-Chapter 34-
Turmoil and Relief

"Mori?" I glanced around him quickly and down the hall was yet another recognizable face.

"Cai-chan!" Honey squealed, and ran down the hall laughing, Usa-chan dangling by an arm at his side. He didn't jump into my arms like he had always done, thankfully, but simply stood next to Mori obediently. Normally Mori's the one obeying like a servant.

"Cai-chan, we're so happy we fou-!"

Honey's voice was cut off as I slammed the door in the pairs' faces. I clumsily locked it and then again with the key under a potted plant by the couch.

The doorbell rang, and this time I ignored it as question after question ran through my mind. Why are they here? How did they find me? Did Grandma…? No, she wouldn't have told. I trusted her, and she knew that. There was no way she would have broken that bond.

The limos.

I tuned out the small, rapid knocks on the door from Honey, and rushed out to the balcony. Sure enough, men in black were placed around two limos, and more were down at the entrance to the building.

"Kyoya."

I hadn't even thought that name in months, let alone speak it. It was painful, but it felt so good to say his name.

Kyoya had tracked me down, but why? I wasn't necessary to the Host Club, or his life. I didn't affect him in any way, so why did he have to come here and ruin everything?

Aunt Sherrie's bright red coat was visible from my position, and I hurried back inside. She's back, and I don't know what to do when she comes upstairs and finds two boys outside the apartment door. She knows about the Host Club. What will she do?

The knocking had gotten louder and more frequent. There are more hands, which means more people, which means… the rest of the club is here.

Damn it. Damn it all. If they come in here, if I just see them… I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'll do.

"Cailyn?" I froze in place, back to the door. Without realizing it, Aunt Sherrie had arrived and unlocked the door. "Cailyn!"

I was grabbed from behind and panicked, pushing Tamaki off by the shoulders to the ground. He stumbled and caught himself, while I full out tripped and hit the floor, hard.

"Cailyn?" Tamaki seemed to have backed away from me as I curled in on myself. Not for the fear of his well-being, but for mine.

I couldn't look him in the face. I couldn't look at any of them as a march of footsteps entered the room and formed a group by the door. "Just go away."

There was no sound, and I didn't have it in me to look up. I squeezed my eyes tight, caught between the couch and the club. I could run to my room; I don't think they'd try to grab me.

"Cailyn, we-"

"Shut up," I whimpered, and tears dripped off my nose and left dark spots on my pants. "Please, just stop."

I knew I couldn't handle it. Just in those few words Kyoya's voice was so soft, concerned. It sounded like he actually cared. My nails dug into the palm of my hand and I could feel the skin give, like so many other times. He doesn't care about you. The others might, but he doesn't.

"Cailyn, just listen." Kyoya's hand touched my curled up fist, and the simplest way to put it is that I lost control. I slid away and scrambled to my feet, but tripped again over the hem of my pants and fell into the wall. I pushed myself up and rushed to my room, but I was followed. Fortunately I closed the door in time, but not before I saw the distressed and pleading eyes of Kyoya.

The lock clicked and I slid down the wood until I was a pile on the floor. "Cailyn? Cailyn, please open the door."

I wouldn't answer him, and it was only him calling out to me. The others were silent, but I didn't know if I was thankful for that or not.

Are they hurting this much? If they really did care then they would be in pain, too. Their hearts would ache and tighten, and they wouldn't be able to breathe normally. They would be afraid, and the grief would be crippling, excruciating. Tears would never dry; constantly being replaced by new ones. I feel like my life's been cut in half already, and there isn't any time left. Time is supposed to heal all wounds but I don't have any, and the longer time goes on, the more opportunities there are to be hurt.

I don't want to die inside, just to have to live on as a stranger to those around me.

"Cailyn, please talk to me." Kyoya's voice was next to my ear on the other side of the door; as if he knew I would be on the ground. I still didn't reply and there was a thud on the ground. "I'm not leaving until you talk to me."

"Why are you here?" I meant to sound harsh, but all that came out was the pitiful and tired voice of someone who had given up.

Have I given up?

"To get you back."

Get me back? You never had me. No, if he didn't have me then I wouldn't have fallen in love with him. "Why? I'm not important." Especially not to you.

"Cailyn, I…" Kyoya sighed and he sounded weary. I could almost see him rubbing his eyes beneath his glasses, because he wasn't the type to run a hand through his hair. "Cailyn, I don't know what to say."

"I don't believe that," I muttered softly, almost to myself. "You obviously took the time to track me down; you didn't just come without a plan of action. It's not like you."

"You're right," Kyoya chuckled wistfully, and I grabbed my hair in an effort to not hit something. "I did have something planned out, but looking at that idea now… it just doesn't feel right."

I don't think I can handle this anymore. My fingers dug into my scalp and I curled my body in as tight as I could. I wish I could feel numb, like so many months before this. I wish I had just stayed here.

"Cailyn? Cailyn are you there?"

Where else could I go? "Just… stop."

"Cailyn?" Kyoya must have stood up because the door handle jingled. "Cailyn, I need to apologize. Please open the door."

No. I moved away from the doorway and crawled across the carpet to grab Dobby. I held him close and leaned against the bed frame. The same spot that I always sit in.

"Cailyn," Kyoya sighed and there was another thump against the door. "I'm sorry."

If you came all this way just to tell me that, then I don't know you.

"I was fascinated by you, I couldn't keep away. Time after time I was proven wrong, whether it be in your speech or actions. Everything I expected how a girl should act was blown away when I met you. Even Haruhi's extreme straightforwardness and independence had not fazed me as much as you did."

Maybe this isn't Kyoya. Kyoya would never apologize, and he definitely wouldn't be spouting all this... this stuff that made him vulnerable, more human. No matter how much this doesn't sound like Kyoya, that voice is his. Smooth and uniform, like it always has been.

Kyoya continued to talk, his voice fading every once in while as he thought. "Soon I found myself becoming concerned for your well-being. I could see this sadness in your eyes… but every time you were with me and the club, it disappeared. It gave me hope. But while in the hall with Hikaru, I panicked. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do in that circumstance and I spouted a lie right out of my mouth."

"I don't understand."

"Cailyn…" Kyoya sounded stressed, tired. If he's this tired then he should be shouting and complaining, and being Kyoya. He should be threatening me with in his long rants and he'd have Tamaki with him to get me to open the door. He wouldn't sound this innocent and childlike. This isn't my Kyoya, just like I'm not the Cailyn he used to know.

"Cailyn, I just… I love you."

I've been through moments when time seems to freeze, and the situation in front of me stops and replays in my mind over and over.

This wasn't one of those moments.

A surge of fury rushed through my mind, and I just about flew to the door and yanked it open. Kyoya, who had had his forehead resting against the wood, fell forward and then back in surprise. His face showed several emotions, but I was on him in an instant.

"Are you mocking me?" I basically hissed, but I hadn't shown any emotions in months and it was hard to control my facial expressions. "Do you think you can just show up here and make fun of me?"

"Make fun of?" Kyoya's eyes flashed before the glass reflection took over, and his next words were laced with malice. "Do you really think I would come all this way for a joke?"

I backed away as Kyoya stood slowly, menacingly, but he didn't move from his spot and neither did I. "No, I don't-."

"Then why did you bring it up?" Kyoya cut in and I frowned.

"Because you don't love girls. You have guests that you get to buy loads of crap, and you are gentlemanly and courteous to old ladies and rich women." My emotions fell back into check and my now ever present look of indifference took root instead. My eyes felt hollow as I stared at the spot where Kyoya's own eyes should be. "You don't love me. You just want me to come back to Japan."

"Cailyn-"

"Don't use your host voice on me."

Kyoya took a step towards me and lowered his head just enough to get rid of the light glare. His eyes, as always, were penetrating and deep. "You apparently don't love me if you can't tell the difference between when I'm serious and lying."

"Or maybe I've just quit trying to notice." I mumbled, hopelessly. So he knows I love him? Well, I didn't exactly expect Tamaki to keep his mouth shut forever.

"Cailyn…" Stop whispering to me in that voice. Don't get so close to me, and pretend like you care. "What can I do to convince you that I love you?"

You can go away and stop making me feel my stomach is burning and my head is full of fog. "Cailyn, I love you. Cailyn."

"Shut up." Kyoya moved closer, and I flinched as his hand raised and his fingers caressed my cheek. As much as I wanted to deny I didn't feel anything, I couldn't. His hand moved until his entire palm was cupping my face, and he tilted my head back so I would look at him, even though the distance wasn't too much.

"I can see it, you still love me." His breath alone was enough to make me want to lean further into him, and every cell in my skin was saying yes, get closer. "Tell me, do you really think I would be here if I didn't care."

Kyoya's hold, firm yet soft, pulled my chin up to give him my answer.

Truthfully, no, I don't believe he would be here without an important purpose. But I just can't find a reason for him to suddenly love me so much. Was he like me, unknowingly moving closer and closer and feelings changing, only to be brought out because of an overpowering experience?

I could feel my eyes widening and I shied away from Kyoya, who for the first time during our encounter backed away.

That's right, the first real talk I had with Kyoya was about how he was just like me. Why didn't I realize the little things that gave away his feelings? During the sleepover he helped me cook, and even bandaged my finger. When I fell out of the tree, he was the first one I saw when I woke up, and his expression… He was the first person to take me out on an actual date, and that night during the thunderstorm… it's like I could have just sat there forever, not even talking and just staring into his eyes.

I've been pretty incompetent of my own feelings too, up to that moment on the playground with Tamaki. I always brushed aside my heart and that fluttery feeling whenever I was around Kyoya. Did he do the same thing?

"Cailyn?"

"You're serious," I sighed, and was suddenly very tired as I leaned into the wall.

"Yes."

"Really serious?"

"Yes."

"Well, you could have been a bit more convincing and shown up two months ago so I wouldn't have had to go through all this crap." I grumbled, turning just in time to be enveloped in a hug. Kyoya didn't seem to care he was out of character, or that the Host Club had been watching him on his knees the entire time while talking through a door. There was only one thing that he seemed to really care about.

Me.

It's nice to finally have someone to replace Dobby as a squeeze toy.

And it's DONE!!! I think... there's not much to add on.

I want to thank everyone for sticking with the story, even the boring and 'where the crap did that come from?' places. Just to lighten the mood for those that loved the story so much, there will be a sequel. I've already started, but I'm not sure when it will be published.

So... any last comments people have I'd loved to hear them! Suggestions for the next book would be good too.

An~nd I may be adding on a few oneshots every once in a while. Maybe. Or I'll just save them for next time. Who knows.

Thank you!

Disclaimer- I do not own Ouran or its characters. I do own all original characters, plot line, scenes, and dialogues.