We Like the Nightlife

"It has begun..."

Leonard Church didn't know who said that and in most cases, he wouldn't have cared. Sidewinder was cold, windy and while he had no intention of being 'windy' himself and releasing methane into a planet that actually had honest to god oxygen, the level of temperature was something that he could mimic. "When in Rome, do as...well, whatever they did." Regardless, he was on Sidewinder and saw no reason to break away from his usual indifference. This time however...

"Hey Jimmy, what's going on?" asked the only Blue who was wearing non-regulation armour.

"What, haven't you heard?" asked the kid as he made his way towards Blue base, walking across ice that never melted or cracked, despite how many times their vehicles ran over it (come to think of it, the ice seemed to regenerate rather quickly. Kind of like a videogame really...). "The sun's setting."

Church blinked. No, he hadn't heard that the sun was setting. Why would he? You saw that the sun was setting and in most cases, thought nothing of it.

"Um, no, I didn't hear that," said Church, ignoring Private Mickey's moaning that the overshield in the centre of the valley had been nicked. "Is that important somehow? Are the Reds actually going to attack us for once? You know, like a sneak attack?"

Stopping outside one of the two giant archways to Blue Base (why don't they give us doors? We're on an ice world with murderous Reds and Blue Command leaves the doors and teleporters wide open to anyone?), Jimmy looked at Church like...well, it was hard to tell how he was looking at his fellow private, courtesy of their universal polarized visors that seemed to have come into fashion ever since Master Chief blew up the whole Covenant armada. Still, although Church made a point of distancing himself from people, that still didn't stop him from understanding their personalities. And right now, Jimmy was in stark contrast to his usual persona. He was actually disdainful.

"What rock have you been hiding under Leonard?" the 'soldier' asked. "Of course the Reds aren't going to attack us! The sun's setting! We have the benefit of being on one of the few planets in the galaxy where the sun actually sets and you think they're going to ruin it by attacking us?"

Church was tempted to point out that as per Red and Blue being at war (apparently), it would make perfect sense for the Reds to attack, even if they didn't possess the cranial capacity for such a thing. But jibes would have to wait. For the first time since he'd known him, Jimmy wasn't making any sense.

"Um, Jimmy?" asked the cyan-coloured sniper hesitantly, stepping aside for the last of the Blues to enter their base. "Suns set everywhere in the galaxy. Planets rotate after all."

"Oh sure, that's a good one!" exclaimed some nameless private that up until now, was some kind of placeholder. "Planets rotate! Hahaha!"

"Aw, I don't know lad," said another Blue, his accent being that of...well, somewhere that made him the standard ethnic individual. "I heard the sun sets on Earth."

"Aww, that's bullshit. Sun don't set on Earth. Or on Timberland, or Death Island, or anywhere else other than Sidewinder."

The barter continued on for awhile, but quickly faded as the final Blues entered the base, Jimmy included. Church heard snippets of "Danger Canyon" and "Infinity," along with numerous other places that sounded like names from a videogame half the time, but quickly stopped listening. What kind of morons was he with? Of course the sun set on Earth and all those other places they mentioned! How could Sidewinder be the only place in the course of the entire war which had a rotating planet?

Sighing, Church leant against the back of Blue Base as the morons gathered on the balcony of the second level, humming some kind of chant that Church seemed to recall playing at the start of three videogames he once played. True, that he'd be posted with morons was a given. He'd known that and come to accept that fact. But now, on his first night of duty on Sidewinder, he'd come to realize that the human race wasn't composed of just morons. No, it had imbeciles as well.

Great. I'm stuck on the most worthless piece of real-estate in the known universe with Blues who think everything will change when the sun sets. Jesus Christ, how could this get any-...

FLASH!

...worse?

Church blinked. Not because of the sun, which had now set, but because of other things. Despite the lower amount of light, everything was much...sharper. More refined, more textured, as if Sidewinder had undergone a graphic upgrade. Or maybe it was because his armour had suddenly morphed from Mark V to Mark VI and had a zoom function.

What the fuck?! What the hell just-...

FLASH!

...happened?

Church didn't know, and that his MA5B had suddenly turned into an MA5C wasn't helping. Nor was the fact that his M6D pistol had turned into a smaller M6G pistol. And any chance of finding out exactly what was going on went down the crapper when Hornets started falling out of the sky and a Spartan Laser appeared, along with the echoes of an argument in a forum to boot. Something about a Cyclops, MAC and cryo bomb...or something. Probably not important.

"This is it boys!" exclaimed the Blues' sergeant from the balcony above, the humming having been replaced by something more upbeat. "Welcome to the nightlife of Sidewinder. Or Avalanche. Whatever."

Church remained silent. He had a million questions that he wanted to ask, but somehow, he just couldn't be bothered. Answers would only lead to more questions after all. And hey, maybe he should count himself lucky. Because as crazy as Sidewinder (or Avalanche) had become, with vehicles dropping out of the sky, the crossfire of flame wars and suddenly shifts in graphical quality, he could take solace in one fact. One shining, glorious piece of information that he could take solace in...

At least there couldn't be a place more pointless or crazy than this...

...right?