A/N: Helloooo! So … this is that Ames/Ray Ray outtake I promised y'all. I just figured I'd post it here, so none of you FStop fans would miss this li'l ditty.
*whispers* Annnnd guess what? My fantabulous partner in crime youbettago is going to be posting the full length feature on her profile! Yup, she'll be writing Ray pov, and I'll be pitching in with some Ames. If you don't already have her on author alert … A. you're just silly, 'cuz you're missing out. MAJORLY. B. Run along over to her profile (http:/www . fanfiction . net/u/2001653/youbettago) and do it now, so you can get alerts when she posts the Ames & Ray's adventures fic later this week :-)
Oh, Ray. Raaaaay, Ray Ray Ray.
Sweet Mother of the Earth. Swoon.
Our phone call had just ended. You know, the phone call that practically made me float through the roof with excitement? Yeah.
Ray Ray was the last person on Earth I'd expected to answer my best friend's phone, but he did. Oh, lawdy have mercy he did.
Oh, and guess who just got a text from Ray? This girl. The one with the beaming smile plastered all over her face.
So I guess I should start at the beginning ….
Sookie was always an EN girl. ALWAYS. And I, well, I preferred Ray. This was back in the RECON days. Still, Ray had always been mah guy. Every outtake and interview I'd managed to dig up on the internets just made me like his personality even more. He was one of those people that I just thought I'd get along with famously, ya know?
"I'd love to sit on the beach with that guy and make fun of rollerbladers." I had told Sookie one night while we were chatting away online. She just rolled her eyes at me over Skype. Hooker.
He could tell a dirty joke as well as he could belt out Teenage Dirtbag. He had this adorable giggle that totally showed off an even more adorable dimple. He dressed the way I liked my boys, and those gold-rimmed pimp shades… Gah! Seriously, he was so darn adorable. I wanted to tackle him and lick him. Or knit him a sweater. I couldn't decide which.
I know. I have issues. Well, in my defense, I probably wouldn't really do that if I actually met him in real life. Well … probably wouldn't. Maybe I wouldn't. Would I?
We were even good match Astrologically. Yeah, okay. I'll admit it; I'd totally taken one of those online quizzes. It was right next to the Barbie name generator and I just couldn't resist.
So as soon as I saw Ray Ray's name flash across my Twitter stream—by way of my girl's account, no less—I had to call her.
"You're on with Awesome. Can I take your order?"
Most definitely not Sookie….
I giggled before I greeted the mystery funster. "My, Sookie, what's with the manly vocal chords? Didja get a testosterone shot or somethin'?"
Stunned silence. I couldn't be sure, but I could swear I heard hard gulping.
"The better to seduce you with my dear. Who this be?" He was adorably playful, whoever this mystery cutie was.
"This be Amelia. Fair maiden Sookie's best friend. May I have the pleasure of a name of her phone's kidnapper?"
"Aye, lass. This be the dread Pirate Ray Ray. I demand retribution for the wrongs done to me by Sookie's phone!"
I snorted and giggled for a moment before the weight of his words hit me. I sobered instantly.
"Ray. Ray, Ray?" The first time I said his name it came out in a normal even tone. The second and third time, not so much. More like squeals. The rabid, manic kind. Of course it was that Ray. Sookie was at the RECON party. Why would I even think it was any other Ray?
"I couldn't get any more Ray unless I was part of the sun, sweetheart."
Oh. Holy. Fucking. Hell. Sweet baby jesus, I was talking to Ray. RAY! I stood up on my bed and did the running man, my blankets tossing every which way around my feet. Ignoring the revolted 'that human is insane!' look my cat, Bubba threw my way before evacuating the area, I jumped and fell flat on my ass against the mattress with excitement. What do I say? Oh god. Ohgodohgodohgod.
"So, what are you wearing, Ray?" Facepalm. Seriously, Ames? You've finally got your ultimate dream dude on the line, and that's the best you can come up with? Argh.
"Tuxedo tee shirt and jeans; my formal digs, of course."
I could so totally see him in that … and me tearing it off of him. "Sounds saucy."
God, I was lame.
"What about you, Fraulline?"
"Just a white wife beater and boxers. You wanna see?" What the … did I just volunteer pics of myself to him? No way would he want them. No freakin' way.
"555-431-2769."
I caught flies. Literally, my mouth was gaping and I heard a buzzing as I swatted away the little rascal once my brain had turned back on.
Once recovered, I quickly scribbled the number down and promised to send them later.
I had Ray's phone number! I did the happy dance, lying down—which takes some serious skills, mind you.
He kept the gigglesnort-inducing banter going. I was just answering on auto-mode since my brain was still running circles around the fact that he'd given me his phone number. Holy mother of fucking god, Ray had given me his phone number! Yeah, I might've pinched my girls just to make sure I wasn't dreaming … and 'cuz I was on the phone with a handsome devil.
At some point, I made a comment about being too honest and next thing I knew, he said I was perfect for him and that we should hook up. I was all verklempt! Seriously, funny as fuck and hot as hell Ray was saying he wanted to hook up. With me.
I didn't have anyone to pounce on … I considered Bubba across the room for a second, but I swear to god he raised a disapproving eyebrow at me before dismissing me with a flick of his chin. God, that thing was a diva and three quarters. He was lucky that he was so damn cute and cuddly… and bore a striking resemblance to his namesake with that fuzzy, gravity-defying Mohawk of his.
I refocused my attention on the object of my swooning, and somehow managed to keep my shit in check, giggle-snorting like a moron before turning up the flirt.
"I wish I was there right now." Okay, I could even hear the pout in my voice. I had really wanted to go but didn't want to put Sookie on the spot like that. The Recon cast was notorious for their nights out, but Sookie was already tagging along, and I knew that if I'd asked her she would probably feel obliged to score me an invite.
"Fuck, smalls. I wish you were here too. I could really use some beautiful in my view."
How the hell did he known what I looked like? I asked him.
"Oh, a lovely picture of you came across the screen when you called. I especially loved the crossed eyes."
Mortification! And yet another facepalm.
"Hmmm, that sounded suspiciously like a facepalm, Amelia." Ray giggled.
"That's the cutest giggle I've ever heard, Ray! Awww, you're even adorable on the phone."
"Are you always this perky late at night? Your energy: I want a case full of it."
We flirted back and forth a bit until Sookie stole the phone from Ray with barely enough time for a hasty goodbye. I was so gonna have to give her some wing-girl lessons.
She and I chatted quickly before she hung up on me—rudely, I might add—to go check Twitter. Lord save us all, I'd created a monster.
As soon as she hung up on me, I wasted no time and started taking pictures of myself in my peejays so I could select the perfect one to send to Ray. Approximately four minutes later I had a great shot that I sent with the caption Yes, I'm ALWAYS this perky.
Less than a minute later my phone buzzed with a new text message.
You stole my boxers. Give them back. NOW.
I took them off and laid them on my bed, then took a picture of them. Come and get 'em, Big Boy!
Giggling to myself, I got into bed and turned off the lights, thinking as much fun as this was, I couldn't hold Ray's attention a whole lot longer. I mean, I might be a hot lil' mama, but I wasn't delusional.
My phone buzzed in my hand as I clutched it under my pillow.
Thin ice, woman! Damn, my boxers feel tight.
Wha?
This time when my phone buzzed, I had a new picture message. It was a picture of something plaid and tight and ... oh dear god. It was his crotch. I almost hyperventilated.
Oh. Wow. I can't top that…
I kept staring at the pic while I waited for a response. Great googly moogly… I had just received a crotch shot from Ray. This certainly wasn't what I had thought my night would hold when I dialed Sookie earlier.
New message. I know how you can top it, sugarlump.
Oh yeah? Tell me more! Tell me more! I loved 'Grease'. So sue me.
Meet me for lunch tomorrow.
This time I screamed out loud and I'm sure my old bitty neighbor heard me even without her hearing aid in at this late hour. Bubba chimed in with his trademark grunt-snort, the one he saved for when he wanted to make it clear that he was not amused, in the slightest. It was a bizarre sound that ended up sounding somewhere between a snore and a fart. Damn spoiled brat.
My fingers hovered over the keys before I replied to him and got an immediate response with the name of a little café on the beach. After I had agreed on the place, I got one more message.
I got chills, they're multiplyin'. See you tomorrow Sandy.
I grinned, happy to know that he had gotten my lame Grease reference.
Tell me about it, Stud! Sweet dreams ….
The last thing I remembered before drifting away to sleep was staring at my new favorite screensaver.