Chapter Three – Tell Me When You Hear My Heart Stop

Forks Winter 2009

Bella stared out the window, grateful that Charlie wasn't attempting any kind of conversation. She couldn't bring herself to make small talk as she tried not to think about her mother's funeral. It had only been three weeks ago; she'd cremated her mother's body and watched as Phil, her stepfather gave her ashes to the Phoenix desert. It's what she wanted, her carefree spirit there to the last.

Bella had tears in her eyes as she recalled her mother confined to a hospital, thankfully the meningitis set in quickly, although they hadn't been given nearly enough time to say goodbye, the last thing Renee would have wanted was to stay confined to a bed, unable to live her life to the fullest.

Her heart felt heavy in her chest but empty at the same time, she looked over at Charlie for a moment, feeling immensely sorry for him. Even in her distraught grief she could see his, not only for the woman Bella knew deep down he never stopped loving, but also for not being able to comfort his only daughter. If she had the energy, she'd try and comfort him, or at least raise his spirits. But Bella couldn't do anything, she felt her throat close over as the pain started to take over, breathing in a shaky breath as she held back the tears that threatened to spill over.

Suddenly the screech of tyres made her start, the car started to slide and there was a deafening smash before everything went black.

Bella felt herself waking up, her body heavier and weaker than usual. She gained consciousness slowly, for a moment unsure of whether she was waking up or having a dream. She couldn't make her mind focus, or her body move. Her brain seemed to come into focus as she heard quiet voices from above her. She couldn't quite make out the words as she tried to make her body stretch. Silence fell as Bella managed to flex some fingers, making her feel alive. As her mind focused, she heard the familiar sounds of hospital machines beeping and the images of her mother lying in the cold white room, her face pale and lifeless as her last breath escaped her. She stretched out as fingers, her own body still feeling weak as she tried to make herself wake up from the nightmare.

"Carlisle," a soft but masculine voice suddenly called out breaking the deafening silence. She recognised the voice, it was warm and welcoming, despite the startled tone.

The voice came from her left, so she turned her head and let out a heavy breath. As she took another deep breath and opened her eyes, afraid of what she might see.

Bella immediately found herself lost in the most exquisite face she'd ever seen. It was so handsome, a young man who looked about her age, but it didn't seem possible, and he was too perfect for any teenager she'd ever seen. He had high cheekbones, a strong jaw and deep green eyes that took her breath away. His expression was one that was etched in concern and a hint of curiosity.

Bella felt a hand take her right one, and a calm but commanding voice called out, "Isabella." She ignored it unable to look away from the beautiful face staring back at her. "Isabella," the same voice repeated a little louder. She turned away and looked at the man standing to her right.

Dressed in a white doctor's coat, the man was about 6'2", with a gentle but striking face with light blue eyes and blonde hair, kept short and neat. He smiled at her and said, "I'm Dr. Cullen."

Completely awake now fear, confusion and disorientation took over her and she said shakily, "Where am I?" she stole a glance at the boy to her left, still feeling his gaze and was easily drawn to it. She looked back at the man who'd identified himself as Dr. Cullen.

"You're in the hospital Isabella, it's Sunday evening..."

"It's Bella," she interrupted automatically, so used to having to correct people that even semi-conscious she did it. "It's just Bella." Bella looked at the end of the bed and saw three other people that she didn't recognise, she wanted to see Charlie. If all she could remember was the screech of tyres and a loud smash they must have had a car accident. "Where's Ch..my dad?" she asked, looking up at Dr. Cullen pleadingly.

"Would you leave us? I need to examine Bella." Dr. Cullen replied, looking at the other people in the room.

"Dead?" she repeated, although Dr. Cullen had used the phrase 'passed away', Bella had heard every single possible ways of saying dead. Losing a parent, a guardian, someone to trust and love and count on through good times and bad. She was an orphan, all alone in the world. "But how...he can't be...I can't be," she stuttered shakily, unable to construct a coherent thought as her breaths came out in choking gasps as sobs threaten to erupt from within her.

Dr. Cullen was resting on the bed, holding her hand in the middle of both of his, his face etched in empathy. "Bella..." he said softly.

"But I can't be alone, they can't both just leave me like that!" she burst out, using anger as a defence as she started crying. "They were so young, how can this happen?"

Bella struggled not to hyperventilate as she started sobbing and felt Dr. Cullen rub her hand and arm with one of his hands. "Please," she said, moving her arm away from his and shifting away as best she could. "Please just go." She looked at him pleadingly, not bothering to worry that she sounded rude.

Dr. Cullen smiled grimly and stood and left the room. As the door closed with a click Bella buried her head in the pillow and let out a scream of pain.

Alice sat between Jasper and Edward, leaning slightly against Jasper as they sat in silence. She didn't like being in a hospital, it reminded her of her time at the Institution. She felt uneasy but was doing everything she could to remain focused; she could tell Edward needed her.

Esme appeared from around the hospital corridor, holding a tray of coffees. Alice watched her mother smile warmly at the three of them. "Here, I thought you might need a drink."

"You should have sent us to do that," Alice replied, taking one of the offered cups.

Esme nodded at Alice's cup. "That's the French vanilla one."

Alice grinned shyly. "I know."

Jasper took the one saying a polite but quiet thank you. Edward hadn't even looked up he was continuing to stare at his hands he had resting on his knees.

"Edward," Esme said.

He looked up at her as though she'd only just appeared. "Coffee," she added, jerking her head with a kind smile.

"Oh," he said, clearing his throat. "Thanks Mum." He took the last coffee from the tray but did not take a sip.

Esme smiled and looked at Alice. "Why don't you go home, sweetheart. The three of you don't need to be here."

Rosalie and Emmett had been easily convinced to go home, neither one of them eager to hang around a hospital waiting for bad news. Edward could not be removed from Isabella's side and Alice felt his pain. She wouldn't leave him while he was so distressed and Jasper wouldn't leave her. She was warmed briefly by her boyfriend's support.

No one was forced to reply to their mother's suggestion because Carlisle exited Isabella's room, drawing even Edward's attention.

"Is she alright?" Esme asked.

Carlisle looked pained, "No," he said sadly. "But what else can you expect?"

Suddenly Edward jumped up and held his head close to the door. His expression was so agonising it was difficult to look at him. Instead of asking him what he was doing, Alice jumped up and stood next to him, holding her ear to the door, unable to take her eyes off his face. In the room, she could hear muffled but nonetheless pained screams.

By this point the others grouped around to see what Alice and Edward were doing. Alice couldn't bear to hear the sounds, she let out a sob, covering her mouth and letting the tears roll down her fair cheeks. She closed her eyes and felt hands on her shoulders and was soon in the arms of her adoptive father.

"It's horrible," she said shakily, holding her father tight.

"I have to go in," Esme said, gently pushing her sons out of the way.

"Esme," Carlisle began. "She probably wants to be alone."

"She needs to be comforted right now," Esme replied, opening the door and going in, quickly shutting it to avoid Edward's gaze.

Bella lay in the hospital bed sobbing until she couldn't breathe. Every now and then the pain would get too much and she'd let out a scream of agony, it was the only way she could release what she was feeling. She gripped the pillow with her fists, pulling at the fabric as she inhaled the crisp clean cotton.

She didn't know how much time had passed, only that the pain didn't ease as she let out all the pain she'd felt over the past month.

Bella jumped when someone sat on the bed and simultaneously put their hands on her shoulders rubbing her arms. She abruptly sat up, looking in shock at the person who held her shoulders. She was a beautiful woman who looked in her early thirties, with caramel coloured hair and warm brown eyes. Bella recognised her as one of the persons who'd been standing at the end of the bed when she'd spoken, beside a small girl with short black hair and a tall blonde boy.

Bella couldn't stop the tears that rolled down her cheeks; the woman just stroked her face with a comforting hand, tucking her hair behind Bella's ear. She let a sob rip through her body and let the older woman pull her into a hug, burying her face in her shoulder and crying her heart out.

Bella woke up, opening her eyes and finding it dark outside the hospital window. She felt someone holding her hand and turned to see the kind woman sitting in the chair. The stranger was holding her hand in one of her own while she rested her head in the other. She appeared to be dozing and Bella wondered how long she'd been there. She had woken up feeling cold and empty, no longer upset and sad, just exhausted and emotionless. Bella gazed out the window, watching the snow fall softly to the ground. The snow was causing a build up to develop on the window sill. She'd always found that she could distract herself with focusing on small details of things around her.

Bella looked towards the door as she heard it open and Dr. Cullen entered the room. He smiled warmly at Bella, walking over to the end of her bed and looking down at the woman still holding Bella's hand. "How are you feeling Bella?" he asked, looking at her compassionately.

"I'm okay, Dr. Cullen," Bella replied, her voice still croaky from lack of use.

"Please call me Carlisle," Dr. Cullen said with a smile, taking a look at the clipboard hanging on the end of the bed. "And this is my wife, Esme," he added with a nod at the woman asleep in the chair.

"She doesn't have to stay here," Bella said feeling awkward. "You have children waiting at home."

Carlisle frowned, looking at her in confusion. "Well all our children are at least seventeen, so they are quite capable of taking care of themselves." He smiled at the joke.

"All of them?" Bella asked, frowning as she tried to recall who had been in her room. She'd presumed they'd been his children judging by the way they had acted together, they were obviously a family.

"Two of them are eighteen and the other three are seventeen," he explained, walking around to the free side of the bed and inspected the injury on her torso, where car metal had sliced open her stomach. "Your cut is healing well Bella," he commented in a doctor's tone. "Twenty three stitches, done as carefully as possible to prevent leaving a bad scar. Well I did my best."

"You have five children?" she asked, gazing intently at his young face as he put his hand on her stitched forehead, carefully looking back at her injury.

"Yes," Carlisle replied. He smiled at her furrowed brow. "Esme and I adopted them," he added and Bella understood how it was possible for such a young couple to have nearly adult children.

"How old were they when you adopted them?" Bella asked, finding herself drawn into the good doctor and his family.

"All different ages," he answered thoughtfully as he moved her nightgown aside to check her fractured shoulder. "This is healing well too," Bella suspected that the doctor was more focused on her as a patient and not the questions she was asking.

Bella heard a sigh from Esme's chair and Carlisle moved away from Bella to write some notes on the clipboard and Bella looked over at Esme, who was now alert and rubbing her thumb over Bella's palm. "Are you in any pain, Bella?" she asked kindly.

Bella shook her head. "No, the medication is working well at the moment."

Esme looked at her watch. "Oh dear look at the time, it's gone eleven." She looked over at her husband. "I should go home and make sure that the kids are in bed."

Carlisle smiled so lovingly at his wife that Bella almost felt uncomfortable, as though her presence was intruding on a private moment. "I have a late shift tonight," he said. "I won't be leaving until the morning."

Esme nodded and turned to Bella. "You get a good night's sleep dear," she said, leaning down and kissing the uninjured side of her forehead. Bella felt tears form in her eyes at the motherly action but held it back as Esme walked out the room and avoided Dr. Cullen's gaze.

Portland, Oregon. Fall, 2000

Esme had woken in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and was walking back down the corridor when she heard crying from Emmett's bedroom. She carefully opened the door, and found her newly adopted son lying face down on his single bed crying his little heart into the dark blue pillow. Esme rushed over, her heart breaking as she saw the sight of the little boy curled up in the bed. She sat down on the bed and rubbed his back. "Emmett darling, what's wrong?" she whispered, aware that Edward was sleeping in a bed on the other side of the room.

"I had a nightmare," he sobbed, not looking at her.

Esme ran a hand through his dark curls, lying down beside him and putting her head close.

"It was the fire," he continued. "I want my mummy." He sobbed and a tear ran down Esme's cheeks. The poor boy had only been living with them for a week and although he appeared to be settling in it was only natural that he was still grieving for the loss of his family.

Esme pulled the young boy into a hug, pulling him to lie his head on her chest and rubbing his back as he cried, clinging to her desperately. "It's alright, sweetheart," she whispered into his soft hair. "You'll be okay. We are going to take care of you."

Forks. Winter 2009

Esme stood in the kitchen at three thirty am, drinking a glass of orange juice as she gazed out the window, looking back on some of the harder times she'd had with adopting her children. But despite the hard times, the fights, the attempted run aways and tears, for Esme it was worth every moment. She loved her children more than anything else in the world. They were everything, her life, her soul. She smiled as she thought of them, she was very proud of what each of them at accomplished.

The kitchen was lit up by the lights of Carlisle's BMW pulling into the drive and parking in the large garage. Esme rinsed out the glass and left it on the draining board, walking down the hall towards the front door, reaching it just as Carlisle opened the door. Snow was splattered on his dark overcoat and in his hair as he closed the door before taking his coat off, shaking his head.

"Hello dear," Esme said warmly, moving around him to deadbolt the door and put the chain on before turning to the alarm keypad and turning it on for the rest of the night.

Carlisle put his coat on the coat stand and kissed his wife's cheek. "I've told you not to wait up for me dear," he said, undoing his tie as the pair made their way up the stairs.

They were soon on the third floor, Esme getting into bed while Carlisle took a shower in the ensuite bathroom. She checked that the alarm clock was set to an early enough time to make the kids breakfast then turned off her bedside light, leaving Carlisle's lamp on and got comfortable in bed, fatigue taking over her. Esme started to doze as the other light got switched off and Carlisle climbed into bed beside her, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her against his chest.

"How's Bella?" Esme asked quietly.

"It's going to take awhile," Carlisle replied in a whisper, rubbing her arm with his hand.

"I think you should talk to Edward. He seems very shaken by all of this."

"Yes I've noticed that too," Carlisle gently squeezed his wife closer. "I'll talk to him."

"We've got to take care of Bella."

"I know."