Author Note: I was overcome with a strange energy today, and anja-chan suggested I channel that energy into a fanfic. I thought up — and even started on — a few brilliant ideas, but to my great surprise, this is what eventually came out. I hereby dedicate this fic to The Angelic Demoness, who frequently tells me not to knock things until I've tried them.

I knocked a few people up good, babe, just for you. (smirk) Kidding, kidding, no pregnancy here. Please enjoy.

The rest of you…. Er, warnings, yeah. WARNING FOR… LIFE. Just… yeah. Stop if you get uncomfortable or something.

Stress and frustration ate at Hal Ridner like a family of starved jackals, and it was with a desperate burst of energy that she mounted the stairs to her apartment complex and threw open the lobby door. There was only one person that could satisfy her on a day like this one. He already had her keys, and she had called him earlier to tell him to wait for her.

Mello.

Hal began to grow warm thinking about what he was capable of.

She took the stairs two flights up and opened the door to her apartment, expectant.

And there he was, Mello — lounging across her sofa with his legs spread, one arm flung lazily over the back of the cushions. His leather pants shown with a burnished gleam; his rosary glinted in the half-light. He set his chocolate down when she closed the door behind her, rising slowly as she tugged off her scarf.

"Hal." That familiar spark of anticipation in his gaze.

Hal's coat was next to drop to the floor. Her eyes found Mello's hips as he strode forward. "Mello." When she spoke his name, it came out sultry. Mello lifted an eyebrow. Oh god, she wanted him. He could release all her tensions and curb her appetite. She didn't want to wait.

Mello knew it.

He allowed Hal to seize him by the belt and tug him forward; she unclasped the buckle, and with a snaking sort of ssssffft noise that marked the start of surrender, she tugged the whole belt free and let it drop beside her jacket and scarf.

"Bad day with Near?" Mello asked sardonically. He stood completely still, expressing nothing but lethargy even as she tore loose the corded lacing at his fly.

"It's not Near," Hal said, drawing closer and speaking in a murmur beside his ear. One hand slid to the back of his neck, while the other continued the work it had started between his legs. "It's playing body guard for that silly blonde Lolita. All I ever want to do is dropkick her." She shifted her lips to Mello's neck next, and she could sense him smirking.

A moment later, Hal slid downward, unzipping Mello's vest as she sank and laying a hot kiss above his waistline once she reached her knees. She jerked the leather aside, far enough to give herself access to what it was she wanted. When she had it, she began to use her tongue. Licking along the shaft. Stroking with her fingers. Above her, Mello released a hissing sound. His gloved fingers coiled in her hair and he hauled her back upward.

"Don't be stupid, Hal," was all he said.

That was why she liked him. In his own strange way, Mello respected her. He never allowed her to stay on her knees for long. They stood close together for a moment, eyes locked, Hal's hand still stroking, pressing, tempting, and then Mello's restraint seemed to snap. He seized her by the hips — startled her into releasing him — and slammed her against the door she'd so recently closed.

They moved in unison. Hal's fingers trembled in anticipation as she began toiling with the buttons on her blouse. Mello's hands made quick work of her dress pants, which she stepped out of automatically; he was rubbing and sliding his fingers along the outside of her silk underwear before she had undone her final blouse buttons.

"Hurry up," Mello growled, low and wanton in her ear, before nipping at one of her earrings. He was resting his free arm against the doorframe. Boxing her in. Enjoying the struggle Hal was locked in with her own business attire.

She couldn't get the blouse off fast enough.

The last two buttons hit the floor with little pings as Mello fisted the material and pulled. The tailor was not going to like that, because this was the third time now, but Hal didn't care. The buttery leather of his gloves skipped over the bare skin of her torso, and when Hal felt Mello's lips drift toward her chest, she gasped.

Her gasp overlapped with the sound of her toilet flushing one room over.

Hal raised her head, groggy from the beginnings of real pleasure, immediately wary and hating that she had to be. "Wh-what was…?" She looked over Mello's shoulder when she heard the clunk of heavy boots.

Stripes and baggy jeans, and a head of deliciously matted and mussed red hair emerging from the bathroom door. Hazel eyes taking in the scene through a pair of orange-tinted goggles.

"Tch. You started without me."

Mello drew away from Hal and turned around, loosing a quiet snort at the interruption. "You took too fucking long, Matt." Hal's jaw fell open slightly when Mello's hot gaze slid over the other man's figure from top to bottom and back again.

Matt lifted a lazy hand to scratch the back of his neck. "When you gotta go, you gotta go," he shrugged. Then, "Nice panties, Ridner."

Hal Ridner's cheeks burned crimson. Matt's stare examined her instead of Mello now, taking in her every curve. She glanced between Matt and Mello — cocksure pair of Wammy boys — both at least nine years her junior. Mello wasn't looking at her, but there was a thin smile gracing his features. He waited, as if he knew what Hal were thinking. She bit her lip to stifle a moan.

Mello.

And Matt?

Well then.

She must have given some unconscious cue of consent, because Matt stretched and rolled his shoulders and Mello said, brazenly, "Then shall we?"

Together, they entered her bedroom. Hal shut the door and dimmed the lights. Mello began to rid the bed of pillows and toss them unceremoniously into one corner. Matt removed his gloves, then his vest, then his boots.

Then the cigarettes from his back pocket, then his goggles, then his wallet with the long chain.

"Christ," Hal said, and rolled her eyes.

Matt found his lighter and added it to pile. "Anticipation makes it better," he insisted.

"Is that so." Hal rolled down one of her thigh-high stockings, while Matt traced the movement with lips glistening. Hal had not been watching at the moment he licked those enticing lips, though. Damn.

"Quit fucking around and being slow," Mello ordered from the bed. Both Hal and Matt looked over. Hal felt herself grow warm again. Matt released a moan.

Mello's chest was bare of clothing; his vest lay tousled on the carpet with his gloves, and the deep garnet beads of his rosary sparkled against his skin. He had kicked off his boots long enough to rid himself of his leather pants, and then pulled the boots back on.

Nothing but his boots and his rosary. Sprawled across Hal's queen-size like he owned it.

Hal swallowed, hard. This was certainly not your average evening.

"Fuck," Matt said, and his voice was hoarse. He was at the bedside within moments. Hal hung back, aroused now more than she'd been before, and curious. Matt's legs tangled with Mello's as he clambered onto the mattress, and Mello fisted Matt's striped collar to pull him down.

Then they were kissing. It was rough, urgent, powerful. Mello's fingers slid under Matt's shirt and scraped along his back. Matt's hand closed around Mello's hip and pinned him down. A long moment passed and their breathing grew heavy.

Hal cleared her throat.

The two males broke apart reluctantly and sat up.

"Aw, come on — you had a turn while I was in the bathroom," Matt reminded.

A flush had spread over Mello's cheeks with the heat of contact; he gave himself a moment to recover from Matt's kiss. Then, with a languid motion, he beckoned Hal to the bedside. "This will be far more satisfying with all three of us," he announced to placate them.

Hal joined them on the bed. Matt didn't argue. She slipped between the two of them, and her presence seemed to remind both boys that there was more than enough attention to go around. Mello and Matt exchanged a glance before they both climbed to their knees to match her. Matt slipped behind her and Mello remained facing her in front. Slowly, they began to act.

Matt caressed the back of Hal's neck with a kiss, while a hand slid down her thigh to toy with the elastic at the top of her remaining stocking. "This isn't weirding you out, is it? Because I know it's kind of kinky." His inquiry was a whisper, and Hal shivered as his lips traced the path between her neck and one shoulder.

Hal didn't answer, just retaliated with a question of her own. "I suppose Mello asked you along because he's finally found that I'm too much to handle by himself?"

Mello had been monitoring their exchange with a hungry gaze, but now he drew close to Hal and his fingers pushed past the barrier of her underwear. "On the contrary, Hal," he murmured, "I rather thought you would like this." Hal stiffened when Mello began to flex his nimble fingers between her legs, and Matt held her hips steady when she arched her back and leaned into him.

Then Mello dipped forward to capture her lips.

Hal threw her arms around his neck and kissed back. Mello's kisses were commanding, yet provided room for reaction. He took control, but granted ample freedom; his supple lips would guide and entice yet remain pliant enough to allow Hal to shift as she pleased, to move and breathe and let her tongue flick around. He could kiss so languidly that she felt every nerve catch fire at the pressure on her mouth; he could bite and nip so fast and hard that before Hal knew it, her lips were bruising. He was rough when he knew she wanted it that way. Every time, Mello dizzied her with his responses. Every time, he made her burn.

Hal tangled her grip in his flaxen locks, and he took her lower lip between his teeth. The act elicited a shudder, and then Hal heard Matt's voice low in her ear. "Mello's had years of practice, the man-slut." She could tell the redhead was grinning.

Mello drew away from her mouth and began pressing wet kisses along her collarbone. "Her bra, Matt," he mumbled between his motions, "Take it off."

Matt's fingers unhooked the clasp obediently, and as he moved the article of clothing aside, his hands brushed against the swell of her breasts. Hal gasped for air, suddenly wanting more.

Just her panties and one stocking, now. Mello, in only boots and his rosary.

"Matt," she breathed, "You have too many god damned clothes on." He was pressed against her from behind; she could feel the coarse fibers of his jeans chafing her exposed skin. He still sported his black and white stripes, too. She freed a hand from Mello's hair and reached around in back to find Matt's fly and unzip it.

Matt caught her wrist and drew away. "Just a second — I'll do it." Hal glanced over her shoulder; he had begun to strip down at the bedside.

"Pay attention to what's in front of you," Mello growled, and in that instant, he pulled her panties down and slipped a slick finger inside her.

Hal cried out. She melted there, weak with pleasure for a long moment before she felt ready enough to rock into his motions and reciprocate. Mello held her close, his rosary chilly against her chest as he moved with her. She dug her fingernails into his shoulders, and he groaned at the scratches she left there before toppling her onto her back in the space Matt had vacated. It was easier that way, and with his unoccupied hand Mello moved her silky underwear down around her ankles, unhooked them from over her feet, and tossed them to the floor. Then went her second stocking, all without breaking rhythm. Hal closed her eyes and gripped the sheets with knuckles white. Mello used two fingers now, sliding slow and hard to make sure Hal felt every instant of friction. His thumb brushed over the point outside of her that ached for pressure, but all too soon, he slowed and withdrew.

Hal opened her eyes to find Mello licking his fingers and staring at something across the bed. "That's impressive, Matt," he said.

Hal rolled onto her stomach and looked up. All Matt had on now was his boxers. She resisted the urge to clap a palm to her face. There were Autobots on them.

But in another moment, Hal found herself flushing hot with the same emotion that Mello already displayed. Her attention was drawn to the swell between Matt's legs, and she colored and wet her lips.

"Well, Matt," Mello whispered, and Hal could tell his control was wearing thin, "I don't think I've ever seen you quite so eager." Then, "Come here."

But Matt was not going to be too compliant. "Suppose I want to come over there, instead?" Hal noted the glint in his hazel eyes, and with a smirk that she made sure Mello did not see, she waited for Matt to make a move.

To both Hal and Matt's surprise, Mello sprung up from the bed, seized Matt by the waistband, and hauled him back atop the covers. Hal barely had time to shift out of the way.

"Whoa, Mello, what the f—"

"Don't fucking play games with me," Mello rasped. Quicker than death by heart attack, he ridded Matt of his boxers.

"Teach him a lesson," Hal said lazily, content for the moment to watch events span out before her. Mello paused long enough to shoot her an appreciative and triumphant little smile before dipping his head between Matt's legs, and the gesture made Hal tingle.

Matt had been forced to his back; he lay propped up on his elbows, and Mello used both his hand and his mouth on his victim without mercy. He pumped with a fist and twirled his tongue, pulling and pressing until Matt threw his head back and bit his lip to stifle a groan. "M-Mello…." Mello's hair came untucked from behind his ears and swung down to brush along Matt's inner thighs. Matt's whole body trembled; he broke out into a sweat, and before long he was slick with the heat of Mello's ministrations.

Without warning, he let out a lustful cry. "Ah-ahhn! Mello, I-I…." Mello must have done something with his teeth, Hal realized. The cherry flush across Matt's cheeks, the look on his face as Mello went down on him… all of it fired Hal's desire, and suddenly, she wanted Matt reacting that way to her. She'd never seen him so shameless….

Hal moved in and Mello pulled back, confused. He sat up, and she reached down to grip his member and glide over it, hard enough to get him to remain still and let her speak. "You shouldn't do a woman's job, don't you agree?"

Matt, who still hadn't recovered, choked on another moan. Mello fixed Hal with a hooded stare, then looked back at Matt.

"What do you think, Matt?" he asked slyly.

Matt swallowed. "I think I'm too far gone to think," he stated.

Mello's hand shot out and he gripped Hal's chin, lifting her face to direct her focus. "Don't disappoint him," he commanded her.

"Don't disappoint me," Hal responded. She dragged her hands up Mello's thighs.

Mello reached over the side of the bed into his vest pocket and came away with something small and packaged, which he waggled where only Matt could see, as if consorting secretly. Hal rolled her eyes.

"The kind with ridges?" Matt exclaimed. "That's going to burn like hell, all that extra god damned latex or whatever."

"Hal can take it." The way he said it, so dark and confident… Hal shuddered with ecstasy. Mello could bring her over the edge with that voice alone. She needed to direct her attention elsewhere before she lost herself entirely….

Matt was still trying to regain his breath. Hal caught his eye and then shifted her gaze to his weeping manhood.

"Oh god yes," Matt exhaled.

Hal removed the band from her wrist and tied back her long platinum hair. "Mello may be good, but I'm far more experienced in this area than he is."

"Don't be so sure," grumbled Mello from somewhere behind her, as she heard the tear of a package and the fwap of damp latex. She grinned, recognizing the challenge in Mello's voice and knowing that he'd make her pay for the insult. Matt licked his lips. Hal bent to all fours, pushed Matt's legs farther apart, and took him into her mouth.

He was thick, and hard as rock. She twirled her tongue over the tip and slid down, applying enough pressure to receive a shudder in return. His heat nearly overwhelmed her senses, but she took him deep and rhythmically, and a moment later she felt Mello's presence close behind her, ready.

Hal kept up her routine on Matt even as Mello clutched her waist and bent over to husk beside her ear. "Hal… take it." It left no room for argument. Hal was already slick with need, waiting for him to indulge her.

Mello pushed inside her and Hal moaned around Matt's member in her mouth. Matt witnessed it all from his perfect vantage point, and seemed to grow even harder as a result. Hal allowed Mello to fill her, and Mello set the rhythm for the three of them. She burned at every thrust; Mello dragged along her insides, and the sweet friction fired her synapses and planted seeds of pleasure that blossomed at her core. In and out, harder and faster…. Mello's fingers were biting into her hips and his palms were slick with perspiration. Once or twice, he grunted in exertion, and once, when he let slip a slow, melodic chant of her name, Hal lost her control and went down on Matt hard enough to draw a curse.

"H-harder," Matt panted vaguely as their shared desire began to increase. Hal applied more pressure and scraped lightly with her teeth, while Mello as well responded to the plea in Matt's husky tone. His thrusts grew more insisting, and Hal had to stop her work with Matt to unleash a cry. Her fingers dug into Matt's thighs for support and she squinted her eyes shut. "Ah, Mello! Mmn, aah—yes, d-don't stop…."

Matt rose and leaned forward. He tucked his hand against the back of Hal's neck and guided her head upward, delivering a deep kiss in which his tongue danced against hers, wet and sultry. Mello groaned at the sight. "Don't you stop either," Matt said when the blazing kiss had ended.

Mello's enthusiasm increased and began to peak; Hal could feel it in the way her insides burned and writhed with his wanton strokes. She glanced up at Matt, whose hair was plastered to his forehead, a deeper red against the glow of his skin…. Hal was ready to bring him over the edge, for she was nearly there herself.

She rendered him weak with an oral crescendo of lips, teeth, and tongue.

"Oh, fuck—" Matt cried. "—yes—" His words degenerated into one long, low moan and he began spilling into Hal's mouth with a satisfied tremor.

Hal pulled back and slid her hand along his shaft until he was completely empty, licking her lips so Matt could watch. Matt tasted salty, bitter… with a hint of something almondy….

"Hal." Mello's voice was breathless and assertive; he left her no time to admire her handiwork.

Hal knew what he needed. What she still needed.

Fumbling only slightly, Mello pulled out and they shifted position, while Matt flopped bonelessly down onto the mattress, satiated. Mello braced his back against the headboard and Hal mounted herself over his lap, facing him. He attacked her chest with lips and teeth, suckling and nipping and tugging as she rode him. His upward thrusts were wild and frantic. Hal felt her pleasure rising and rising as her thighs clenched with effort, and suddenly she tensed inside, breaching her climax. She came with Mello's name on her lips and a whirlwind of colors before her eyes.

Mello expired a moment later, and it was in a state of torpor that they both sank onto the mattress as well, satisfied.

Matt looked at Hal. Hal glanced at Matt.

Mello watched them both. "Well?" he said.

"Interesting," Hal ventured after a pause.

"I want my fucking Gameboy back," Matt said. Hal snickered, then prodded him in the knee.

Her gaze bounced between the two of them. Matt, the flush finally receding from his cheeks. Mello, still wearing his boots. Had she really just allowed two such people to…?

"Can we all just rest now?" she asked. "I have to be at work early for Near tomorrow."

There was a pause.

"God, don't fucking mention Near after something like what we just did! That spoils the moment," Matt exploded, mighty indignant, just as Mello unleashed something like, "Toy-obsessed bitch doesn't even know where his own dick is."

For what felt like the umpteenth time that night, Hal rolled her eyes. She draped an arm over Mello's chest and felt Matt cozy up against her other side.

"I guess good things do come in threes."

Feel free to offer criticism (I know — the ending is weak), but if this fic is not perfect, know that it will never be. I am done with it, thanks very much.

I really wanted to title this something like, "Nannin imasu ka?!" to express my great indignant feelings at this creation, but I refrained.

Also, Crazy Little Feline, I believe a looong time ago, you asked me to write a threesome, or joked about it or something. Now I've done it! Did you find the tiny line in there that was me trying to be subtle (but failing) in reference to you and your epichness? It was there. I adore you.

Anyway, Ms. Demoness. You're lucky I like you, because lots of this was painful. By the time I started writing the end, though, I was cackling aloud with gratuitous laughter, grimacing in distaste, and overdramatically shrieking things like, "This is not right!" to my empty apartment. So uh, as scarring as it may have been for yours truly, I think I terrifically amused myself despite the penises and semen and whatnot. Hurray for personal growth?

Oh, and Tobi Tortue? The safe sex was for you. (hearts)