Hey people, new story. One shot, if anyone cares. H/A, and I'm currently (if anyone is interested) working on a smut version. Let me know if you want it posted; if you do the rating will go up. There's nothing bad in this version, btw. It's barely a T, but I'm going for safety here. Also,I tried to make this at least semi-humorous. Did I succeed?
Huge thanks to RLD, quite possibly the best beta in the world. Don't know what I'd do without you.
Disclaimer: I own diddly-squat. Well, maybe the play concept, but nothing else. Please don't sue me.

Holly shifted in her seat and glanced up into his eyes.

"Kiss me," she whispered, a little hoarsely. Artemis opened his mouth to reply, then sighed and shook his head.

"I can't do this, Holly."

Holly gave up on trying to control her laughter. Artemis watched, frowning, as she rocked slightly on the sofa.

"I fail to see the humour in this situation," he sniffed, knowing full well what she found entertaining. He just didn't find it amusing himself. Holly gradually brought her laughter under control and looked the boy in the eyes.

"Sorry, Arty, but it's your own fault. If you hadn't skipped school..."

"I was at a conference in Bali!" he objected. Holly raised an eyebrow at him and continued as if there had been no interruption.

"If you hadn't skipped school then you wouldn't have been volunteered for the play."

"They shouldn't be able to volunteer people! It's immoral!"

Holly laughed again.

"Who are you to talk about morals? In your sixteen years, you've been a thief, kidnapper, plotter extraordinaire..."

Artemis cut her off, ignoring the twinge of guilt in his stomach.

"Yes, alright, I get your point."

Holly shook her head and stood next to him.

"It's only one scene. You've got what, six lines?"

"Twelve," he replied scornfully "but that's not the point. It's a soppy love scene! Can you honestly see me doing a love scene?"

Holly tilted her head to one side and just looked at him. He collapsed onto the sofa and glared at her.

"What?"

"This is the first time I've ever seen you act like an actual teenager. Frond, you're stroppy."

Artemis' glare intensified. Holly ignored the look and sat beside him, picking up the script again and studying the lines. Artemis gave up glaring and looked at the ceiling.

"Maybe I can just skip it. If I'm not there, they can't make me do it."

"Oh, sure. Goblin rebellions and saving the world as we know it, fine, no problem. One little school play and you're running scared."

Artemis gritted his teeth.

"I am not scared. I can act better than any of those public school imbeciles."

"Then prove it."

He sighed. There was no way to win this argument. Holly cleared her throat and began reading the stage directions aloud once more. Artemis gritted his teeth, partly from the somewhat hoarse tone of her voice that told him she was still trying not to laugh, and partly from the appalling grammar of the text. The play had been written by students specialising in performing arts. Artemis would have been quite content if they had also performed it, but apparently it was a school activity. He shook his head as Holly began reading the part about the female character's 'sparse clothing'.

"Enough already. I don't see why you're enjoying this so much."

"I've never seen you so embarrassed. It's not even that bad a scene. It's a few soppy lines and a kiss. That's it."

"Why do you insist on practicing with me? I thought you only came up here to complete the Ritual."

She shrugged and looked up from the script.

"I've got the night off work, so I figured I'd drop by and visit. You were a friend in need, so I helped."

"I was not in need," he said, teeth clenched once again. Holly giggled.

"You were staring at the script like it was poisonous. I thought I'd help you acclimatise. If you don't want my help, I'm sure Juliet would be more than happy to rehearse with you..."

She made as if to stand. Artemis pulled her back into the seat.

"If you call her, I will tell Foaly about the incident in the gorilla cage eight years ago. He may ridicule me, but you would have to live with him for the next few centuries."

Holly tugged her arm free of his grip and stared at the script again. Artemis sighed.

"Look, I'm sorry. I promise not to bring it up again."

Holly didn't reply. She was still studying the script, though as her eyes were not moving Artemis sincerely doubted that she was actually reading the lines. He reached out to touch her arm, and she scooted out of reach, as far away as she could get without leaving the sofa.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, unsure why he was apologising. Sure, he'd embarrassed her, but she delighted in doing the same to him. Turnabout was fair play. She sighed and threw the wad of paper into his lap.

"I've got to go."

He grabbed her arm as she made to leave, and narrowly ducked the swipe she made at his head.

"Please, Holly. Stay."

She tugged to free her wrist, but he tightened his grip. If he was forced to hold her any longer he'd be on the receiving end of a punch, but if she left like this she'd be in a mood with him for weeks. It was a tossup between what he wanted least. He tried one more tactic. If she still didn't calm down, he would let her go. He really didn't want her to punch him.

"Rehearse with me. I need your help."

She tugged her wrist from his grasp; he tensed for a blow, but it never came. She sat on the sofa and grabbed the script, reading the remainder of the stage directions in a voice that promised pain if he argued. Not the best state for practicing a romance scene, but he wasn't going to point that out. She finished reading and glared at him, waiting for him to say the opening line. He sighed and recited the already memorised words in a monotone.

"You look so beautiful."

Holly rolled her eyes at his lacklustre performance, her temper dissipating as quickly as it came.

"With feeling, Fowl. I can act better than that."

He sighed, and suddenly wished that it was Juliet sat opposite him. Minerva, his mother, anyone but Holly. Anyone he could look in the eyes and say these things without feeling like he was pouring his heart out. The kiss in the gorilla cage came back to him and he looked away from Holly, willing himself not to blush. He could do this. More to the point, he had to. If he backed out now, Holly would either tease him forever or leave in a temper. He wasn't sure which, and he didn't want to find out. He closed his eyes, pulling himself together, then opened them and looked back at Holly.

"You look so beautiful," he said, his voice more emotional and sensuous than the elf had ever heard it. She gaped at him for a second before remembering that she had a line and looking hastily down at the script. Mud Boy was a scarily good actor.

"Thank you. You're not so bad yourself."

Her attempts sounded pathetic to her own ears, but then again she wasn't in the play. These lines belonged to some teenage human; it would be that girl on the stage, not Holly. The elf felt a sudden rush of envy, which she hurriedly suppressed. For Frond's sake, it was Artemis! The boy in question appeared not to have noticed anything, and was proceeding with his lines.

"That colour looks really good on you."

He reached over and touched her sleeve, barely brushing her with his fingertips, yet she felt warmth spread at the contact. She jerked her arm back and read her next line without taking her eyes off the page. They continued through half a dozen clichéd lines before Holly broke from the script.

"Who wrote this? It sounds like a reject from a soap opera."

"Some kids at school. I thought you were helping me, Holly?"

Artemis managed to say this without grinning. He had noticed the Captain's discomfort, as opposed to her hilarity over the scene earlier, and he was quite enjoying it. Holly spared a moment to glare at him before turning back to the play.

"I never thought you'd actually agree to this. You and me, you know? It's just..."

"Why wouldn't I? You're pretty, you're smart..."

He trailed off, and Holly looked down for the next line. Oh no. She swallowed, causing Artemis to hide a grin, before looking back up. Her eyes caught his, and neither broke the contact.

"Kiss me."

Her voice was somewhat hoarse again, only this time it wasn't from repressed laughter. Her eyes glinted in the artificial light from the table lamp. Artemis promptly forgot the entire concept of the play, let alone the soppy romantic line he was supposed to say next. Instead, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. She closed her eyes and kissed him back. The script dropped to the floor, forgotten.

They finally broke apart when Holly ran out of air. Artemis grinned at her from about an inch away.

"I think I'm warming up to this play," he muttered, earning himself a punch on the upper arm.

"You forgot your line," she replied, reaching down to pick up the script again. She wanted a physical barrier between her and Artemis, and the wad of paper was the only thing in sight that wouldn't look ridiculous. Artemis stopped her.

"Forget about the script," he said, using his hand on her cheek to bring her level with him again. To be fair, she didn't put up much resistance. He kissed her again, more sure of himself now that he knew she wasn't going to punch him for it. She knelt, raising herself to about a head taller, and allowed her hands to run down his chest. Her fingers brushed the top of his trousers, and she pulled away. He made a noise of protest, but allowed her to halt the kissing.

"I should go," she said, not sounding all that convincing. Artemis ran his fingers up her side, and she shivered.

"Stay."

It was more of a demand than a request, and it was this which snapped Holly out of her daze. She never did take orders well. She pulled out of his embrace and stood, smoothing the creases from her clothing.

"I should go," she reiterated, but this time her voice didn't waver. "If I stay, we'll regret it."

"I doubt that," Artemis protested, standing also. She stepped back, out of grabbing range, and shook her head.

"Trouble's expecting me to sign on shift in the morning. I'll miss the next shuttle if I stay. Trouble will make me regret it."

It was a valid excuse, so why did she feel the need to call in sick and spend the day with Artemis? Bad idea Holly, very bad idea. If it got around that she'd spent the day with Fowl, rumours would spread that would do her career no favours. And, judging by the look in the boy's eyes, they may not be too far from the truth. She took a step forward and kissed his cheek.

"I'll call you later," she said, promising herself as much as him; then she turned and all but ran from the room. She grabbed her wings from where she'd left them in the hallway but was stopped from flying from the Manor by Artemis's hand on her shoulder.

"Come and watch the play, at least," he said. She nodded. He let her go and watched as she took off into the night. After a few seconds she shielded, so he closed the door and leaned against it. A grin spread across his face. Maybe the play wasn't such a bad idea after all.