Fern strolled through the park, observing how much of the snow on the ground had since melted over the past few days. This year's winter season in Elwood City hadn't had as much precipitation as usual, and as such, there was already little to no snow on the ground, and what little snow there was had been melting. After a few moments of walking, Brain came up from behind her.
"There you are!" Brain said.
"Well?" Fern asked.
"Boy..." Brain began, "you must really be a class act, Fern."
"Excuse me?" Fern asked, puzzled.
"You must have been very convincing back there, because Fern actually believes you really are interested in me." Brain said.
Fern chuckled. "Sometimes, a detective has to be a little extra deceitful to get a little valuable information. Did you seriously go see her for yourself?"
"Yes, I did, and as I said, she's so convinced that you're the secret admirer, now I'm not sure she that she really is." Brain said.
"Oh, you don't?" Fern asked.
"No..." Brain said, "she did bring up an interesting point though..."
"What's that?" Fern asked.
"It couldn't possibly be someone outside of our class..." Brain said.
"How does she figure?" Fern asked.
"Well, let's think about it..." Brain said, "with our hall monitors patrolling the hallways, and Mr. Ratburn being in the classroom a vast majority of the school day, there's no way anyone outside of our classroom could have snuck in, and slipped the note into my box, without being noticed."
"She's right..." Fern said, "this is mystery is certainly hitting a lot closer to home, now..."
"Now, I've just got to figure out which girl from our class it could possibly be..." Brain said.
"Any ideas?" Fern asked.
"Not at the moment, no..." Brain said.
"In that case, we'll have to do another elimination process..." Fern said.
Fern made her way out of the park, followed by Brain, though, out of the clear blue, Brain felt someone tap his shoulder. He turned around and found Buster, now wearing a red wig, and showing off his new red nailpolish.
"Does this help, Brain?" Buster asked.
"Um... frankly, no..." Brain said, "as I keep telling you, Buster, Fern is helping me solve this mystery... sorry..."
Brain went to catch up with Fern, while Buster trudged homeward bound.
"Oh, I knew I should've gone with the peach colored polish..." Buster said.
Shortly later, the two of them were back at the Sugar Bowl, where Brain was jotting down the names of all the girls in his class on a piece of notebook paper.
"There, here's all the girls that are in our class... now to figure out which one is my secret admirer..." Brain said, "first off..."
Brain looked over the list, then slowly brought up his face, looking Fern square in the eye. Fern sat there, returning the look to Brain. The two of them just sat there, for a few silent seconds, until Brain finally spoke up.
"First off," he began, "I believe we can eliminate you... you didn't even send out any Valentines this year." Brain scratched Fern's name off the list.
Fern sadly sigh. "No... I didn't anyone would even care if I gave them Valentines... I know I'm not a very popular person."
"Well... I'm sorry about that..." Brain said, "and I think I could eliminate Francine as well..."
"Why?" Fern asked.
"Well..." Brain began, pausing to look over his shoulders, to make sure nobody else from school, let alone Mr. Ratburn's class, happened to be in the Sugar Bowl as well, and would overhear what had to be said. "I'm not exactly sure... but... I think she has a crush on..."
"Who?" Fern asked.
"... Arthur..." Brain said, dropping his voice to a whisper.
"Hmm... interesting theory..." Fern said.
Brain went back over the list. "And, I believe we can eliminate Sue Ellen too... somehow, I think she has a bit of a crush on... Binky..."
"Binky Barnes?" Fern asked, with a laugh.
"Yes, incredible as it seems." Brain said. "I don't believe it could be Jenna, either..."
"Why not?" Fern asked.
"Well, for one thing, I hardly know her," Brain said, "and I highly doubt that someone as atheletically involved as her, would be interested in someone as academically involved as I am."
"But you play sports, too, don't you?" Fern asked.
"Yes, occasionally, I like to challenge myself in new areas," Brain said, "and I do enjoy friendly competition found in various activities... I've even helped coach soccer once for summer school. But, when you boil it down, I'd much rather spend my time with a book, than a ball."
"I see..." Fern said.
A few more moments had passed, Brain and Fern continued to go over the list, very carefully, continuing the elimination process, up until the point there was only one name left on the list, that hadn't been scratched out.
"Muffy..." both Brain and Fern said, looking over the last name.
"It could be very possible," Brain said, "you have to admit, sometimes, Muffy can be rather impulsive..."
"This would make an interesting pairing..." Fern said, "the wealthy and the intelligent?"
"I just have certain vices about Muffy, though..." Brain said.
"Like what?" Fern asked.
"Well, for one thing, have you ever worked with Muffy on anything?" Brain asked.
"As a matter of fact..."
Fern entered flashback territory, of one time in the second grade, all of the students were assigned a partner to work on a project on paper mache animals. Muffy was paired with Fern. The students were given their materials to work with, but Muffy started complaining, worring that the paste would simply ruin her new outfit, so Fern offered to construct the animals, if Muffy would paint them, as Muffy liked to brag about how artistic she was, and that she had an eye for detail. Fern felt that was fair. They both would be contributing to their project, and doing half of the work. Having been watching Shiloh repeatedly, Fern was inspired to construct a little beagle, meanwhile, Muffy said she wanted an anteater, so Fern got to making a paper mache anteater as well. After the animals had dried, and it came time to paint them, Muffy kept asking for Fern's input on exactly how the designs, patterns, markings and such should be approached, which prompted Fern to actually paint examples for Muffy, and before they knew it, Fern had painted both of the animals. When asked about either the beagle, or the anteater, Muffy bragged about doing such a good job on them, leaving Fern with absolutely no credit.
"Exactly my point," Brain said, "like the time myself, Arthur, Francine, and Binky helped Muffy bake a batch of cookies for the Strawberry Festival... we did all the work, and she took all of the credit, and was even going to market the cookies under her name, and have only her picture on the bag!"
"I remember that." Fern said. "Or like that art show she did, but it was her butler who constructed all of the exhibits."
"I can just see it now... Muffy will come up with ideas, have me do all of the back breaking, manual labor for her, and she'll mention to everybody about how she did it all herself." Brain said, sipping his hot chocolate.
"Right..."
"Not to mention that Muffy can be a bit of a snob..." Brain said.
"So, how do you propose we figure out if Muffy is, indeed, the one who sent the note?" Fern asked.
"I don't think there's anything to figure out," Brain said, looking over the note once more, "I know Muffy likes to try to work on her computer... knowing how much money they have, she probably has an unlimited number of fonts on her computer, this certainly isn't your typical true type, nor open type font..."
"What are you going to do?" Fern asked.
"No more beating around the bush," Brain said, "tomorrow, I'm calling her out..."
"Good luck with that..." Fern said, eating the marshmellows from her chocolate.
The next morning, at Lakewood Elementary, Muffy removed her book bag from its respective place, before stuffing it into her locker. Once she closed the door to her locker, she was surprised to find Brain standing behind it.
"Dah!" Muffy yelped. "Brain, what are you trying to do? Give me a heart attack?"
"Now, why would I want to give you a heart attack, Muffy?" Brain asked, with a smile on his face.
"Um, Brain?" Muffy asked. "What's with that sick smile on your face?"
"What sick smile?" Brain asked.
"Brain... what is the matter with you?" Muffy asked. "Why are you acting so strange?"
"I'm not acting strange," Brain said, "I'm just standing here, admiring you."
"Admiring me? Well... I know I'm the world's most perfect person, and all, and I have more money than anyone in school..."
"What's not to admire about you?" Brain asked.
"Because, Brain, it's freaking me out." Muffy said, making a few steps away from Brain.
"I assure you, Muffy, freaking you out is not my intentions." Brain said, still smiling.
"Then cut it out!" Muffy said, as she walked away. "Boys... they're so rude!"
Brain smirked. He assumed that Muffy would be a little embarrassed by his behavior, but rather, she certainly was somewhat disturbed by it. Brain sighed. Muffy wasn't his secret admirer either, obviously. Looking down another corridor, Brain observed George opening his locker, and finding an unusual can inside. George grabbed the can, wondering what was inside it, so he removed the top, only to have a large, rubber snake pop out, startling him. Other students in the hall couldn't help but laugh at the amusing little prank that had just been played. Several hours later, Brain returned home from school, dropping his book bag to the floor, and grabbing a seat on his bed to relax. At that moment, Fern slowly approached his door, tapping lightly on the door frame.
"Brain?" Fern asked.
"What is it, Fern?" Brain responded.
"Don't give up hope, Brain," Fern said, as she began pacing, "perhaps there's more to this case than meets the eye..."
"Oh, don't worry about it, Fern," Brain assured her, as stood up from his bed, "besides, I think I finally figured it out..."
"You have?" Fern asked, breaking away from her pacing.
"Yes..." Brain said, "and I have to admit that I'm a little surprised I didn't figure it out before hand..."
"Figure out what?" Fern asked.
"It couldn't have been any girl from our class..." Brain said.
"How did you come to figure that?" Fern asked.
"When I finally put two and two together..." Braid continued, "it couldn't have been any girl from our class, because it was sent by a boy."
Fern was completely confused at that deduction. "A boy?!"
"Yes," Brain said, "I see it now, this wasn't actually from any secret admirer, but rather, somebody playing a practical joke on me!"
Fern was still confused. "Who would play a joke like that on you?"
"Maybe Binky?" Brain asked. "He has a rather bizarre sense of humor, plus he's been known to play tricks on people before."
"But... I don't recall Binky handing out Valentines either..." Fern reminded Brain.
"He could've done it when I least expected it, or when I wasn't even paying attention." Brain said. "Besides, it might not have been Binky, really, it could've been anybody."
"So... are you saying the case is solved?" Fern asked.
"Yes, I'm convinced that this was a simple gag note from someone looking to get my goat." Brain said, as he pulled the note out of his pocket, and tossed it into his wastebasket. "I'm sorry I dragged you into this, Fern, but I really did think it was a legitimate note from an actual secret admirer... again, I knew for a case like this, I need the help of someone who really could think like a girl."
"Oh... that's no problem, Brain," Fern said, "at least now, you can have a bit of peace of mind."
"Too true," Brain said, "well, I think I'll head down to the Sugar Bowl for some hot chocolate, would you like to come?"
"Oh, no thank you, I think I'd rather just head on home," Fern said, "after a mystery like this, I think I need to give my mind a bit of a break."
"Okay," Brain said, as Fern turned to leave, "thanks again."
"Again, it was no problem." Fern said, as she left Brain's house.
After a few more minutes had passed, Brain left his house to go to the Sugar Bowl, but as he made his way down the sidewalk, he once again heard a familiar voice call out to him.
"Brain!!!"
Brain turned around to find the strangest sight approach him. Buster now not only had on a wig, and nail polish, but also was wearing a baby blue, floral dress, and golden wrist braclet. Around his neck, he wore a choker of pearls, and he had, messily, applied a bit of makeup to his face.
"Brain!" Buster called out. "This is it... this is as girly as I can possibly get... can I please have the job? Please?!"
"You're a little late, Buster," Brain said, "the case has already been closed."
"What?" Buster asked, in a very defeated tone.
"Yes, despite my earlier theories, I have concluded that this wasn't the work of an actual secret admirer, but rather, the work of a practical joker... who the practical joker is, I haven't exactly figured that out, but it doesn't really matter, anymore as far as I'm concerned... and Buster?"
"Yeah?" Buster replied.
"You're really starting to scare me," Brain admitted, "perhaps you might want to change out of that ensemble, before somebody sees you, and wonders about your mental stability..."
Brain smiled a little, at how ludicrous Buster looked wearing women's clothing, as he made his way to the Sugar Bowl, while Buster stood there, defeated, pulling his wig off, and shuffling home, himself. All the while, Fern relaxed atop of her bed, not being able to control her laughter, which didn't go unoticed by her mother.
"Fern?" Her mother asked, entering her room. "What's so funny, Fern?"
"Oh, nothing," Fern said, trying to calm herself down, "nothing at all."
"Oh? Why were you laughing?" Her mother asked.
"I don't know," Fern lied, "sometimes, laughter is the best medicine."
Fern's mother shrugged, as she left the room, while Fern quieted down, staring at the ceiling. She started to remember a comment Francine once made about how thick boys are to realize the most obvious of things that are right under their noses. Brain was, without a doubt, the smartest student in class, the entire school even, yet he couldn't figure out who it really was who sent him the note. Fern's feelings may have been hurt, just a little, as Brain trashed the note, but for him to seek her out as a detective, and even complement her on the work she had done, made up for it. After spending quite a bit of time with him over a mystery that wasn't really a mystery at all, this will surly be a Valentine's Day Fern will never forget.
The end.