I know I said 2 weeks :S but hey its not 7 months right? *hangs head in shame* Planning to have the next out soon. Hope this was worth the wait!

Chapter 11

Despite the numbness in his fingers and the biting wind whipping through his practice gear, James clutched his broom handle tighter, increasing his speed until the stands blurred and he had to bank sharply to avoid the goalposts he was lapping.

He'd worked the team hard tonight, frustration and the mental roadblock he seemed to have hit spurring him to stay in the air as long as possible. Even as true November darkness had fallen around them, the huge torches on the pitch lighting for them and his team trooping exhausted into the changing rooms, James had simply kicked back off the ground; ignoring Sirius' query of him coming along to raid the kitchens.

Yes, he knew he was acting like a surly git, but he really couldn't help it.

He was at a complete loss now. Lily clearly wasn't interested in whatever in Merlin's name had seemed to be developing between them anymore. She'd avoided him with mumbled excuses and he could practically see her dainty feet twitching in protest when she did actually have to stay and talk to him: the biggest advantage to being Head Boy so far in his book.

The freezing wind made his bones begin to ache and he slowed his run, choosing instead to attempt the most aerodynamically challenging drills he knew. G-forces pulled at his body, inside and out, causing that wonderfully thrilling swoop in his gut.

The same feeling Lily caused in him.

"BLOODY HELL!"

James pulled to an abrupt stop, breathing heavily, heart hammering. Resting his head down on his broom handle and hovering in midair, he fought against the frustration, anger, disappointment and despair eating through him like a corrosive cocktail. The wind was picking up, causing him to weave about as he was buffeted seemingly from all sides.

What could he do now?

Did he even want to do anything anymore?

Merlin he never thought he'd ask himself that question.

Was Lily Evans worth all this turmoil?

As soon as he'd asked the question, he had the urge to smack himself. Banging his forehead lightly on his broom, he sat up straight, blowing out a long breath. It had cropped up in his mind before, especially in fifth year, when it seemed inevitable that she and Snape-

Best not think of that.

But he'd never allowed himself to fully comprehend the idea until just now. The thought of simply giving up had crossed his mind many a time over the three years of pursuing her too; one glimpse of her the next day removed any thoughts of that from his head.

To him she was a siren. A Veela walking through his daily life. And just like with a Veela, what he felt was one thing; infatuation.

Not the 'L' word.

James cared deeply for Lily. If she was unhappy, he wanted to make her smile. If she was struggling, he wanted to help. If she was happy, Merlin help him, he wanted to share in that with her. But he couldn't say he was in love with Lily, purely because of what love entailed.

Love meant knowing someone inside and out, all their good, all their bad. While he knew a lot about Lily, he didn't know all of her. He didn't know how she was first thing in the morning (at least not until they'd slept on that sofa) he didn't know her deepest fears or insecurities or what she felt truly passionate about. When they'd become closer he'd resolved to learn all those things. Already he knew his feelings were deepening since she'd opened up about her sister. If he'd been smitten before, he was in trouble now.

Now that she seemed to be pulling away again, James had the instinctive urge to grab her and never let go. Perhaps that would be his next plan. A rigged broom closet?

He sighed, frustrated at what this girl could reduce him to. Devious thoughts worthy of slimy Slytherins.

No more, he vowed. Lily didn't want him, he wouldn't pander her any longer. Time to bow out-

A piercing whistle popped his bubble of thought, carrying on the high winds. James looked down, heart leaping into his throat when he saw a gleam of copper in the torch-lit stands.

And while he reminded himself not to get his hopes up, as he flew over to her James was just incredibly relieved to see Lily smiling.

"Impressive whistle Evans," he said, dismounting.

Lily seemed more at ease with his presence today than she had been since they'd fallen asleep together nearly two weeks ago. Her hands still fluttered around nervously in her lap though.

"My Mum taught me," she said with a wistful look on the face. "My Dad insisted on a family trip to a football match to 'educate' Petunia and I. He couldn't whistle for toffee! The huffy look on his face when my Mum taught us how to do it was priceless."

The way she giggled made an involuntary smile stretch onto James' face, but he felt confused as to her sudden mood change around him. After a moment Lily sobered and James found himself pinned under those intense green eyes.

"You were really pushing it in the air before."

You know why too, he thought. Uncomfortable, but slightly pleased that she'd obviously been watching him, James shrugged in what he hoped was a casual way.

"Got to push it every now and again to get better."

Lying to her felt beyond awful, but he couldn't bring himself to make her feel guilty as the reason for his bad mood. There was no fooling her though as it turned out, because her eyes softened, making him shift nervously.

"I'm sorry," she said, chewing her lower lip. "I know I've been quiet this week. I've just been-"

"Forget it."

In all honesty, James didn't want to hear why she'd been so keen to avoid him. Actually, he didn't really feel up to having this conversation with her right now. His head was full of unpleasant thoughts, swirling around and making him feel even more drained standing still than when he had been in the air. Having her sitting in front of him, her eyes bright and intense just made his stomach clench with feeling. And right now, while he was trying to come to terms with this compulsion to make her his, having her near him was too much. Goosebumps rose on his arms and he focused on a spot above Lily's head.

"It's cold. You should probably head back to the castle. I'm going for a shower."

Even though he wasn't looking at her, James knew her mouth had dropped open.

"What? I mean, I was hoping we could talk-"

"I'm knackered Evans," he said, turning away. "I'll see you later. Go back inside, don't want you getting ill."

Striding off towards the changing rooms, James felt the first drops of freezing rain hitting his neck.

Good. Suited his mood perfectly.

o*o*o

Numbing rain soaked all the way through Lily's hair, trickling down the her neck and in her clothes. She sat staring out through the lashing water, bouncing on the Quidditch pitch and creating a loud roar of sound around her. She felt anything but numb.

Furious was a far cry from numb.

How dare James just dismiss her like that! And after she was apologising for her behaviour too! When Lily had pushed aside her own fear to come and speak to him, to open herself to him in a way that frightened her to death, what had he done?

All but sent her away like she didn't even matter to him.

Fucking Potter made her fall for him; then the wanker walked away from her.

Rage bubbling like acid in her stomach, Lily's whole body shook, though she was uncertain if it was from the cold or the anger. She didn't think twice, her brain had completely clicked off to rational thought. Storming from the stands, she marched straight for the changing room, punching the door open with a wet sounding smack.

For a second she caught a glance of James looking almost despondent. By the softer lighting in the changing room he sat shirtless, on a bench, elbows on his knees, hunched with his head down and clutching his wet, black hair in a death grip. He jumped up though, when the door opened so abruptly.

"Merlin are you trying to kill me?" he choked.

Apparently James then noticed the glare she was giving him, crossing his arms over his chest in defiance.

Not before he tossed her a towel though.

Lily clutched it tightly in her hand, feeling the temperature settle to moderate as the door swung shut behind her. Several deep breaths of musty, sweat and dirt filled air helped to calm her slightly... but then...

"What do you want?"

Snap.

With all her might, Lily threw the towel back at him, grabbing the next nearest thing to throw; a Quaffle sitting on a shelf by her head. Followed by a pair of brown leather shin guards abandoned on a bench to her left. Each item glanced off James' body, making a satisfying clang when they hit the metal lockers behind him.

"Ow- Lily! What the fuck are you doing?" James bellowed, arms up to protect himself from her onslaught.

"You're such a bloody git!"

A lone lace up Quidditch boot came to hand, but James had marched over to her by this point. Still seeing red, Lily hit him with it several times before he managed to pin her arms behind her.

"You don't get to walk away from me, Potter," Lily spat, feeling her cheeks burn.

"You hypocrite!" shot James, making her breath hitch. "Isn't that what you've been doing lately? Running away. You don't get to tell me what to do, Evans."

Struggling against his hold, Lily's wrists began to throb as he held on tighter.

"Let go!" she spat.

"So you can hit me some more? Or run again?" James asked sarcastically.

"You were the one who told me to go away!" she answered.

"And you bloody didn't, did you?" he said, teeth gritted. "I let you have time when you need it, why can't you give it to me? Do you like tormenting me?"

"I came to apologise!" Lily raged, struggling harder. "How was I tormenting you? Do you think I was proud of being frightened about speaking to you?"

Instantly James' eyes softened. Lily felt herself blush and avoided his gaze at all costs.

"Why were you frightened?"

She squirmed, keeping her feet planted. James stooped, his hazel eyes searching, trying to make her look at him.

"Lily? Did I –"

"It wasn't anything you did," she promised, finding her voice. The distress behind even those few words made her swallow a lump in her throat. "I was, I got scared. Not of you. Of - er of... bloody hell why was this easier with Sirius?"

"You spoke to Sirius?" James asked with a touch of surprise.

Lily scoffed. "After a slight interrogation. He's very protective of you."

Despite the fact that James had loosened his grip somewhat, and there was less anger in the air, Lily looked up at him seriously.

"I'm still annoyed with you."

James shrugged. "What else is new? I'm still annoyed with you too."

Nodding, Lily chewed on her lip for a moment, debating upon how to tell him what was bothering her. She was wholly aware that telling him this would make it plain how she felt about him now. Hopefully he'd appreciate how important this was to her.

"I don't tell people things," Lily said eventually. 'Not even Alice. She only knows things because she reads me really well. And I'm not a very good liar when it comes to important things. I try my very best not to rely on others. Because, well because in my experience you can only rely on yourself... people don't tend to stick around."

Silence stretched for a moment.

"You think I'm not going to stick around?" James asked softly.

Uncomfortable, Lily shrugged.

"I don't know. But it isn't really that which is scaring me. I meant what I said in the common room. I feel comfortable with you. It was only after I'd told you about Petunia that I realised... I want tell you anything. I want to rely on you. And that... that terrifies me."

After several, long, tense moments, James stooped, cupping Lily's jaw and tilting her face to look at him.

"Next time," he said seriously. "Will you just tell me? I doubt I'd survive another attack with a boot."

o*o*o

When Lily let out a laugh she couldn't seem to help, James mentally patted himself on the back.

He should've known what was bothering her. Of course she'd be apprehensive about their changing relationship. After the years of teasing he'd inflicted upon her, his hounding of her in later years, not to mention the addition of her sisters attitude, her Mother's untimely death and her best friend aligning himself with others wanting her expelled from this way of life; it was a wonder she let anyone in.

A dainty, cold hand on his arm snapped him from his train of thought.

"Sorry," Lily mumbled, her hand rubbing a red patch left by her outburst. James shrugged, staring at her.

"Lily, I would never –" James began.

"Not intentionally," Lily cut across. "But everyone knows how volatile our society is right now. And I'm –"

"You're Lily," interrupted James fiercely. "Don't let them make you think of yourself as anything but who you are. You're a witch, end of."

A slight smile pulled at her lips. This would normally have James transfixed and his brain running away with itself, but this was crucial. For now, the man in him was overruling the teenager.

"I am," she agreed, looking at a spot over his shoulder. "But I know you want to fight. So do I. But what if –"

"What if we spend our lives in fear of what might happen? That's not living Lily."

Now she threw him a glare.

"Will you stop interrupting me? It's annoying. And you're putting me off."

"You started it."

Lily huffed, pulling her other arm free and dropping the boot she still held to the floor with a thump that echoed through the empty room. Watching her carefully, James let himself take a few deep breaths, pondering on everything she'd said. The rain was still loudly rumbling on the roof, the noise a monotone accompaniment to his swirling thoughts.

"I'm sorry," he said slowly. "If it seemed like I was dismissing you before. When you came here and said sorry; I forgave you instantly. I got irritated with myself, because you make me mental, but you just have to say sorry and all's forgotten."

More rain in the silence. Which stretched...

"Before that though," Lily prodded eventually, despite sounding hesitant. "When you were flying. It seemed like something... more was bothering you."

This was it.

"You're not the only one who's had things on their mind. I thought you didn't want to associate with me anymore. I couldn't work out what I'd done. I went over and over everything but..."

He shrugged, very aware she was watching him now, perched on one of the worn wood benches. James ruffled his hair, sitting on the bench opposite Lily.

"I need to ask you a question."

Pink emerged in a rush on Lily's cheeks but she nodded. "All right."

"You want to trust me?"

"Yes."

"You want to rely on me?"

A cheeky grin flickered on her face.

"That's two questions," she pointed out. "But yes."

After one last glance at his shoes, James looked at Lily. Straight into her intense green eyes.

"As a friend?"

Her eyes widened. She opened her mouth but abruptly closed it again.

That hesitation was all James needed. He slumped back against the cold wall behind him.

"Fuck me," he breathed.

"It's a little early for that isn't it?"

Lily was scarlet and James gaped at her, wondering if she was perhaps under the Imperius. Or was someone Polyjuiced. But her hands began to fiddle in her lap, picking at her already short nails. Just like she always did when she was nervous.

"That's what was bothering me," he confessed. "I didn't know how you felt. It's been quite confusing. I wanted to make things better between us, but not knowing what I'd done, or what you wanted..."

He trailed off, hoping she'd understand his mindset. To his relief, Lily nodded. However she then stood and James instantly panicked, scrambling to his feet too.

"I'm not running," she said breathlessly. "I just need some air."

It seemed like her legs were shaky as she walked to the door, leaving it open as she stepped out into the rain. James shivered in the draught, grabbing his jumper, only to remember it was soaked through. He moved to picked up the towel Lily had thrown at him.

That's when it hit him.

Lily Evans wanted him. HOLY SHITE!

Jumping up from the bench, he flat out ran from the changing room, towel in hand. He splashed through the sitting water on the ground, to where Lily stood, her face turned up to the sky.

She turned when she heard him, just in time for James to envelope her in his arms.

"James?"

"Don't run ok?"

For a moment, he took in her rain soaked face, her hair dripping, curling around her face. A perfect, rose pink blush had settled across her complexion. Nerves and adrenaline pumping through his veins, James cupped her cheek softly. Lily nodded and Gryffindor courage filled his chest, making him dip his head down that final distance.

It was like he'd been struck by lightning.

Lips.

Her soft, warm, sweet lips touched against his with the lightest pressure. He tasted mint and the rain and something unidentifiably sweet; something naturally Lily. Tentatively, slowly, with the lightest pull of flesh on flesh, they broke.

One kiss. One kiss had James panting raggedly, heart pounding. He didn't even open his eyes: he knew only one thing.

He needed to kiss her again.

He dipped his lips back to hers, revelling in the longer stretch of contact between them. They broke, with the slightest smacking sound, but in an instant his lips were on hers again. What started out as tentative became searching, varying the pressure, their mouths working against one another. Hands and arms tightened eagerly on her, pulling her closer to him as the downpour soaked through their clothes and hair. The freezing wind whipped up around them, chilling James' bare torso but he ignored it, on fire beneath his skin.

Grabbing the towel from him, Lily tossed it over their heads, shielding them from some of the weather, without ever losing contact with his lips. James smiled into their caresses, opening his mouth a little. A breathless noise of encouragement escaped her and Lily responded in kind, parting her lips for him. Elation swelled like a rising balloon in his torso; stomach flipping and spine tingling in a way no broom manoeuvre had ever made him feel. The new accessibility he had made James moan a little; that taste of was even stronger when he caught her plush bottom lip between his.

He felt her tongue, wet and warm, close to the surface of her lips and in a split second of opportunity, James slipped his through the gap of their open mouths, touching his against hers.

Lily's reaction was immediate, opening for him and James felt her wobble as if her legs were jelly. Sweet merlin tasting her was better than he'd ever fantasized. And oh how he'd fantasized. Fervour was overtaking, lips and tongues caressing with ease despite it being both of the students first kisses.

"James," Lily gasped, breaking away.

Looking down at her, breathless, her lips swollen and her fiery hair plastered to her head, James grinned.

"Yes Lily?"

A dazzling smile spread across her face. "Chase me."

With that she took off from beneath their towel, towards the castle. James laughed, running through the storm after her. He'd always chase her, from now to forever, knowing what prize awaited when he caught her.