~The Next Step Forward~

Warning:
The following content is rated T for mature scenarios, and is not recommended
for readers under the age of twelve.

Disclaimer:
All content is intellectual property of Yuna Kagesaki and WOWOW.
The author: Rubedo, the Crystal Blood; claims ownership in no form,
and writes with full permission of the administrators of ff net.

My Hypothesis

"I just… don't understand…"

It was too much for her. She didn't want to watch it anymore. The image of Karin Maaka, trembling on her tiptoes with her arms reaching around the back of the larger Kenta Usui, lips parted wantonly, had been burned into Anju's mind. That sort of thing just seemed so vulgar. A person exposing themselves physically and emotionally like that: it made no sense. In such a state she could easily be taken advantage of in a number of ways. If it had been with anybody else, she, Anju would not have observed so quietly.

But she had been enough of a nuisance during the Zoo date. If anything, she owed Karin this moment of privacy, this strange delight that she seemed to derive from the human's presence. She just couldn't understand what there was to gain from having such a relationship with the Usui boy…

Regardless of Karin's faults, she was still a vampire. In fact, those abnormalities of hers made her a dangerous person to be in contact with. Kenta, who was by no means an idiot, probably realized the risk he was taking on by dating her sister. Why would he put his own life at risk to make Karin happy? Anju remembered, then, that Usui-san's presence was also a risk to Karin herself. Although he was happy now, it was his base temperament that had so many times put Karin at risk of discovery or injury. So their being together was riskier than their being apart. They might be unhappy without one another, but it would be far safer for the both of them if they were not allowed to be in such close contact.

As long as it's Usui-kun, everything will be okay… Ah…!

Anju jumped. She had forgotten to call back her familiars, even though she had ceased to monitor their activities. For the first time in her life, Anju placed a hand to her chest and squeezed. A coldness akin to loneliness seeped into her. She froze, trying to capture those impulses and make them tangible. But formless, they slipped through her fingers and disappeared. Emptiness… the coldness of being alone…

She was not unused to being left unattended for, in truth, she was never really alone. Most of the time, if Ren was off feeding with his women, she was in the company of her father and mother. But this feeling was a little different from before.

Why were humans afraid of being alone? She could say that she understood the logical reasons for humans to love each other. That logical understanding transferred over to vampires as well. The social rules were different, but the core reasoning was always the same. Boogie-kun had been right in telling her that she was too young to comprehend interpersonal relationships. Love was not logical, but for someone to come to that kind of understanding meant that it could be understood.

She would have to change the question. It was more like, "Why do hearts fear being alone?"

That raised another question. "What does the word 'heart' symbolize?"

By using the term "heart" to collectively refer to beings such as humans and vampires, who engage in relationships with the nature of "love," she was referring to the hidden piece, the understanding that she lacked to justify allowing her sister to experience happiness with a human. In other words, she didn't know what others meant by the word "heart."

Physically, the heart was an organ that pumped blood through the body. She could go over its structure, but that was irrelevant. It was not a physical heart she was exploring. So she had no leads, no point of origin. She was going around in circles trying to find a way to say that Karin's involvement with a human being was justifiable, somehow acceptable, without even knowing what really made it wrong.

In fact, she could counter all of her arguments. If it had not been for Karin, Kenta might not have been nearly as happy as he was now. Simple things like having a lunch to eat everyday at school or having a person willing to support him no matter how bad things got gave Karin a value to him. Anju understood values. To Karin's friend, Maki Tokito, the same bento lunch that Kenta would get every afternoon for lunch would not have the same value, because Maki could always buy a lunch for herself or make one at home. For someone like Kenta Usui, a boxed lunch was hard to obtain because the materials cost more money than he felt he was worth it, thereby increasing the value of a simple boxed lunch. Through the same reasoning, it was understandable as to why he could have such feelings for Karin.

Also, having a human as a friend helped Karin in her situation. She could be more independent and less of a burden to the rest of her family because of the boy. And Kenta was an honest, self-sacrificing type. He worked harder than anybody else to benefit other people before himself. Even though he suffered from poverty, he had an aversion to handouts because of his understanding of not having what was being offered to him. It wasn't that he was proud, but that he was honest. In fact it was that same reasoning that was letting Anju overlook the intimacy that her father, and even her mother would have strongly opposed.

Through those simple bonds, both Karin and Kenta had been able to convince themselves that the other person had a value beyond anything like a meal ticket or an emergency escape. It was that sense of co-dependency that gave them an excuse to connect.

So then, it was the connection of co-dependence that was a catalyst for love.

That meant that, for all relationships, regardless of how present "love was", there was a certain level of co-dependence: Each person had something to offer the other in such a way that both parties benefited. Knowing that values were different from person to person would also explain why love seemed irrational. By adding in the fact that different individuals had different needs, Anju realized, the part of relationships that was difficult to explain no longer needed definition. It was simply that it was better to enjoy as much as possible, than to make a beneficial exchange unbearable. It was more illogical to dislike a person for doing you a favor.

And yet, that still wasn't enough…

"Because, you and Karin are…"

She didn't know how to explain the difference in race. That was still a problem. Kenta Usui was a normal human being, and quite healthy at that. Yet, at most, his life might span only a hundred years, and that was being optimistic. It was true that one-hundred years could be a long period of time, but for vampires, who lived for centuries, it was only a fraction. Therefore, while a relationship with Karin might have a long term meaning for the Usui boy, for Karin it would comprise only a smaller part of her life.

Never mind racial disparity: loving Kenta Usui meant an almost certain future unhappiness for Karin. Could she really deal with that? The question was unanswerable, because Anju knew for certain that the problem had never crossed either of their minds.

Loving a human meant battling through hardship and sadness. If Karin could see what a future with Kenta might bring, would she still be able to expose her heart to him?

Anju's hand remained where it was. Beneath her palm she began to feel pain. "I'm not sure what frustrates me more," she murmured. "Not being able to understand love, or not being able to decide if what Karin is doing is okay." She decided that she would check on Karin and Kenta just to make sure that they were not going too far. "I think," she said, as she watched their silent and bashful figures huddled at the edge of the water, "That I want to know for myself what it's like…"