Spock walked him back to his quarters and turned to him at the door, "Are you adverse to playing chess tonight?"

Jim gave the question some serious reflection. He was emotionally exhausted yet strangely energetic, and he most definitely didn't wish to be alone.

"Sure. Sounds fun."

When they reached Jim's quarters they set up the chess board and got down to business. Still, Jim couldn't keep his mind strategy and Spock beat him in record time.

"Would you prefer to play again or rest?"

Jim decided there was no point in feigning an ability to act normally. "I won't do any better at another round, but I don't want to sleep yet."

"I could remain with you in your quarters tonight…"

"Only if you don't sleep in the chair again. Think we can both fit on that narrow coffin Starfleet calls a bed?"

"It is possible, but would my presence be beneficial or detrimental to your rest?"

"Good, I think. I…just don't want to be alone right now. I'll be fine in a few days, but I'll probably have nightmares tonight."

Spock put away the chess set and left briefly to change into sleep garments, while Jim took a shower and did the same. It felt strange, preparing for bed and knowing the other man would be joining him there. He looked at himself in the mirror and realized he was truly nervous, for the first time since he was a teenager. It was disconcerting.

Steeling his nerves, Jim unlocked the bathroom doors so Spock could reenter the Captain's quarters through the shared bathroom doors, and went to go sit in his room. He wasn't surprised when Spock followed him only moments later. He would have been able to hear when Jim finished in the bathroom.

They stood looking at each other awkwardly for a moment. Jim's hand rubbed the back of his own neck in a gesture that Spock had noticed he used when feeling self-conscious.

"It still feels strange, y'know?" Jim commented. "I've kept parts of myself closed off from people for so long and now Bones, Sulu, Uhura, and Chekov; they all know. And you don't just know what happened, you even saw it in my mind. It's just strange…"

Spock gave a single nod in reply, and his countenance was so typically Spock that Jim began to relax a little.

"I do offer sincere apologies for entering your mind without permission, but I deemed the situation warranted such an action."

Jim shrugged the apology off. "It's okay," he said, " It wasn't the first time I experienced a mind meld, and it didn't really hurt this time."

There was a long pause that made Jim feel nervous again. When he looked up he saw that Spock's eyes were narrowed with anger, and Jim remembered that, oh yeah, he wasn't supposed to mention the older time-traveling Spock thing to him. Whoops.

While Jim tried to think of a way to cover up his slip, the other man made things easy for him.

"I assume that you are referring to the Ambassador Spock from an alternate time stream. I was not aware that he had melded with you, but I assure you that to do so without acquiring permission to do so first is a taboo frowned upon in Vulcan society."

It took a few seconds for Jim to realize what Spock was saying, "Wait! So you know about the other Spock? He said you couldn't ever meet! He lied!"

Spock looked slightly offended. "Vulcans do not lie. He merely… implied such in order to force us to work together."

Jim let out a short, barking laugh. "I guess I shouldn't complain then. But I am going to contact him and give him a piece of my mind."

"Indeed. You might also tell him that he should ask before initiating any future mind melds."

"Planning to." Jim responded, and found himself yawning quite widely.

"We should retire." Spock commented and they both made their way towards the sleeping platform. Jim laid against the wall, and smiled when Spock lay down beside him, but head to feet. He had brought his own pillow as well, and Jim was suddenly reminded of sleepovers he had gone to as a kid. He didn't really feel the urge to tell ghost stories in the dark tonight though.

He situated himself on the pillow, and wondered why having Spock's feet only inches from his face felt suddenly intimate. He found himself shifting again, trying to get comfortable.

Finally Spock had enough of it. "Jim, your fidgeting is a distraction. Please cease and go to sleep."

"I'm trying!" he whined in response.

Even in the dim lighting, he could see Spock's eyes crack and give him a stern look. "I can return to my own quarters if necessary…"

"No! I'll get to sleep. Just…stay, please."

Jim did his best to remain still after that, but he quickly realized it wasn't working. Finally he said, "Can I… sleep holding you? Would it bother you too much?"

Without reply, Spock shifted to lie beside him, moving so his arm was actually behind Jim's head and Jim's arm was behind his own neck.

They settled down then. Jim wasn't normally fond of cuddling, but there was something comforting about having Spock's warm body against his own. He could hear Spock's blood rushing through his veins under his ears, and the sound was comforting as a mother's heartbeat to a baby in the womb. Within moments, Jim was asleep and if he dreamt that night, he didn't remember it.

Hours later, he awoke and had trouble placing where he was. Spock had moved out of bed, and he could hear noises coming from the bathroom. By the time Spock returned to the bed, Jim was wide awake.

Jim lay back down, and suddenly it felt like it would be unbearably awkward if they returned to their previous positions. So they simply lay looking at one another instead. There was a tension between them, and Jim was finally ready to recognize it for what it was. The sexual tension had been building between them for months, but it seemed there was little chance that it would stay unresolved, now that they were here in the same bed.

"I know you were with Uhura, but had you had a lot of relationships before her?" Jim asked, curiously.

Spock looked affronted, "Unlike you, I have indulged in sexual intimacy with only a handful of beings."

Jim grinned unashamedly in return. "So my reputation as a man whore precedes me, huh?"

Spock glared, and Jim's tone became more serious. "You'd be my first Vulcan," he said softly.

Spock's eyes glared harder, and Jim realized that maybe the expression didn't denote anger but instead sheer possessiveness.

"Your only Vulcan, " Spock emphasized.

Jim reached up to brush the other man's face with his fingers and answered seriously, "I think that could be arranged."

The hand that was touching Spock's face was suddenly captured and clasped strongly in Spock's warm hand.

"Jim, I do not take this lightly…" Spock said in a warning tone.

"Neither do I, Spock." Jim said in return.

And then there were hands touching faces, and lips meeting. Jim found himself grasping and sucking on and flesh that met his hands and mouth, and it was perfect, beyond perfect. It was the single most intense night of Jim's life, with Spock's telepathy linking them together, and at the end there was only a sense of the rightness of being together. He couldn't have said if the "Yes!" that echoed in his mind originated with Spock or himself, only that it was the beginning of something he couldn't define, and didn't want to end.

At some point, they fell asleep wrapped around each other.

Jim woke with a start the next morning, flailing and suddenly finding himself on the floor, with an amused looking Vulcan staring down at him from the bed.

"You have a most uncommon method of getting out of bed, Jim" Spock commented.

Jim glared up at him in return and muttered "Smartass," as he picked himself off the floor and maneuvered back onto the narrow bed.

Spock arched an eyebrow and one side of his mouth quirked as he replied, "My ass, as you put it, is not smarting this morning." Jim glared in reply since he couldn't say the same. He'd have to remedy that situation tonight in revenge.

Hmm… So this was Spock in a good mood, Jim realized. In a good, the-world-is-great-'cause-he-just-got-laid mood. Apparently, it involved a lot of sarcasm. Jim could live with that.

Jim stretched back out beside Spock and let out a huge yawn. He placed a hand on Spock's chest and smiled at the dark curls there. "You have a very hairy chest," He commented. Spock went still and Jim realized he had hit a nerve of some kind. Were Vulcans normally hairy? It may have been one more thing that singled him out growing up among pure Vulcans.

"I can use a removal treatment if you do not find it attractive," he said stiffly. Jim tightened his grip and pulled a bit for emphasis as he replied, "I live hairy chests on a guy! Much more interesting than when guys use hair growth preventers on every bit of their bodies."

He felt the tension leave the other man's body and realized they both had a lot to learn about each other. The idea didn't make Jim want to run screaming the way it normally would with a lover. He'd known since the meeting with Spock's older self that this was a friendship, a relationship, that he wouldn't be able to fight. The man beside was a mystery, one that he wanted to spend time trying to solve. It was… fascinating.

Spock was doing the almost-smiling thing again and he commented, "Many of your friends were worried about you after last night. Dr. McCoy has ordered you to stop by sickbay, and Lt. Uhura and Sulu have both asked if you would appear on the bridge today. Ensign Chekov left breakfast outside our door this morning with the request you eat it."

Jim laughed, imagining Spock fielding their crew members in an attempt to let Jim sleep in. "What did you tell them?"

"That I was monitoring your health, both mental and physical, quite closely and would inform them if there was any reason for concern."

Spock held up two fingers, and Jim copied the gesture, until Spock touched them together with a slow, stroking motion. It sent shivers down his spine, and he wondered what it did to his lover's more sensitive hands.

"It feels like a deep kiss. Warm and gently arousing," Spock noted.

"You're reading my mind," Jim chided, even though he knew Spock was a touch telepath and could hardly help it.

"I will be able to do so very easily now. I've been in your mind deeply, Jim. After last night, there will always be a connection between us," Spock told him, suddenly looking very serious. Did he think Jim would reject him now?

Jim took a deep breath. "I've been alone a lot of my life, even when I was surrounded by people. I'm pretty messed up, and you may not always like what you find in my mind…"

"Your mind is most fascinating Jim. I have seen nothing that does not intrigue me."

"So, think we can play hooky for a few more hours? I'd love a little more private time before we face the ship."

"I think that can be arranged, Jim. What did you plan to do with this private time?"

"Why don't you meld with me and find out?"

They didn't leave their quarters until midday, but no one seemed to mind.

Epilogue

Later, when Ambassador Spock called them to come to New Vulcan immediately, and there he met an actor who called himself Anton Karidian and his twelve year old daughter Lenore, Jim was grateful that he had five other people who knew why he reacted the way he did and what his history was with Kodos the executioner. His first officer and lover helped detained the man and kept Jim from doing anything rash while the authorities investigated.

Only a few months later, He stood beside Thomas Leighton, Kevin Riley and the other witnesses who had survived the massacre and their own survivor's guilt long enough to see justice served in a federation courtroom. The former governor Kodos was sentenced to spend his life on a long term rehabilitation center reserved for the most heinous of criminals.

No one was surprised to find that Kodos died under mysterious circumstances during transport, and Jim could finally go on with his life without always feeling that Kodos had gotten away with his crimes.

And if sometimes during their missions, they were called on to help a planet suffering famine or some other disaster that caused him to relive his experience on Tarsus IV, he had friends to help him deal with the situation and who understood why he was having difficulty coping.

Especially his best friend, who could soothe him with a gentle mind touch or distract him physically until there were no thoughts of the past in his mind, only the present and a future with Spock, the man he loved, always at his side.