Never

One-shot

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Death Note. Whoop-dee-doo.

A/N: Heyo! This is my first one-shot and my first DN fanfic. I hope you likey! I love those who read my story. I also love those who review! CIAO : +

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"I'm leaving."

The white-haired boy sitting in front of me looked up from his puzzle. His gaze filled me with such want and need that a searing pain ripped through me. It is painful. Loving someone who doesn't think much more of you than an acquaintance, a fellow student. Of course, what was I expecting? Falling in love with the person who is first in line to be L's successor. At least he's smarter than to get in a relationship when he's in such a position, that is part of what makes him number one and not me.

It really hurts to walk into a classroom and see him sitting there twirling his snowy locks with such a bored expression. He never really looked at me, you know? I don't think he's ever seen me, not really. I'm just lowly number four. Not worthy of his attention. I don't even know why I'm here, saying goodbye to this boy whom I foolishly love. Why should he care? It's not like he knows I'm leaving because of him. Even if he did, he wouldn't blink once. Not a second thought.

"Good bye then." My head snapped up at the sound of a quiet monotone. It's not like I forgot he was here, lost in my tortured thoughts. How could I forget the one I have come to worship and love? No, the surprise came from the fact that he actually said more than two words to me. Sure, it was three, but it might have well been a thousand coming from him. My mouth hung open, I quickly closed it before I began to drool. He was focused on his puzzled once more, his long pale fingers dancing over the pieces lightly. What would it feel like to have those hands, those fingers, touch me? Heaven. Maybe better. His head was bent, hiding his face from my hungry eyes.

I sighed, a sound that would normally be hardly audible, but in the dead silence I might have well screamed. I was still standing uncomfortably and nervously in the doorway, I was hesitating. Why? I have no idea. I wasn't expecting even a glance from the albino before me, but I couldn't help but linger. My heart beat was going a hundred miles an hour, and the blood pulsing through my veins was making a deafening sound. Surely he could hear it. But he didn't so much as twitch in my direction. I felt stupid and my face was on fire. I knew if he looked up, my face would be a neon red, not a sight I wanted him to see. I licked my dry lips and shifted slightly closer. I edged to the side a bit and leaned gingerly against the wall, he hardly noticed me before, why would he now? But the second I moved from my previous position, his head snapped back up. I sucked in a sharp breath, only adding to the throbbing pain radiating from my chest, as his piercing eyes locked on me.

"I- I'm sorry. I di- didn't mea. . .n t- to distu-urb y-you." I stammered, only stoking the flames that heated my face. Something flashed through his eyes. Amusement, maybe? No. What could strike someone like him as. . . amusing.

"You said that you were leaving. When?" My eyes started burning with my face. So uncaring he seemed. Already asking when I was leaving with such a tone. I'm stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

"Today." I tried to seem nonchalant, but from the look that passed over his face I had failed miserably. His frown deepened as he studied my face. Meanwhile, I stared at the spotted carpet, trying to think of something to say that would express my feelings, all the pain and hurt, and love and joy that he has brought me. But my mind was blank, numb from all the emotions. How could someone hurt so much and still live? I felt like I had been rubbed raw, my body was screaming at me, but there was nothing I could do. There was no wound that could heal in time, there was no help from this suffering I had thrown myself into. I looked back up and met his large black eyes, the pain doubled when there was nothing hidden in their depths that would make me feel any better.

"Might I ask where you're going?" His voice struck through my thoughts and I couldn't help but flinch at the almost bored tone. He wanted me to leave him to his thoughts and puzzles, my presence was a distraction. A nuisance. I choked back a sob, and blinked furiously against the tears that threatened to spill out any moment now.

"Away. Anywhere, really. I just need to leave." The hysteria was poorly covered, and I'm sure he could easily detect it. By now he had finished his blank puzzle, and had started packing it up. My nails dug into the wall behind me, I was numb to the splinters that found their way under my nails. They were nothing to the agony coming from my chest, my heart was ripping itself apart, it had to be in order to cause this suffering. The boy nodded slowly, as if he understood, and put the cover on the box. He moved a hair that had found its way across his eye before standing up.

"It was nice meeting you." He nodded again in my general direction and headed out the door.

"I'm leaving because of you." I mumbled after he had left. "Because I can't take it anymore. You not even looking at me and being completely oblivious to my feeling, everything that you've done to me." I was speaking to the dark room now. There was a slight rustle just outside the door and I jumped up. I peered out into what I had thought was an empty hallway. It was inhabited though, the boy in white was standing there, gazing unnervingly back at me. There was an emotion that showed slightly on his otherwise placid face. It seemed almost like guilt. Now that I had spotted him, he ventured cautiously back the few feet he had travelled. We stood there for a few minutes, silent and gazing at eachother. I was trying to decipher what was on his face, he seemed to be debating whether or not to say something. Finally, he broke the silence.

"Is there anything. . . I can do for you?" His voice was unsure, hesitant. It was when he spoke those words, the spell that had been put over me broke. All my senses sharpened, everything seemed new to me. Clearer, like I had a film over my vision. Suddenly, I could see what lay ahead for me. A future that used to be so dreary now brightened with many possibilities. I took in a deep breath, the air was so sweet. I closed my eyes and took in the moment. I opened them and smiled tentatively, shaking my head slightly.

"No, Near. You've done enough." I placed a hand on his pajama-clad shoulder before turning my back on the past, and looked out to the future.