Author's Note: This one is pretty self-explanatory. Reviews would be lovely. Have fun reading!

A Torchwood Drinking Contest

All Torchwood members were bored out of their skulls. It was an incredibly slow day. Not even one rogue weevil. After 6 hours of sitting around, doing absolutely nothing, the irritability in the Hub was almost tangible. Everyone was much relieved when Jack yawned, stretched, and suggested they go out for a midafternoon drink. The team hurried up to the door. Owen had gotten there first, and his resounding swear did nothing to lighten their moods. Everyone rushed to find Owen, and subsequently found him in front of the open door, staring agape at the raging thunderstorm that was fast blowing inside. Ianto was the first to speak. "Owen…you're getting water on the floor. I don't want to mop twice in one day."

Owen slammed the door shut. "So what the hell do we do now, huh?"

"I'll run to the SUV and bring it closer to the door. You'll only have to walk five feet in the rain." Gwen said, leaving the Hub. The team peered out of the tiny window in the door of the tourist office, waiting. The SUV didn't move, but instead Ianto's cellphone began to ring. He picked it up. "Hello?"

"Ianto, it's Gwen. The SUV is completely out of gas. I don't suppose you have any more in the Hub?"

"No, we don't keep any here."

"Then it's kind of pointless to go anywhere. The gas station is a further walk away than the bar. And I can assure you, it is not a good idea to walk in this rain. It's already starting to flood a little. I'm coming back inside." The line went dead.

Ianto sighed. "Bad news, guys. The SUV is out of gas. We're stuck here."

"You better be kidding me. There is nothing to do here." Owen fumed.

"You guys go back to the conference room. We can have fun here."

Ianto said soothingly.

"Bullshit." Owen was still pissed.

"Owen, unless you want to do some actual work, get your ass down to the conference room." Jack said, with an air of finality. Owen turned on his heel and stalked off, Tosh and Gwen (who had just returned, dripping) behind him.

Jack faced Ianto. "So, what do you have planned?"

Ianto grinned. "Did I ever tell you that I had a bartending job for a few months before I joined Torchwood London?" He reached into a cupboard and pulled out a box filled with an assortment of colorful liquor bottles. "Grab some glasses from that cabinet over there, will you?" Jack complied. "I like the way you think, Ianto Jones."

Ianto and Jack entered the conference room and set their burdens

down. When he saw what they were bringing, Owen gave an appreciative grunt.

"So," Ianto said, "What'll it be?"

Three rounds later, even surly Owen was quite a bit more cheerful.

The team had been chatting comfortably about work for the past hour or so, and the talk had just turned to relationships.

"Ugh, having a relationship with this job is simply impossible." Owen complained.

"Hey, Rhys and I manage alright!" Gwen objected.

"That's because he's in on the secret. If I blabbed to every single prospective girlfriend, this would hardly be a secret organization." Owen rebutted.

"Why not date someone from work? That would be fine." Tosh said

hopefully.

"That would be nice, Tosh, but it's just us in here." Owen sighed.

Tosh looked crestfallen; Ianto refilled the glasses. Owen knocked his back immediately. Tosh seemed to weigh the pros and cons in her head, then followed suit. "Any way, not all of us like everybody knowing what your sex life entitles." Owen snipped, slowly looking from Ianto to Jack and back again as if to make a point. Ianto blushed as red as his tie and averted his eyes.

"Oh, I just had an idea!" Jack said with an impish grin. "Let's have a drinking contest!"

"I'm game." Owen said.

"Me too." Gwen seconded.

"And me!" Tosh piped up.

"Alright, last one to pass out wins." Ianto intoned, as if he had done this many times before. Filling four glasses, he set them in front of his teammates. "Ready, set, chug!" He enthused. Jack, Owen, Tosh, and Gwen downed their glasses quickly, and Ianto swiftly refilled them. The team members continued this pattern for 3 more glasses, at which point they started going quite a bit slower. Tosh was fading, quickly. During a lull in the gulping, she swayed, and Owen reached out a hand to steady her. Ianto moved to refill the glasses, but a glance from Jack stopped him. Jack obviously wanted to see where this was leading. Tosh, who had fallen into Owen's lap at this point, turned her head to face him, and slurred, "Owen, I love you!"

Owen seemed to consider this for a second. "Oh, what the hell." He muttered, and grabbed Tosh for a snog. Soon, the two were so intertwined, it was hard to tell whose hands were whose. Gwen, blinking sleepily, seemed faintly amused by her coworkers' antics. "Well, good for Tosh," She announced to Jack and Ianto. "She wanted that." Gwen slumped deeper into her chair. "Oh man, I am truly hammered. And Rhys will be wondering where I am, ugh." Gwen slumped a little more, then promptly fell asleep.

"Sweet dreams." Jack murmured. Ianto looked over at Owen and Tosh, passed out in each other's arms.

"So," Jack turned to Ianto. "We have three passed out coworkers here. What shall we do with them? Tie their shoelaces together?"

"Jack…" Ianto smiled. "We should put them to bed."

"Spoilsport." Jack pouted. "But we're putting them in the same bed, deal?"

Ianto chuckled. "Deal."

A while later, Jack and Ianto had arranged Owen, Tosh, and Gwen

together on a cot. Ianto had staunchly refused to undress the unconscious Tosh and Gwen, but he did consent to Jack's removal of Owen's garments, leaving then folded neatly on Owen's desk, quite a walk away from the sleeping area.

Something occurred to Ianto. "Hey Jack, how come you're not passed out like the rest of them?"

Jack laughed. "Ianto, it takes much stronger stuff to get me drunk."

"Darn." Ianto slyly turned to face Jack. "I was hoping to get you drunk and seduce you."

Jack held Ianto close and tickled the inside of his thigh, pleased with the exultant sigh it elicited from his lover. "That can be arranged."

Ianto grinned in ecstasy. "Should we put on some loud music?" He wondered.

"No, these guys are pretty zonked out."

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Ianto woke up in Jack's darkened office. He sat up, checking his watch. 7:24 AM. He had slept for 8 hours! Ianto then noticed he was tucked up in a blanket on Jack's sofa. He also noticed that all the stuff on one side of Jack's desk had been pushed to the other. Ianto blushed furiously as he remembered why that was so and the memories from last night came rushing back to him. Jack's achingly perfect body, every line of it on his, hands running through Ianto's hair, murmured admissions of love. Glorious.

"Morning, sunshine." Ianto looked up to see Jack sitting

on the other side of the sofa. "Put some pants on, will you? The rest of the team will be up soon, and we wouldn't want to miss that show." Ianto smiled and began to dress. He had barely finished with his tie when a loud "What the hell?" From Gwen sounded from the sleeping area. "Let's go." Jack rushed from the room, Ianto following close behind.

Ianto and Jack ran into the sleeping area to see a fairly comic tableau. Gwen had leapt out of the cot, looking horrified. Owen had pulled the bedcovers up to his chin, and was looking bemused but not entirely displeased. Tosh, still half asleep, had snuggled up to Owen, who was absentmindedly stroking her hair.

"Oh god, Jack!" Gwen moaned when she saw them enter. "What have I done?"

"Well, Gwen," Jack began mischievously, "Let this be a lesson to you: Never let Ianto get you drunk."

Gwen scowled. "I'm going home to wash up." She stalked off.

Owen was next to speak. "Normally, I don't ask questions when I wake up naked in bed with two women, but where are my clothes?"

Jack smiled sweetly. "On your desk. All the way over there. Under the cameras."

"Asshole." Owen wrapped himself in the sheet, which left very little to the imagination, and slunk off to find his clothes.

Tosh yawned, stretched, and blinked blearily at Jack.

"Jack, I get the feeling I did something very stupid last night." She said.

"Nothing terrible." Jack helped her up. "Go home, wash up, and take the rest of the day off. You'd accomplish absolutely nothing with that hangover."

"Thanks." Tosh left the room.

"I'm going to go save the footage of Owen changing before he deletes it." Jack winked at Ianto and strode out of the room. Ianto stretched, a small smile playing upon his lips. It had, in a way, been a very productive workday.