Esme's POV

"Goodbye love" Carlisle said as he made his way out to the car on his daily trip to the hospital.

Now it was just me, alone in this big house. I mean gardening can only amuse a person for so long until the garden reaches a point where it was so close to perfection it could be photographed in magazines.

So now all I had to do was sit; sit and wait until the time where my love would return home. But when one has nothing to do all they can do is think, which sometimes isn't such a good thing. Generally when I have nothing to do but think unwanted thoughts plague my mind.

As I sat listening to the silence I started to wonder what difference there would be if my darling baby boy had of lived, if so I defiantly would have never been in a house with so much silence, but then again I wouldn't have Carlisle, my soul mate, my one true love so I guess it can't be all bad that he died.

But if I was content why would I be so sad right now? I don't think it's my life that is making me upset but rather the restrictions my life gives me, what with not being able to live in one place for long periods of time, not being able to truly get close to people and worst of all not being able to have the child I so badly want.

I guess that is just the price I have to pay for having Carlisle in my life, so what I'm giving up is worth it, I just wish there was some way I could have my dream child as well. I must have been sitting here for a long time because before I knew it I was being woken up out of my retrieve with a kiss on my cheek.

"Honey, are you ok?" came the voice of my concerned husband.

I really didn't want to say my true answer, no. So I simply said, "Of course dear." But I knew he would see through my act instantly.

"What's on your mind, anything I can help you with?" I had an internal battle going on inside me. I didn't want to tell him because it would make him upset he couldn't supply me with something I want so much, but on the other hand he may be able to comfort me.

"I was just a little lonely here today, I mean when you go to work I'm here all alone." I could see the hurt cross over his face, and for once I didn't know how to comfort him.

"I'm so sorry love. I'll try to get less hou-" I stopped him right there, I knew he would do that. "You have nothing to be sorry about!" I told him, and it was the truth he's saving lives, I'm just feeling a little down.

"I'll be ok, I just need some time to think. I think I'll go hunting."

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" He asked, with concern evident in his voice.

"Very sure love, I'll be back before you leave for work tomorrow." And with that I went running out the door closing it behind me. And hopefully leaving my doubts behind with it.