The Surprise

Disclaimer: No wills were harmed in the writing of this story. Harry Potter doesn't belong to me. Rosemond is the name of my niece. I am not a crook. I think that's enough disclaimers.

Rosemond Lovegood-Potter unlocked the safe. With the death of of her great-grandfather, Harry Potter, Order of Merlin, Grand Mugwump, Royal Magician, Imperial Vizier, etc, etc, and so on.... all those titles that he had been given, she had inherited the Combination. She smiled as she remembered that the time he had once told her that the only titles he really cared about were "Dad" and "Grandpa": "Even Ron Weasley got an Order of Merlin. He was brave, daring, and mostly lucky when he really needed it. But it takes a life time of work to be a good 'dad'. And if you do it right, you get to be a grandpa for free! Of course, if you take it for granted, you end up being a bad one, and I don't want that. Always remember, a family is a gift that takes a lot of work to keep healthy. So be always thankful for it; and be always concerned about it." She missed her grandpa.

She carefully turned the dial and opened the heavy metal door. She had heard her parents and grandparents speculating on the contents, but it was to her that Grandpa had gifted the number. They didn't know. The owl from Gringotts had come in the night, and had urged secrecy. She had followed her grandpa's messily written directions.

The office was a mess when she entered it. She almost cried. The office, on the third floor of the Lovegood tower which had been extended into the Potter-Lovegood mansion, had always been neat and tidy. The former printing office of the Quibbler had been turned into a library/den/office. The huge, wooden desk with the secret drawer full of toys had also been left to her. Unfortunately, the grownups had decided that all the papers weren't part of the deal. She opened each of the drawers and found them all empty.

She put her face close to the lower left drawer and whispered, "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good" and pulled it open. Still empty -- as she expected. She smiled. The letter from grandpa had told her the new password.

"I solemnly swear I'm up to fun." This time the drawer revealed the Toys. Magical and mundane, three generations of Lovegood-Potters had played with them. And more, if she had anything to say about it. She took Brownie out of the drawer, and hugged him. She hadn't played with Brownie for years, but he was her favorite toy. She closed and relocked the drawer. But Brownie stayed on the desk with her.

Her parents couldn't understand why grandpa had made her the major beneficiary. The house, furniture, books, elves, and the magical forest on the Lovegood land -- all went to her. She thought she knew why. She had heard Uncle Charlie talking about "doing something useful with that overgrown weed pit." Grandpa didn't care for Uncle Charlie, even if he was married to Aunt Susan, his oldest granddaughter. She had once heard him say, "Charlie's a financial wizard, not a magical one. Nothing wrong with money, but there's something wrong when you can't look at a sunset without wishing that you could charge others for the same pleasure."

She smiled as she opened the safe. The grownups had hired Weasley's Warders to try to get it opened. It was like an Irish Setter convention with all the red heads around. But in the end, they couldn't crack it. All the speculation, from piles of gold and gems, to a Philosopher's stone were totally wrong. Inside were about a half dozen large envelopes.

She pulled the first one out, opened it, and started reading her great grandmother's handwriting. She had never met the old woman, but the (non-magical) portrait in her great-grandfather's bedroom on the top floor of the tower showed her to be a pretty, blond young woman with a startled expression on her face.

"The true events of the night Voldemort died, as related by Harry Potter, the only survivor.

"Much as when he was attacked as a baby and his parents killed, great works of history have been written about the final confrontation between Harry Potter and the Dark Lord Voldemort. As in the case of his first confrontation, the final one has also generated huge piles of dragon dung masquerading as historical accounts.

"In both cases, only one person was left as witness and in neither case did the witness describe what happened. True, while the first fight between Harry and Voldemort happened before he could give a reliable account, the last was never spoken of by Harry except to me under strictest requests for secrecy.

"Some people have speculated, rather accurately, as it happens, that Harry might lose his Order of Merlin should the truth ever come out. While it may happen, it was not the reason he kept quiet.

"There were two reason, really, why Harry didn't speak about what happened. Or maybe three.

"First and foremost, he hated the press (except the Quibbler, which didn't survive the war). If he could have, he would have led attacks against reporters like he did against Death Eaters. There was only a slight difference in his mind between the two groups.

"And second, he greatly enjoyed the wild speculation the afore mentioned reporters came up with to explain what happened.

"The third reason, well, maybe you'll figure it out.

"On to the story.

"After the events of Harry's fifth year, Albus Dumbledore, the world's dumbest smart man, finally got a clue and realized that Voldemort was gunning for Harry. Once this idea had lodged itself in his ancient mind. . ."

An arrow and a line led to a comment written in the margin in her great grandfather's messy handwriting: "This was accomplished by way of a magically modified wackspurt. Said wackspurt modified by my wonderful wife. Have I told you today that I love you?"

Back in the main text, Rose continued reading: "and got off his butt and started training Harry for the fight that was coming. Of course, he did a adequate job (how that man got the reputation he did is a mystery approaching that of the mating habits of the purple mountain jackalopes). Luckily, there were some competent instructors at Hogwarts at the time, especially Filius Flitwick and Alister Moody, who really was the defense instructor that year and, for a change, and not being impersonated by a Death Eater.

"The Battle of Hogsmeade occurred in the fall, and Harry's Commandos as they were called (really, the group he practiced defense with) beat back the Death Eater attack. Many members received Orders of Merlin. Harry didn't, as he had been hit with a curse at the very beginning of the battle and spent the battle unconscious and bleeding."

Once again, Grandpa Harry had added a comment to the text. "I was shot in the back by Draco Malfoy and survived because a Ravenclaw with the initials LL protected my broken body during the fight. I never saw Draco again, and LL is mysteriously silent on his fate."

"The year progressed without any more Hogsmeade trips. Several social functions were held instead, and Harry Potter ended up dating a stunningly beautiful Ravenclaw. But I digress.

"Things came to a head when an impromptu broom race went beyond the school wards over the Forbidden Forest, and someone summoned Harry's clothing. Unfortunately, he went with them. I've insisted that he have easily removed clothes ever since. They might even be useful should anyone ever try that trick again.

"Harry was captured by Belatrix Lestrange, often considered Voldemort's most dangerous follower. She was certainly his most bloodthirsty. To her, every problem was a nail because she only had one tool, the hammer of her violence. And therein lay her weakness.

"If you read the historical accounts, they will tell you that Harry was held and tortured by the woman for almost a week as she prepared to present him to her foul master as a birthday gift. And while that's not entirely wrong, Harry always downplayed the torture part. He was held, he was tortured, and he did despair (you won't read that in the histories) because he knew all was lost and his death was imminent.

"But what he didn't know is that a stray comment had gotten crazy Bellatrix' confused brain working in strange directions.

"You see, Bellatrix, despite being married, so worshiped the Dark Lord that she wanted to marry him. She was no fool, no matter how crazy she was. She knew her violent streak, no matter how much Voldemort liked it, wouldn't make him hers. She saw in Harry the chance to prove how much she "loved" Voldemort, and she picked up from Harry a way to do it.

"Harry had sarcastically commented on her giving him to Voldemort as a birthday present during his surprise party. This comment burrowed its way into her psychotic brain and grew to consume her.

"The result was on June 2, Tom Riddle's birthday, Harry was secretly taken to the Dark Lord's lair, which at that time was an abandoned warehouse in downtown Manchester. Amazing what you can do with a little magic to give a place that creepy, Dark Lordish, evil look. I hear the previous lair had been discovered because they dumped their victims bodies nearby and just because there were notice me not spells on the property to keep the muggles from seeing the corpses didn't stop them from smelling them. But I digress, again.

"So, with the help of the Inner Circle of Death Eaters, Lestrange had organized a birthday party for their evil master. He had been drawn away on some pretext, and as he entered his throne room, the lights suddenly flared, balloons appeared, and all the death eaters yelled, "Happy Birthday!"

"In the middle of the floor, collar around his neck attached to a chain held by Bellatrix, Harry felt the sudden pain in his head that signaled the presence of Voldemort. As the lights came on and the Death Eaters yelled, he then felt the sudden cessation of the pain as Voldemort had a heart attack.

"Any competent healer or even someone trained in muggle CPR might have saved He-Who-Must-Be-Unnamed, but these were Death Eaters. Bellatrix screamed when Voldemort fell. Death Eaters started shooting spells at unknown, invisible assailants, and were soon engaged in a battle amongst themselves.

"Lestrange was by this time incapacitated, as Harry had snatched her wand from her and turned her into a slug. Disillusioning himself, he took advantage of the confusion to reduce the number of Death Eaters as well as call for help.

"Help eventually arrived, and Harry was able to present the government with Voldemort's body, something he had been unable to do as a baby.

"He refused to talk about what happened in the warehouse. He didn't even tell me for several years. One of Harry's secret pleasures was denying Albus Dumbledore that information.

"But, after we had been married for some time, he told me the story, and I've written it down.

"And as for the third reason Harry never spoke of it -- he could barely tell me, because he was laughing so much.

"If Harry is dead, you may do with this information what you will, my heir. And may you never have the need to fight a Dark Lord."

Rosemond put the papers back into the envelope, and picked up the next one. Removing the papers from it, she smiled. This was it! This was what grandpa had promised to give her! The house, the lands, all of that paled in relation to this. She read the first paper, written less than a year ago.

"Dear Rosemond,

"While we love all our children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, you alone seem to have your great-grandmother Luna's appreciation for animals of the Perilous Realm. All the rest of our descendants "grew out" of that phase, and have or are becoming respectable adults. Luna, and with a lot of her help, I, have been able to avoid that fate, and hope that you can too.

"You will find in this folder the following:

"One map with password to the Veela colony in the Hidden Fjord.

"Two maps, one of the area, and one of the caves, of the last known Shetland Goat-frogs.

"One map to the breeding area of the Crumpled Horned Snorkacks"

Rose squeeled. This is what she was looking for. She hugged Brownie the stuffed Snorkack and smiled as she looked at the map. Yes, in just a few years she'll be seeing real Snorkacks.

"Thank you, Grandpa," she whispered.

Author Note: The idea for this came from Joel N. Fischoff on the Caer Azkaban Yahoo group. He wrote: the power the dark lord knows not is... a surprise birthday party!

From that came the rest of the story.

And a special thanks to Emily for pointing out some of my errors.