Well since I'm bored, I decided to write a little fan fiction that I haven't done in a while.

Since I'm honestly surprised no one's done it yet, this is a humanized fic that usually happens when the show involves some sort of animal or robot.

What would happen if the animals of the zoo were humans? How would that affect the animals? Moreover, how would it all work?

That's why I'm here.

"So, she's the new one to the apartment?" A somewhat gruff voice said over a walkie-talkie.

"Yep, the only other female besides Gloria and Doris." The voice on the other end sighed.

"Kowalski, stop daydreaming!"

"Oh, sorry sir. She should be coming around the corner…now."

The day had started somewhat normal for Marlene, but with the crazy landlord, Julian, you never knew what he was going to do. Today, he bust into her new apartment with an empty fruit basket.

"Hello, new living occupant! I welcome your money…I mean you!" was his greeting to her.

It hurt her head to even think about how he became landlord.

Right now, though, was her fairly normal routine. When in a new place, check out the local coffee shops! Gloria had given her directions to a near-by coffee shop and a time to meet her and Doris so they could explain New York to the newbie. So far though, she managed to find every other coffee shop in New York but the right one.

"What does a person have to do in New York City to find something?" She groaned, turning around the corner with her head buried in the map. She barely noticed the man standing up from the bench and falling into step a few feet behind her.

Finally, she found her quarry and entered the coffee shop dubbed African Sierra.

The interior was decorated to match it's namesake and made her feel like she had just left the bustling city and entered a quiet savannah…that just happened to have a coffee shop in the middle.

"Bout time you got here." Gloria sighed, waving the brunette over to join her and Doris.

"Sorry, I got lost." Marlene laughed nervously, taking a seat.

"You can do that in New York. Now tell me about San Diego." Doris leaned forward, her short blond hair falling out of her ponytail.

"Oh, you know, similar to here, a whole lot of people."

"A whole lot of decent guys?" Gloria asked, sipping from her cup.
"Oh, yeah, definitely. I never met one though."

"Well, you definitely have caught the eye of Skipper." Doris giggled.

"Who?"
"The guy who followed you into here and the same guy staring at you right now…oh for heaven's sake, don't look. Nothing makes you more obvious, come with me." Gloria stood up and dragged her to the counter, Doris close behind. "Okay, pretend you're looking at the menu and look at him. He looks like he's part of the mafia but he's part of the detective team that lives in the apartment too."

"He's been married once before to some chick that never talked…I wonder what happened between the two." Doris trailed off, looking to the ceiling.

Marlene sighed, "Why can't I look at him directly again?"

"Because it makes it obvious that you're looking at him! Geez, haven't you done this before?"

"No."

"We have our work cut out for us." Doris sighed, coming down from her daydream.

"They're just chatting." Private confirmed, watching the two other girls giggle at the new girl's confusion.

"See if you can get a bug on their conversation. We might find out some valuable information." Skipper looked up to the tall man sitting across from him, typing away on his laptop, "Kowalski, tell me you looked through the girl's background."

"Already did, sir. She's clean of any criminal records. She's an American, ruling out a French spy. She also has straight A's through high school and college."

"That leaves out my first theory...Rico, put the gunpowder away. It's illegal"

Beside him, a crazy looking man groaned and brushed the black powder back into its case and slid it and the lighter into one of his many pockets. Skipper returned his gaze back to the brown-haired woman who was blushing for some reason; probably one of Gloria's dating talks. It always eluded him why she seemed to be so boy-crazy when she already had that Melman person making googly-eyes at her.

Then again, nothing girls did made sense to the male side of the species.

This is also, why he, along with his team, was bewildered when Doris and Gloria literally dragged the new girl over to their table.

"Hey Skippy, have you met Marlene yet?" Gloria smirked as Skipper glared at the rotund woman.

"Don't call me Skippy. And no, I have not met her yet." Skipper motioned to Kowalski who turned on his secret recorder.

"I'm Private! You must be the new girl from San Diego!" Private grinned at the new girl, earning a slap on the back of the head from Rico. Skipper sighed and set his head in his hand. The boy still had much to learn about keeping things secret.

Marlene looked a little startled but if she suspected something, she didn't show it, "Yes, I'm from San Diego. Nice to meet you, Private." She sent a quick glance to Gloria who shrugged.

"Ahhh the white beaches." Kowalski sighed, leaning back in his chair a little.

"You're Kowalski, right?" Doris asked. This caused the supposed smart member to startle and fall backwards from his chair

"Yea…yeah, that's…that's me." Kowalski struggled up to his feet, a still furious blush on his face.

"The really silent one is Rico." Private pointed to the bizarre man rummaging through his pockets, somehow producing a sack of popcorn and holding it out to Marlene.

Gloria shook her head, "Nope, we're taking her to eat after this. We just wanted to introduce her to you guys…you know, so you don't stalk her as you did with Doris here. She's not a spy from some agency…she's too naïve for that." Marlene glared at Gloria, who just grinned.

"It's called surveillance, stalking involves some sort of interest with the subject in question." Skipper groaned, absolutely unhappy that the mission had been compromised.

"Yeah, what ever helps you sleep at night. Come, we got a lot of walking to do." Gloria pulled the small girl from the table and through the door.

Once out of earshot, she whispered, "Don't talk real long, it makes you look desperate. But girl I think he likes you."

"I really don't think so." Marlene looked between the two beaming girls, "He didn't even say anything to me, so I'm pretty sure it's a no."

"You never know." Doris sung, "Ahh, You'll love it in New York, so many possibilities!"

"As in, Kowalski." Gloria grinned at Doris's sudden trip.

Marlene caught the blonde's arm and hoisted her back up, "That I was able to pick up. Are you two dating or something?"

"Oh no, he's just a friend."

"Says your sudden trip and his big blush." Gloria folded her arms.

"Oh look! Hot guy!" Doris pointed to a corner, drawing their attention away, "Oh, he got away."

"Well, anyway, I guess we'll see plenty of those where we're going, come on!"

That night, after a tiring day of walking nearly the entire city, guy watching, and mall shopping, Marlene was starting to doubt the sanity of her two new friends. Collapsing in her bed, she opened her phone and dialed.

"Hello, this is Rodger, Leave your message at the beep." She groaned, right now, her best friend was who she needed most.

"Hey it's me. I got settled in and everything. Let me just tell you. New York is big. Never walk it. Well, I'll call you later, Bye." Marlene set the phone down on the receiver and buried her head in the pillow, just in time to hear music blast from another room.

Julian loved these parties a little too much, Skipper decided, making his way to the landlords place.

"Turn the music down!" He called through the door.

"What? Turn it up? Okay!" The high-pitched voice of Mort, Julian's supposed nephew, answered.

"No Mort, down!"

"What?" The little boy opened the door to see the fuming detective glare at him.

"Turn it down."

"I can't! Julian won't let me!" Mort cried, finally hearing Skipper properly.

"Just do it!"

"What's going on here?" The two turned to see Marlene walk up.

Skipper groaned and waved his hands in a shooing motion "Julian's having his usual nightly party. I'm handling it. Now Mort, tell him to turn it down!"

"I can't! I'll be sent away!"

Marlene bent down to the boy's level and said as sweetly as she could, "What's your name?"

"Mort,"

"Well, Mort, can I come in?"

The boy hesitated for a moment and nodded, allowing room for the woman to pass. Skipper raised an eyebrow as she disappeared into the hallway and a few moments later the music turned off.

She walked out and smirked at him, "Woman's persuasion." She patted Mort's head and disappeared back into her room.

Skipper and Mort looked around the corner where Julian was tied up against a fake tree.

Skipper looked down at a grinning Mort. Whatever woman's persuasion was worked. Maybe this girl wasn't so bad.

I'm extremely sorry if this turned out bad. If you have any constructive criticism, give it to me. I can handle it. I can handle flames too so if you have a problem with this, tell me so I can fix it.

And I've noticed something, Why are there so many names starting with M? Do they have an obsession with the letter M?