A Zexion drabble that got away from me. It's a tad long for a drabble, and I think it's more of a crack-fic!

Warnings: Mentions of Boy Love, swearing, Angst.

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and all it's characters do not belong to me. If they did, all the male characters would walk around in nothing but leopard print speedos. Because I can.

The clock struck twelve. The cogs and gears working together to produce a deep reverberating chime that shook Zexion to his very core.

The Cloaked Schemer was working idly in the kitchen, preparing his most favorite snack. A peanut butter sandwich. Note the lack of jelly? Zexion absolutely detested the stuff. It was horribly sweet and incredibly hard to get rid of. Sort of like No. IX; Demyx.

Zexion smiled to himself at that as he opened the breadbox and pulled out a half-empty bag of sliced bread. He undid the bread tie as he hovered over the sink. There were no clean knives, and was too lazy to wash his own. Hopefully there would be a decently clean one in the sink. He found one sitting in a bowl of cloudy water and rubbed it dry on his cloak. Zexion hoped that Xemnas had been the one to use it. Number I was probably the cleanest person in organization XIII, so surely his eating utensils were rinsed before being chucked in the sink-- rather than licked clean.

As he laid out the bread slices and set down the knife, Zexion began his search for the peanut butter. For some reason, it always appeared in a different place each night. One day it would be on the counter, the next on top of the cupboard. Zexion had even found it on the refrigerator door amongst the ketchup and steak sauce. Today it happened to be lying on it's side beside the microwave.

Zexion hummed to himself as he unscrewed the greasy lid and dipped the knife in. He spread an even coating over both pieces as was his custom. Just as he was smoothing out the excess butter, No. VIII stumbled through the double doors. The red-head yawned loudly, making no move to cover his mouth, and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"Whatchu' doin' Bookworm?" He mumbled fondly.

Number VI frowned at the man as he carefully stacked the two slices together.

"I do believe it's obvious, Pyro."

Axel chuckled and plucked the butter-covered knife from his lax grip. Zexion watched as he brought it to his mouth and sucked earnestly.

"Er, Axel? I found that in the sink."

The red-head's eyes widened comically. He then spluttered and clutched his throat as he threw the knife across the room. It tinkered about for a moment, then hit the trash can and came to a halt.

"You coulda' said so sooner! Yuck!"

He rubbed his tongue along his cloak sleeve as Zexion chuckled to himself.

"What would be the fun in that? Besides, in the case that it hadn't been dirty, I myself would have wanted to lick it." Zexion bopped Axel on the head. "Now... Shoo, fly."

Axel clutched his head and grumbled as he left the room. Most likely in search of Roxas. That poor, poor boy.

Zexion gingerly brought the sandwich to his lips, inhaling it's scent before opening his mouth. He'd only just taken a bit when Demyx fell from the ceiling. If that wasn't the most bizarre experience he'd ever had, he didn't want to know what was worse. The cloaked Schemer was so shocked he started choking and it was only after Demyx brushed himself off and rushed to his side that he was able to dislodge the food and he spat it in the sink.

"What. Are. You. Doing!?" He demanded of Demyx.

The Melodious Nocturne paled and glanced around sheepishly.

"Well, you see... I was just playing my sitar, when Xigbar comes outta nowhere!," He emphasized dramatically with his hands, "He said to me, he said 'Now Demmy my boy, I have no offense to your music. It's mighty awesome and beautiful and very powerful! But I just can't sleep with all the racket!'" Demyx stopped to take a breath and Zexion wondered if Xigbar really found Demyx's sitar playing 'Awesome, beautiful, and powerful', or if that was just the way it was in Demmy Land.

"Anyway!," Demyx began again, "I told him that it was my room and I could do whatever the hell I felt like in it! So I started playing as loud as I could, and he just shrugs and says 'Have it your way!' Then opens a portal right under my rear end!"

Demyx looked around curiously.

"Who woulda thunk that my room was right above the kitchen? Haha! Oh! A sandwich!" The blonde made his way over to Zexion's discarded snack and plucked it up.

"Wait! That's--"

But it was too late. Demyx munched happily away as Zexion slumped. The blonde noticed and held the sandwich out to him.

"Wanna bite?" Zexion rose and glared at him evilly, his eye twitching madly.

"Get. Out."

Demyx left with an audible "Eep!" Taking Zexion's Peanut Butter Sandwich with him. The Cloaked Schemer growled to himself and sat at the table. But he suddenly thought better of it. He went to all the doors, locked them, then put up various shields all around the room.

He re-opened the peanut butter, spread it over two slices of bread using his fingers, and stacked the two together. He then glanced around warily as he brought it up to his mouth. No one appeared as he took his first tentative bite. Nor did anyone fall from the sky as he gingerly took a second. As he hastily ate the third, fourth, and fifth, he was happily surprised to find himself still utterly alone.

He wiped his mouth tenderly after finishing and he put away the bread and peanut butter a minute later. Then he left the room. Zexion figured he'd read another chapter of his newest book before he went off to bed.

It was odd how no one bothered him on his way to his bedroom, but he relished it. For all he knew, around the corner would be Xaldin. Ready to charge at him thinking it was Vexen. Or Larxene, waiting to pounce on her 'Marly.' Once he had even stumbled into Xemnas, who was in nothing but a towel and carrying what looked suspiciously like a dog leash.

When he thought about it, he really was the only sane one around here.

The Cloaked Schemer sighed.

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