Hi. *waves timidly* If you don't already know me, I'm Lola. So. This is my first venture into the fanfic world of 'Bones.' (I've previously only written Greys Anatomy stuff…) Anyways, I'm so nervous. Almost nervous enough to vomit. And I don't know why. But anyways… here goes nothing (except my pride and my Bones fic virginity. ;] ). This is Angela/Jack centered, in 1st person – Angela POV. It's post 'Critic in the Cabernet'… I mostly wanted to extend on Jack's comments to Angela, and her feelings regarding his words. I can only hope I did it justice. Many, many thanks to Katie (wamzwrites) for reading and helping me out, and also to Apes () for ideas regarding the ending, and catching my grammar mistakes and/or typos. So… by all means, enjoy, and tell me what you think – if you love it, hate it, made you laugh, or was completely… awful… let me know. I promise I can take it. ;] XO, Lola PS. I guess here is where I post my disclaimer. I do not, nor will I ever, own 'BONES'. The characters [and borrowed quotes] are the property of Hart Hanson et al. I just have the DVDs. And a few episodes off of iTunes.
It's a big girl world now, … I'm so afraid of what you'll say I'd like to know if you'd be open ~ "Scratch" – Kendall Payne
Full of big girl things
And every day, I wish I was small
'Cause I've been counting on nothing
But he keeps giving me his word
And I'm tired of hearing myself speak
Do you get weary? Do you ever get weak?
How do you dream when you can't fall asleep?
To starting over from scratch
I'd like to know if you'd be open
To giving me a second chance
XOXOX
"We can't take anything for granted, can we?"
Jack's voice jars me from my fitful sleep. I must have fallen asleep in the waiting room, because Cam gives me a concerned look, and Sweets raises an eyebrow at me, while Jack snores softly beside me. My hand is wrapped in his, our fingers long and tangled, and mine are half-asleep. I sit up and carefully take my hand from Jack's – he doesn't even move – and stifle a yawn as I look around the room. It is long abandoned; we are the only four people that remain, still waiting for any news on Booth. The sun is gone; the black nighttime sky surrounds the hospital, contrasting sharply with the fluorescent lighting inside.
"What time is it?" I ask, my voice cracking slightly.
Sweets glances to his watch and sighs. "12:30."
"How long was I out?" I ask, wincing at my own question. Cam raises an eyebrow as I form my next sentence. "Not that it matters… I… uh… how's Booth?" I try again, hoping for a better response.
"We don't know." Cam clips her words slightly, and I can tell she's irritated. She hates not knowing – at work, with Michelle, and probably especially now with Booth, a friend, a colleague, an ex-boyfriend. She sighs.
Sweets softens. "Doctor Brennan hasn't reported back yet; we do know that he went in at about 9:15, so he should totally be in recovery by now."
"Oh," I say softly, silently glad that Sweets is so optimistic. Cam looks away from me, and Sweets stands up and paces some more, twiddling his thumbs, and clearly, the therapist is falling apart.
We fall into an uneasy silence. Sweets continues to pace, and it's grating on Cam's last nerves. She crosses her leg, uncrosses it, and re-crosses it again, all the while sending a death-glare toward Lance. A loud snore escapes Jack, not once, but twice. I sit in silence, staring straight ahead, trying not to think of … well, anything.
I hear Brennan before she comes into view. "Rebecca… calm down… statistically speaking, yes… no, no, I understand, it's late… but… I know," she says, and I know this is hard for her. Her voice waivers slightly, and she sounds as if she's fighting back tears again. "I know. But I think… Parker needs to be here tomorrow, first thing in the morning… I'm not asking, Rebecca…" Brennan stops and flips her phone shut. "She hung up on me," she says simply as Cam and Sweets finally notice her. Cam stands up, crossing her arms over her chest – always in defense mode- and Lance stops pacing. I nudge Jack in the chest, and he sits up quickly, sputtering and stumbling.
"Sweetie," I say softly as I stand up. She places her phone back in her pocket and crosses the hallways toward us. "How did it go?"
"The surgery went exceptionally well; they were able to excise the tumor," she said, releasing a deep breath. "He hasn't woken up yet; they think he's having an adverse reaction to the anesthetic…"
Sweets, as if taking a cue from Brennan, says, "I don't know what that means."
"None of us do," she replied, her lip quivering slightly as tears pool in her eyes. "We're very hopeful that, within the next twenty-four hours, he'll wake up," she says, pausing to take a deep breath. "You should all go home, get some sleep… Thank you for staying."
Lance nods in understanding and offers Brennan an awkward hug. He waits for Cam – who hesitates at first, but then relents, and leaves Brennan with instructions to call if anything, anything, changes – and they walk out together.
Brennan raises an eyebrow at me.
"Oh, no, I'm not going anywhere," I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Ange…"
"You need people here, too, Sweetie. Now go. You know you are the first person he'll want to see when he wakes up," I tell her, because it's the truth.
She looks surprised. "Angela…"
"Sweetie. Go. I'll be here if you need me," I reassure her, and she pulls me in for a tight hug. "Go," I say again as a single tear trickles down her cheek. She nods as she steps away from me, offering Jack a small wave, and turns away, walking quickly back toward Booth's room.
Silence quickly surrounds Jack and I, now that we are the two remaining people in the waiting room. He looks at me expectantly. "I'm not leaving either," he says softly.
"I didn't think you would," I reply, a little more flirtatiously than I would have liked, and my cheeks burn with embarrassment. He smiles at me, causing my heart to beat wildly, as we sit back down in our respective chairs. Reflexively, I reach out and hold his hand.
"Everything will be okay, Ange. Booth will be fine," he says reassuringly, raising my hand to his lips and placing two gentle kisses on my skin. I nod in response. "You know," Jack adds slowly, "I meant everything I said."
X
"Listen, Angela, we've been dancing around this for months now, like two pieces of neodymium caught in a magnetic field." "Is that good?" "Yeah. But if the field weakens, they fly apart." X "You know, I had a little dream about it last night." "Did you?" "Yeah. It ended well, too." "I'm sure it did…" "But you know what? You look better here." "Better than a dream? You're shameless…" X "I believe that if two people care enough for each other the rest of the world disappears to them. I feel that when I'm with you. I'm prepared to put you ahead of me for the rest of my life. Angela Montenegro, will you marry me?" "Dear man. Good heart. No." "Why? I didn't do it right again. But...how...Oh, you're not gonna tell me." "I don't know, Hodgins. If I knew, I would tell you. But when you ask me, I have to have this...this feeling. It has to be...I'll know it when it happens, and I hope you won't stop trying." X "But...you love me?" "More than you know." X "Yes. Yes. Let's get married." "No. No, no, no, this is- this is not a proposal." "I know. That's why I'm asking you." "Huh?" "What you said here... that we're enough... just this, no pressure for more... that's all that I ever wanted. Hodgins, say something." "You're insane." "Is that a yes?" "Absolutely!" X "Man, just when you think you know what's what. Man, we can't take anything for granted, can we?" "Why is it so easy to forget that?" "Ange, when we split, either one of us could've stopped it. It would've been easy." "I know." "It would be just as easy… to begin again."
X
"Which part, Hodgins?" I ask after a few long moments, the memories flooding my mind.
He hesitates. "All of it," he confirms, and I grin. "Look, all I know, Angela, is that we keep going back to one another, time after time…"
"Like neodymium."
Jack grins. "Exactly like neodymium. We can't weaken, Angela. I love you too much for that."
I rest my head on his shoulder. Neither of us is willing to speak for a moment. "Tell me what you're thinking," I say softly.
"I'm trying to think about us. What are we supposed to do? Pick up where we left off? Start over? Continue this weird limbo of 'are we friends, co-workers or lovers'?" he asks with a sigh, resting his chin on my head. "Tell me what to do."
"I think we should start over, from scratch, blank slate," I say, looking up into his eyes. His glance meets mine as he considers my words. After a few long moments of silence, I sit up and turn to face him. "Hello?" I ask him as my heart pounds, nervous that I said the wrong thing.
He smiles. "Hello. Doctor Jack Hodgins," he says as he extends his right hand out to me.
I shake his hand, roll my eyes and say, "Angela Montenegro."
His eyes sparkle in the fluorescent waiting room lights, and he grins at me again before placing a gentle kiss on my cheek. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me closer to him, and I rest my head on his shoulder, the thoughts inside my mind sending my head spinning.
"Just when you think you know what's what." How will we start over? Is it possible? Are we strong enough to do that? What if it were Jack that had the brain tumor? What would I do? What if Booth doesn't wake up? What if he does? Will he know who he is? Will he know Parker? Will he know Brennan? Will he have a new lease on life? Will she? Will they be honest with their feelings for one another? Will Booth tell her how he really feels? Will Dr. Brennan… Temperance… my best friend… 'his Bones' be honest with herself? For once? How will they react? Can they still be partners? Can they start over from scratch? Like Jack and I? "We can't take anything for granted, can we?"
"You're quiet," Jack murmurs as he kisses my head softly.
"Just thinking," I reply. "All of this is so… surreal," I add, motioning with my hand. "And I think you're absolutely right – we can't take anything for granted, they… can't take anything for granted."
"Brennan and Booth?"
"Yes," I reply as I sit up again. "It's just, you know how he feels about her. You can see it. And she, whether or not she's willing to admit it…" my voice trails, and Jack nods. "Maybe this can be a way for them to start over, too," I offer.
"Maybe," he confirms. "They'll just have to take it one day at a time, like we will."
"You think they can start over?" I ask skeptically. "Just like that?"
"Just like that," he repeats, snapping his fingers the moment he says 'that.'
"That easy, huh?"
"Everything's easy, Ange," Jack says softly. "You just have to break it down into the simplest form, like we do in the lab every single day, and start from there. You start from the ground up, because that's the only way to do it right, to build that foundation, you know?"
I take a moment to consider his words. I nod and smile, and he pulls me closer to him once again. I lean up and offer him a lingering kiss before returning my head to his shoulder, and I place my right hand over his heart. I can feel it beating, and somehow, my heart synchronizes with his (even if it is only in my head). And it is in that peaceful moment, the darkest part of the night before dawn, that I know that everything between all of us – me, Jack, Brennan, Booth, Cam, Sweets – we'd all come out of this better and stronger, with a new outlook on life, and not taking another thing for granted for a moment longer.