A/N: This is my first story, and it's a really strange one. And just to clear things up it is totally AU, there's no demons or anything in this story. And I'm sorry John is so out of character. I like John! I swear I do! But he just had to be like this for the story to work! I'm sorry!

Chapter 1

There are times when Dean wishes things could have been different.

11:03

Mostly it's times like these. Sitting in a dark room, staring at the clock, not being able to decide whether he wanted it to move faster or slower. It's the times when he has the opportunity to think about what caused all the problems in his life, what made him into the person he was today. He wishes he could just blame his father, and that could be the end of it, but he knows that isn't entirely fair. Part of it, at least, was his fault.

And another part, sometimes smaller, sometimes bigger, was his brother's.

11:05

Sam. Just thinking about his brother sends a rush of emotions soaring through him. He wonders what Sam looks like know. It's been eleven years since he's seen him. Eleven years that feel like eleven thousand lifetimes. He couldn't count the number of times he'd wanted to pick up the phone and call his brother, but there was a greater fear that held him back. What if Sam wasn't alone? What Dad eavesdropped on the call? What if he doesn't want to talk to me?

So, in the end, he had never called. Not once.

11:09

Instead, Jessica had called him. Jessica. He remembered her as a small girl with blonde hair and big eyes. Sam had had an enormous crush on her for as long as he could remember, and although he had never said so, to his brother, he could tell that she liked him back. It was obvious in the way she would watch him when he wasn't looking. The way she would always stand up for him, no matter what the situation. But Sam had been hopelessly shy as a child, and had never approached Jess with his feelings.

He was happy to realize that, eventually, Sam had overcome his insecurity.

11:11

They had gotten married. Jess and Sam had gotten married. Three years ago, and no one had bothered to call him about it. They had a child together. His Sammy was a father. I'm an uncle. That was why Jess had called. She had finally tracked Dean down, and decided that he and Sam had to see each other again. He's miserable without you, She had said, and if I remember anything about you, Dean, I can bet that you're miserable too. He had flatly denied it on the phone, but the truth was, he was miserable. He couldn't lie to himself anymore. He needed to see Sammy.

Which is why he'd agreed to letting her and Sam come over tonight.

11: 14

She said they would be there by eleven, with Johnny. Johnny. He couldn't believe, after everything they had been through, after everything their father had put them through, Sam had named his child after their dad. It was unthinkable to Dean. He wasn't sure if he could ever warm up to someone named after their father. But he would have to try. For Sam's sake. He thought for a while, about the child. He wondered how he would look. Would he take more after his mother, or his father? If he looked anything like Sam at two years old, he had no doubt the child would be adorable. But what about Sam? How much had he changed, in the years since they had seen each other? And had he changed for the better, or for the worse?

Knowing his father, it was probably for the worst.

11:18

He didn't know why he was worrying like this. He was happy to be seeing Sam again. Really he was. But he wasn't sure how Sam would react to seeing him. He pictured the Sam he knew. The twelve-year-old kid with the bright eyes, that unquenchable thirst for knowledge that had always caused him to steal the hearts of his teachers within the first few days of school. He wondered sometimes, how none of them had ever suspected anything. How could you ignore something like that for so many years? He didn't know. He hoped Sam had been alright, during the years that he had been gone, that was all he was hoping for.

It was almost enough to get him to pray. Almost.

11:22

He wondered why they weren't here yet. It was almost half an hour since they said they'd be here. He thought of a thousand reasons why they could have been late. They started a bit later than they thought they would, they hit traffic, they had to stop so Johnny could use the bathroom. Ordinary, perfectly reasonable explanations for their delay. But somehow, he didn't believe in them.

With their family, it was always something more.

11:25

The phone rang. Dean could hear it echoing through the house, but didn't get up to answer it. Bobby would answer it. Bobby would take care of it. He had been taking care of Dean for the last eleven years, ever since he showed up on his doorstep. Dean had felt guilty for years, feeling he had taken advantage of the old man. He'd tried to somehow repay the kindness for years, but could never find something that he thought was a suitable payback. But he didn't see Bobby's concern as a debt to be payed anymore. He had enough guilt in his life without that added to it.

His father had made sure of that.

11: 28

Bobby was coming. He could hear the man's heavy footsteps approaching, and wondered what the phone call had been about. Maybe it had been Jess calling, saying that they had decided not to come after all, and not to wait for them.

"Dean?" Bobby entered the room.

Dean glanced up at the man, and immediately knew something was wrong. He looked so upset.

"There's been an accident."

_~_~_~

"Dean are you sure you don't need help with your homework?"

Sam and Dean sat in the grass at the front of the school, hours after it had been dismissed. Dean had been working on the English assignment for half an hour, and had barely moved to write anything down more than two or three times. Sam, being observant as he was, had noticed, and had been bugging Dean for just as long, asking if he needed any help. Jesus, it took all of his patience to deal with this kid sometimes.

"Yes, Sammy, I'm sure I don't need any help."

Dean replied for the hundredth time. Sam scowled as he moved to pick up his own homework.

"It's Sam. Jerk."

"Whatever. Bitch." Dean remarked, distractedly, rereading the passage in the book for about the millionth time that afternoon. Why was this so difficult? Sometimes he wished school came as easily to him as it did to Sammy. It sure would make this part of his life a hell of a lot easier.

He watched his brother over the edge of the book as he finished the last of his math homework. He could tell by the way Sam was clutching the pencil that the kid's wrist was still sore from last night. He winced in sympathy. He himself had a pretty bad bump on the back of his head as well, a testament to John's irrational anger at them.

Sometimes he honestly couldn't think of a single thing he had done that could have possibly pissed off his father. But half the time, it didn't make a difference. He understood that, and he knew Sammy did too.

"Dean?" Dean was pulled out of his thoughts by his brother's voice, "Shouldn't we be headed home right about now?"

He checked his watch. It was 5:47. John usually got home at around 6:30 and it was a fifteen minute walk home from the school.

"Yeah," He murmured, putting the book away, and grabbing his backpack, "Let's get out of here."

_~_~_

It was 9:58, and they were about twenty minutes from Bobby's house. An hour earlier than they said they'd be. Sam wondered if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He glanced at Johnny in the rearview mirror. The child was asleep, his teddy bear clutched in his arms. He had curled itself around the thing.

Sometimes, Sam thought it was impossible, that someone so small and innocent could have possibly come out of their wreck of a family. He looked at little Johnny, and couldn't that he shared part of his genes with him or his grandfather. The child didn't look much like him, not in his opinion, although Jess said otherwise. She claimed that Johnny was practically the spitting image of him when he was two, except for the hair color.

But he couldn't help but hope that Johnny hadn't inherited too many of his genes. He wanted his child to be as different from him, and as much like his mother as possible. Maybe that would give him more of a chance of surviving normally in this world.

"Are you alright?" Jess was watching him, concerned, from the passenger seat.

"I'm fine," He lied, turning his attention back to the road.

"Liar," Jessica smiled faintly, "You're a wreck, aren't you?"

There were more cars that he expected on the road at this hour. Maybe the fact that he had been taking care of a baby for the last two years had made him forget that most people had a life that didn't revolve around a being that went to sleep fairly early, if they were lucky enough to get him to sleep through the whole night.

"Maybe," He admitted, "But I can't help it. Jess, he must hate me."

"Why would he hate you?" Jess demanded, "You haven't done anything."

"I got to stay. And he had to leave."

"He would be a lunatic for hating anyone but your father for that." Jessica said coldly.

"Maybe," Sam repeated, "But maybe not."

It was silent for a few moments, and Sam listed to sound of Johnny breathing in the backseat. He wondered what would have happened if his father hadn't died three years ago, drunk driving. Would he have ever had the courage, to go to Jessica and start a family together, if he still had the shadow of his father hanging over his head? He doubted it. He could never imagine forcing a child, much less his child, to ever have any sort of relationship with John Winchester.

"You think too much," Jess's voice broke though his thoughts.

Sam smiled, "I know."

And that was when he heard it.

It was funny, when Sam would think about it, that he heard the car before he saw its headlights, but that was what had happened, he heard the roar of the engine only moments before the illuminated the inside of his car until it was bright as day. He vaguely remembered hearing Jessica scream his name but was only half aware of it. He was already unconscious.

_~_~_

He hated waiting. Particularly waiting in hospital waiting rooms. When they were kids, and Sammy or him had actually gotten injured badly enough for John to realize that they needed hospital, this was always the worst part. It was always the fear for the person in the hospital, mixed of course, with the fear of having his father there, sitting in the chair right next to him, doing something as normal as flipping through a magazine, pretending he had nothing to do with the injury in question.

He would think that know, without John there, the waiting room would be easier to handle, but instead it was worse. Mainly because now he had more people to worry about that just Sammy. There was his wife, and his child. The thought that Sam's baby could have been killed in car accident that had only occurred because they were coming to see Dean, broke Dean's heart in a way that he didn't think was possible anymore.

Then again, there was always the possibility of losing Jess. He wondered if Sam would hate him, if Jess died because Sam was coming to visit him. If he would think that it was Dean's fault he had lost the person he had dreamt about marrying since he was ten years old and Jess had just moved here. He had a feeling he would.

But of course the worst thing would be losing Sammy. He couldn't imagine being this close to seeing his brother for the first time in eleven years, and then missing out because of this stupid car accident. He would never be able to see Sam grown up, never be able to apologize for letting him down all those years ago. Because sitting here, he saw that he probably had let his brother down, it didn't matter if it was his father who had really done the deed, he should have found some way to reconnect to Sammy afterward. Because now it might be too late.

He watched Bobby converse with the doctor on the other side of the room. He couldn't see Bobby's face, but he was hoping beyond hope that there was some mistake. That none of Sam's new family were even at this hospital. That they were all 100% fine, and waiting for them out in the parking lot.

Bobby turned around, and Dean saw that his expression was grim. He knew that something had happened. Why couldn't any if their family ever be happy, even for a short amount of time, without something going wrong?

"What is it?" He asked, anxiously as Bobby approached, "Is it Sam?"

Bobby shook his head and Dean felt marginally relieved, but only for a split second, "Then who?"

"It's Jess." Bobby admitted, "Dean, she's dead."

Wow. I bet you didn't see that coming *sarcasm*. But anyway, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, and I'll put the second one up as soon as I can.