The Inbox Strikes Back
DISCLAIMER- I do not own any of these characters, and unfortunately not Star Wars.
BEEP! Greetings, you've reached the New Jedi Academy comlink on Yavin IV. We are unable to—Master Skywalker, please. We're trying to make this official—um, take your call right now. Please leave a message after the beep and we will return your transmission as soon as we have vanquished all—I AM NOT GOING TO REDO THIS MESSAGE BECAUSE I SAID "UM!"—vanquished all remaining Sith Lords. Our sincerest apologies for Master Skywalker's unprofessional conduct—Luke, you can't fire me! I—BEEP!
BEEP! Hi, Luke. It's your sister. Just wanted to let you know that Jacen and Jaina are having a great holiday. Han may call you soon…there's something he needs to discuss with you. No offense, but you may want to re-record your inbox greeting. It doesn't really sound professional.
BEEP! Luke, it's your wife Mara. Ben told me that you may have accidentally taken his stuffed wampa with you…I know he's too old for that kind of thing but he really wants it back. Come home soon, honey. BEEP!
BEEP! Hello, this is Tatooine Movie Rental calling for Mr. Skywalker. Your rental copy of Bilbo the Friendly Krayt Dragon is now, like, over a decade overdue. Would you mind returning it sometime this millennium? Sorry but my boss is really mad…BEEP!
BEEP! Hi Uncle Luke. This is your favorite nephew Jacen. Having fun??? Mom is kinda worried…she wants you to come to Coruscant pronto, but you know Mom. Um, by the way, have you figured out who spray-painted your speeder pink with blue Ewoks on it? I'm just wondering. Let me know if you find out who it was. BEEP!
BEEP! SKYWALKER THIS IS YOUR BRO-IN-LAW. I AM CRAZY MAD AT YOU! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LET MY SON RIDE THE HOOD OF YOUR SPEEDER! IF YOU EVEN DARE TO BRING YOUR SORRY HIDE TO CORUSCANT BE ASSURED THAT WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A SERIOUS CHAT, JUNIOR! BEEP!
BEEP! Hi Uncle Luke. This is your nephew Anakin. Um, I just thought I should let you know that Lowbacca didn't, uh, repaint your speeder. It was Jacen. By the way, if you tell Jacen that I told you, I'm quitting the Jedi Academy. BEEP!
BEEP! Dad. The stuffed wampa. Now. BEEP!
BEEP! Well, well, well, if it isn't little Skywalker at last! I'm not calling from the belly of that Sarlacc by the way, I'm calling from Coruscant. Yes, I, with my brilliant intellect, weaseled my way out of that one. However, I'm still trying to kill you. Pay me a visit sometime, huh? BEEP!
BEEP! Hello Luke Skywalker! This is Shaak Ti calling! So, the Jedi thing is back? Cool beans! Anyway, I'm coming to your Academy-thing on Yavin IV to check it out. Um…in case you don't know who I am, I'm that red, horned Jedi gal from the Battle of Geonosis. I survived the Purge and hid from your dad for twenty-some years, and developed a new line of fashionable lightsabers while I was in hiding! How COOL is that? Anyway, enough chat-chat. I'm coming by…and you wouldn't by any chance have a teaching position open? If you do, I'm so there! Bye-bye! BEEP!
BEEP! Mr. Skywalker, Tatooine Movie Rental again. Quite frankly, I don't care if that movie got stuck in a Death Star garbage masher. I WANT IT RETURNED! Thank you very much, master Jedi! BEEP!
BEEP! I know the Death Stars have been destroyed, Mr. Skywalker! By the way, my boss says you have until 0300 hours tomorrow to return that blasted film. Isn't it a little young for you, anyway? BEEP!
BEEP! Hello, Mr. Skywalker. This is Popular Jedi magazine calling. Just a reminder that your cover photo shoot is scheduled for Friday at 0200. BEEP!
BEEP! Hi Master Skywalker. This is Master Shaak Ti again. Um, I am on Yavin IV—in the complete wilderness! I'm somewhere by this old abandoned temple…can you give me directions from here to your Academy?
BEEP! Luke, this is Wedge. I just found out that you put, like, 5000 credits worth of magazine subscriptions on my GalactaBank account! What's the deal, man? Remember the days of Rogue Squadron? Would I do the dirty on you like that? I don't think so. By the way, have you signed me up for some kind of Kaminoan dating program? Because I'm really not interested. At all. BEEP!
BEEP! It's Shaak Ti. That IS the Academy? OK…I'm coming, I guess. Frankly I was expecting a bit more…modern facilities. But we should be thankful that the Jedi are back in action, right? (nervous laughter). So, I'm coming…BEEP!
BEEP! This Popular Jedi again. Great photo shoot, Skywalker…but I guess I should tell you that our inbox has been inundated with comments such as "What's the deal with Monkey Boy on the cover?" No offense, just thought I should tell you.
BEEP! LUKE SKYWALKER! This is your EX-best friend Wedge Antilles—with an emphasis on the EX. I walked into a bar on Coruscant last night and found a group of twenty female Kaminioans waiting for their "dream date"—apparently me! This has gone too far. I expect a darn good explanation!!! BEEP!
Good morning, NotAFarmBoy22, you have 86 unread emails.