A/N: So this is dedicated to my good friend Kaetlin who is a HORRENDOUS BumblebeeXSam fan. I'm writing this for her, but if anyone else likes it, BONUS! She wanted me to write this after the 2007 movie, but I wasn't convinced as of yet of the "chemistry" between the two characters. After watching the 2009 movie, however, whoa. Some of the lines were leading that way, I'll give it that.

Just so we're clear this will NOT be a hologram Bee story. Kate made it blatantly clear she didn't want that and it either had to be a botSam story or a robot on human slash. I'm not telling you what's going to happen so shush. Although there are a lot of great hologram autobot fics out there...I just view that concept as an easy way out. It's supposed to be a xeno romance and well...it should be "strange love". Meh, just my opinion and I still like a lot of the hologram stories out there!

So without further ado, here is my warped Transformer's sequel to ROTF (by the way...that reminds me of ROFL. HA!)

Sam Witwicky: Project Anomaly

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original characters or storyline regarding the Transformers universe both comic/television and movie (2007/2009). They are copy written to Hasbro, DreamWorks, and Paramount Pictures. I am just a twisted individual with spare time on her hands creating a warped version of the franchise.

General Warnings: Language, graphic violence, torture, possible rape, explicit sexual situations between robotic and non-robotic life forms, and of course; Sam's neurotic behaviour.

Warnings for this chapter:

"Normal Speech"

'Internal Thought'

"Cybertronian"

"-Radio Transmission-"

Chapter One: "Click your heals 3 times..."

In which there are home comings, abandonment and anxious yellow robots.

Sam sighed for the umpteenth time that hour and covertly glanced at the clock mounted on the stark white wall. It hadn't even been five minutes yet? He frowned.

"Mr. Witwicky! If I have to ask you one more time to keep your gaze on the red light, I'll be forced to pin your eyes in place!"

The teen made a discreet face, sure that the doctor wouldn't be able to see it in the dark room.

"I saw that..."

Oh.

"And stop fidgeting."

"I can't help it!" he said, exasperated. "I've been in this stupid room for over three hours while you poke me, blind me, stab me with needles, and shove things down my throat, which I'm not into by the way." Sam heard the clicking of heals and winced as sharp florescent lights burst on. The "doctor", he wasn't sure the lady was a real doctor in the sense more like a sadistic mad scientist, grabbed his chin forcefully and shone a piercing light into his eyes, observing as each pupil shrank in protest accordingly.

"Interesting," she murmured.

"What what what?" Sam sputtered trying to see just what the evil white coat was jotting down. The MD turned her clipboard away, raising an eyebrow at the twitching young man.

"If you sit still, I'll divulge some information to you."

"And if I'm a bad boy? What, you'll strap me to the table again and probe me? Look lady, bondage really isn't my thing or my girl's for that matter, so let's say we drop the whole condition response experiment and tell the patient what the problem is, hm?"

The look that came next actually made Sam wither in his seat. The government medic stood up, straightening her skirt. "Mr. Witwicky I am not your therapist, so please direct any issues regarding insanity or sexual impotency to him."

"Impotency?" he gaped. "Look lady, just because I don't like that kink stuff doesn't mean I can't perform."

"The fact that you felt the need to inform me you had a girlfriend is proof enough of some sort of inadequacy."

"HEY! Maybe I just don't want you groping my body anymore with your steel rods and razors. You must really like your role playing..."

"Mr. Witwicky, if you're insinuating-"

"I'm not insinuating anything," he interrupted. "I know a woman your age doesn't see a lot of action, but there's plenty of army meat around here. I don't see why a guy my age interests you. Kind of perverted if you think about it." He sat innocently as the doctor stormed towards the bolted door and slammed her hand down on the glowing green button mounted beside it. A buzzer sounded and three men dressed in army fatigues entered the room. Sam grinned as he recognized both William Lennox and Robert Epps, the other he wasn't too sure about, but he had a no nonsense air about him. Will almost jumped back as the female med shoved the clipboard into his hands.

"Here!" she sneered. "I'm done with my assessment. See these are personally delivered to NSA immediately." She paused before leaving, looking back at the bewildered Major. "You may want to get the boy's 'girlfriend' in here soon. He misses him terribly."

"Him?" Same shrieked, but she had already left.

"Jeez." Will released a breath. "What the hell did you do to piss her off, Sam?"

"Nothing," he shrugged. "So what's the good news?" he smirked. "Can I go home now?"

The men went silent. Will looked uncomfortable, Robert looked angry, and the man behind them coughed and stepped forward. "I'll take that if you don't mind, Lennox" he ordered. William immediately handed over the medic's report and he scanned it over, his shoulders visibly slouching. Sam bit his lip instantly worried. If a man like this could look defeated, just what the hell was on that piece of paper?

"I'm sorry to say this, son" the man started, "but I'm afraid we'll have to keep you here for observation longer than anticipated."

"What? Like for how long?" Sam rose off the chair, walking right up to the officer. "I can't stay here, I have a life!"

"Sam, calm down," Will murmured. "General Morshower is trying to do everything he can. We're just wrapped up in legal jargon."

"Man fuck legal jargon. This is straight up rat lab testing!" Epps growled, crossing his arms. "Kid shouldn't have to go through shit like this!"

"Shit like what?" Sam halted, raising his hands. "Shit, what shit?" He looked at the trio. "Look just tell me what's on the paper. I'm fine, I feel fine. Evil nurse poked me a lot, but besides the scars and the burns I'm good. I'm good, right?"

"According to this, physically you're fine," Morshower stated, flipping the pages.

"Then what's the deal?"

"That's just it...you're fine." Morshower motioned for him to sit down, and Sam unsteadily took his seat on the cold laboratory chair. "You died, son. For a full six and half minutes you died. Not to mention you had multiple hairline fractures in your lower vertebrae, a cracked collarbone, third degree burns on your upper left chest and shoulder, minor cuts, and the list goes on." The older man turned the last page. "The last thing Dr. Hausen has mentioned here is you didn't even have reddening of the cornea, which is something everyone should have had after getting sand in every pore." The General sighed heavily, rubbing his scalp. "You don't find that odd at all?"

He was tight lipped. Okay, so it was maybe a little odd, but more than anything he wanted to go home. "No."

"No?" the General echoed in obvious doubt, crossing his arms.

"No." He had to play with this or the likelihood of seeing anyone not resembling a freaky Dr. Einstein was slim. "No seriously. Maybe the Matrix magically healed me, maybe that lab report is another way for crazy lady doctor to get my phone number, or maybe I'm just a typical American boy who heals faster than the speed of light?" He glanced at the men who looked less than convinced and shrugged innocently. "All I know is I have an astronomy paper due in five days and I doubt a note from the government will even convince that lunatic professor to give me a break. So... can I go now?"

"I'm afraid that choice isn't up to us," the General commented gruffly. As if on cue, the heavy steel door opened and a rush of black suits marched into the room.

Sam frowned, growing impatient. What was so fucking difficult about letting him go? Sure he had been close to death...and then dead, but he was fine now! No bruises, no bumps, hell not even red eyes. Wasn't that supposed to mean he was healthy and wouldn't grow into a fifty foot glowing blob? He wanted to go home. To go back to the way things used to be. Before the wars, death, aliens. Was it asking too much to just want a normal life and for the government and everyone else to just leave him alone?

"Sam Witwicky."

The teen looked up, fighting back tears of frustration. "Yeah, what do you want?"

Major Lennox came up behind him and nudged him in the shoulder as a warning. Sam conceded. It made sense; if he wanted to go home it would only harm his chances if he got snippy with the bureaucrat. "Sorry," he mumbled, getting up and shaking the man's hand. "What can I do for you?"

The seedy looking man smiled and Sam had the distinct impression of a moray eel. "I'm Advisor Theodore Galloway of the National Security Agency. I would personally like to congratulate you on your role in the current Autobot Decepticon feud, and by extension, the President's as well."

"Oh, well, you're welcome?" Sam answered, not sure where this was leading.

Galloway made an impatient gesture to General Morshower, who grudgingly handed over the doctor's report over. The thin man glanced over the notes and negligently tossed it on the lab counter. "Well seems everything is in order, looks like you're fit to go home. There's just one little thing I'd like to talk to you about, if you don't mind?"

"Uh," Sam glanced at Will who looked like he had eaten something rotten. He caught the boy's look and slowly nodded, but Sam knew he was treading on dangerous ground. "Sure," he responded.

"You see, kid," Galloway threw an arm around his shoulders in an attempt for the buddy role. It was failing miserably. It was like the creepy guy at family reunions who got just past your personal space to tell you how "adorable" you were, with the over friendly squeezes. Just made you want to run away crying to hide behind your mother's skirt. "Your alien friends are a bit wound up about how long we've been keeping you here. Now that certainly wasn't my decision-"

'Yeah, I bet,' Sam thought bitterly.

"-but you know how all these things go. SO, I was wondering if you would smooth things over with them, try to mend the rip that seems to have happened between our two factions." The Advisor stopped, looking Sam deep in the eyes. "You see, we were right about them. They've been nothing but trouble since they first arrived, but we're willing to look past all the red tape and give them some sort of lee way. They did stop our planet from becoming...what was it, energy? Energizer?"

'Glad you noticed.'

"Energon?" Sam supplied, placing a fake smile.

"That's the word!" Galloway beamed. "So to cut to the chase, the President has given you a formal invitation to become the liaison between our government and your Autobot friends."

Sam stopped, apprehension growing like a knot in his stomach. Wasn't this what Optimus had asked of him just a few horrible weeks ago? He didn't want any part of this war anymore! He was finished, done. Whatever each side wanted, they could both kiss his ass. He was Samuel James Witwicky, American teenage college student trying to live out every mediocre thing he could before the tender age of seventy. No, this was it.

"I'm done," he whispered.

"Sorry what was that, son?" Galloway asked.

"I said I'm done!" he snapped, shrugging off the Advisor's arm and turning to face the government officials. He ignored Will's hand motions to quiet down and the General's stern gaze. "You all seem to forget that I'm not even twenty. Give me another year and throw this crap on me, okay? I didn't ask for this, any of it! I just want to be left alone." He sat back in the metal chair, head in his hands.

"Sam," Will said forcefully, kneeling down before the young man. "No one asked for any of this to happen, but we deal with it. Hey, I'd like to just cover my eyes too and pretend none of this shit happened, but that won't work." The boy looked up at him and Lennox dismissed the glow behind the irises as a trick of the light. "The way I see it, kid is that we have two choices. One is to try and live out a half-assed life, sliding by with what we have, but in most cases...something horrible goes wrong and we end up paying for it dearly. The other choice is to work, work with everything you've got and one day, out of the blue, you're at peace. With everything you've done at everyone you've met."

"Yeah, but that 'at peace' could be when you die," Sam snorted, smiling.

"True, kid," Will agreed. "But no one knows about what happens after that and I would much rather start my new life with a clean slate then going in with hot heels, you get my drift?"

Sam grudgingly nodded and then paused, looking at Advisor Galloway. "Wait, you said the Autobots were freaking out about how long I was in here. How long is that exactly?"

"Well-"

"-You were out for two days before today, Sam," Will interrupted.

"Gah! It's been three days?" he screeched, waving his hands in the air. "That means I've got only two days to do a hundred page report on Astronomical Cosmology! I-I got to get home now!" He sprung out of the chair and faced the government agents. "I'll think about your offer-thing, but right now I've got a life to live."

Galloway frowned and was about to object, but Sam beat him to it. "I'm sure Optimus and the others wouldn't appreciate having me kept up here any long than necessary..." Sam smirked inwardly as the man blanched and nodded for the agents to open the door.

Bumblebee sat hunched in Hanger Seven watching forlornly as the other Autobots paced about. It had been three days since he had last seen Sam, the last moment being when they had landed back on American soil. The entire voyage Sam had avoided him and every other Autobot, save Optimus. His leader and his human had sat on the deck of the aircraft carrier for hours on end simply watching the horizon, saying nothing, just looking out onto the horizon as if searching for something only the two of them were capable of witnessing. When the time came for Sam to call it a night, he would nod to Optimus and go below deck. Not a word or glance to anyone else. Both his parents and Mikaela had given the boy a wide berth, understanding the need for personal space, but Bee couldn't stand it for much longer.

Finally after arriving back in America, the yellow bot had shivered in anticipation at the thought of his friend hopping into his interior and driving home with the stereo blazing and windows down. He had twittered in confusion as Sam simply held up a hand when Bee opened a door expectantly for him, giving him a "not now, Bee."

What had he done? The slumping bot gave a depressing moan and held his head in his hands. Mikaela, who was standing nearby, gave a sympathetic smile and walked over. She sat down cross-legged in front of the towering robot, placing a hand on the scratched finish.

"It's okay, Bee. Sam'll be out soon. Look here comes Major Lennox and the others! Sam won't be far behind." But she wasn't so sure. Something in Sam's eyes after the battle sent a painful chill down her spine. When he had first opened them after being dead, they had burst with life and energy. Now...

She bit her lip. Something was wrong and Bee could sense it too. Mikaela knew that the first thing her boyfriend would want to do is climb into the driver's seat of the Camero and never look back, but when his best friend had invited him in on the offer, he had simply frowned and scolded the bot like a dog jumping up. That was so wrong. Everything about this whole mess was wrong! She clutched her head, in an identical fashion to the Autobot's above her and bit back tears.

"Hey, hey, hey! Wass with all this negative energy up in here?"

Mikaela looked up to see the twins shambling over, ever-present grins plastered on their faces.

"Ya seriously, you guys are bringing this room dooown! Time to lighten up and shake loose!" Skids slurred, slapping Bumblebee on the shoulder. The taller robot was unprepared and collapsed on the ground from the sudden shift in weight. Mikaela scrambled to get out of the way as the Camero groaned and glared at the pair.

"My mad."

"That's my bad, stupid!" Mudflap jeered, slamming his fist into his brother's. "Bad enough baby bot has to wait for his man toy and now he's got to listen to your ugly voice!"

Bumblebee made a "shush" gesture, glancing to his other brothers and they turned to look at the commotion. He picked up Optimus scanning the trio, assessing what was going on. All he needed right now was for everyone to think him and Sam had an affair of sorts conspiring. That was just ridiculous.

"Who you calling 'ugly', we got the same damn voice, moron! And maybe I was just trying to get his thought processor off sparking the kid-"

"Well maybe he wants to get off sparking the-"

Bee slammed both bots' heads down into the concrete floor, muffling any further nonsense. When the two began to struggle, he quickly threw them out the open hanger door, into the courtyard as Optimus and the others approached.

"Jeez, Bee-"

"Yeah, just cause you got a surplus in energy don't mean-"

The yellow Autobot grasped the door's handle and hurriedly slid it down, the sound echoing in the hanger and everyone present turning to look at the disturbance. Bee chittered an apology and all went back to work. The Autobot leader, however, turned to face him.

"Is everything all right? I know the twins can be unbearable at times." Optimus vented his intakes as a human form of a sigh.

Bumblebee nodded and switched his speech. "I am just missing Sam, sir."

Mikaela frowned as the two Autobots began to speak in their native tongue. She knew they were talking about Sam, and the way she figured it, he was her boyfriend, and therefore some form of her business. She was absolutely sure Optimus knew something about Sam and she was determined to wring it out of the gigantic life form if necessary. She felt a tug on her pants and looked down to see Wheelie petting her calf.

"Sorry to disturb you, warrior goddess, but wonder boy is coming out."

She smiled down at the small bot. "Thanks sweety." The RC transformer grinned and squealed after her as she ran towards the quiet looking boy coming out of the corridor. She saw as he looked up at her and the familiar lopsided Witwicky grin greeted her. She threw her arms around him, vowing never to let go. The stubble on his cheek tickled her face and she moved so she could forcefully kiss the young man.

"'Kaela...can't...breathe!" he rasped through the kiss.

"Oops, sorry!" she laughed as he desperately took a breath. He smiled down at her and kissed her gently. It was soft and Mikaela felt warmth spread through every vein.

"I've got something to ask you," he whispered, glancing at the Autobots who had not yet noticed his presence. He had asked Lennox and Epps to remain quiet about the subject, although both felt it was a mistake.

"Yeah sure, what is it?" she asked, concerned. His voice was so serious and...foreign. She frowned. Something was up.

Sam sighed. "I'm going back to college and it would mean the world to me if you could come with me, just for a few days."

"Sure," she agreed, brushing some loose hair behind her ear. "I'll go get Bee." She turned to call for the yellow bot but she was immediately pulled back.

"No!" he hissed. The look on her face made him soften and apologize. "Sorry, just...I just want us to go. No aliens right now...I just can't deal with it."

"Sam," she said quietly, "he's your friend." When he didn't respond, she continued. "He's been miserable, Sam. He's suffering and now you just want to leave him? Just like that?"

"No, just right now I want to be a normal teen, even if it's for a few short days. And that means no psychotic megalomaniac Decepticons, no long suffering Autobot leaders...and no self driving Cameros." The look in his hazel eyes made Mikaela stop breathing. He really was hurting. "Please, 'Kaela?"

"Sure, Sam," she whispered, resting her forehead against his. "Let's go be normal for a few days." His thankful smile brought back the warmth and she couldn't help return the gesture. Out of all the humans who knew about Transformers, they were two of a kind. Alone except for each other in a conspiracy of galactic proportions.

Sam turned and nodded to one of the government agents who touched his earpiece awaiting orders. The man opened the strict black SUV and waited until both teenagers climbed in. The vehicle slowly crawled out of the hanger undetected except for one small pair of optics.

Wheelie groaned. 'Just great, she left me! Me, after all I done for her. Drops me like a broken toy for wonder boy. I don't know why I put up with such dames.' He looked around and settled on the kid's Camero. "Hey you!" he shouted up. The Autobot looked down curiously. "Just thought I'd let you know your human and mine up and left the hanger all conspicuous-like." Wheelie yelped as the yellow bot rushed past him, transforming with a blue rush of energy into the four wheeled vehicle. With a screech of rubber and tire smoke, Bee was off, chasing after the SUV's direction.

Bumblebee followed the government transport onto the freeway where the vehicle began to smoothly dodge in an out of traffic. The yellow bot wanted to laugh. If he could keep up with Arcee, a pathetic Ford wasn't going to be any match. He scanned each vehicle as he sped by and quickly relocated Sam's shuttle.

Why was his human doing this? Why was he leaving him?

Bee felt an incoming transmission and played the feed as he accelerated to catch up to Sam. "It's best to let him be for now, old friend. He has a lot to cope with and I feel that fate is not yet done with that boy."

"But sir-"

"Let him go, Bumblebee," Optimus ordered gently.

The Camero let out a pathetic low wail and dimmed his headlights, pulling over onto the shoulder of the highway.

A/N: What a thoroughly depressing first chapter 0.o I really tried writing something upbeat, funny, or sexy and THIS is what happened? Yeesh. This isn't an angst-ridden fic! Maybe I was just upset that I had to work in an hour or something? Oh well, hugs for Bee because he needs it. AND I WANT MY OWN WHEELIE!!! Seriously! Was he not the cutest little RC alien ever! I want him NAO!

Either that or a mini Optimus and Megs. I would love them and hold them and put pink bows on them and make them play house and have tea parties :3

OMG I need sleep D:

ALL HAIL MEGATRON X OPTIMUS!!!

I'm out!

~Jenn