Summary: Ginpachi-sensei's students must work together to accomplish one single project, but most of them are uncooperative, proficient procrastinators.

Type: Class 3-Z Fic. What's Class 3-Z? It's those little segments at the end of several past Gintama episodes. It's also a series of light novels.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gintama. It belongs to Hideaki Sorachi.

Give credit where credit is due: I owe my inspiration to write this fic from SpyralHax, who said that he wanted to write a Gintama fic with a high school setting, and the title is an adage that belongs to Postcards-From-Hell. Also, a big thank you to SpyralHax for beta reading this fic!

"Procrastination is a hobby not a sin."

—Postcards-From-Hell, a Gintama author

Chapter 1

Once upon a time, a princess dwelled in the kingdom of Edorado. The princess was a beauty. Her golden hair was as soft as silk, her skin was ivory pale, her lips were as seductive as a temptress, and her sapphire eyes were unparalleled by those of the other women in Edorado. She was admired by the kingdom's inhabitants, who would immediately flock to her feet when she graced them with her presence.

However, although one would expect the princess to be cheerful because of the high respect she received from her people, she was actually miserable. Every midnight, she would wail and wail. She would shed tears until sunrise.

But the despondent princess is not the point of this story.

Instead, the focus of this story lies on a teacher and his students.

Ginpachi-sensei was the teacher of Class 3-Z, and if a genie were to grant any of his wishes, he would immediately wish that he wasn't a teacher. Yes, he would wish for that…and for his excessively shaggy silver hair to be straightened and perhaps for all of the Japanese comic books that would ever be created. But such a genie would never exist, so he remained a teacher, his silver hair remained disarrayed, and he continuously used most of his salary to buy JUMP manga.

Meanwhile, his students would have wished for—

"That's enough. You've already wasted more than ten lines of this story by digressing." Ginpachi-sensei waved his hand with a blasé mien and stuffed a lollipop into his mouth. "You do realize that the readers are probably bored by now, right?" The end of the lollipop's stick produced a smoke, which seemed to indicate his lack of enthusiasm for yet another day as a teacher in Class 3-Z.

One of his students, Kagura, seemed confused, so she adjusted her glasses and raised her hand to inquire her teacher.

"Yes…Katsura-san?" Ginpachi-sensei could not remember the student's name.

"She's not Katsura! She's Kagura, and I'm Katsura!" a student with long black hair snapped. Is that student a boy or a flat-chested girl with a somewhat deep voice?

"I thought your first name was Zura, Miss Kotarou." Ginpachi scratched his bush-like hair with a puzzled look.

The irritated long-haired girl slammed her hands on her desk. "It's not Zura, it's Katsura, and I'm a man!" So apparently, the student is a male.

Kagura muttered an "ahem" to remind Ginpachi that she had a question. "Ginpachi-sensei, why didn't this story open with 'Teach us! Ginpachi-sensei!'?"

Ginpachi pondered for a minute or two as he rubbed his chin. Finally, he arrived at a conclusion with a fist to his palm. "Perhaps the fervor-instilling effect of the phrase 'Teach us! Ginpachi-sensei!' will be lost if it's just written! What good is a catch phrase if it isn't voiced eagerly?"

"Sensei, I beg to differ." A bespectacled student, Shinpachi, stood up to voice his opinion. "A catch phrase is important, so it must be used anywhere, even in fan fiction."

The rest of the students seemed to agree with Shinpachi.

Otae nodded and stood up to defend her brother's statement. "Right. In fact, a catch phrase is like a sacred tradition that must be preserved, like how Japan still continues to honor Doraemon."

"Yes, like how Superman will always wear his underwear outside!"

"And like how Kagura-san still continues to bring a hotdog for lunch!"

"And like how Hijikata-san should be killed."

"And like how every JUMP hero has to have some sort of glowing, spherical superpower, like Hamehameha, Rasengan, and Reigun or Spirit Gun!" The comment's source, who happened to be Hijikata, paused because he noticed that the previous statement, which initially seemed trivial to him, was actually a threat to his own life. He frowned at Sougo, the most probable culprit behind the threat. "You! Don't think I didn't hear you earlier."

"Hear what?" Sougo's eyes glistened with innocence.

But Hijikata didn't seem to believe him. "Don't try to mislead me. I'm sure I'm not the only one who heard you." He scanned the room, asking for his fellow witnesses' support, but the others only gave him a questioning look. He sighed. "Just look at the previous statements. There's one that says 'And like how Hijikata-san should be killed,' which is obviously from you."

"But Hijikata-san, there are no dialogue tags after that statement, so it could belong to anyone." Ever so phlegmatic, Sougo yawned before writing something in his notebook. A single sentence was scrawled across the page in lilliputian letters: "Die, Hijikata."

"Yes, but only you would say that," Hijikata growled and pounded his desk.

"That maybe so, but where's the proof? There's none because there's no dialogue tag."

"Ginpachi-sensei, we still haven't solved the catch phrase issue." Kagura stood up from her seat and started chanting, "Use the catch phrase! Use the catch phrase!"

"Use the catch phrase!" Shinpachi joined.

Soon the rest of the students were chanting like rally participants, so Ginpachi was forced to rewrite a part of the story so that the catch phrase is used right after Class 3-Z is introduced.

But the despondent princess is not the point of this story.

Instead, the focus of this story lies on a teacher and his students.

Teach us! Ginpachi-sensei!

"Sensei, you were right! The catch phrase doesn't have that exciting vibe found in the anime when it's just written." Kondo ceaselessly bobbed his head in agreement.

"Maybe we need to capitalize every letter," Kagura offered. "That usually gains a lot of attention."

"But in chat rooms, people who use caps are labeled as annoying nuisance," Yamazaki quietly muttered. . . .

But he was ignored.

But the despondent princess is not the point of this story.

Instead, the focus of this story lies on a teacher and his students.

TEACH US! GINPACHI-SENSEI!

"But now, that's just annoying!" Ginpachi fisted a hand as he ignored Yamazaki's mumbles of "That's what I just said." He pointed to his students. "Don't tell me you find that friendly and exciting at all. It looks like the story is scolding the readers through the catch phrase!"

"Then maybe we should make the font red." Sougo repeatedly tapped his pencil against a black notebook.

"No, no that won't work. Fanfiction dot net doesn't keep the font color when a document is uploaded." Ginpachi shook his head and scratched his perm.

"Shouldn't you be more concerned about the fact that he's probably thinking about blood right now?" Hijikata was struggling to maintain his patience and avoid wringing his teacher's neck by gripping the edges of his desk.

"Thinking about blood is pretty normal for Okita-san." Again, Yamazaki was ignored.

Shinpachi stood up. "Maybe we can use a smiley, so the audience will know we're not really shouting at them."

But the despondent princess is not the point of this story.

Instead, the focus of this story lies on a teacher and his students.

TEACH US! GINPACHI-SENSEI :)

"No," Ginpachi-sensei stated, his voice devoid of emotion.

A sweat drop appeared behind each of the students in the room.

Kondo rose from his seat. "But sensei, now the audience knows that the catch phrase isn't being used to scold them."

"No, it looks like the story isn't screaming the catchphrase because of the smiley face, which means that we're misleading the audience to think that we're not shouting the catchphrase with fierce anger!" Ginpachi scorned upon his students. "Young people these days! Covering any resentment in their words by typing a smiley face!" He looked to his left. Then he looked to his right. He stared at his students. Then he looked to his left again. Finally, he fervently proclaimed, "I'm in despair! The hypocrisy of this generation that uses smiling emoticons to hide their bitterness has left me in despair!"

Once again, Shinpachi was exasperated by his teacher's mimicking of catch lines from other anime. "Whatever happened to 'Don't stay up late watching anime'?"

Ginpachi pointed to the class. "That proverb applies to you students, not me."

"BUT SHOULDN'T YOU BE A ROLE MODEL SINCE YOU'RE THE ADULT?" Shinpachi lost his temper and his never-ending series of ardent tirades would most likely begin again.

Kagura examined Shinpachi's comment. "Shinpachi, you forgot to use the smiley face."

"At this point, we might as well try underlining, bolding, and italicizing the catch phrase!" Shinpachi not only lost his temper, but he lost a large portion of his sanity because he was now insensate with rage.

"Yes, let's do that." Ginpachi nodded with an odd and seemingly byzantine grin.

Incredulity was planted on each of the students' faces.

"By underlining, bolding, and italicizing the catch phrase, it will appear as a header to many of the readers, so they won't be offended at all." Once again, Ginpachi nodded with a calculating grin.

But the despondent princess is not the point of this story.

Instead, the focus of this story lies on a teacher and his students.

Teach us! Ginpachi-sensei!

Kondo's eyebrows were crossed. He wasn't too pleased with Ginpachi's alteration of the catch phrase, so he stood up to protest against it. "Ginpachi-sensei, the catch phrase still lacks excitement!"

"Yes, but now it looks like a header, so even though we can't make it exciting, we'll get some points for originality for making the catch phrase a header!" Ginpachi seemed truly determined to keep the italicized and bolded and underlined catchphrase. "We're going to keep it this way. Any objections?"

The entire class raised their hands to object.

"Alright, no objections. Let's move on to the next topic. We've already digressed enough." Of course, most of the students were seething with irritation because Ginpachi was attempting to edit out the scene in which they raised their hands. "Since we've wasted quite some time digressing, I'll be quick in explaining this project from your principal."

Ginpachi-sensei searched his pocket for something. He dug deeper, but it seemed that he could not find what he was looking for. From his pocket, he extracted a pen, a watch, a flat wallet, a Dragonball Z keychain, twenty lollipops, which almost caused a few eyes to bulge out of their sockets, and finally, a crumpled piece of paper.

Shinpachi fixed his eyes on the floor, resisting the urge to yank the teacher's hair from his scalp.

Ginpachi unfolded the paper and began to read the contents, not even bothering to smooth out the letter. "Dear students, this project will enhance your knowledge regarding the problematic issue of procrastination. Your task is to gather information about procrastination and to come up with at least five solutions to overcome this impediment. You may present your solutions through any means: a research paper, a video, a speech, or even a song. However, your entire class must only submit one, single project. This project is due next week. Good luck."

Everyone in the classroom, except Ginpachi, frowned. It was impossible to accomplish such an overwhelming task, especially since all of the students were accustomed to working individually. Furthermore, it was not possible for many of the students to put an end to their feud and agree on a truce.

Sensing the tension in the classroom, Ginpachi quickly stood up and announced that he was going to the teacher's lounge because he needed to "get some paperwork from the principal," but his students knew better. Their teacher would never engage in such a productive activity.

As Ginpachi exited the classroom and disappeared down the school hallway, the students began to talk about their project.

"Well it's due in a week, so we don't really need to start this today." Shinpachi rubbed the back of his head. He really didn't want to work with his insane peers. How can the project be perfect with so many people contributing ideas that were so . . . different (and most likely, frustratingly improbable)?

Otae nodded. "Yeah, you're right, and how can we work when almost everyone seems too unwilling to work with each other today."

Upon hearing this comment, Kondo immediately proclaimed, "I'd be willing to work with you, Otae-san!" Then, he prepared to assault Otae with another one of his ecstatic gorilla embrace.

Of course, his head was immediately pummeled to the ground with a powerful kick from Otae before he even laid a single finger on one of her uniform's sleeves. "I said almost everyone." And of course, she spoke with such a benign smile.

"I agree. Who would want to work with someone who's so obsessed with mayonnaise, or someone who's obsessed with a giant dog and a hot dog, or someone who has four eyes?" Okita made sure to avoid any tone change in his voice, figuring that no one would be able to detect his explicit insults.

Unfortunately (mostly for Sougo), the targets of his insults noticed his comment.

"There's nothing wrong with mayonnaise! At least I'm not addicted to HOT DOGS!" Hijikata switched his glare from Sougo to Kagura.

"And there's nothing wrong with Sadaharu! And eating hot dogs inside the classroom is common in my homeland! And at least I'm not almost completely blind like some people!" Kagura pointed to Shinpachi.

"Not everyone is blessed with twenty-twenty! At least I'm not a sadist or a gorilla!"

"I'm not a gorilla! At least I'm manly, unlike some feminine men with long hair!"

"At least I'm not a madao!"

Even more unfortunately, all hopes of discussing the project were lost when the entire room was filled with even more tension, even more quarrels, even more kicks, and the addition of flying textbooks.

Meanwhile, Ginpachi sat on one of the cushioned chairs in the teacher's lounge, in front of the principal.

"I suppose you're here to discuss about the new project." The principal sipped a cup of tea and fixed her hairpin.

"Yes, you could say that." But really, Ginpachi only came to the teacher's lounge to escape from the imminent disaster that was approaching…and well… that was currently occurring in his classroom. He yawned. "Why procrastination?"

The principal narrowed her eyebrows and took another sip from her tea. "You of all people should know. You haven't paid your rent at all."

"Ah, Otose-san," Ginpachi apathetically stretched out the "san" and flicked his fingers. "I'm not procrastinating. I'm really broke."

At this point, the principal could not restrain her temper, so she gave the teacher a furious, powerful kick of over 9000! "How are you broke when I know for a fact that you work here and I'm your boss?"

Ginpachi scratched his perm, half hoping that the kick straightened his untamable abomination of a hair. "Okay, I admit it. I was procrastinating."

"No, you used your salary on JUMP again!" Otose cleared her throat and raised her cup to her lips again. "But your rent isn't the point."

"But you know, you're really bold. If I were you, I wouldn't dare assign something that's impossible for those kids to finish. They can't even cooperate with each other."

"No, not really." Otose moved closer to one of the lounge's windows, observing the pencils and notebooks flying out of the windows of Ginpachi's classroom. "It's not impossible. They can manage it. Any group of kids can manage something like this."

The principal seemed to expect so much from Ginpachi's students, although said students were now fervently overturning their classroom. Her eyes were distant for moment before she narrowed them. "About your rent…"

But as soon as her gaze left the window, the door to the lounge slammed shut as sounds of Ginpachi's footsteps swiftly dissipated.

The thoughts of Otose, Ginpachi, and his students were alike: "It's going to be a long week."