"I will Always Love You"

Chapter One

The rain fell in heavy sheets on the London Bridge where Peter stood, making the Tames look like a rolling river of mist. The streets were mostly cleared of traffic due to the war curfew, and the eldest Pevensie stood alone on what would have been one of the city's busiest thoroughfares during peacetime. He had avoided being spotted by the travelling military vehicles and mounted police, and his hard-earned solitude was a blessing. He liked the calming sound of the rain, and paid no heed to his drenched clothing.

Peter had spent his day walking. London was still recovering from the Blitz two years prior, and Peter toured the city in hopes of finding something to lift his spirits. His search had been fruitless. After his second and final return from Narnia, all joy had swiftly fled from Peter's life. Susan and Lucy had returned to their own boarding school, miles away from Peter's boarding school, and as the year had progressed the reality of his own return's finality had weighed heavily on Peter's heart.

Peter had dealt with his frustrations of no longer being a king, and he took the childish treatment of those around him in stride. He had realized that the fighting couldn't accomplish anything but causing more hurt, and everyday life no longer affected him. No, it was the thought of losing his Narnian friends, his forced separation from Aslan, and the strained relationships with his siblings that hurt Peter so much. Of course Peter's relationship with Lucy had stayed strong as ever, but he could see Susan drifting away and the pain of her denying Narnia had left such a wound in Peter's heart that he feared would never again be filled. And Edmund…

Edmund.

Even the simple thought his name was a painful spike to Peter's heart.

'How could he!?'

It was like a painful cry in Peter's mind. He could never think of his dark brother as a traitor or betrayer, not after the two events with the White Witch, but he couldn't think of any other words to describe what Edmund had done to him, to the girls, to Aslan and Narnia. Peter had thought that, after their second trip to Narnia, things would improve for all of the Pevensie children. He should have known better the moment he saw Susan off on the train platform. His worst nightmares had been realized, and Peter hadn't had any warning to help him stave off the invisible attack.

During their first trip to Narnia, the Pevensies had been closer than any other set of siblings. They had ruled and served side by side, watching out for and loving each other with everything in them. When Susan had come of age and suitors had started knocking at Cair Paravel's gates, it was to Peter and Edmund that she turned to for counsel and protection. Here in England, Susan couldn't stand it when Peter asked her about a suitor or tried to warn her against a young man he didn't approve of. It was to Peter that the younger Pevensies had gone to for almost everything, from bruised knees and hurt pride to matters of State in Narnia, but in England (save Lucy) it was a different story. And to make matters worse Peter's relationship with Edmund, which had been infinitely closer than the ones that the boys had shared with their sisters, was almost none existent now.

Yes, Peter and Edmund had been lovers. Edmund had been Peter's staying hand when the high king started to rise in anger, and Peter had been Edmund's joy when negotiations had started to pull the just king down. Edmund was his calm and he was Edmund's excitement, the sun to Edmund's moon…or so Peter had thought.

They had been blissfully married for three years when the wardrobe had dumped them back into the Professor's spare room in the country. Though he was just as shocked as the rest that they had been returned their previous ages, he was sure that little would change between his siblings and himself. This thought had been true for him and the girls, but with Edmund it had been a rapid decline of attention and affection. Edmund had become as cold and silent as his former Narnian captor, only returning to his former self when Peter became violent and needed saving.

When they had returned to Narnia for the second (last, in Peter's case) time, Peter had been at once ecstatic. Rushing to the sea and playing had been fantastic. He had splashed Edmund, and had been gifted with the just king's sorely-missed laughter. When Peter had seen a feint but familiar smirk on Ed's face he had wanted to simply sweep the dark king up in his arms and never put him down again. Then Ed had asked that horrible question.

"Where do you suppose we are?"

That one question had led them on an adventure that was much darker than any of the siblings could have fathomed on their own. But it wasn't fair for Peter to blame Edmund's curiosity for ruining the return trip. No, Peter had always known Edmund to be a bit curious…it was something that he actually valued in the younger boy. It was Edmund's treatment of him whether they were alone or among others. Though he acted much like the king he had once been and still was, the one bad habit that remained was his willful denial of their marriage. No matter how many times Peter tried to confront Ed, it was not until after the White Witch incident that Edmund had truly realized how much his denial was destroying and corrupting Peter.

--

Edmund stormed back into the chamber where he had just defeated the White Witch when he was sure that only Peter remained.

"What the HELL were you thinking!?"

Peter did not answer him, but instead stared at the floor with his shoulders slumped and his sword barely dangling in his hand. Edmund would have none of it and closed the distance between himself and Peter, gripping the elder Pevensie's shoulders and shaking them. Peter flopped like a ragdoll, and Edmund growled in frustration.

"Look at me!" Edmund seethed, trying to catch Peter's gaze. Peter proceeded to slowly shake his head in different directions to avoid Edmund's eyes as the just king tried to move his own head to catch Peter. Edmund growled again and gave Peter another quick shake.

"What did she offer you?" Peter continued to try and twist away. "What did she offer you!? Curses Peter, if you don't answer me so help me, Aslan, I'll..!"

And then he caught Peter's gaze, and with it his own breath. The pain and agony, guilt and accusation in Peter's eyes were answer enough. Edmund stood, shocked, before gathering himself and voicing his conclusion.

"Me. She offered you me, didn't she?" Peter's face flushed with shame and he dropped his gaze from Edmund's once again. "Oh, Peter."

Edmund tried to pull Peter into an embrace, but the elder king struggled against his hold, sobbing and vocally denying the contact.

"No. No! Let me be! You don't want me! You don't want me." Peter sobbed as Edmund overpowered him and drew him to his chest. Edmund felt his own long-overdue tears well up and spill over his lids. He knew that he would never have been able to overpower Peter if the High King hadn't been so distraught. It distressed him to think how weak Peter had become in his grief and shame. He shushed his king, and began his apology.

"Hush, Peter. Hush, my love. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I do want you. I always have and I always will," Peter tried to protest, but Edmund gently charged on. "I turned away from you in England because we will never be accepted there. People would tear us apart, literally, if they knew about what we have. I don't care what they do to me, but I can't bear the thought of someone else even laying a hand on you. I was trying to protect you, but then you had to go and get into fights on your own. Why couldn't you just see reason? They'll destroy you, my king."

Peter turned his gaze to Edmund's again, now angry. "And what about here? You still deny me in the place of our marriage! How could you!?You speak of how others will destroy me, but what about you? How can you say you'll always want me when you refuse to touch me, even in Narnia!? Some days I think I might start hat…"

"Don't!" Edmund barked. "Don't you ever say that. Not to me. I couldn't bear it."

"You couldn't bear it!? What about what I can't bear? What about my l-l-love for you? I can't bear this love for you if you just cast it aside like so much t—t—t-trash" He could barely get the word out in his frustration and anger. Edmund sucked in a breath through his teeth, realizing the damage he had inflicted on his Peter.

"Yes," Peter growled at him, "She offered me you. She promised me that you'd truly love me again, and that you would never deny our love or our marriage. She said you'd hold me like you used to if I let her win this war. She told me that I couldn't get you back alone, but that she had the power to give you back to me. She promised me a lifetime of forever with you, just like you promised me in our vows. She knew our vows Ed. She recited them to me in my head. I could almost hear yo…" And then Peter lost it, and could speak no more for a very long time.

Edmund stood shell shocked and holding Peter to him as if he were the last tie Edmund had to any world.

"Aslan," He murmured into Peter's ear at last. "I really made a mess of things, didn't I?"

He rubbed Peter's arms, and turned the blonde's chin to face him.

"I will make this right, my love. I promise you." He brought his lips to up Peter's trembling ones, and sealed the promise with a kiss. "Come with me, my love…my husband."

--

Edmund made love to Peter for the first time in a year that afternoon, reciting and renewing his vows word-for-word to his beautiful, blonde husband. It hadn't been perfect, and Edmund had spent a good half an hour just trying to get Peter to let the Just King near enough to him emotionally to make love in the first place. Peter hadn't trusted him at first, but his heart had overruled his head in the end. Later, after Edmund had fallen into a nap, Peter found himself back at the stone table. He had asked himself what had happened to him in the last year that had made him try so hard to prove that he was still the king he had been, and why his faith in Aslan had wavered for that dangerous moment before Edmund had killed the witch.

He had veered away from the obvious and immediate answer. It hadn't all been Edmund's fault, and Ed hadn't been the one to lower his sword to the White Witch.

Regardless, Peter had decided in that moment that he would close his heart and count his marriage as a loss. Edmund may have recited his vows, but Peter's knowledge of this "new" Edmund argued that his husband's promises would not follow them back to England.

The two kings of Olde hadn't had another moment alone after that afternoon and before they knew it, Miraz was dead, the Telmarines had been defeated, and Caspian was king. Edmund had been so mad about Peter's challenge to Miraz, but Peter had made sure that they were never alone before Edmund went to present the challenge. Edmund had done his duty and respected his husband's right as high king to issue the challenge, and had stood at Peter's right hand during the duel. In Peter's moment of weakness he had come through and believed in Peter as he had in the Golden Age, which made Peter smile and his heart clench painfully for a quick moment before he reentered the duel.

When all was done, Peter and Susan had engaged in their final conversation with Aslan in Narnia. He confirmed Peter's fear that he would not be returning to Narnia, and had urged Susan and Peter to look for him in their own world. After Susan had departed to say goodbye to some of her favorite places in Narnia, Peter had asked for another few moments with Aslan.

----

"Aslan, may I speak with you?" Peter asked as he and the Lion watched Susan depart.

Aslan turned his ancient eyes to the high king, and Peter could see a sorrow and an understanding in them that made his heart hurt and his own blue eyes prick.

"You may speak with me anytime, my dear one. What would you speak with me about?"

"Edmund." The word had come before Peter had even organized his thoughts. It was as if the word had been sitting on his lips for ages, just waiting for the right moment to spring into existence.

"Ah, yes. Your beloved husband."

"Beloved to me, though I fear that I am no longer beloved to him."

"Why would you say such a sad thing, my king?"

"He doesn't want me anymore. He won't even look me in the eye in England, and here it took until…until…"

"Until your faith wavered for him to see you again?"

Peter wanted to duck his head in shame, but something in Aslan's eyes made him meet the Lion's gaze as he nodded.

"I am sorry, my Lord." Peter murmured from the very depths of his heart.

"You were forgiven the moment it happened, young one."

Peter gave Aslan a tremulous smile, which Aslan returned with one of his kindest smiles.

"Was I wrong to marry him, Aslan?"

"No, Peter. Marrying your soul mate is never wrong, but you must remember that no love comes without trial. It was easier in Narnia when you were kings and the culture did not frown on you. Edmund's fears about England are not unfounded, and though he may not see the pain that he causes you, he couldn't handle the pain that others could inflict on you if they so choose. Edmund truly thinks he's protecting you from harm, but he doesn't remember that sometimes the pain of the heart is more powerful than that of the body."

"I would walk through the fires of Hell for him."

"You almost did, dear one." And for a moment Peter could very well see in Aslan's eyes what would have happened if he had freed Jadis, as well as what could have happened to Edmund on their first visit if Aslan hadn't intervened. The visions made him whimper, but soon they were gone and in their place was Aslan's paw on his shoulder. "Peace, Son of Adam. Your imagination works too well for you to think on such thinks. You cannot truly know what would have happened, so cast it from your thoughts."

Peter calmed, and then turned his thoughts back to the now. "What am I going to do?"

"You need to speak with him."

"But I have! He won't listen!"

"Peter you were, and still are regardless of your faults, a fantastic King. I made you High King for your qualities, and one of those qualities was solving conflicts and reasoning with your brother. You've tried reaching him in a passive aggressive way by starting fights (Yes, I know about those) with others and hoping he'll remember his place by your side when he comes to rescue you. You've tried to force him to tell you that you don't have it sorted and that you need him by goading him into saying it, himself. You've tried to appeal to the judicious side of him that calls a liar on his lie, but you forget that he has always tried to be gentler with you than he ever was with any defendant or political delegate because he is in love with you. He may deny it because of his desire to keep you safe from others, but he does love you and he tries to soften every blow that comes your way and save you from his own frustration and anger.

You need to be direct with him. He has forgotten how to be a husband, but so have you. In your vows you promised to be honest and open with him, and only hinting at your frustrations with him is not being open. Confront him like the king I know you to be. Talk to your husband!"

---

Peter had thought on Aslan's words and had tried to take the Lion's advice the moment they returned to England, but Edmund had immediately rebuffed his efforts. He tried every strategy he could think of to get Edmund to talk with him, but Edmund had reiterated his wish to protect Peter, and had begged Peter to never speak on it again.

"Oh Aslan," Peter murmured to into the darkness, "How can I honor my vows when one half demands honesty, and the second half promises respect. How can I respect his wishes and still get my husband back? What do I do? I need a divine intervention. I need to be back in Narnia, where my husband wasn't so worried about what others thought. Didn't we promise to forsake all others for each other?"

Peter paused to reflect on Edmund's most recent actions. When Peter had started to lose hope in his quest for Edmund's heart and hand, the girls had tried to intervene. Lucy had gone after Edmund adamantly, even going so far as to remind him that it had been Aslan himself that married the two in the first place.

"Aslan said, 'What I have brought together, let no man or beast or being in any world tear asunder.' That includes you, Edmund!"

Having no solid argument beside the ones he had already voiced, Edmund simply shook his head and turned away.

"Lu, you just don't understand. I'm sorry."

Even Susan, who had been completely for returning to England and had gone as far as to start forgetting Narnia, had chastised Edmund for his refusal to honor his wedding vows. The fight between the two darker haired siblings had been admittedly the shortest among the four of them.

"Edmund! I gave you away! You asked me to give you to the one man you would ever love and cherish, and I said yes! Don't you remember how long it took you to convince me that a love like yours couldn't be wrong? You had to have Aslan come and speak with me five months before the wedding! Now you choose to deny something you fought so hard to gain?"

"Oh, so now Aslan exists, does he? That wedding wasn't just some game we thought up? Don't preach to me about vows taken and battles won, Su. At least I will never deny the existence of our home or our Lord."

It had been a low blow, and the last time that Susan would ever speak of Narnia or Aslan. Peter at that moment both commended and loathed Edmund and his sharp-as-shards tongue. The words had needed to be said to her, but not in that way or at that time. Through his arguments, especially the final one with Susan, Edmund had separated himself from the rest of his siblings. Lucy, though she tried to forgive Edmund for his sharp words to Su, rarely spoke to him now. Susan was nothing but distant and polite to her younger brother, and Edmund acted as if he didn't notice the loss of his close relationship with the female Pevensies.

"And now, he's forsaken me."

As a final blow, Edmund had joined back up with his old crowd. He ran with a bunch of thugs who probably would have hurt Peter if given half the chance. They were a jealous, cruel, drinking lot who thrived on injuring those better than them by ganging up on them in classes and back alleys. Edmund took no part in their violence, but used his clever mind in order to acquire their booze and other illegal forms of fun (Cigars and the like). He became their smuggler, and tried once to explain to Peter that it was better for him to be one of them than to fight against them when they finally came for Peter (for Peter was more talented, more intelligent, more beautiful than any of those thugs could ever hope to be – and they hated him, but wouldn't touch the brother of their smuggling mastermind).

Peter curled his lip in disgust. This is what Edmund called protecting him from harm? Destroying his relationship with his sisters, denying his husband, and joining a group of thugs who happened to dislike Peter?! Peter had picked a fair amount of his own fights and come out on top (with Edmund's help, of course)! What did Edmund think he was doing?

"Aslan, he's corrupting himself in my name and I can no longer stand by and watch it happen." Peter climbed up onto the bridge, standing on the massive stone 'rail'. He twisted the fingers of his right hand around his left ring finger.

Closing his eyes, he could almost feel the metal of his wedding band, which had gone missing when they had fallen back through the wardrobe. He could imagine the ring heating to his touch as he twisted the phantom band, and as he ran his fingers to the tip of his ring finger, he imagined the ring coming off to rest in his tightly clenched fist. Tears began to fall, unbidden, from his closed eyes as he curled his hand tighter around the mental ghost. With a last shuddering breath, Peter opened his eyes and wound his right arm back like a baseball pitcher.

"He doesn't want this marriage for the fear of what it will do to me? Well then, let me make this easier." Peter rose his voice to the rushing river bellow. "I hereby annul our marriage! Aslan, I did what you told me to do! I've honored my vows! Now let me have my heart back, and give myself to another who will actually love me! EDMUND! TAKE BACK YOUR RING AND GIVE ME WHAT I DESERVE!"

And then, three things happened at once. Peter threw the ring with all his might out over the Themes, the rain picked up and blinded him mid-throw, and the forward momentum threw him off of his feet…

And into the water below.

He hit the water with a mighty splash that at once shocked and disoriented him. Peter began to fight the current, but his clothes made him too heavy and the rain made the current to swift for him to swim properly. He was sinking fast.

In his last moments, when all of the fight had almost deserted his limbs, Peter called out into the water.

"Oh Aslan! Please, not like this. "

And Peter's last thought, before his conscience fled from him, was of an older Edmund. He wore his scabbard at his side, and bore a silver crown.

"My Edmund."

And Peter knew no more.