face with the pillow with a frustrated groan, kicking the blankets away, ready to count Kohis until he could fall asleep.

.

.

.

"What's crazy, Yuuri?"

Yuuri took the pillow from his face as he scrambled to sit up, wincing as the light from a lamp Wolfram had lit made his eyes water a little, looking as Wolfram shook his head as he took off his coat, water dripping from his head and coat. Outside, Yuuri could hear the rain, could almost feel the way his maryoku prickled with the feeling of cool water outside.

"Wolf? Did something happen?"

"The rain," Wolfram said, shrugging as he shook his head, . "It's coming on way too heavy. Trust me, if someone decides to go outside to steal something in this weather? They deserve to have it."

Though amused by the remark, Yuuri was about to tell Wolfram how he shouldn't say things like that, had it not been for the fact that Wolfram had worked open the last button of his jacket and he was taking it off.

The rain had soaked Wolfram, even with his cape, all the way through his uniform jacket: his white shirt was completely soaked and completely see through, clinging to his skin in a way that, Yuuri knew, Wolfram hated. He could almost see the way goosebumps were running down Wolfram's back and arms, and he felt his throat go dry as Wolfram sat down on the edge of the mattress and the lamp made a play of golden hair gone dark, white skin and the elegant curve of Wolfram's back.

It was insane. He had seen Wolfram naked and he had seen Wolfram soaked wet before: both things kind of happened more times than Yuuri sometimes thought he cared to remember; once Wolfram had decided that they should take their baths together, Yuuri pretty much had had to give up what little privacy he could call his, at least in Shin Makoku. And with the traveling between worlds he and part of his court did, he was used to seeing Wolfram grumbling as he plucked wet clothes away from his body.

But somehow this was different. Yuuri was barely aware that he had moved to kneel down on the bed, just looking as Wolfram fought with his boots. He saw Wolfram's shiver as a a heavy thunk was heard when one of his boots hit the floor, and when he touched Wolfram's shoulder, he was surprised to find it warm. Was Wolfram running a fever already?

"Yuuri?" Wolfram asked, turning to look at him, his other boot still on his hand. He was frowning a little, some of his hair on his eyes still dripping. He should take a warm bath, Yuuri thought, even as his other hand was moving to push some strands of wet hair from Wolfram's cheek. "Something wrong?"

Yes, Yuuri thought, or perhaps no, or perhaps both. He just knew that Wolfram was sitting down on their bed and that he was cold, and that Yuuri suddenly craved to touch his skin to make sure that it was still warm. Wolfram's eyes went heavy and half lidded, and Yuuri found himself way too close to Wolfram's face, close enough that he could feel his breath on his lips.

"Get on with it," Wolfram muttered, and Yuuri realized he was about to kiss Wolfram and that there had been very, very little things in his life he had wanted to do more than that. "Wimp."

.

.

.

There was a heavy thunk on the floor. Or rather, two heavy thunks, although one was considerably heavier than the other.

"Yuuri? Did I wake you up?"

He didn't answer that, though.

"Ouch," groaned Yuuri from the floor, his tail bone agreeing loudly and painfully with him on that.

"Are you okay?" Wolfram's voice made him open his eyes immediately, glancing around. There was a grayish-pinkish light peeking through the windows, still dark enough that Yuuri calculated that he had more or less two hours of sleep before Günther came to wake him up. Wolfram had taken off his uniform jacket and his shirt was already opened and untucked, concern warm and heavy in his eyes.

"Did it rain during your patrol?" Yuuri asked, his heart pounding. He realized he was half hard and he wasn't entirely sure – or awake enough – about what to do with that knowledge.

Wolfram blinked. "Rain? No. Yuuri, did something happen?"

"A-aaaah, just a dream," Yuuri laughed nervously, moving slowly so that he could sit on the bed before laying down again, praying to every god in existence and a few that Yuuri was certain he was making up for Wolfram not to notice his boner.

Wolfram rolled his eyes as he went for his nightie. "Then go back to sleep. It sounds like you need it, wimp."

Yes, wonderful, wonderful sleep, where he would not dream about Wolfram getting wet or Wolfram looking at him like that or anything, really, but blissful unconsciousness. If he had to expect for those dreams every time he and Wolfram wouldn't sleep together, then next time he was going to be the one to go and sleep with Greta and swear up and down that he had had a nightmare. He had, after all, waken up breathing hard and sort of panicky and and--

Yuuri shook his head, rolling over unto his side, closing his eyes, doing his best not to think anymore on what he had dreamed. He had been falling asleep, thankfully enough, by the time Wolfram joined him. When the mattress shifted he wasn't surprised that Wolfram rolled over to be close to the center of the bed, and Yuuri just burrowed deeper within the sheets.

"It's probably going to rain tonight, though; I am so glad that I'm not going to be the one outside" Wolfram muttered around a yawn. "A storm, most likely. Well, it'll be a lousy patrol but not a had one anyway. Anyone who comes out to steal or cause havoc with a storm? Deserves to get away with it."

Yuuri's eyes flew open at that and they didn't close again.

"Majesty?"

"Don't call me that, Conrad," Yuuri muttered, still reading the documents as fast as he could, even though his eyes kept on sort of glazing over. "You chose my name, so the least you could do is use it."

He didn't have to look up to know that Conrad was smiling, but Yuuri did so anyway, because it was one of the little things that made everything worthy. He glanced as Conrad shook his head and look at him fondly before he looked down towards his documents, reading. So they had to raise a .2% of the taxes so they could repair a bridge and--

"Yuuri?"

Well, Günther seemed to have worked everything okay and Yuuri'd make sure that it was only for a few months, tops, so surely... "Mmm?"

"Did you and Wolfram have a fight?"

"Ack!," Yuuri cursed as the tip of his pen broke off on an important document, scrambling to move the rest from it. And it had been a three pages long document, even. Poor Günther.

Conrad was still looking at him with a smile, and Yuuri sort of wondered how much time would the ruined document buy him. Would it be enough to pretend that he hadn't heard? Could he say he had heard something outside? With his birthday party coming on in three days and the diplomats and nobles they had invited to the celebration coming already the security was increasing, and surely...

But Conrad was still looking at him, and Yuuri sort of knew that he could say that the golden bearbee had appeared again and he was doing a Godzilla on them, and yet Conrad would know.

"... no, we didn't fight," he said, which was true. He was just finding he had a lot of work to do and so Yuuri was spending less time with Wolfram. Which was already a considerable amount of time, that with them sleeping on the same bed.

And honestly, why did Wolfram had to sleep with a nightie? Not only was it ridiculous – which Yuuri still thought it was – but with the way Wolfram moved when he slept, well. Now when he woke up he saw Wolfram snoring, the pink nightie rolled all the way up to his thighs or waist, or sometimes it had moved and exposed a shoulder. How was one supposed to react to something like that?!

With lots of cold showers, Yuuri had found out. Lots and lots and lots of them. Never before Yuuri had been as grateful of his birthday happening during summer than he was right then.

"Um. Conrad?"

"Yes?"

"Say you had... a friend. And this friend found out that he liked a friend of hi-- I mean another friend! And if that friend like this other friend but they had said that they didn't like this friend for a long time and then they did and they've been having drea-- I mean they've been thinking about this other friend a lot, what do you think he should do? I mean, they! What should they do?"

Conrad's smile was unmutable and kind and gentle and Yuuri was starting to relax just as Conrad spoke.

"I think you should tell Wolfram," Conrad said, standing up, taking the ruined pen away from Yuuri and wiping his fingers with a handkerchief. "Especially since he has been worried about you."

And one of the things that he both loved and hated about Conrad was how most of the time he was right. It's the same with Murata, really. Can't never fight when they sound so damn matter-of-factly about things.

.

.

.

Wolfram's formal uniform was of a darker blue and a better material, the details on the neck and wrists worked in gold and silver. While Yuuri sometimes had troubles remembering that Wolfram was a soldier, he kind of never forgot that Wolfram grew up as a prince: with his looks and his stance, he played the part almost perfectly, like the princes in the stories his mom used to read him when he was young.

"Are you finally going to tell me what's wrong?" Wolfram asked, looking at him through the mirror. Yuuri kind of winced a little, because Wolfram didn't only sound haughty, but hurt.

The thing here was, and why Yuuri had been so reluctant to actually say anything, was that Wolfram was his friend, and this changed everything. Even if Wolfram liked him like that – and there's no really telling, even with the whole 'cheater' and 'fiancé' thing: Wolfram was way too proud and Yuuri was kinda sure he'd act like that with whoever he got himself accidentally slapped into engagement with – well, Yuuri hadn't known how things would change between them, and what would happen if they didn't actually work out.

But Wolfram was looking hurt at him through the mirror, a set to his jaw that said he was already expecting to be hurt, and Yuuri knew that he just couldn't stay doing nothing.

So he took a deep breath, tugged at Wolfram's shoulder until he turned around with an irritated 'what?!' and he kissed him.

Before the shock had even properly settled in his mind of what he was doing and three seconds before he ran away and swam through the ocean if it was needed to go back to Japan, Wolfram shivered and wrapped his arms around his neck, pressing close, returning the kiss.

Wolfram did know how to kiss, Yuuri found out, from the way Wolfram coaxed open his mouth and how his lips teased his, how he got as close as possible and Yuuri found himself pressing back, until Wolfram was against the wall, a leg between his.

"Yuuri," Wolfram moaned once they broke away from the kiss, rolling his hips over and from the leg between his, heavy lidded. His skin was too warm when Yuuri touched the skin of his waist.

"I'm a fire elemental," Wolfram enounced slowly, his breathing still heavy (had he said that out loud?). "My temperature is always a little bit up."

And the way he said that... Yuuri swallowed, suddenly knowing that if he opened the mouth to speak, the one thing he'd say would be something like 'let me cool you up'.

.

.

.

"Yuuri, what the hell, it's before dawn," Wolfram muttered, yawning as he sat down.

Yuuri let his head drop against the floor, barely resisting the urge to bang his head against it: the least he needed was a concussion or something like that. Either he told Wolfram the whole situation or he asked for a fluffier rug on his side.

"What are you doing down there?" Wolfram asked, leaning to look at him. He looked tired, probably as tired as Yuuri felt: with his birthday the next day, they all had had a triple input on things to do and if he had been acting like a glorified tour guide for some of the nobles, he could get an idea how the rest of his court must have been working.

"Nothing," Yuuri said, ever so thankful that it was hoping that it was to dark for Wolfram to actually see what his dream had caused, wondering if he should take a cold bath or simply try to sink. "You okay?"

"Fine, other than my wimp of a fiancé waking me up," Wolfram yawned, flopping down on the bed. From the bad light of the curtains half open and the moonlight, though, Yuuri thought that he looked flushed, and he touched Wolfram's skin with the back of his hand.

"You're warm."

"Fire elemental," Wolfram rolled his eyes, but he didn't push his hands away. "My temperature is--"

"Always a bit up," Yuuri finished for him.

Wolfram frowned.

"... yes. How did you..." but then he rolled his eyes, turning around, as if he had just remembered that Yuuri had been, sorta, avoiding him for the last seven days. "Never mind. Go to sleep, Yuuri. Happy birthday."

Did he really want to spend his seventeen birthday in this almost-fighting state with one of his best friends for whom he might feel something else? Yuuri frowned as he looked at Wolfram's shoulder. It was more than just thinking that Wolfram was attractive. Didn't he deserve at least this?

So Yuuri took a deep breath and rolled unto his side as well, as close to Wolfram as possible, tucking his knees behind Wolfram's and, before he lost his nerve, an arm around his waist, and he felt Wolfram sort of freeze at that.

"What the-- Yuuri!?"

"It's okay like this, right?" He asked, ever so thankful that Wolfram wasn't turning around. He pressed his face to Wolfram's shoulder, somehow wishing he could explain everything without actually having to open his mouth. "You don't mind, right? I mean. If you do..."

Wolfram was silent for a moment, but then Yuuri felt his hand touch Yuuri's, gentle.

"Of course I don't mind," he muttered softly. "Wimp."

Yuuri grinned, arm tightening in a soft hug before he closed his eyes to sleep away what was left of the night.

And if he had other dreams, well. He was sure that he and Wolfram could get around them.