Chapter One: Needed

Restoration of Three Damaged Souls Under Catastrophic Karmic Situations

Both doors to the Tardis burst open and were immediately forced closed again by the figures that now collapsed in a heap against them. Panting, gasping for breath, the Doctor stopped and grinned wildly at his companion. At the expression he witnessed in return the words he was about to speak faded from mind. He frowned. It wasn't comfortable. The Doctor didn't like frowning; it always made him feel… tired. In the back of his mind a thought materialized, 'Ask him.' He pushed the thought away. It persisted, 'Do it now and he might actually answer.' If he gave in now, and she was right, the Tardis would never let him hear the end of it. Well, nothing else for it. If she was right (and she usually was) at least he'd have the answer… well, not really the answer. He didn't fool himself into thinking whatever the reply was, that it would magically solve the problem, whatever that problem was. It might, however, provide the proper next question. The Doctor frowned again. Nope, definitely didn't like frowning.

"So… Are you going to tell me what that was all about?"

"What?"

The Doctor frowned for the third time in as many minutes. He wasn't used to single word responses from the usually loquacious Captain Jack Harkness. "That. That with the Tretarans. What was that?"

"Still don't get what you're asking. Wanna be a little less specific?" Jack didn't wait for a reply. Pulling himself up from the floor with a look that clearly said it was killing him to do so; Jack headed for the central control console and pretended to be interested in the readings.

"The way you acted out there… it wasn't like you. Not at all." The Doctor followed, taking a moment to toss his coat over the support column. Jack had been with him for a few weeks now and the Doctor hated to admit he still had no idea what had happened. What had gone so horribly wrong in Jack's life to strip his friend back to nothing but raw emotion and anger? "As much as you like to pretend you don't… you do care. Well, you used to care. Do you understand what I'm saying here?"

"No." Jack bent further over the console, "And whatever it is, I don't care."

"See! I was right!" The Doctor grinned and waited for Jack to continue. Minutes passed with only silence. "Jack…"

"What?" Jack's response snapped a bit more than he'd intended but there was no way he was going to appologise.

"Why don't you care anymore? The Jack I knew was a… he… would have wanted to help the Tretarans. You just followed me and did what I asked of you. What happened, to your humanity, Jack?" The Doctor's voice was so soft Jack could have ignored it, quite easily in fact. He could have left, gone to his room, gone anywhere. After half a year, however, Jack Harkness was finally ready to talk about it.

"He died." It was less than a whisper, little more than a sigh, but just saying the words were like finally accepting defeat. Jack collapsed into the Doctor's arms and cried uncontrollably. "He died and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't save him."

The Doctor held Jack and waited for the sobs to lessen, "And he was?"

Jack opened his mouth but found that the act of simply saying the name was more than he could bear. He felt the vague brush of a thought in his mind as the Tardis caressed his emotions, "Show him to me."

In a less fragile state Jack might have resisted, fought the idea of sharing something so personal. As it was, the images came unbidden to his mind. A suit, a steaming mug, a tie, a smile, such stormy blue eyes, so expressive, an eyebrow raised, an elusive laugh that meant more than life itself… Jack laughed in return and the images started to flow. Naked hide and seek, chocolate, reports with little markers where to sign, perfect hair, and the smell of vanilla, the look of absolute restraint, the face of utter release. Containment and inhibition, control and abandon. Intelligence and sympathy, trust, loyalty, support… As the thoughts cascaded turbulently through him, one word came to Jack's lips, "Ianto."

The Doctor moved Jack to a more comfortable position, never once letting go. "He was there, when the Earth was stolen. Very polite, if I remember, for a young man in the 21st century."

"That's Ianto, very polite. Very… polite." Jack smiled at the 'polite' images that flitted across his mind: Can I get you a coffee, Sir?; Yes I am questioning your authority and will continue to do so every time you make such sweepingly hazardous decisions… Sir; Jack, may I just point out that you are being a complete git?; OhJackohyespleasejustlikethatohyesplease… Sensing what might have been the Tardis starting to giggle; Jack wiped the memories from his mind. "He was…" Try as he might, Jack found it absolutely impossible to come up with a single word to describe Ianto. There was nothing that could come even close to doing him justice.

"Brilliant?" The Doctor suggested.

Jack considered all the connotations, "Yes. In every way."

"I think I would have liked him."

"I think, Doctor, you would have loved him." Jack suddenly grinned at the thought of fighting the Doctor off Ianto with a rolled-up magazine. The Tardis transferred the mental image to the Doctor with a chuckle.

"But Ianto was yours, wasn't he?"

"I like to think so. My loyal Ianto. He had his own opinions… about pretty much everything, in fact. But in front of the others, he was only ever about me, or my plan. He challenged me, but only ever in private. He was my support, and I don't mean office support. When things got impossible, he always found the perfect way to let me know he still had faith. Faith in me. He made me so much better than I could ever have been, without him. I used to say that Gwen was the heart of Torchwood, but I think that's wrong. It was Ianto. He was the heart and soul of Torchwood… and of me. I miss him, Doctor. I miss him so much. So, so much."

This time when the tears came, they were softer. Sobbing no longer wracked Jack's body, only his soul. That was how Jack woke, hours later, in the Tardis control room, alone. "Doctor?" He called. "Doctor?" he yelled. Reaching out with a thought, Where is he?

The only response was a caress, "Wait."