Alice sees Charlie coming over early for a visit...and her and Emmett get an idea. They give Charlie a walk-through of daily life in the Cullen house-hold! Includes waking up Edward and Bella, Emmett's innuendos, getting to know everyone better, and more! Post BD, very funny.
Em POV
Brilliant. That's what this was. Freaking brilliant.
Alice had seen Charlie coming over early in the morning to visit, so of course I had to plan something. My idea :Walk him through a day in the Cullen household.
It was going to be so awesome! Alice is going to help me.....Charlie was coming in about 30 minutes.....I couldn't wait.
"Alice, when is he getting here?" I whined as she paced back and forth.
"Emmett, shut up! he'll be here soon. Now lets go over this again...We are going to take Charlie to Edward and Bella's cottage and Edward will be so caught up in whatever they're
doing...." She stopped to shudder. "That he won't be reading our minds...and our ulterior motive is?" She asked me.
"Embarrass Bella and Eddie!" I said eagerly. It was going to be just so much fun....I hoped they were decent. They're going to have to pretend to be sleeping if they don't want Charlie to
get suspicious.
"Right. This is going to be so much fun!" She squealed as she jumped up and down.
"You know it is!" Jacob popped up out of nowhere. It kind of freaked me out, and I kind of yelped...
"Jake! You want to join us? You know what we're doing?" Alice asked.
"Yep, I was listening. So basically, you guys are trying to embarrass Bells and Edward?"
"Exactly." I said. "We're going to go into their room with Charlie, and let Bella freak out a bit, then we're going to show Charlie around the house, and then we're going to take him through a day in the life of the Cullens!"
"Sweet. This sounds like fun." He replied.
"Yes. Yes it does."
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
I had to mentally tell Edward to pretend to sleep. I didn't tell him why though, so him and Bela were clueless...right then I heard the door ring. I jumped up.
"I got it!" I hurried over to the front door. I opened it, and saw Charlie standing there looking sheepish. He was too much like Bella...
"Charlie! Come in, come in. Sorry it's so quiet in here, I think everyones sleeping." Ha.
He looked guilty. "Sorry for coming over so early. Being a fisher, I sometimes get up earlier than everyone else."
"Oh no, thats okay. Everyone here is an early riser...except Jacob and Edward...those two take forever to get up." This was fun!
"Really?" He wondered out loud.
"Hi Charlie!" Alice came bouncing in from the kitchen. "Would you like something to eat? Drink?"
"Hey Alice!" I don't get why he liked her so much... "No, thats fine, I had some pop tarts on the way over here...Bella left a couple of boxes when she moved out..." He trailed off.
Alice scoffed "Don't be silly Chalie, we have real food here. Not that junk that Bella eats." She danced off toward the kitchen.
I inched closer to Charlie on the couch. "So...Charlie....would you like to come wake up Bella and Edward with us?" Our plan lifted off.
He gave me a wierd face. "What do you mean?"
"We go and wake up them up sometimes, it's really funny." Edward and Bella like to pretend to sleep sometimes...and they don't notice anything else except eachother. This
would be easy.
Um...sure?" He said uncertainly....hmmm, well at least he was coming with us.
Alice came in the room with sausage, eggs, bacon, and those waffle things on a big plate. "Here you go Charlie! If you want more feel free to ask." She set the huge plate down on our
new cofee table (Bella: Why do we need a coffee table? We don't even drink coffee!) as Charlie stared at it in amazement. "You really out did your self Alice." He said as he took a bite
of some bacon.
/
We had to wait a while for Charlie to finish him food, but the minute he did I jumped up "Okay! It's time to go wake up Bells and Eddie!" Charlie snorted when I said Eddie.
"Emmett, you know he hates when anyone calls him that." Alice, Alice.
"Yes, but I am not anyone. I am his older brother, and therefore I have the right to call him annoying nicknames." I rest my case. Charlie looked at us in amazement. I wondered what was
so amazing about our family....well, except for us being vampires of course. But Charlie didn't need to know that.
"Onward!" I whisper yelled. Charlie started to turn toward the stairs. Ha, he thought they lived in the house...Wrong! "Charlie, they don't live here at the moment." He looked at me, his face contorted in confusion. "Why?"
What was I suposed to tell him? They're too busy doing the do and they'd break the walls?
"They're too loud at night." That was good enough. And it embarrased both of them! Yay!
Charlie's face went red. Oh, I see where Bella got her blushing from.
"Well, where do they live?"
"Esme restored a cottage in the woods for them. They can move back in when they get less noisy... " I smirked. Bella was going to be so mad at me, but it was worth it!
Alice and I lead Charlie to the the back yard, which he had never seen. It was basically a huge opening that had a river, and lead to the forest. I guess it was big for humans, because Charlie was staring. It took about 10 minutes to get to the cottage, because sadly we couldn't use our vampire speed. We arrived to the little house, and Charlie's eyes went wide.
"Wow. This does seem very Bella-like." He said as we opened the door.
"Aren't you going to knock?" He asked Alice with a wierd look. She giggled. "Charlie, we're going to go wake them up, and we can come in any time we want." She skipped inside. I followed aftr her, and Charlie came in after me. He looked around and seemed to approve.
"Hey Charlie!" Jake popped out of the kitchen. Godammit. He needs to stop doing that, he made me yelp again. But this time Charlie yelped too. "Jake! Wha are you doing here?"
Jacob rolled his eyes. "I'm rading the fridge and waiting for Bella to get up so she'll cook for me and Nessie." It was normal for us, but I guess this might have been wierd for Charlie.
Charlie just shook his head.
"Follow me!" Alice said as she skipped up the tiny stairs. We got to Edward and Bella's room, and I was mentally telling Edward to pretend to be asleep. He still didn't know about Charlie being here, and he and Bella probably weren't decent. Thats what I was hoping.
Alice pushed open the door, and had one of those blow horn things that REALLY hurt your ears. Especially vampires with super-hearing.
"Everyone cover your ears." Alice said. I looked toward the bed. Edward was shirtless (score!) and maybe even pantles. Half of him was under the covers. Bella was....shirtless? Ewww!
But she had a bra on, so it was okay....I was scared there for a second. Edward would have killed me if I said Bella was hot. Bella was latched onto Edward's arm like a leech (pun intended)
and her leg was hitched over his waist. Man, she was flexible! I looked over to Charlie and his eyes were wide. And he was red. Oh my god, this was so worth getting yelled
at later!
HHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
I was going to die from laughter! You should have seen Bella jump! She went at least a foot in the air! "EMMETT!" She yelled. She hadn't even seen who it was yet...I'm hurt.
"Emmett, I am going to kill you!" She said as she jumped out of the bed. I glanced at Edward. He had brought the covers up to his neck the second he heard the air horn. Ha!
We had surprised the unsurprisable Edward! He brought his hand up to his face to pinch the bridge of his nose.
"Ugh! You suck Emmett. Seriosuly. I'm going to get you later." Bella whisper-yelled.
"Bells, you might want to put on a shirt." I said to her, smirking. Her eyes got wide. And they got even wider when she noticed Charlie standing right beside me. "Charlie?! Dad! What are you doing here!" She said as she snatched the whole blanket off the bed to cover herself. Bad move Bella, Edward was pantsless. Wellm, stleast he has some black boxers on. This was just getting better and better!
Bella looked even more embarrased. "Edward, go put some pants on!" She turned to him. He looked back at her. "You go put a shirt on!" He replied.
I looked toward Charlie, Alice, and Jacob. "This is even funnier than last time, huh Alice?" I said to her. "Yeah it is!" Charlie was just staring at Edward and Bella. "Heads up Edward!" Alice yelled as she threw him some black pants. he caught them and quickly put them on. Then he got up and thre Bella a shirt and some shorts. Bella turned toward us. "Okay...We're up. Thank you for that lovely awakening. Now what do you want?"
"Nothing my dear sister. We just wanted to show Charlie how we wake you guys up sometimes. Oh, and Jake was hungry. AND Nessie's probably getting up soon."
Bella glared at me, then turned to Charlie.
"So....What are you doing here Charlie? Not that I object, I'm just wondering." She had gotten her contacts in before Charlie had noticed anything.
"I was just coming over for a visit...then Emmett told me that him and Alice were going to go wake you guys up, and they said I should come...then Jake appeared out of nowhere from the kitchen and he joined us too." Charlie shifted his weight to his other foot.
"We're giving Charlie a walk-through of a day in the life of a Cullen." I said proudly, as Bella glared daggers at me.
Bella looked a little less annoyed. "Well Charlie, I warn you, our days have been pretty boring. They have been repeating themselves and they will continue to until we go to Dartmouth."
Thats what the story was. The whole family was moving to NEw Hampshire in about 6 months and Edward, Bella, and Alice were going to go to Dartmouth there. Charlie chose to ignore the fact that me, Rose,
and Jasper were supposed to be attending college out of the state...
"Thats okay Bells. What exactly do you guys do all day?" We did a lot of stuff...it just didn't seem like a lot to a human, because they don't have infinity to do it.
Bella stared into space for a couple of seconds then looked back. "I don't know. I guess we do whatever Renesmee wants to do." Thats right! Nessie always had something she wanted to do. Whether it was play outside or go to Disneyland, we would do it.
"Well I guess we should go back to the house then...I'll go get Ne- Renesmee." Edward said, barely catching his mess up... He slipped out of the room.
We went into the living room, and waited for Edward. He came down with Nessie still half-asleep latched onto his neck. It was still wierd associating Edward with father...especially since he was physically the youngest out of all of us. But Nessie was definetely his.
We walked back to the house, and by the time we got there Charlie was panting. We weren't even running...We went and sat down in he living room. Esme was sketching something in
her notebook.
"Oh! Hello Charlie! I didn't know you were her. Make yourself comfortable. Carlisle just went to work." She hurried about, fluffing pillows, and doing other "mom stuff".
"Thank you Esme. I came over to visit and Alice and Emmett took me to go wake up Bella and Edward." Esme threw a glance toward me and Alice.
Edward set Nessie down and looked at her. She had woken up by now. Jake sat right next to him.
"So Nessie, what do you want to do?" Jake asked. She thought about it for a second then pointed toward the piano. She knew she couldn't talk fluent sentences with Charlie around, and she couldn't use her gift either, so she settled for pointing and small sentences. Bella spoke up. "You want Daddy to play for you?"
She nodded vigorously. Esme got up. "I'm going to go make breakfast for anybody who wants it." Bella got up too. "I'll help!" They scurried off into the kitchen.
Edward picked up Nessie and walked over to the piano. "You play the piano Edward?" Charlie asked. I'm surprised he didn't already know.
"Yep." He said as he sat down with Nessie next to him. "Any requests?"
"Can you play Bella's Lullaby?" Alice chriped. That was her favorite song that Edward had composed. Edward smiled. "Of course." Charlie looked shocked.
"You wrote Bella her own song?"
I leaned my head to the side. "Isn't it just romantic?" I sighed, batting my eyelashes. Everyone laughed, and Rose glared at me. "Yeah Emmett, you should write song for me." Damn.
Jasper snickered. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen: Raising the standards for men all over America." That was our Edward. We never knew he would turn out to be the lovey dovey one.
Edward glared at me. Stay out of my head you freak! You know, Charlie shure doesn't know a lot of stuff about you. He nodded and rolled his eyes.
"When did you write it?" Charlie asked. I think he was expecting an answer like "Last year" or "A couple months ago".
"April 8th, in my car ,the day Bella passed out in in biology while they were blood typing." He said, without looking away from the keys. Alice started laughing and Bella came into the
room.
"Really? That's when you wrote it?" she asked, looking bewildered.
"Yep. Rememeber? I was in my car waiting out Biology when I saw Newton drag you onto the sidealk. I thought he had murdered you." He laughed without humour.
Bella grimaced and went back itno the kitchen.
Apparently, Charie went into cop mode. "You "waited out biology' Edward? So you ditched class?" Edward was in for it. Oh my god, was this fun or what?
Edward stopped playing for a second. He thought about something for a second.
"I faint at the sight of blood, so I skipped the bloodtyping." Edward looked embarased, probably because he had just admitted he faints like a girl when he sees blood to his father-in-law.
Charlie tried to hide a snicker.
A/N: This was originally going to be a one-shot. BUT It's not over, just because I have to stop typing. Like, right now. I'm not going to have this laptop for MONTHS AND MONTHS. So I have to submit this
right now. Right now. Remember to review! I might update faster.
And tell me any ideas you have about what situations the Cullens and Charlie will have to deal with. In a review please!