Autobot Autobot Summer Resort

(like a zombie) Craaaaaaaaaaaack. CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK. (Also a fully-functional, if verbose, walkthrough! Eventually, anyway.)

Skids interrupted the usual quiet, rather mumble-ridden lunch in the mess hall by running full-speed into the energon dispensers and screaming.

"I've found it! I've found the promised land!" shouted the joyful mech, grabbing an unimpressed Grapple by the shoulders and shaking him.

"That's nice, Skids."

"No really, I have! I chanted my way there!"

"Chanted?" Jazz turned in his seat to watch Skids. "We don't have to go through an armoir this time?"

Skids huffed and turn on his ankle. "I will have you know that I still regularly correspond with Mr. Tumnus, thank you."

"Skids, please." Optimus laid a gentle hand on Skids' shoulder and rubbed. "We are all very tired. Can it wait until after lunch?"

"No! Everyone is here at the same time! I have to do this now!" Skids held Optimus' hand tightly, brimming with excitement. "I've already brought Omega Supreme and Skyfire!"

A tiny flicker of panic sparked in Optimus' chest. "You've done what to O-"

"And besides, there's free food!" Skids waved his arms wildly, attracting as much of the mess hall's attention as he could. "Tons of it, and delicious! And human-style beds!"

"Human style?" Red Alert remarked, curious.

"And a beach!"

Beachcomber and Hound shared an approving look, not believing Skids raving sermon but liking the sound of his imaginary place either way.

"And tennis courts!"

Ratchet finally stood up. "Okay, Skids, I don't know what you took, but you need the antivirus as soon as possible."

Skids wasn't listening. He had jumped onto Skyfire's extra-tall table and had begun to chant, holding his arms in a traditional Cybertronian meditation pose. Bumblebee looked between Skids and the door.

"Um..." the Beetle laced his fingers. "Optimus, should we leave?"

Optimus growled and made to halt Skids' moving hands. "Skids, stop this a-

"-t once, you are- ... are..."

Optimus Prime, along with the entirety of the Autobot army... was in a parking lot. A very large asphalt lot, freshly painted and surrounded on all sides by trees. Not wild trees, either; specifically placed, matching height, carefully trimmed landscaped trees. The air smelled clean and slightly salty; the sky was alarmingly blue, with only wisps of white cloud on the very farthest horizon. Something told Optimus they weren't in Oregon anymore, maybe the fact that it was the middle of September and it was somewhere in the mid-90s in temperature, balmy but not humid.

The Autobots were confused, scouring the parking lot for any sign of familiarity. The only thing they could recognize was Omega Supreme, sprawled along one side of the immense lot, unabashedly basking in the sunlight.

"I can't fit through the trees!" Hound called. "They're spaced together like a chess board."

There was something a bit threatening in Optimus Prime's voice when he spoke. "Skids... where are we." It wasn't a question as much as an order to spill it.

Skids smiled, unsure but not entirely so. "Um... in the parking lot to paradise, sir."

"Woah, that's a good album title." Blaster waved to Jazz. "YO, JAZZ!"

"YEAH, I HEARD!" Jazz gave a quick thumbs-up. "IT'S AWESOME!"

Skids delicately motioned towards Omega Supreme. "We could go inside if- you know, Omega Supreme would move, but..."

"Omega Supreme: stationary." Omega slowly stretched his arms, a comfortable smile spread across his normally solemn face. "Comfort level: maximum."

"This won't do at all," Skids mumbled. "He's blocking the only way inside..."

"OO! I know what we need, we need, um-" Bumblebee pantomimed playing a Gameboy. "Um, a Pokeflute, or somethi-"

"No no no, Pokeflutes only work on Snorlax," Gears snapped.

"Nuh uh! You can use Pokeflute to wake up sleeping Pokemon!"

"No you can't!"

Sideswipe interrupted with, "Yes you can, haven't you tried it before? It totally works!"

Optimus could only groan. "Omega Supreme, please move."

The guardian shuttered his optics shut, smile shrinking just a bit as something within him gurgled. "Negative. Comfort level: maximum. Energy level: charging."

With another groan, Optimus gently rubbed the back of his neck. "Oh... you didn't eat lunch, did you?"

"Negative."

"I see." Optimus rubbed his chin, thinking. "Let me see if I can find you something to eat. Then would you move?"

" ... Affirmative."

"Thank you."

Optimus mingled among the crew, who were varying degrees of peeved (including Skids, who was desperately trying to convince everyone that this wasn't paradise, just the entrance). He was always met with the same basic response to his same basic question ("Do you have any energon left over from lunch?" "No, sorry."). It wasn't until he met Huffer at the very edge of the lot did he get a break.

"Do you have any energon left over from lunch?"

"Well, I did," Huffer groused, "But I dropped it when I landed."

The Prime felt a tingle of hope. "Really? Where did you land?"

"Here."

"Hmm..."

A quick scan of the area found the single energon cube under a shrub. Optimus sprinted back to Omega Supreme and tossed the cube into his fuel tank, waking the giant with a start. As soon as Omega Supreme stood up, the other Autobots squeezed beneath his legs and rushed the so-called paradise, Optimus left behind stuttering and confused. After a few dazed minutes, he followed, leaving Omega Supreme to once again bask in the warming glow of fresh asphalt.

I forgot how much killed formatting. The short beginning to what was GOING to be a short, cracky fic that is now going to be a loooooooong cracky fic that spans 3 universes, factions, and all 4 episodes of Cartoon Cartoon Summer Resort. (It's still on Cartoon Network's website! Just go, click on games, sort by Adventure games, and it's on the very last page.)