A LilyXSeverus story that sets things right, eventually. Poor Sev. I know he has it in him to rise above himself, even without the guilt of Lily's death as a motivator. So I'm giving him a shot.

Severus Snape stared at the blank parchment without really seeing it. His head rested in his hands as he sat slumped in a green-upholstered chair in the Slytherin common room. Green. Why must he be constantly surrounded by the emerald hue that broke his heart? The room was the colour of her beautiful eyes, those eyes that had once looked at him with affection.

But she was gone. He had chased her away with his dark ways, not that he blamed her. Why should an angel like Lily Evans spend time with Snivellus Snape? And so she had left, leaving Severus utterly alone.

He let the lone tear run down his thin cheek; there was no one there from whom to hide his sorrow. Well, of course not, Severus, he scolded himself. It's three o'clock in the morning. Why would anyone but you be up at this hour, hopelessly attempting to write a letter to someone who despises you?

It had been over a year since Lily had last spoken kindly to Severus. Though he had tried to approach her countless times since that horrible day, he had been repeatedly rebuffed with statements to the effect of, "I'm through with you, Snivellus."

But still, he longed to have her by his side again. He was therefore making one more last-ditch effort to win his dearest- his only- friend back.

For one normally so eloquent, Severus was having a great deal of trouble finding the words to fill the empty parchment before him. After a few tedious hours and many hasty dabs at his streaming eyes, however, he managed to write his beloved Lily a short letter.

My sweet Chrysanthemum,

I know you probably want to burn the parchment you now hold in you hand, but I beg of you to read its full contents.

I miss you, Lily. I can barely stand to get out of bed as of late, for I know the world to which I wake is cold and utterly devoid of the peace you once brought to me. You have every right to be furious with me; I do not blame you in the slightest. I do, however, request your forgiveness. Please allow me but one chance to set things right.

These mere words do not do justice to the remorse I feel. I beg that you allow me to express my sincere regret to you in person. I'll be waiting for you behind the portrait of Hufflepuff. Please meet me there tonight at eight o'clock.

Your friend always,

Sev

He recalled with a bitter sweet smile the day so many years ago when Lily had told him she didn't like her name. She'd said that lilies were stupid flowers that only lasted a day or so anyway, so why make such a fuss about them? Severus's response had been to "re-name" her with a different botanical title. He would tease her from time to time, calling loudly for "Chrysanthemum" whenever the playground was especially crowded.

Such sweet memories had sustained him through the violent bullying of the Marauders, the torture inflicted upon him by his own father, and now the loss of the wonderful girl who had shown him that the world was a beautiful place. All their happy times were now gone but his memories remained, along with dreams that one day, everything would go back to the way it was.

Now, he felt almost sure, it would. He had apologized yet again. She had to respond to his letter. She had to give him one more chance.

Lily Evans sat at the Gryffindor house table in the Great Hall, staring in shock at the letter she held in her shaking hands. How dare he? How could he possibly think that she would ever want to see him again? He had called her a Mudblood. He associated with no one but Death Eaters and future Death Eaters.

And you, whispered a small, unbidden voice in her head. He associated with you.

Not anymore, Lily answered the voice.

Only because you pushed him away.

He deserved it!

All day, she told herself he deserved it, desperately forcing away long-buried feelings for the lonely boy who had once been her best friend. She had to stand strong. No longer could Lily Evans cave to the demands of that greasy Death Eater.

But he needs you, the voice that was her inner good told her. You were always that last shred of hope that forced him to keep trying.

As the clock in the Gryffindor tower chimed eight that night, Lily felt something cold clench at her heart. How long would he wait for her? What would he do when he realized she wasn't coming?

Why did she care?

I don't, she told herself. And it was nearly true.

Severus sat in the concealed hallway behind Hufflepuff's portrait, head in his hands, his thin shoulders shaking in time to his sobs. She hadn't come. Lily had left him to wait here alone, knowing full well that it would break his heart.

Do you honestly blame her, Severus? a cold voice in his head asked. Look at you, Snivellus! Sobbing because the stupid, selfish Mudblo-

"Shut up!" Severus yelled aloud. "She's not. She's a thousand times better than I could ever hope to be. She's only… doing what's best for herself. I can't blame her for that."

He stayed there all night, waking up late the next morning after having cried himself to sleep some time near dawn. He was late for Defense Against the Dark Arts, but he didn't really care. Nothing mattered anymore, not now that there was no more hope of returning to Lily's side. Slowly, he stood, returned to his dorm, gathered his books and left for class. He did not bother to change out of the clothing in which he had slept. What did his appearance matter when no one looked at him but to hex him or copy his homework?

The days passed more slowly and painfully than before, for all hope of reconciliation with his sunlight, his only joy, had been dashed from Severus's heart. He found himself associating more and more with the monstrous boys in his house, who, as Lily had prophesied, were well on their way to becoming Death Eaters. They spoke to him willingly, which was more than he could say for anyone else. True, this was only because he let them copy his work and taught them the spells he invented, but he was so lonely! He would go mad with absolutely no human companionship.

But Severus knew that Lily had been right yet again; he was slowly transforming into one of them. He was surrounded by their sick humor and cruel attitudes at all times and it was beginning to affect him. Their ideas still disgusted him, but the power they offered was inviting. All his life, he had been out of control. The Dark Lord protected his followers and gave them opportunities to carve their own place in the world, places where they would rule.

He felt the pull of the Dark Arts and welcomed it as a possible shelter, somewhere he could belong. It did not occur to him that these people dreamed of murdering Lily and her family, along with all their other Muggle-born victims.

A loud noise followed by a scream startled Severus from his book. He looked up to see two large figures with their wands drawn and a smaller, more delicate form lying on the grass nearby. He would have ignored the situation and resumed his reading had the sun caught on the third person's hair, revealing it to be luxuriously red.

Heart hammering, silently praying that he had mistaken the gentle curve of her body, Severus rushed toward the group. Mulciber and James Potter stood facing each other, each boy's wand pointed the other's throat. Lily lay nearby, watching the scene in horror.

"…defending a stupid little Mudblood, Potter?" taunted Mulciber. "You're a fool blood traitor and you're just as damned as her lot when things change."

"Really? Maybe so, but if you come near her again, you won't be around to see me fall. Now shove off."

After more taunts from both sides and several red sparks aimed at Mulciber's face, the Slytherin retreated. Severus watched, felling oddly sick, as Potter helped Lily to her feet, gathered her books, and escorted her into the castle. She saw him hovering in the shadow of a large tree and drew nearer to Potter, shooting him a look of revulsion.

Of course, he thought as his heart tore itself from his chest. I am one of them. She probably thinks I enjoyed that scene.

You would have, whispered another voice. If it had been some other Muggle-born, someone that wasn't… her… you would have laughed. He knew that the voice was right and it disgusted him. Something had to be done. Even if he would never speak to Lily again, there was no reason to insult the memory of what had once been by straying so far from who he was then. More importantly, Lily was endangered by these monsters he now called friends. They would kill her just as quickly and thoughtlessly as any other innocent witch born of Muggles. In fact, they may even enjoy murdering her, for she had so often spoken out against them. How could he, Severus, the boy who loved her above all else, do anything but fight against the Death Eaters?

That night found Severus yet again writing by the light of the dying embers in the Slytherin common room fireplace. He sat bent over a piece of parchment, as before, searching once more for the proper words to send to Lily. This time, however, his eyes were quite dry, for he felt assured by the power of his message. This was not an idle letter of apology; it was a pledge. He swore to her that he was who he had once been, that he knew why she despised the people whom he called friends, and that he would never be corrupted by their wicked beliefs. He told her that he expected no forgiveness, for he had been a fool, but that he would always consider her his dearest friend and would do anything to rekindle their relationship. After filling nearly two feet of parchment, Severus signed his name and sent the letter to be delivered the following morning, praying that Lily would hear him out.

Lily reached eagerly for the parchment tied to the owl; she had been waiting for a letter from a magazine on charms that was possibly going to publish her article on useful hexes in their next issue. Her nervous hope turned to disgust, however, when she saw the all-too-familiar cramped handwriting of the letter.

Why will he not just leave me alone? She thought angrily. How else can I tell him how I despise him? As she skimmed the letter, Lily found her anger mounting. He says he's the same! Then why does he still sit with those bits of scum? If he meant these vows and had half an ounce of self respect, he wouldn't speak with them.

Images of the dear friend Severus had once been tore through Lily, deepening the wounds she believed had finally begun to heal, the wounds these damned letters so cruelly ripped open. It had to end once and for all. She reached into her bag, grabbed parchment and paper and began to compose a reply. Her words flowed across the page in sparkly green ink precisely the colour of her eyes, Severus's gift to her on her 16th birthday; the irony did not escape her.

Severus-

You chose your path and I chose mine. We all must live with our decisions. Our lives are no longer connected. It is time you came to terms with that and let go of me. Please do not write again.

-Lily

She wished that things could be different, but they were not. This was the way it had to be and it was better for them both if they stopped thinking their lives could return to what they were. Her heart heavy, Lily sent the owl back to Severus. There's still hope for him, she thought. Perhaps, with someone else who can see his worth, he can learn to be good again- to be Sev again.

I was going to make this a damn long part one, but I figured I'm at a good breaking point- sort of- and I don't know how long it will be until I reach such a place again.

Please review. I love this idea, but don't know if I'm pulling it off well.