A/N: Honestly, this is probably the most crack-tastic thing I've ever produced. I mean, this is coming from someone who has drawn the entire FF8 line-up as starfish. No, I'm not kidding. I wish I still had that picture. But hey, it's 4 in the morning. I have no idea how or why I'm even up this late, but I am. And this is what happens. I create crack fanfiction. Try and enjoy it, it's meant to be laughed at.

[Hi. This means what's going through Reno's mind at that given moment.]

Disclaimer: I do not own and of the characters from Final Fantasy VII.
Final Fantasy VII belongs to Square Enix(Though they were still called Square Soft at that time).

So, they had her.

Aeris Gainsborough, the last surviving Ancient.

Just as Hojo wanted.

Now what?

She hadn't said a word since she was boarded onto the helicopter. All she did was sit there and twirl her hair around her fingers. Occasionally she coughed or sneezed, or sighed quite heavily. Other than that, however, she was silent. And it was making Reno awfully uncomfortable.

He was a ladies' man by nature, and seeing a woman so bored gave him the urge to spice up their life a bit. Ya know, possibly kick it up a notch? That was impossible, given their current surroundings. Tseng and Rude were up in the front, Tseng being the one flying the helicopter back to HQ. Tseng...had some kind of thing for this Ancient girl, or so it seemed. He's known her the longest out of any of the current Turks, all the way back to when she was dating some "First Class" loser named Zack.

Reno had seen pictures of this guy, and he looked like a damn porcupine. He had nice eyes, though. Reno had to give him that. Yet, not as nice as his own.

Aeris let out another heavy sigh, and Reno's eyes shot up to look at her. No, this wasn't a rather awkward situation. Just when Reno thought things couldn't get any more awkward, Aeris looked up to meet his gaze. Reno froze, and the only thing he could do was make this ridiculous, unrecognizable groan. It really didn't even sound human. The side of his mouth twitched, and finally he was able to look away. As the heat rose to his cheeks, Reno heard what he thought was a chuckle out of the girl. This was not cool, man. Really not cool.

"You know..." She rose from her seat. "You're pretty cute."

He somehow managed to look at her once more, and the blood drained from his face. All of a sudden she was in nothing but a set of teal bra and panties, which seemed a bit odd to Reno due to what the color scheme of her usual attire was, but hey, the color matched his eyes. Speaking of his eyes, they trailed up and down her body, noting every single curve and extrusion, and he also noted that she was still wearing those ridiculous brown boots. Aeris's hair had also been let out from it's restraints, and was now cascading over her shoulders, barely showing her breasts.

"Especially," she cooed as she walked over to him. Her arm reached out and pushed him against the back of his seat. "When you get all nervous..." The other arm joined, and Reno found himself pinned to his seat as she mounted his lap. "...like you are now." She smiled, then lifted Reno's hands up and placed them upon her breasts. Aeris flipped her head to the side rather violently, sending those long, wavy brown locks high into the air.

No, she wasn't.

Aeris grabbed hold of one of Reno's hands once again.

[No.]

With her hand acting like a guide, she slowly made her descent.

[No, no no.]

The hand when back up...

[Phew.]

...only to come back down again.

[Shit.]

Reno stole another look at her face, which turned out to be a very bad idea. Aeris was licking her lips and smirking. Smirking. And licking her lips. Women licking their lips in his presence was more than enough to turn Reno on, but smirking at the same time? That was pretty much overload.

Reno's hand was then glided to her stomach, and Aeris dragged it over every inch. She dragged it toward the back and ran it all along her lower back.

[This would be bad is Tseng and Rude looked back here right now.]

She placed the hand back on her stomach, and further began her descent.

[Though, that wouldn't such a bad thing right now..!]

The hand inched closer.

[Oh no...]

And closer.

[No...]

And closer.

[I'm gonna lose it.]

And closer.

[Someone help me!]

And closer.

[Gods, I swear, it's not my fault! See, she came on to me! Regardless of how much I wanted this!]

Closer, still.

[I'm a good boy!]

And bam.

Target met, and Reno exploded into tiny little fragments. At least that's how he felt. It wasn't long after the white light appeared before his eyes that he heard his name being called out. Then he felt something cold, accompanied by moisture.

His eyes snapped open. Elena was hovered over him, and it became clear to him that she was the one screaming his name. Reno began to sit up. He noticed a bucket placed along side Elena, and concluded that she threw ice-cold water on him. He shook his head, wondering if everything that had just took place was real.

Wait.

Where was Aeris?

He stood up quickly, noting that he was still in the helicopter. Aeris was no where to be found.

"If you're looking for Aeris, we've already taken her to Hojo." Elena smiled, and placed a soft hand on Reno's shoulder. "No need to worry."

"Wait," Reno asked. He just had to know. "How long...have I been asleep?"

Elena then tapped her chin with a finger. She squinted her eyes, and took a deep breath. "Well, according to Rude," she began. "You passed out not too long after take off."

"Exactly how long?" Reno prodded.

Elena tapped her chin again. "He claims anywhere from about five-ten minutes after take off."

Reno's eyes grew wide. The whole Aeris thing was something in his mind, then? It felt way too real to be fake. Then again, he was acting very un-Reno like during that dream. And Aeris's choice of undergarments weren't exactly convincing.

While climbing out of the helicopter, Reno thought of another question. "Did Rude mention anything about odd occurrences going on in the back?"

Elena looked puzzled.

"Like, between the Ancient and I?" Reno specified.

"No, not at all." She tilted her head. "Why? Is there something I should know about?"

[Reno, you need yourself a friggin' woman.]

Reno let out a relieved sigh. He waved his hand at Elena, signaling that the conversation had now ended. Thank the Gods it was only a dream.

[Now to find some new clothes.]

A smirk surfaced on his features.

[Oh, Rufus~!]

A/N: -Shoots self.-
No, seriously, hope you enjoyed it.
Somehow.
More Gabranth/Larsa soon.