Title: No Regrets

Slightly AU

This is a Raven/RedX fic. There might be a Rob/ Rae/X triangle but I am not sure yet.

Disclaimer: I don't own teen titans

Chapter 1

Regrets.

To have a regret is a strange thing... you ponder about them, wonder why you made such decisions in the first place. At the time, one never thinks of the consequences, of what might happen if your strange thoughts are carried out...or acted upon.

Regrets don't just involve you...they often drag in everyone around you, they destroy friendships and in my strange case, created new ones. Don't be deceived, although you gain something at first ...the cards will go crashing down eventually.

My name is Raven, and yes, I too, have regrets.

I have done terrible things...things that deem me unworthy to be on the Titans team or to even to be called a hero. I have saved and rescued many people. The town looks up to me, they respect and adore me.

But they cannot see the darkness...the bad things I have done. They cannot see my regrets.

I will tell you my regrets...I will show you all of the terrible things I have done. My story is long, tedious and confusing. It is not my wish to bore you with my tale, nor is it my intention to confuse and baffle you.

You must understand, life can be hectic, life can be full of surprises. Life often starts at one place of the highway but somewhere down the middle, you find your self at the center of oncoming traffic.

That is simply life, my friends. Mine is no different.

I will strive however, to tell you everything...as best as I can. I will strive to show you that a regret is something you shouldn't hold on to forever. Regrets have a way of building up, of tearing people apart. My crazy life bears testament to this.

I will tell you about all the bad things I have done...these terrible regrets that I keep mentioning. I will also tell you of my biggest mistake...falling in love with Robin's greatest enemy.

We will begin my story about three years or so back on a warm and strangely depressing Valentines Day...

oOoOo

February 14.

Valentines.

A day that was supposed to be filled with happiness and love. A day in which all the lovey-dovey couples found new ways to express their feelings. It was a day to be thankful for that love, and to look down on those who had none.

Such were the thoughts that floated through the sorceress' idle mind as she watched Beastboy from the shadows. Of course he would feel that way. With Starfire filling the tower with red hearts and glittering confetti, and having smooching sessions with the Boy Wonder on the couch, anyone would find reason to be envious. Starfire had a boyfriend, Starfire had love. Beastboy did not.

Neither did Raven, for that matter. Her situation was slightly complicated. Still, she couldn't help feeling that familiar pang of sorrow in her chest as she looked at Beastboy. Unlike herself, the shape-shifter had a reason to be sad.

It was Terra. Always Terra. She was the only one to affect Beastboy in such a manner. Raven often wondered if the earth-bender was worth it. Beastboy probably felt like she was...and maybe, just maybe Raven could solve his problem.

She decided this one morning after encountering the shape-shifter staring gloomily at the fog covered city. Raven could sense the yearning emotions that rolled off him in waves. She wondered whether to feel repulsed or awed. Maybe a combination of both?

"What if I told you that there is a way of bringing her back. What would you say?" The sorceress posed this question, feeling slightly curious and apprehensive. She didn't want to flat-out admit it. Saying and doing are completely different things after all.

Admitting that she had the power to capture lost souls would no doubt unleash his wrath and displeasure. She wanted to be sure that the stone statue could actually be restored to flesh and bone first. And to do that...well both Beastboy and Robin wouldn't be pleased with her methods either.

"I probably wouldn't believe you... Is there a way to bring her back?" Despair had tinged his voice and it was understandable. All the other attempts to bring her back to life were complete failures. So why should this one be any different?

Still, the glimmer of hope was there...Raven saw it, shining dully, but nonetheless, still there. It had sparked a strange sense of gladness in Raven's heart. Feeling confident, she continued to explain her rather flawed theory.

The explanation that Terra's soul was, not in hell, but rather lost, drifting, if you will. Terra had probably been unable to let go of all that transpired. The feelings of regret that had probably trapped her in limbo. Of course, the shape-shifter didn't really understand. It was probably too much to grasp at once.

The fact that the girl of his dreams was somehow still here...but not in flesh. The idea that Terra's soul was still in the land of the living, hanging on to past regrets and unresolved business. Or maybe the realization that Raven had been able to sense and know about these facts for a while now.

Raven could understand, even sympathize. That day, Raven had drawn the shape-shifter into an embrace, trying to comfort and calm him. She remembered the sound of the city below them, rushing cars, honking horns, squealing tires and the steady thumping of Beastboy's heart.

That day was still vivid in her mind. The way the clouds looked, almost like a downpour would occur at any minute, and the grey shitty ocean. The tilled brick of the Tower balcony, the scuff marks on her old, worn Converse. The bitter taste of Robin's jealousy.

Robin's jealousy... time and time again Raven had been confronted with this jealousy. On a team outing with Aqualad, a beach volleyball game with Speedy, the night she came home after clubbing with Alaric, the goth kid from a while back.

Why did he insist on this unfair torment? Shouldn't it be she, the mere 'fuck-buddy', that should be jealous? Why was he trying to make it seem like she was the evil one?

Yes, Raven remembered that day. The day she finally had enough of Robin's antics. The day the restlessness began.

The day her life slowly hastened to decay.

oOoOo

Secrets.

Everyone had them. Small and meaningless or huge and life-threatening. Meaningless, harmless truths like who took the cookie from the cookie jar, or destructive, harmful knowledge, like Batman's identity. Raven had a couple secrets of her own...most of which, were of the life-threatening variety.

The problem with secrets is that they tend to pile up, concealing one sin after another, like a stack of cards. It only takes a small gust of wind to topple them. And with exposed secrets, comes fear, anger, and regret. Regret for even hiding the secrets.

Regret for not being careful enough in hiding them. Regret for having your hidden mistakes exposed. Regret for hurting someone else. Had Raven known all this she wouldn't have tried hiding her alcohol problem.

She wouldn't have bothered to blackmail Cyborg like she did. Cause if she gets taken down...he would now go with her. Funny how no one thinks of the consequences until they are caught. Was that merely human nature? Or was she just thinking too much on the issue?

Why did she have to go and get herself wasted? The cybernetic wasn't the only one asking this question. The sorceress moaned quietly, after hearing the dull thunk of her friend's metal feet on the floor. Raven sat up and promptly clutched frantically at her head. The floor was spinning, the room was going round and round. The queasy churn of Raven's stomach sent bile into her mouth.

Why did she go and get wasted? Was this all to drinking alcohol? Where was the 'thrill', the 'freedom' , the 'release'? What had happened? The flashbacks came soon enough, along with a piercing headeache. The sorceress groaned again. Cyborg's angry face loomed before her suddenly. "Oh shit." Then his booming voice split her eardrums.

"YOU SNEAK OUT THE TOWER, GET WASTED, AND ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS OH SHIT!"

Raven cringed, and clamped a sweaty palm over the man's mouth, stopping him from continuing his rant. "Keep it down tin head. I don't want Robin finding out." Robin finding out. What would that be like? Would he rant and rave like a mad man? Or would he silently and calmly ship her away to a rehab clinic?

Raven didn't want to know. She didn't need Robin breathing down her back...Cyborg would have to be silent. It was the only way. "Don't tell him... or Bee will 'find out' about you and Jinx."

Cyborg sputtered. "Bu-Ho- How did you know?"

"Cause me and Jinx are friends now. After that party...How bout we make a deal? You keep quiet and I will. Deal?" Raven wondered how menacing she sounded when drunk. Did she come of as scary, intimidating and frightful? Nah, it had to be closer to acting insane.

"Cyborg... I think I'm in love." Wait, what did she just say? Why was her mouth moving on her own?

"What?"

"I was at the bar and this guy sat next to me. I don't remember what we talked about or what he looked like but.. his eyes... so warm and bright."Stop. Stop moving, mouth! You weren't given permission to speak!

"Almost... like... he was a vampire... I was going to leave... I think... and... I remember falling and..." Don't. Don't say it. No more talking, just shut up! "Oh my god he brought me back!" Damn it! Stupid alcohol! Stupid mouth!

"He-he was in the Tower?"

The last thing the sorceress remembered was Cyborg's surprised voice.

oOoOo

Raven continued walking down the streets of the crowded city, ignoring the crowds of people jostling her around. Raven despised crowds. The selfish pushing people, the intimidating lack of breathing space, the jumbled emotions and auras...Raven really hated crowds.

At birth, Raven had been isolated, shut away in a tower with her mother and the High Priestess. Those two faces; one young and anxious, the other aged and solemn were all she had ever known. It wasn't till her third birthday that Raven set foot in the 'outside' world. That day was one Raven would never forget.

The warm, humid summer had frizzed her short, bouncy hair, ruining the perfect set of pig-tails. The summer dress was a soft, royal blue color matching the string of beads currently resting against her slender neck and in her small scrunched mouth.

Raven had been barefoot that day, and the feel of the earth as it cooled her warm, tiny toes remained etched in her memory. As did the judging eyes, apprehensive emotions and the auras of contempt. It wasn't the first time feeling emotions that weren't her own...Raven had often felt her mother's sadness and disappointment, as well as the priestess' hopeful and caring feelings.

Too many people, too many emotions and thoughts ran through the poor three year old's mind. Thoughts that made no sense. What was 'the bridge'? What was a 'festival, a 'temple' and 'death'? Who was this 'daughter of Trigon' everyone were afraid of? Why did they want her 'dead'? What did it mean, to be 'dead'? It had been a living nightmare...one that still plagued Raven to this day.

A sigh escaped tired pursed lips and the Titan stared at the entrance to the Jump City Memorial Park. Why did Malchior want to meet here? Why couldn't they have met at a coffee shop or at the Steak & Shake? At least then she could have gotten some food. Raven sat down on one of the shaded park benches and turned on her Ipod. Sometimes, Raven didn't know if she could live without her Ipod.

All her favorite songs were there, from her strange obsession of Jesse McCartney to her fetish for rap and hip-hop. Raven would never admit to being a hopeless romantic...at least not in person. Her Ipod answered that question. 'Sappy' love songs permeated her playlists.

Yes, Raven, the Ice Queen, was a hopeless romantic. The kind that would secretly swoon at Enrique Iglesias' voice and melt at the lyrics of the Plain White T's songs. Jason Mraz, with his soulful voice and skill with the guitar had also captured a place in her hidden heart.

So engrossed was the Titan that she almost missed the sensation of that familiar aura washing over and pulling the sorceress from the sanctuary of her mind. Reveling in the warm, blanketing sensation, Raven turned off her Ipod slowly and glanced up, peering into icy blue eyes. "Malchior." Her voice came out in a whisper, almost as if she was afraid.

Strong arms wrapped around the Titan and the man buried his face in the crook of her neck, softly kissing and licking her bare flesh. "Raven." Malchior's deep husky voice sent shivers down her spine. Raven's mind spun, trying to deny the urges growing in her mind. She had to stay in control. Her pride was at stake here. How would she look, coming on to him like a tactless woman? She needed to curb her lust.

Raven pulled away from him, pointedly ignoring the surprised and perhaps hurt look in the man's icy eyes. She never knew that Malchior could look that way. Seriously, though, a hurt look just didn't seem right on him. "Malchior we cannot... I only asked you because you were the only one that could help me. Do not make this any harder on me."

Malchior sighed. "Very well then. Shall we be off?" He stood grasping the sorceress' hand and gently helping her up. "So my fair maiden, exactly where are we headed?"

"Just follow me." Raven began to walk along the pathway that lead to the outside of the park. The two walked in silence, neither wanting to dispell the comforting peace of the evening. So they walked on in silence, hand in hand; no doubt looking like a loving couple on a leisurely stroll. Raven wearing a pair of dark wash jeans, worn leather flats and a red loose silk top, Malchior in grey cargoes, combat boots and a fitted tee shirt.

They exited the park, making their way toward the edge of town. Jump City's outskirts was a place that Raven didn't need to go to often. Or want to visit. The dull and empty warehouses and factories that littered the area seemed so creepy, especially at night. They reminded her too much of Slade...and Robin's obsessions. A lot of them were also underground...and who would want to make a regular trip to a dank musty place like that?

"I need your help with something that requires magic. I don't know if I could do it alone and you were the only person I could think of." She hoped her voice didn't come off as begging. Raven never begged. Her pride wouldn't allow it. Nor would her selfish upbringing permit the teen to bend her knees. Raven always got what she wanted...wasn't that how she defeated her father?

"And what is this 'something'?" Malchior's smooth suave voice was tinged with suspicion...and who would blame him? After all it was Raven that used HIS spell to lock him back up. And whose to say she didn't let him out again, this time for revenge?

Raven took his hand and they ducked into an alley. She then teleported underground, ignoring the musty smell and the dripping of the drainage systems. Really, why did she wear decide flats today? A pair of sneakers would have made more sense. And the smell? Raven could only pray the scent didn't enter her clothing. She had spent a pretty penny on these jeans.

But who cared about jeans when there was Beastboy's happiness at stake? At a time like this, Raven should be thinking about how to revive the stone statue, not about her clothes. The titan cleared her throat, glancing back at Malchior with uncertainty.

"I need you to help me bring Terra back to life."

Review!

~heartless16