Disclaimer: Mairelon and associated characters belong to Patricia C. Wrede, as well as the dialogue. The introspection is mine.

Author's Note: This seems to be the place for Wrede fanfiction, so I'm posting my story here. I know I am not the first person to think that several scenes in Magician's Ward just begged to be told from Mairelon's point of view, and I may eventually decide to rewrite the entire book that way. In the meantime, however, I'll start with certain selected scenes. I'm also calling him Richard because that's probably how he thinks of himself. This one takes place the morning after he's lost his magic.

Trusting Mairelon

Richard Merrill, sometimes known as Mairelon the Magician, was decidedly worried. His ward and apprentice, Kim, was not present when he came down to breakfast the morning after the musical evening that had ended so disastrously. He picked at his food, finding that he didn't have much appetite. Between losing his magical ability, listening to his aunt and mother talk of his ward as though she were already practically engaged to a man she'd just met last night, and the absence of said ward today, his nerves were worn raw and his stomach churning.

Richard had an idea of where Kim might be, which didn't make him feel any better. It was dangerous, and she shouldn't have gone off on her own. When she finally entered the dining hall, he was relieved to see her safe, but she'd clearly tried to hide the fact that she'd been gone at all, which only deepened his concern.

Richard was still not really used to having another person to be responsible for, and Kim was very self-reliant and capable in any case. Admittedly, he might have wished her otherwise in the present circumstance. The vague hints she gave when she sat down confirmed his suspicions, although his relief at her appearance settled him enough that he was able to down a piece of toast as she sat down to eat.

However, the worry he'd felt just minutes earlier gradually transformed into an unfamiliar anger – anger that she'd taken unnecessary risks and made him worry about her. During the course of the conversation, he found it necessary to halt his Aunt Agatha's constant haranguing, as that was not improving his mood any.

"Aunt," he said in a level but authoritative voice. "My apprentice and ward will explain to me immediately after breakfast. I trust that is clear?" He rarely pulled rank on her like that, or on anyone for that matter, but in this case, he felt it was justified. Aunt Agatha did have a distressing habit of forgetting that she had no official place in Kim's life. Besides, it was none of her business that his magic had been drained, and he was certain that Kim's morning errand somehow related to that.

As soon as Kim had finished eating, Richard instructed her to meet him in the library for their talk. He couldn't remember ever being angry with her before, and he didn't like the feeling.

"Well?" he said without preamble, as soon as the library door was closed behind him.

"I went to Mannering's office," she confessed. Even though Richard had partially expected this, he found that he was irrationally upset.

"What?" he exploded "Are you mad? Didn't you think at all? If Mannering is behind this—"

"I thought for most of the night," she cut him off. Her expression was apologetic, if not exactly repentant. "I saw right off that Mannering was in this somewhere, but I didn't think you had yet."

"Then why didn't you mention it?"

"Because I was worried you'd go off and do something goose-witted," she admitted after a pause. "You've done it before."

For a long moment, Richard could only stare at her. He would be the first to admit that he had been known to do things that were something less than wise, but he'd promised her he wouldn't go after Mannering without discussing it with her first. A gentleman's word was his bond, and even though he might not be strictly proper (as his aunt was continually reminding him), he was nonetheless offended that she could doubt his.

"Not after I said I wouldn't," he said stiffly.

"When—" Kim broke off, a sheepish look crossing her face. "I forgot." Mairelon blinked at her, nonplussed that someone with such a good memory could have forgotten something like that. She paused, looking down at her hands. "Nobody ever – I never knew anybody before that…that would do that. Not with something this big, not when it was only somethin' they said to me."

"I see," said Richard, and his attitude warmed considerably. He sometimes forgot where she came from, that she had had to shift for herself most of her life. Maybe he didn't forget, exactly, but he failed to acknowledge some of the implications of it. Still, he'd thought their friendship had progressed farther than that, and he was a little bit hurt to discover that he had been mistaken. Friendship…why did that word seem inadequate and unsatisfactory somehow? It had never seemed so before. "So to keep me from doing something goose-witted, you did it yourself. Why? And why in heaven's name didn't you at least tell me what you were planning?" She turned away from him before answering.

"I had to do something. You looked…you were…I just had to do something, that's all. And I didn't say because I was afraid you'd stop me. I can see now I should of trusted you, but – well, I never had nobody I could trust like that before. I'm not used to it."

Kim wiped at her eyes, and Richard realized that she was crying. In all their time together, he had never seen her cry, and the experience was far from pleasant. He now realized that he hadn't fully understood how difficult it was for her to trust people and how lucky he was that she'd been willing to trust him as much as she had so quickly. His throat tightened as he realized that it was suddenly very important to him to prove worthy of that trust.

"Anybody you could trust. Not 'nobody,'" he choked out, knowing it was ridiculous to correct her grammar at a time like this but unable to think of anything else to say. He needed something to break the palpable tension in the room. It seemed to work, as he watched the set of her shoulders relax slightly.

"Anybody," she repeated dutifully. "Anyway, I'm sorry."

"I'm afraid I must apologize as well," he sighed, regaining his composure, although he continued to study her back carefully. Kim turned around to face him again. "I didn't mention Mannering for the same reason you didn't – I didn't want you to go haring off after him. I forgot that you hadn't promised anyone you wouldn't."

Richard's mind was catching up to some of the other things Kim had said. He had been distraught when he'd discovered that his magic was gone, but he hadn't noticed how deeply that had affected her. She had done this for him, to protect him, even as he had avoided mentioning Mannering to protect her. This mutual protectiveness between them was something new, and he didn't know quite how to respond to it.

"Well, I won't do it again," she promised.

"Good," he said and proceeded to ask her about what she'd learned on her little excursion. He hoped he had adequately made his point to her. He had let her know not only that she could trust him, but also that he expected her to keep any promise she gave. More than anything, he was glad that the tense, uncomfortable moment between them had passed.

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Author's Note: Of course, there were a couple of scenes earlier where Mairelon displayed the beginnings of jealousy, but this scene struck me as particularly emotional, even if most of it wasn't overt, so I wanted to start with it.