Not a Joke

By: Hitokiri Musei

Rated: K+

Summary: Mikey liked to play pranks; but this time it was no joke. Raph had to sit and watch his baby brother die. Brotherly love and character death.

Warnings: There is death. This is something I came up with after watching the episode "The Shredder Strikes, Part 2." I hope you enjoy it!

I don't own TMNT. I cry.

Mikey always loved to play pranks.

It never ceased to make me wonder about him when he would make jokes out of every sort of situation, no matter how bleak it may seem. We could be in the middle of a huge group of ninjas, facing down our doom, and he could still bust out some sort of a joke or even a prank.

He'd managed to con me into believing things that I would normally scoff at, such as the first time we faced the Shredder and he had made me believe that he was hurt seriously. At that time, I had felt my heart leap into my throat, my stomach clench, and my mind screech to a halt. But in the end it had been a prank, just Mikey being Mikey.

But this time…

This time it wasn't a joke.

"R-Raph?"

His voice was soft, choked, watery sounding. I knew that he was slowly drowning in his own blood, the gurgling sounds filling my ears as I helplessly listened to him struggle for each breath.

It had been a regular night "out on the town" so to speak, we had been racing through the rooftops, just Mikey and I thrilling in the freedom of flying through the cool night air. Then we had spotted several Purple Dragons below, in some kind a fight with what looked like a different gang. At first we were content to watch them get the shell beaten out of them, but then we had noticed something; two small forms huddling beside a dumpster.

Children. Two helpless kids, caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, and now caught between the feuding blades of these punks. Anger had flared, and I had leapt into the fray without thinking, Mikey just behind me.

The fight had passed in a blur, but the sound of Mikey's pained grunt had made me look up, my eyes connecting with his as he stared at me with terrified blue eyes.

I now had all of our pads clustered around the knife hilt protruding from his stomach, our belts and bandanas close at hand to replace them when the blood had become too much. Already I could feel dampness seeping through them, soaking my already stained hands. I wanted to pull the knife out, but I knew that it would only worsen the wound. I had dragged him away from the battle, carrying him in my arms to the rooftops, trying to do something.

But now I could do nothing more than watch helplessly as my baby brother died in my arms. Nothing other than wait and pray that Donny would make it here before that happened.

"Hold on Mikey…. You're too stubborn to give in to this… Just stay with me…" I murmured, my voice low and frantic as I pressed at the padding around the knife, trying to stop the blood.

I had him turned on his side, his head resting in my lap for what little comfort it could offer him. I hoped that by having him on his side like that I would help ease his breathing, keeping him from breathing in the blood that was traveling up his throat. I didn't know how much it was actually helping, but my shocked mind bade me to do what little I knew how.

I wished valiantly at this point that I had paid more attention to Donny whenever he would give us little lessons about field medical assistance. Our brainy brother had known that one day we would get into trouble and he wouldn't be there to help, but I had been an idiot and not paid attention to something that could possibly have been useful right now. I cursed myself silently, my eyes flying back to Mikey's face as he coughed wetly, blood leaking down his cheek.

"Raph…"

A whisper now, his voice barely strong enough for me to hear above the pounding of my own heart. I swallowed thickly, my voice choked with emotion I refused to acknowledge as I spoke. "I'm here, Mikey."

My hand was trailing over Mikey's cool skin, a burning ache building behind my eyes as I tried valiantly to push it away. Mikey swallowed slowly, his foggy blue eyes moving to look up at me. "I'm s-sorry, Raph. I-I should h-have been more c-careful…"

I shook my head sharply. "No! It's my fault, Mikey. I shouldn't have been so stupid as to not watch your back. I'm the big brother here; I'm supposed to take care of you."

I blinked as Mikey chuckled faintly, blood bubbling at the corner of his lips. "Not y-your fault Raphie…"

I felt my heart wrench as the old nickname slipped from his lips.

"I-I'm just an i-idi…" his sentence faded off into heavy coughs, more blood trickling from both corners of his lips.

I shook my head roughly, my hand trailing across the cool skin of his head. He absently pushed his skull into my touch, a smile lingering on his bloody lips. "No…" I murmured. "You're not an idiot, Mikey. You never were."

He sighed faintly, closing his eyes and tilting his head to the side, resting his temple lightly against my plastron. I listened to his struggling breaths for a few more moments, wincing every time he coughed. I automatically wiped away the blood leaking from his lips, though it would do no good.

"R-Raphie?"

His voice startled me out of my shocked state, and I looked into lost and clouded blue eyes.

"R-Raphie, where are y-you?"

My heart clenched as though a strong hand had wrapped around it and squeezed tightly. I swallowed thickly before I was able to speak, but my voice still came out choked and thick. "I'm right here, Mikey."

A cold hand groped for mine, and I held his hand tightly, as though the touch could hold my baby brother in the world with me. I knew that he was fading, and that even if Donny and Leo got here now, I was going to lose Mikey.

"I'm so c-cold, Raphie…"

"Shh…" I whispered, my voice shaking as I lowered my head, my body trembling. I felt wetness on my cheeks, and I watched as it dripped down to hit my brother's upturned face. I hadn't cried since I was young, but I was helpless to stop the tears from pouring out. "It's gonna be okay, Mikey, I'm here. Big brother's gonna look after you."

He smiled again, closing his eyes. It was a long, heart-stopping moment before they opened again. "I'm t-tired. Is it okay if I sleep?"

The hand around my heart tightened. I knew that in some distant part of his mind, Mikey was asking me for permission. He wanted my approval, to know that it was okay with me.

He was asking my permission to die.

My shaking fingers stroked across his forehead, my hand squeezing his. I opened my mouth, but the words just wouldn't come. Swallowing, I tried again, leaning down to rub my beak against Mikey's temple. "I love you…" I whispered. "I know I don't say it, but I love you, bro."

Mikey's smile was wide enough for me to feel against my cheek. "Love you t-too…"

"It's okay, Mikey." I forced out, the words leaving me feeling oddly light and empty. "I'll tell the others…" I swallowed, and then pressed my lips to his forehead, shaking, terrified. My tears fell on his face, trailing across his cold skin. "It's okay to let go."

"I can sleep now?"

I nodded, stroking his head with all the tenderness and love that I had. When I spoke my voice was choked with tears, and I could barely squeeze out the words. "Go to sleep, little brother. I'll watch over you."

At that Mikey chuckled faintly, his clouded, sightless blue eyes sliding closed. "No, R-Raphie. It's my turn… to watch over… you…"

And then he was gone.

I gathered my baby brother to my plastron, clutching him to me. I was silent for only a moment, and then a gut-wrenching sob pulled its way from my body, pulling from deep within my chest and stomach. I buried my face against Mikey's cold throat and allowed my sorrow to flow, holding his body to my chest while I sobbed as though my life depended on it.

"R-Raph?"

Startled out of my sadness, I reacted with my gut; violence. I was instantly on my feet, fists up and a snarl thundering in my throat and my body tensed to fight, ready to defend the body of my brother, my most precious person.

"Raph, easy!"

Leonardo's steady voice pierced my panic like a knife, the calm in him seeping into my muscles until I slowly began to relax. I focused on my brothers, my eyes meeting first the worried chocolate gaze of my older brother, and then turning to meet the questioning and scared hazel eyes of my younger.

Donny opened his mouth, looking at me, and then his eyes flickered to the form crumpled behind my legs. He cut himself off, his eyes widening and his body tensing. "Mikey!"

"He's gone." I murmured, my voice soft and full of finality.

I watched Donny's shoulder sink, and then he moved forward. I moved aside for him, watching as he fell to his knees beside the youngest of us, his hands automatically reaching for his pulse, the pulse of the heart that no longer beat.

"No…" Donny moaned. "No, no, no…"

I could no longer keep my eyes on him as I watched my gentle, quiet brother collapse over the still form of Mikey, draping himself over Mikey's shell and sobbing. I turned away, guilt flowing through my body.

"Raph…"

Leo's voice shook, but he stood tall, the pillar in our slowly collapsing structure. "Raph, are you okay?"

The rage that I held inside could no longer stay there; I whirled on my calm brother, anger flaring in me even as the tears continued to fall down my face. "What do you think, Leo?.! My baby brother is lying there, DEAD! Because of ME! Because I'm too weak to protect him, too stupid to watch what I'm doing and not rush into anything! Mikey is dead, and it's all… my fault!"

The more I spoke, the more my voice deteriorated, and at the end of my speech tears had started pouring down my face, soaking my bandana. I fell to my knees, covering my face in embarrassment and shame, trying to hide them from the world.

A moment later warm, strong arms wrapped around my shaking body, drawing me up to a warm plastron. I didn't resist the touch, curling into Leo's embrace and burying my face in his throat, the sobs wrenching from my body no matter how much I tried to hold them back. Leo held me close, and I could feel the steady drop of his tears against my shoulder, even as he tried to sooth my own.

Mikey… Mikey, I'm so sorry…