I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT :)

A/N All right, here's the gist of this story. (WELL THE BIT LEADING UP TO IT ANYWAY.)

Right, so you know when Bella's about to jump of the cliff just to feel alive and hear Edward's voice? Instead of wanting to hear him, she basically wants to give up on life. KILL HER SELF, HOWEVER YOU WANT TO PHRASE IT.

I promise it will be bloody good.

AND MEGA FLUFFY! ;)

Bella's Point Of View

I ran forwards, watching the horizon off the water. "BELLA!" The only voice I wanted to hear growled, I grinned to myself. "DONT. ARE YOU MAD?! WHAT DID YOU PROMISE ME?" He growled in my head. Maybe I was mental. Who was I to care right now? It was what I wanted.

"What did you promise me?" I whispered to him, smirking, my voice smug. I probably would have had looked mental to anyone else, especially Leah Clearwater. She had been following me around all day since Jake and the pack was busy chasing after Victoria. Or maybe she had already figured out I was mental from the start, and just wanted to taunt me about it. Personally, I didn't blame her if she was taking the piss out of me for it. I stopped running at the edge of the cliff, letting the front of my feet hang off the edge of the cliff, letting the ends of my feet feel free. All I had to to was slightly lean forward and I would end up dead. No more suffering in silence with no one to understand me any more. No more being a waste of living space and oxygen.

I stood on the cliff's edge, feeling the wind in my hair, slightly pushing me back, as if the wind didn't want me jumping into the sea today.... hearing Edward's voice, warning me not to jump. But I couldn't jump, not just yet anyway, I was busy concentrating on hearing his voice for the last time in my life, before I put an end to it, and finally jumped off of this damned cliff, so the sea could swallow me whole. So my pain could be put to rest for once.

"How pathetic." Leah Clearwater laughed from behind me. "It's not like anyone's going to miss you, you know, is it?" She laughed again from behind me, her laughter patronizing. At least I hadn't turned into a bitch when the person I had loved left me. Turned me away.

I thought about that for a second, what she had said to me. Charlie and Renee would be in hysterics.. and maybe now Jacob. If I ended my life, I'd be causing more pain than what was worth. Even though I had wanted to end my own pain, I couldn't inflict it on the rest of them like that. The people I love. But it was still a tempting to decide 'yes' to throw yourself of a cliff to finally be painless and maybe even slightly happy about life once I had been removed from the face of the Earth.

It was decided. I wasn't going to jump off the cliff, no, not today anyway. They needed me there, here, even if I was depressed with my life, even though they knew I was experiencing this pain. Constantly being reminded of what I had chosen, only for it all to be thrown back into my face. But they didn't know I couldn't cope, everyone thought I was getting over them. Recently anyway. I'd just have to find another way to get rid of the pain... for now.

I turned back around and walked back across the cliff thoughtfully to the safe side. "Chickened out have we?" Leah smirked. "Knew you would."

"Fuck off, Leah." I growled, clenching my fist in a ball. "Just because Sam left you" I sneered in her face. She looked abashed, then sulked off angrily back down First Beach, cussing under her breathe.

I ran back to my truck and sat inside, not sure what to do. If the werewolves where with Victoria, I should be fine going home, all I felt like doing was sit on the couch curled up in a ball and cry, and this time I would, I needed some sort of release. I couldn't keep my tears in any longer.

As I pulled up in front of Charlie's house, I stopped the truck, and ran my hand over where the radio they had got me used to be. It was now lying on my bedroom floor in a black bin bag. I remember the mess my nails had been in when I'd eventually clawed it out. I got out of my truck, holding myself around my torso, the hole in my chest ripping itself open. Why had I allowed myself to continue thinking about them this way? It was only adding to my depression. I continued stumbling up the stairs and opening the door, and slamming it shut, when the tears took over me. I sunk down against the front door to the floor in a ball leaning against the front door, and just cried.

When I managed to finally get up I stumbled my way into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water, and grabbed myself a Tylenol throwing it down my throat. I had no reason to take it. I don't even know why I took it. I walked over to the kitchen table, sitting myself down at it, the stained dark wooden table which had probably been there long before I was conceived. So I sat there, with my head in my hands.

"I'd be a complete failure if I was suicidal." I mumbled to myself, and at the same time thought, but what where you trying to do Bella? Kill yourself? Throwing yourself of a cliff, now it wasn't for fun either, was it? There was no denying it, and I was just going to throw myself of that cliff and wait for the waves to take me under. Who honestly cares if I'm in pain, when I'd end up leaving Renee and Charlie to wonder what would make me do such a thing, even when they all had left months ago. Not a trace of them left behind. Just disturbing memories that would of once comforted me. Did Charlie and Renee still know how much it hurt me to even think their names? And I had my best friend too; Jacob Black. I couldn't leave him, he had helped me attempt to get over their departure, even if he only made living a fraction better for me than it was without him too, I'd always be holding him back as well. Maybe I should of thrown my self of that damned cliff after all. Given everyone a rest.

I bashed my head onto the kitchen table just to feel something, how pathetic. I then proceeded to cover my arms over my head. I didn't want to be disturbed any time soon, no doubt I'd end up having a go at Charlie when he got home and walked through the door, just for the sake of it, to get something of my chest, because I never did get anything of my chest. I just kept my problems bottled up, because no one would ever understand me the way he did. No one would even understand the way he made me feel. Not ever.

The doorbell rung, followed by a loud knock on the door. I sighed very quietly but made no other sound or decision to move. Whoever it was would leave when they thought no one was home. Go live their own happy life. I could hear the rain outside pick up heavily, I could see it pelting against the kitchen window, becoming much louder than it was before. Things never changed much in the boring old town of Forks. People come, people go. People spread rumours, people believed that rubbish, just because the news in a small town never did get interesting, and nothing was mostly ever worth knowing. The doorbell rang again, twice this time, followed by another two raps at the door.

Who in their right mind stands at someone's door whilst it's pouring down with rain, and it looks there's going to be some massive storm on the way, knocking, even when no ones answered it. Maybe it was someone coming over to meet Charlie or it was someone important, but I just couldn't be bothered to open the door, I couldn't be bothered to act happy for some retard who wanted to stand in the rain and get soaked, waiting for someone to answer a fucking door no one wanted to answer.

Couldn't whoever it was just leave? They'd end up catching a cold. What where they? Mental? I laughed to myself in my head.

Here I was, probably turning mental myself, when I had decided to consider someone else mental. For standing in the rain and ringing on a door bell waiting for someone to get off their lazy backside and answer the door to them.

The knock on the front door came again, faster than the other times, maybe a bit quieter. Like I cared. Like I even should.

Didn't whoever it was understand. I didn't want to end up having a breakdown in front of anyone because I was upset and just wanted to sulk. Go save yourself from having a pathetic broken hearted teenager break down in tears in front of you.

I picked up the now empty glass and threw it across the kitchen, the glass shattering, smashing against the kitchen units, reminding me of that day, which resulted in all this. All this fucked up shit, of all my unhappiness.
I dropped my head to the table once again, throwing my arms over my head as sobs began to make their way out of my throat, I could feel my eyes water over and all of them begin to finally pour down my face. I hadn't cried this badly since the week he left me, for Charlie's sake. Him and his family, my friends, my future. Everyone that I thought cared about me. The people who I had been told that they had too considered me as family and their friends too. But I was nothing more than a mere distraction to the only person I loved, and still do love, and probably ever will. Even if I did move on, he would still be there in my heart, a reminder of who I truly loved, and nothing could get rid of that painful memory, even if he insisted it would pass in time. Time only made things worse.

Our visitor knocked on the door again, this time yet again another two quick loud raps at the door. They seemed almost impatient. I would of told them the door was already unlocked and to let themselves in, but I doubted it was someone we knew or could trust like the wolves.

I got up sighing, wiping away my tears and leaving the mess of the glass behind in the kitchen, closing the door behind me so they couldn't see it from the front door. Whoever it was, I hoped they didn't expect to be coming in. Especially with all the mess in the kitchen from the broken shards of glass. They'd think something was seriously wrong with me. It hardly looked like I'd simply dropped it either. It was bait I'd thrown it across the room.

I huffed and put my hand on the door knob, pulling open the door with an expression clear on my face which would show whoever it was I didn't want them there. That I didn't want to be disturbed. That all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and cry.

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A/N How do you guys like the story so far?

I am thinking about postponing his arrival, not too sure yet.

But anyway, the quicker I get reviews, the sooner I know people actually want to read the rubbish I write, and I'll get it up within the next week for you guys.