Warnings: Yaoi and language

Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.

Boys are 17 in this fic. (Kyle's POV)

I'm In Love With A Boy

by Mootycakes

Chapter 1: Admitting It

Tonight is the night all the seniors in my class have been waiting for. The first party to celebrate our last year of high school. Token's throwing it, of course, since he has his parent's mansion to host the entirety of our senior class in. There's not that many of us because South Park is such a small town, but there's enough to be too much of a hassle for anyone else to undertake. Kenny has been dubbing the start of the parties as an excuse for everyone to get drunk, including me.

I'm going to make a complete fool out of myself. My blond friend asked be several times to come, and since I couldn't come up with a legitimate excuse to get out of it this time, I relented and agreed. I'm certain I'm going to regret this decision before the night is through. The only thing I'm really looking forward to is spending some time with my super best friend, Stan. We haven't had much of a chance to hang lately because his head is always up his girlfriend's ass. He acts like it's the end of the world if he doesn't get to spend every waking minute with Wendy. I'm so sick of it.

On the other hand, I'm really anxious about facing Cartman. I know for a fact he's going to be there. He was helping Kenny to persuade me into coming. I really don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to something that Cartman was pushing for. That's never a good sign. I sighed. Over the years, Cartman has become less of a "fat ass" and more of a "hot piece of ass." Yes, I'm insane for thinking this, I know, but it's true. He's evolved like a deadly virus. No longer a tub of lard, he's muscular and tall, powerful and sexy, incredibly enticing and totally forbidden. He's not the raging douche he always used to be, but it doesn't stop him from picking on me and teasing me about my heritage any chance he gets. I'm sick of that, too. Fucking bastard.

The night is going to be a complete disaster, at least for me. Kenny has been bugging me about finding a date for this year; some floozy who will put out after only a few drinks is how he described her. I definitely don't want that. Well, someone easy might be nice, but not a woman. And that's where another problem starts. Yes, I'm gay, but none of my friends know except for Stan. I can't tell Kenny to stop trying to set me up, or he'll question it and my secret will be discovered. I'm not worried about him knowing, I know he'll be accepting, but I'm just not ready to come out yet.

That's what I'm dreading most about this party. It's just another stressful situation where I have to worry about drunken chicks throwing themselves around and having to come up with a believable excuse as to why I'm not jumping for joy at the chance of getting laid. Being seventeen fucking sucks. I'm nerdy, scrawny as fuck, and now gay. I don't really need to give the bullies at school any more fodder to bash me with.

I was lucky when I did come out to Stan. I worried so much about how he was going to react, but I shouldn't have fretted over it. He was completely cool with it. Well, he was okay as soon as I reassured him that I wasn't and never had been interested in him. He's good enough looking, I suppose, but he's totally not my type. He's just a follower, jumping into the next big fad without any motivation to go after his own causes, joining the "popular" new thing everyone gets into just to do it. And I'm definitely not interested in emetophilia; vomit is just super gross. He's lucky that Wendy has at least put up with that as long as she has, not that I'm a fan of her at all. Stan could totally do better, but that's another story.

Speaking of it though, my super best friend is practically the opposite of my type. I'm more interested in someone muscular and bulky, but with lots of charisma. They'd have to have a good sense of humor, and be more of a dominant personality. In other words, I have the hots for Cartman. I roll my eyes. Unfortunately no one has control over what they're interested in. Then again, I can blame my mother's overbearing nature as the reason I'm so submissive...and being interested in someone who's not.

As much as I deny it, my mother is such a raging bitch all the time, to me and to Ike. Always making ridiculous demands and getting disappointed in us for the smallest things. Don't get me wrong, she's still a loving mother, but she's a bit much most of the time. I shouldn't have to fear losing any chance at having a social life outside of school because I didn't get a perfect grade on something. It's ridiculous.

I can't really claim that I have much of a social life. I'm geeky and I hang out with the same group of friends I've known since pre-school. We've made other friends, but it always goes back to the four of us. Most of my time out of school is spent doing homework anyway. Study dates that my mom likes to set up between me and Cartman. Apparently being in all the honors classes as well as being on the football team makes all his asinine prejudices okay. He's not really racist around my family, but still, who can forget about all the shit he did when we were little? My mom's double standards astound me. Just because he's got an "incredible urge to succeed" and a "fantastic work ethic" doesn't necessarily make someone a good influence.

My thoughts always go back to Cartman. It's so hard to be around him all the time, at school and home and now at this fucking party. He reminds me of my fucked up situation. That I'm not open with my sexuality and that I have weird interests. I'm fine with being gay and I'm perfectly okay being infatuated with someone. I just hate that I'm into someone who used to make my life a living hell on a daily basis. Someone who teases me all the time just for kicks; seemingly living to get a rise out of me. I chuckle at myself. It's so ironic. If someone told my nine year old self how I'd feel when I was seventeen, I'd laugh at the joke, I'd never believe them, but it's true. I'm completely and utterly head over heels in love with Eric Cartman. What am I going to do with myself?

Author's Note: This chapter has been completely rewritten as of 10-22-2014. Let me know what you guys think. Read and review!