Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Sound of Music and its characters belong to their respective owners.

Note: This is my attempt of comedy. It was written for an Alphabet Challenge a few months ago, for the letter F. Hope you enjoy!

-------------------

Fudge

The Captain did his best to control himself and not let out the frustrated sigh he was struggling to keep inside. He was covered in fudge. But not just any kind, he was covered in liquid fudge. It was hot as it soaked through his shirt and made its way down his torso, not the least bit aiding him in overcoming his frustration. How did that all happen? The answer was, of course, Fraulein Maria.

Her face, of course, conveyed the horror she was rightfully feeling. With a hand on top of her head, the other flew up to cover her mouth as she stared at him wide eyed.

"Oh, Sir, I'm so sorry, Sir!"

To say she was clumsy was an understatement, yet a ruined shirt wasn't necessarily the real source of his frustration. And frustration was the perfect word to describe what he was feeling. Ever since the night when he sang Edelweiss for the first time in what had felt like years, he had been certain just why exactly he kept craving her company. That it soon turned into craving her further complicated things.

He had Elsa, a beautiful Baroness perfect for his rank, yet his mind kept going back to the young, innocent and so alluring governess. That in itself could have been possible to handle, but his body was just as responsive to these thoughts and the mere sight of her. So each day his attraction intensified. He struggled with the longing to touch her, the ever growing desire to feel her against him. To his annoyance, she was completely clueless of what kind of an effect she had on him.

While his body kept gravitating towards her, his mind kept shouting the exact opposite. So each time she got too close to him, he felt the desire and the frustration return. Today was a particularly difficult day and he hadn't even suspected just how bad it would turn. Until now. Her focus had been on the children all day long, so much so that she hadn't even noticed when her skirt brushed against him as she hurried off the terrace to join them earlier. It being a particularly hot day, both Max and Elsa (who was preoccupied with her party the upcoming day) had opted to lay down a little after lunch while the Captain stayed outside to observe his children playing.

Yet each time he had some time to think, his mind wandered to dangerous territory. The heat wasn't helping either and the sight of Fraulein Maria (upon taking a break from his very active children) closing her eyes, lifting her face to the sun --- effectively exposing her delicate neck – as she leaned against the railing, was enough for his libido to reach new heights, seriously tempting him to just grab her, set her down on the table he was sitting by and take her. That she was wearing the same damned dress she had gotten soaked in weeks before wasn't working to his advantage either. No, she was a living-breathing temptation, completely oblivious of it all – which made him desire her all the more.

That the children still wanted the hot fudge Frau Schmidt had agreed to serve them sounded ridiculous at first but he had given in. If they wanted it for dessert, then be it. Now that it was slowly making its way down his abdomen, it felt like the worst idea ever. In a careless move, the governess had managed to spill it all on him. He immediately stood, the hot liquid – although wasn't burning him—wasn't necessarily the most welcome sensation in the midst of his struggle to fight off the heat of the air, and the heat of his desire. And then it all got worse. Before he could have said or done anything, she had instinctively grabbed the first paper towel she could find and pressed it against his chest. From that point the only thing he could focus on was that she was touching him. Captain von Trapp, the decorated, heroic sea captain wanted to scream.

"Oh I am so clumsy. It's one of my worst faults, Sir!" She explained, not realizing that what she was doing was simply making matters worse.

"Stop!" He told her but she was too frantic to make up for what she had done. He grabbed her wrists and removed her hands from his shirt, finding it oddly difficult to release her before he did so. "Stop what you're doing at once!" He called out to her and that finally got her attention. Looking down at the complete mess and enormous stain on his clothing, he finally let out that sigh of frustration.

When he raised his head, that familiar look of wonder on her face stared back at him. For a moment he wondered if there were any physical signs of the arousal he had been trying to fight so he subtly pretended to fidget with that shirt again to double check. He was safe. What on earth was she staring at like that then?

"Why do you stare at me that way?" He asked.

"It's just that… I haven't seen a fudge covered sea Captain before." While her attempt of a joke did initially amuse him, it unfortunately also made her even more endearing. Hence, even more desirable. His answer to that was more frustration.

"Tell me Fraulein, any more of your worst faults I should expect to experience for the remainder of the summer?"

She bit her lower lip, a slight blush creeping upon her cheeks before she answered. "Not unless you want me to cook, Sir."

His children had chosen this moment to join them and the gasps and unsuccessful attempts of hiding the amused snorts weren't lost on either adults. Surprise was written across their features too, though. It was eventually Liesl who had found her voice first.

"I don't think Father has left us much fudge."

His head snapped up in annoyance and the warning glance he shot Liesl soon was fixated on the governess again, giving her a pointed look.

"Oh.. oh I'm… I'll get some water." She murmured and took off to quickly run into the house in search of Frau Schmidt. He had no chance to tell her not to bother since he needed to change clothes anyway, instead he took this as a chance to feel some relief that she wasn't tempting him at the moment.

He almost completely forgot about the children as he fussed with his clothing, grumbling under his breath as he realized some of it had stained his slacks as well. He sighed and upon raising his head did he notice seven pair of eyes, watching every move of his in complete silence. Gretl was staring at him slightly agape, Marta's brows were furrowed in concentration as she most likely tried to process the idea that her father could get messy too. Louisa's eyes were shining as if she had found herself a new hero – just a look at his tomboyish daughter's dirty clothes answered why that was, while Kurt's face looked almost painful, undoubtedly mourning the loss of the delicious dessert. Liesl looked smug while Brigitta studied him with the intensity of an eagle. It was only Friedrich who tried to keep a straight face when his father's eyes wandered to him.

"Run along now children. Go and play." The Captain dismissed them, starting to feel the loss of his dignity upon their scrutiny.

Although reluctantly but the children moved, Kurt's despair catching the Captain's ears as they walked off the terrace. "I wonder what fudge on shirt tastes like."

His shirt was already sticking to his skin thanks to the chocolate, and the warm liquid descending to his lower belly nearly made him growl when he realized that this was Fraulein Maria's doing, too. She wasn't even touching him – or present for that matter-- yet he felt the sensation as if her fingertips were playing across his skin. He shouldn't want her like this, it was sinfully wrong. Not only did he bring Elsa here with the intention of making her the future Baroness von Trapp… but the governess was a postulant. A postulant he very much wanted to free from her clothes and show how much more pleasant the world was outside the convent. But alas, he couldn't, and that left him in great turmoil.

"You're sweating, Father." Unbeknownst to the Captain, Brigitta had remained rooted to her spot, stating her observation at the most unexpected time. Surprised, the Captain looked up at his daughter.

"It's the uh, fudge." He informed her – or lied, to be precise.

"You were sweating before, too." Brigitta answered. Observant child indeed, he thought sarcastically.

"Because of the heat, Brigitta. I'm sure you noticed it's very hot today. It's uh, giving me some discomfort, makes me uncomfortable." He explained, turning his attention back to his shirt, done with the conversation.

"But it's cool inside, Father, and you looked flustered there, too, earlier." Captain von Trapp wanted to scream again. That was just what he needed, his ever observant child noticing his frustration with a certain governess. Where was Fraulein Maria when he needed her? Oh no wait, it was her who got him into this situation in the first place.

"Because breakfast wasn't agreeing with my stomach." If there had been ever a lousy excuse, then this was it. It wasn't only a couple of days later that the Captain would recognize that his eldest son, Friedrich, inherited his failure in emergency excuses. "Now, go play with your brothers and sisters." Came the order and the girl did as she was told. With a huff, the Captain decided it was time to get out of these clothes. Maybe take a long, cold shower too, which should take care of two of his problems at once.

Promptly turning on his heels, he never saw Fraulein Maria coming. With the bowl of water she apparently felt necessary to bring, he crashed into her, making her emit a yelp in surprise while he got completely soaked -- with water this time. Dripping wet with his shirt still covered in the fudge that the water couldn't help, Captain von Trapp stood motionless. Cold shower solved.

Maria's hand flew to the top of her head yet again and she stared at the Captain in horror.

"I am SO sorry, Sir. I've completely ruined your shirt. I'll… I'll make you a new one."

"A new one?" She had to be kidding him. He couldn't help the sarcastic answer. "I appreciate the offer, Fraulein, but I don't have plans to change my drapes any time soon."

He watched as she lowered her hand and her jaw dropped slightly. For a second he thought he had actually offended her but as always, the governess didn't fail to stand up to him.

"Well I still have some of the old ones left." There it was again, that rise of the eyebrows with the tiniest hint of a smile, daring him to question the mockery in her statement.

"I suppose now I know why my children needed… play clothes." He did get her to blush slightly this time.

"Oh there you are Capt-" Frau Schmidt froze in mid sentence as she came to a halt, taking in his appearance with a bewildered look on her face. "Oh I… didn't know you were going for a swim today, Sir." Maybe it wasn't necessarily the best thing Frau Schmidt could have said but that was about the only thing that came to her mind. The moment she said it she realized Maria's straightforward honesty had been rubbing off on her a little too much maybe. Little did she know that she further increased the Captain's ire and the governess' blush.

The Captain rolled his eyes before he attempted to burn a hole in Fraulein Maria. The older woman didn't know why Maria had needed the bowl of water but now she had absolutely no doubt she was – one way or another – involved in this… accident. That nearly made Frau Schmidt lose her battle with the impending grin. Serves him right for making her help me a few days ago, she thought.

Raising his head high as if nothing in the world was amiss, the Captain straightened to his full height. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go and change."

Frau Schmidt and Fraulein Maria stepped aside at once to clear the way and the latter kept her head down as he passed them by. The Captain stopped a few steps away and turned back to address her.

"Oh and Fraulein… may I ask you to please refrain from demonstrating another one of your worst faults at the party tomorrow?"

"As long as they don't serve fudge, certainly, Captain." He gave her one long look before he turned on his heels and marched up to his bedroom, needing to get out of these clothes and needing to get away from her before giving in to the temptation to get this particular stain rub off on her, too.

The End