©2002 This story was written by Katie (oh sure! Like I'll give you my last name!). It is totally 100% fictional, which is why it's a fanfic! If you wanna use it on your webpage, then you must e-mail me at [email protected]. If I find my fanfic on your page without my permission, then I will personally kill you. Have a nice day :P!
SEVERE FOREWARNING! Some silly shounen-ai, cursing, some . . . interesting couples (very out-of-the-ordinary O.o), people who are extremely out-of-character, lemon-lime-flavoured humour, and much more naughty fun :D you have been warned! Also note that I really hate Ness, so he will be harmed periodically throughout. If you don't like the sounds of this, trust me, you should turn away RIGHT NOW. Enjoy!
[A/N: I mean nothing against gay people in this fic! If someone calls a homosexual character "queer", it's probably because they're pissed off. I also don't mean to offend anyone if it appears that I am using homosexuality as an insult. These are not my own views. I mean not to offend, and if I do, I'm VERY sorry!]
LEGAL SSBM DISCLAIMER: © 2001 Nintendo and HAL Laboratories. I don't own any rights for the game (peh! I wish! I wish I owned . . . yeeeheee . . . LINK too ^^).
Super Smash Bros. Melee: EXPOSED (Part 8)
It was Sunday morning, and everyone was sort of melancholy because it was the day they were to depart from good ol' HAL. Fox and Falco were setting up some last-minute pranks to try and impress Kiara and Jamey, Jugga was planting kisses on Y'Link all over, Roy was avoiding Samus to the best of his ability, Wario was trying to talk to Daisy, Captain Falcon and Peach were making plans to move in together while Mario watched silently and sadly, Shiek and Zelda were . . . uhm, well, I suppose you can guess. However, Nana, DK and Bowser. . . . "Nana!" Bowser shouted, "I need to talk to you!" Bowser noticed suddenly that Nana was no longer adorned in her princess attire, yet she also wasn't wearing her snowsuit. She was just dressed in a normal pair of jeans, and a Donkey Kong t-shirt. Bowser took a double take on the t-shirt, then realised what was going on when she turned around, and it was made noticable that she was waiting for someone. Bowser paused for a moment as DK walked out of the men's room and greeted Nana with a kiss on the cheek. Bowser's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. You see, the night before, Nana was feeling guilty, so she pulled DK aside and talked to him for awhile. She told him how she was feeling bad about pitting the two best friends against eachother, and how no princess should do that. It was right then and there she resigned from being a princess (much to the dismay of Peach, Zelda, and Daisy), and then admitted to DK that she never really realised what she thought of him until that very night. She told him she really liked him, and she even started to choke up a bit. He brushed the tears away, then looked down, smiled, and gave her a big hug. Indeed, DK quit drinking that night as well. *sniff sniff* . . . I'm not crying, leave me alone! I have allergies . . . there's something in my eye! *sniffle* Leave me aloooooone! Nana glanced at Bowser. "What is it?" she asked. Bowser realised right then that the only reason he had any feelings for Nana at all in the first place was because she was a princess. Now that she was no longer, he noticed that his feelings for her were gone. He shrugged. "Oh, I heard about you and DK. 'Gratulations!" he said, patting DK on the shoulder. "You finally got her, eh, bud?" DK smirked a bit. "Yeah," he said. "Thanks."
"What are we going to do about her, sweetbuns?" whispered G. N. Dorfman (HAHA I'm so KILLER with nicknames!) to Yoshi, making a gesture backwards with his thumb toward Birdo. Yoshi shrugged. "How the hell should I know?" he asked. "So what if she used to be my girlfriend? That was back when I was. . . ." (insert shudder here) ". . . straight." He shuddered again at the thought of Birdo, and how whenever they used to kiss, she used to open that huge gaping mouth of hers and inhale so quickly she'd suck his entire head in (OI, you perverts! Stop thinking like that! You know what I mean!). "Well, she's been bugging us for another go since yesterday morning . . . so maybe if we give her one, she'll shut up," said Gan Gan the Fine Old Man (HAHAHA! I SLAY MYSELF!) pensively. Upon Yoshi's face there was a look of complete and utter horror. "ARE YOU OFF YOUR ROCKER!?" Yoshi shouted. He then remembered that Birdo was walking behind them, so he turned around quickly to see if she suspected anything. He watched as the pink . . . thing began to play with a butterfly, then continued by ramming headfirst into the wall. Yoshi snorted. Ganniewannie Dorf Dorf (HAHAHAHAHA! *falls off chair* huhuhuhuhu) quickly shot a glance at Yoshi. "I'm being serious, you know," he hissed.
Pikachu and Kirby woke up in the Planet Zebes arena, having their asses slightly burnt by the acid bubbling up beneath them. They screamed loudly and lept several metres into the atmosphere. "You IDIOTS!" shouted one of the employees of HAL. "First, you lose to a miniscule rat, THEN you get knocked out and don't wake up for TEN HOURS!? Sad. Get yer asses out of the arena!" Said employee pummeled the two with more acid until they finally decided to leave. When they were outside of the arena (rubbing their burnt away, sore bottoms), they looked around, and sighed. "What are we going to do?" Kirby asked sadly. "Pichu kicked our asses. That means that he gets Jigglypuff. So what are we going to do?" Pikachu sighed and kicked a rock (they were inside, and there was a pebble there . . . oooookaaay . . .). "I don't know," he muttered sadly. "We've lost her." Then, the two heard some giggling, and abruptly looked up. They watched as a Clefairy and a Sneasel walked down the hallway, laughing and giggling to themselves. Okay, I have a HUGE beef with the name "Sneasel". What the fuck is that!? I mean, in Japanese, her name was Nyura, which is a pretty spiffy name. I believe that Sneasel are cats, 'coz, I mean, LOOK AT THEM! And then, the damn North Americans go and change her name to "Sneasel" because she's a "sneaky weasel". Well, you know what? MY ASS! Sneaky weasel! Peh! Now, where were we? "Hmmm," said Pikachu with a sly grin. Kirby looked at him. "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin', dude?" he asked. Pikachu grinned, and the two sauntered over to the two Pokémon. "Hello, ladies," they said in unison.
Daisy passed by Wario in the hallway and noticed he wasn't making eye contact. She grabbed him by the sleeve of his shirt, stopping him dead in his tracks. "Hey," she said with a soft grin. Wario glanced nervously into her eyes for just a second. "Oh, er, hi," he said quickly, "what's up?" Daisy tugged on his sleeve a bit, and pulled him into an empty bedroom. "I want to talk to you," she said, "THAT'S what's up." Wario raised an eyebrow. "Really?" he said slowly. "What about?" Daisy took a quick glance toward the floor. "Well, about yesterday. First off, I'd like to thank you . . . for nursing that bloody hangover. I'm feeling a lot better now. Thanks," she said with a smile. Wario noticed her face was red. The light outside was dim, because it was raining out, and since there wasn't a light on in the room, there was very little light in the room, so the fact that Wario noticed that Daisy's face was red was rather . . . observent? Bah, leave me alone. Wario gave her a smile in return, and tilted Daisy's chin upward, so he could look into her eyes. "You're welcome," he said, "I'd do anything for you." Daisy smiled at his having said that, then cleared her throat and continued. "I just, uhm, wanted to tell you that . . . I've . . . formed a crush on you over these past few days . . . despite the whole Luigi thing. In fact . . . it's more than just a crush. I . . . really . . . care about you, Wario. . . ." she whispered. Now, it was Wario's turn to blush. "Are you . . . being serious?" he asked hopefully. Lots of . . . pauses . . . going on, eh? :D Daisy smiled, then nodded. Wario grinned, then leaned down and kissed Daisy on the cheek. Then, Daisy went up on her toes kissed Wario on the lips in return.
Roy was hiding in the living room, lurking behind the door which led out into the hallway to make sure that Samus wasn't going to walk in and see him. Suddenly, he thought he caught a glimpse of Samus walking away from where he was. "Oh, good," he said loudly, with a sigh of relief, "I don't think she saw me what a rel-" "Roy?" "GAHHHHHH!" Roy lept about a mile into the air (okay, well THAT would be a hyperbole . . . he lept about a foot, then), then spun around only to look directly into the eyes of. . . . Samus. "What the . . . how the FUCK did you do that!?" Roy cried, obviously quite confused. Samus giggled a bit. "It's like one of those things that people in cartoons do. Cool, huh? Anyway, we, er, need to talk," she said. Roy sighed loudly. "I was afraid of that," he muttered quietly. Samus put a hand on his shoulder. "Come on, follow me," she said, then led him into another vacant bedroom. Hang on a second . . . if there are all these vacant bedrooms, then how come everyone had to stay in a dorm? "Budget," muttered Roy, "now can we get on with the rest of the scene? I'm sure readers are sick of your incessant ramblings." Hey! I could kill y - I guess you've got a point. On you go, Roy. Bastard. Roy cleared his throat and glowered at me, hiding in the corner. Actually, the video camera robot-me, that - nevermind. Roy cleared his throat a second time. "What was it you wanted to talk about?" he asked slowly. Samus looked him in the eye with a hard expression on her face. "Look," she said solemnly, "I hate what you did the other night. Pairing Link up with Marth . . . it wasn't cool." Roy looked down sadly, thinking to himself that Samus wouldn't forgive him. "But," Samus said slowly. Roy snapped his head up and looked her in the eye. "I'm going to forgive you. The damage has been done. There's no point in being angry. And, besides. . . ." Samus trailed off for a moment. "I should probably thank you. Thanks to you, I now realise what my true feelings are." Roy's face went slightly pink. "Which . . . feelings would those be?" he asked slowly, his heart pounding. Samus smirked and leaned forward . . . then, kissed Roy.
All of a sudden, as Peach was passing Mewtwo in the hallway, she sneezed on him. Mewtwo stopped and looked at her, cocking an eyebrow, and just as she was about to apologize, Peach sneezed on him again. "I'm so very-" she began, but then VIOLENTLY sneezed on Mewtwo ten more times! Now, I'm sure you guys know what happens when people sneeze ten times in a row *COUGH COUGH*. Well . . . that didn't happen to Peach right then, just because, she's . . . Peach . . . and . . . erm, well, Mewtwo's head was then covered with mucus and saliva. "I'm so sor-!" Peach started. She sneezed VERY violently in a massive spray of spittle and snot (eeeww), and Mewtwo was one wet pussy! OK, I'm SORRY, I HAD to do it. I had an opening. I took it. I'm sorry. That was terrible. "I apologize," Peach said passively. "It must be Luigi, throwing out the contents of his vaccuum again. Makes me sneeze every time. Excuse me." She walked off. Mewtwo entered the washroom to wash himself off.
Marth was looking at the ground sadly as he walked down the hallway, feeling very lonely and depressed, indeed. He figured by now that Samus hated him utterly for what he had done the other night, and that Link was completely disgusted and weirded out by him, and . . . well, in all honesty, he was right. "Thanks a lot, Nekonezume," he muttered sadly. Hey, sorry, dude, I call 'em as I see 'em. Anyway, just then, as Marth was shuffling slowly through the hallway, he bumped headfirst into Link, who was also moping around. "OUCH!" Link shouted, "Watch where you're going, fag!" Now, he hadn't even seen that that was Marth. That was just some random derrogatory term he thought up at that moment in time. Then, he looked at who it was, and his eyes went from normal, to abnormally huge. He noticed how hurt Marth looked. "Dude, that was really below the belt," Marth said sadly. "I mean, really, man. . . ." Link mentally kicked himself. "Marth, I am so sorry, I didn't even know it was you," he said honestly. "Besides, I was looking for you." Marth looked slightly less upset. "Really? Why?" he asked. Link laughed a bit. "It's, er, about the other night," he said, looking around to make sure no one was watching or listening . . . except me, of course. Me, sitting there all alone in my little corner . . . anyway. Marth's face went red. "Oh, that . . ." he started, "Look, Link, I understand if you loathe me entirely now . . . just say the word, and I'll leave you alone." Link laughed a bit. "No, dude, that's not it," he said, shaking his head. "I just want to say that . . . well, although it is against my morals, I'm cool with what we did the other night. I mean, I'm glad I forgot all about it, and I hope I didn't enjoy it in the slightest fraction of a bit, - no offense - but I'm really okay with it, and hope we can just go back to being friends, and forget the whole thing happened. Is that okay with you?" he finished. Marth smiled. "I can live with that," he replied simply. He and Link high-fived eachother. "Now . . . here's hoping Samus doesn't utterly hate me. I'm gonna go look for her," Link said.
Suddenly, a huge safe that read "1 TON" fell sharply upon Ness's skull. Teach ya ta sleep with me, asshole!
Fox, Falco, Jamey, and Kiara were all sitting in the common room, waiting for someone to pull a prank on. Just then, Pichu and Jigglypuff shadowed the doorway, holding hands. Pichu grinned broadly. "Huy, guys!! How's it goin'!" he squealed enthusiastically. Awr . . . Pichu's SO cute. Fox and Falco looked at eachother mischieviously, then turned back to the adorable wittle couple in the doorway ^_^. "Nothing much, Pichu. Say, how'sabout you come in and talk to us for awhile?" Fox said with a sly grin. Pichu looked excitedly at Jigglypuff. "Didja hear that, Jigglypuff!? C'mon!" he cried. He pulled Jigglypuff onto the floor, and they started to run over, when they suddenly slipped on a patch of wax on the floor and fell FLAT on their asses! Fox and Falco cracked up and gave eachother high-fives. As Fox and Falco were laughing and their girlfriends were clapping at their performances, another familiar figure darkened the doorway. "Hello, Fox," came an accented, feminine voice. Fox looked up in surprise, then glanced in the general direction of the voice. He knew that voice. The familiar figure walked away from the silhouette, revealing that it was. . . . "Krystal!?" Fox exclaimed. The scantily-clad blue vixen emerged from the shadows, swishing her fluffy tail gently, hinting at a slight annoyance. Oooh! That sentence made me sound smart!! "Fox McCloud," she said angrily, "it's been two whole years since Dinosaur Planet and you haven't even called me? What am I, nonexistant? You would think that after that lust-filled night we had-" Fox glanced nervously at Jamey, who seemed morbidly amused. "-that you would at least give me a call. What happened? That night was so amazing!! I've never had that many orgasms before!" Fox's eyes widened and nearly popped straight out of his skull. He glanced back at Jamey, whose eyebrows were raised. She looked over at Fox, who quickly opened his mouth to protest. "Jam, baby, I don't know what she's talking about! I mean, sure, I can give girls multiple orgasms and all, but, eh, not her!! She must've gotten info from one of my older girlfriends - er, NO!! I mean, she must've, eh, gotten some info from you, somehow . . . SHE HYPNOTISED YOU! Yes! She hypnotised you, and me, and the both of us at the same time and pried the information out of the both of us-" Jamey was rolling her eyes and looking quite impatient by this time, and Falco was cracking up. "-while we were both asleep, and found out about that night we had last weekend!" Fox finished, his face redder than his fur. Krystal laughed. Hard. "Funny, Fox," she said, "really funny. No, Fox, that did not happen, and I know you're just trying to cover it up for your girlfriend there, but that night we shared was the most amazing thing! It even beat that night I had the week before with Slippy . . . man, that frog has one long tongue!" She giggled audibly. Fox's eyes widened. "You fucken slut!" he cried. "If you were frozen by the Krazoa spirits, how did you manage to sleep with Slippy!?" Krystal giggled again. "That's my secret. Peppy wasn't too bad either, once he took some Viagra," she added. Falco made a face. "Ew, dude, that's sick!" he exclaimed. Krystal turned to face him, and her face lit up once again. "Falco!! I didn't know you were here, too! You were almost as good as Fox was!" she cooed. Kiara's eyes widened, and she turned to look at Falco. "Baby . . . that was two years ago!" Falco protested worriedly. "I didn't even know you then!" Kiara sighed. "I suppose you're right," she said with a shrug. Fox looked suddenly upset. "You damn slut!" he shouted at Krystal. "You told me you only had eyes for me!" Krystal smiled a bit. "That was until I saw Falco's package," she said. Falco smirked a bit. "Aw, gee," he said with a laugh, "it's not that big, but I'm flattered!" Jamey shook her head. "Well, you two can resolve this, 'coz I really don't want to hear some girl I've never seen in my entire life talking about how good my boyfriend is in bed," she said as she stood and walked out. Kiara did the same. :"Dammit!" Falco shouted, "come back!" Just then, a little triceratops entered the room. "Hey, Krystal!" he exclaimed jubilantly, dropping a small bag on the floor. "Look! I found these beige GrubTubs in Pichu's backpack! They're tasty!" Krystal slapped her forehead. "Tricky, you dumbass!" she shouted, "those aren't GrubTubs, they're magic mushrooms!!"
Link was running around the building, searching for Samus. He opened every door, and then he arrived at the girls' washroom. He opened the door, peeked inside, and shouted "SAMUS?". Naturally, this resutled in several screams (including two decidedly male ones O_o). Out of the wheelchair-stall came Ganondorf in nothing but his boxer shorts (decorated with hearts, no less). Link's eyes widened. "She's not in here!" Ganondorf bellowed. Suddenly, the sound of Birdo moaning loudly was heard. "Shut up!" Yoshi hissed, and then there was a loud SMACK. "Ooooh, Yoshi, spanking me now? Okay!" Birdo giggled. Link looked about ready to vomit. "Right, I'm leaving! Bye!!" he said with a nervous grin as he bolted out of there faster than Sonic the Hedgehog on speed. And mind you . . . that would be pretty fast. So Link ran out of there, and sped down the hallway as quickly as he could. He was headed for the guys' dorms, when a sound stopped him dead in his tracks. It sounded like Samus, and it was coming from a nearby room. He turned to face the direction the sound was coming from, and he noticed Popo with a huge grin on his face with his ear pressed to the door. Popo looked up at Link. "Dude!" he hissed. "It's Samus and . . . I think it's Roy! And they're fucking! It's the funniest thing I've ever heard! Samus is kinda turning me on, though," he added with a stupid-ass chuckle. Damn, that Popo is one horny little bastard. Link looked hurt. "Wh-what?" he whispered. Popo nodded. "They're goin' at it like two jackrabbits in there, I'm serious! I can even hear the BED squeaking! Must've been a looooong time since Roy's been laid. Come to think of it, it's been a loooong time since I've been laid. In fact . . . I've never . . . er, whoops! Haha," Popo said. Link fought the tears rising up in his eyes, and then turned around slowly, and ran down the hallway. Popo raised an eyebrow. "Was it something I said?" he muttered to himself with a shrug. "Ah well." He turned his ear back to the door. "Coooome to me, Samus! Heh heh heh."
Krystal walked slowly out of the living room. Basically, Fox and Falco told her to go find someone else to pop because THEY were in love . . . with Jamey and Kiara, of course. Not with eachother. I mean, a fox and a falcon? Ewwww. Then again, an ugly Gerudo thief and a cute wittle dwagon? Ewwwww. Right, moving on. Krystal was feeling pretty upset, as I'm sure you can guess. She was staring at her feet while scuffling down the hallway, when she ran right into another slow-moving person. Naturally, since they were walking at the speed of a laden African swallow (which would be pretty slow, especially if said swallow was carrying a coconut), neither of them really fell. They just sort of . . . bounced. "Sorry," Krystal muttered. She looked down at the person she had run into, and he looked back up at her. He gave her a slight grin as he looked into the eyes of the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. . . . "It's-a me! Mario!"
At noon (YES, all that happened before NOON. Hey, not everyone's like me! I get up at about 3 PM when I can help it. These people? Naaaooo, 6 AM. Damn them), everyone was seated around the table to start chuffin'. They were having a very nice, very gourmet meal prepared for them (much to the dismay of Marth; "Dammit, there goes my weight-loss plan, right down the porcelain peehole!"), all because of Chef Lickitung. Shit, man, who the fuck let LICKITUNG into the kitchen?? I'd be too afraid he'd like . . . drool on the soufflé, or something. That's one big tongue. He could make a lot of money whoring that ton - right, back to the story. Well, each person had their own special meals being prepared for them, based on their personalities, names, or just what they like. Crazy and Master hand each brought out the food. "Uhm, Marth?" said Master Hand, raising an eyebro - FUCKING DAMMIT! I HATE these damn hand people and their STUPID FRIKKIN GOSH-DARNED anti-facial expressions! Anti-facial ANYTHINGS, for that damn matter. Anyway, Marth looked up at Master Hand, and HE raised his eyebrows, 'coz HE has a face and is actually capable of existing. So HAH, suck on that, Hand-Man (there I go with the nicknames again, I SO RULE!!)! "What do yeh have for me?" he asked with a slight grin. Master Hand smil - don't fucking get me started again. "Curly fries! Not STRAIGHT ones, uhm, 'coz the Lickitoombamoobalarfle thing said you were, uh, like uh, not straight?? Whatever that means or something. Well, curlee fries, and also Mountain Dew with a bendy straw. Apparently Mountain Dew lowers your, uh, like, sperm count or something . . . whatever sperm are, and like uh, Lickitlalalaloodgeebudgieface said that because you weren't . . . straight . . . you wouldn't need them anymore. You look pretty siminetrical to me though . . . whatever that means." Master Hand (the dumbass who can't even say "Lickitung" or "symmetrical" properly . . . but dude, he has no mouth, maybe give him a break??) plopped a tray down with Marth's food and bustled away with a little smirk on his fa - now seriously, Nintendo, WHY!? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!? Crazy Hand walked over to Peach. "Peach, I have for you a lovely peach cobbler, complete with peach-flavoured Jones Soda! I hope it finds you well!" he said enthusiastically, placing another tray before Peach. Down at the end of the table, I was sitting there all alone, without a friend in the world, eating my veggie burger with soy cheese and eating out of a massive jar of green olives (damn I love olives! If I ever meet the guy that invented olives, I'll say "Boy howdy, you sure are smar" - hang on, GOD invented olives, and from the consistency of this fanfic, I'll NEVER meet Him!) and drinking my Pepsi. All alone. *sniff* You may feel sympathy . . . now. Ganondorf and Yoshi both received two meatballs with an erectified hot dog sticking up in the middle. Dude, how did they do that!? I'll just betcheh chefs all around the world are looking for the secret to erectified hot dogs. Like what, do you put starch in it or something? A thought. "Heheh, it looks like you," Yoshi said to Ganondor - okay, that is just sick. Oh yeah, and to make a long story short, Birdo buggered off (no pun intended . . . really) after her hour of passion in the girl's washroom. She left in a daze and will most likely be in a daze for the next while. In all honesty, I would, because that's just too sick. She must be seeing a psychiatrist RIGHT NOW, or something. Wrongness.
After lunch, Link was sitting all alone on a stool in the middle of the guys' dorm, thinking about things . . . like how lonley he was. Just then, in walked Samus. Link immediately got up to run into the washroom when she entered, but she grabbed his hand. "Link," she said. Link just raised his eyebrows without making eye contact. "Link, I'm sorry." Link just shook his head and sighed. "It's probably for the best, I suppose," he muttered. "I mean, we probably wouldn't have lasted that long anyway . . . what, with the whole sex thing. I mean, we kind of . . . did move quickly. Anyway, I'm sorry I disrespected you, and all that." He sighed loudly. Samus smiled a bit. "It's okay, Link. I'm sorry about what happened, but, well, shit does happen. I hope we can just stay friends," she replied. Link looked her in the eye and raised his eyebrows. "Dude, you know that NEVER works," he muttered, shaking his head. "People say that all the time. 'Let's be friends, let's be friends' . . . tell me, how many ex-couples do you see out together shooting the breeze? Not many. A few, but not many. But, we can be friendly acquaintances, I suppose," he laughed a bit. Samus smirked. "Sounds good. In any event, I have a surprise for you," she said. Link smirked in return, but looked slightly intrigued. "Unless it's one of the chicks - other than Ruto - who had a crush on me during Ocarina of Time or one of the ones my little brother saw in Majora's Mask, I don't wanna see it," he grumbled. Samus looked up and smiled. "Well, actually. . . ." she said slowly, stepping away from the doorway. There in the doorway stood Malon. Link raised his eyebrows, and grinned at the surprise. "Malon!!" he exclaimed gleefully. Malon grinned in reply, then rushed into Link's arms. "Thanks a bunch, Samus! This is wicked!" Link said, hugging Malon. Samus winked. "I'll leave you two alone now," she said, exiting the room.
Well, Jugga was sitting down smoking a huge cigarette. Normal size in HER circumstances - hehe, cirCUMstanc . . . sorry - but HUGE in ours. She and Y'Link had just . . . wait, how is that even possible!? I mean, with the hugeness of her and the tininess of him and . . . oh, nevermind. Y'Link was breathing quite heavily. "D-damn!" he cried in exclamitory stupor. "And Tatl told me I wouldn't hit puberty till I was 23!" Jugga giggled and blew smoke in his face. "Pretty boy act like rabbit!" she exclaimed. Y'Link inhaled deeply a few more times, then just passed out. I guess having sex with a person like, 37 times the size of you can be a bit exhausting . . . er, probably. Not like I know. . . .
All in separate rooms, Falco was with Kiara, Fox was with Jamey, Mario was with Krystal, Roy was with Samus, Wario was with Daisy, and Link was with Malon (they didn't sleep together, unlike the others, but you know). All the girls were asleep, and the guys all looked up and thought to themselves Man, am I lucky. Kinda weird, that! I mean, they all did the exact same thing at the exact same time, and . . . well, I guess being in love can be like that. What about Kirby/Clefairy and Pikachu/Sneasel, you may ask? Erm, trust me, you do not want to know. I'll just give you three ideas to ponder: whipped cream, gerbils, olive oil. Told ya you didn't want to know.
Brief author's note: Shit man, just about everything in this entire chapter has been love or sex-related!! Blagh! I need random funniness and hilarity, and I need it FAST!
Tricky was stumbling down the hallways of HAL, feeling stoned as anything. I mean, after you've eaten an entire bag of magic 'shrooms, you'd be feeling stoned as anything, too! So, he saw Ness wandering around the hallways with a very sore head (you'd have a sore head if a one-ton safe fell on your head, too! Huhuhuhuhu, he bled a bit, and I laughed.), but saw him as something else. Now, being Tricky, he noticed Ness as a SharpClaw (for those who haven't played StarFox Adventures, I will say that SharpClaws are dinosaur dudes that walk around and eat people's eyeballs and stuff, and they wear armor and stuff. Ehm, scratch the eyeball-eating). So, Tricky started to growl as the walls around him changed from white to neon magenta to dark puce to snot-green to neon blood red and moved around a lot (think Jabu-Jabu's belly, only with more fucked-up colours and no cows). Ness stopped dead in his tracks. "Oh, hey, little buddy! What's up?" he said with a grin. Now, as I said, Tricky was stoned as anything, so he completely misinterpreted this, and it ended up sounding to him like this: "DIE, you EarthWalker SCUM! I fucked yo' momma and ate yo' little sistah for dinnah! I is gonna give you a WHUPPIN'!" Was Tricky pissed? Oh yes, I think so. His face turned bright red and steam started to rise out of his nostrils. Now, what he really wanted to say next was "NEVER talk about my Mom like that AGAIN, assninja, I'll FUCK YOU UP!", but of course, it did not quite turn out that way. It sounded a bit more like: "Purple monkey banana hammock SPLOOOOODGE, assninja, orange soda TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLE!" Was Ness confused? Oh yes, I think so. So he just kind of gave Tricky a weak grin and walked over to pat him on the head. Now, since Tricky saw Ness as a SharpClaw, it would also seem he was carrying a really pointy staff (he was really just carrying a whole wheat baguette because he's the chubby kid and he needs to eat! That was not intended to offend people who are overweight in any way.). As Ness was nearing Tricky to pat him on the head, Tricky let out another growl, then unleashed his "powerful" flame attack on Ness, before proceeding to hop on his head a couple of times and then do something very crude that I won't even mention here. That's just messed-up. So, Ness ran out of the area, feeling very burnt (in the quite literal sense) and EXTREMELY violated, and went to cry . . . someplace. Tricky then passed out because he thought he saw a massive tarantula, which was really . . . erm, nothing, actually. Man, he's messed-up.
Joanna Dark and Mewtwo were in the guys' dorm, trying to clean Mewtwo up, to little avail. He was still covered from his head to his toe with saliva and mucous, and frankly, I don't think Joanna really wanted to kiss him right then. I mean, would you? Didn't think so. So, they were trying to clean him up, when Sheik and Zelda entered the room. They were laughing and holding hands, and then, they saw Mewtwo. Zelda's eyes widened. "Gah!" she exclaimed. "What happened to you!?" Mewtwo's face turned a bit red. "Erm, actually, I got . . . sneezed on," he muttered. Sheik raised an eyebrow. "I seeee. . . ." he said slowly, and slightly disbelievingly, as I'm sure you can guess. I mean, sometimes, mucous can look like . . . well, you know. Sheik had noticed the exhasperated look on Joanna's face, so he kind of figured she was giving Mewtwo a little sompin'-sompin', and he kind of . . . yeah. If anyone understood that last sentence, I commend you. Well, just then, Peach and Captain Falcon entered the room, very happy. "You guys seem to be in a good mood," said Zelda with a curious smile, "what's up?" Peach returned Zelda's smile with an equally big one (dude, did that sound wrong, or is it just me?). "Well," she said happily, walking over to where Mewtwo was finally being all cleaned up, "Falcon and I just . . . just . . . !" And with that, Peach sneezed eighteen more times on Mewtwo, who was even more covered in mucous than before. By then he just broke down crying and ran into the washroom. Peach grabbed a tissue, and Captain Falcon smirked. "Eh . . . gezundheit," he said.
It was 5:00 PM, and time for everyone to say adieu. Phone numbers were exchanged, same with kisses (and there were some quickies going on in some of the vacant rooms, too), and e-mail addresses. Everyone promised to stay in touch, when people's rides started to come. One by one they left, until only Bowser and Marth were there. Marth sighed loudly, and Bowser looked up. "Eh? What's wrong?" he asked. Marth sighed again. "I'm lonely," he said. Suddenly, there was a honk outside. Bowser gestured a thumb toward the door. "Aha," he said, "that would be my ride." Bowser walked outdoors, and Marth followed. Marth then noticed the driver of the limo, and noted that he was VERY handsome indeed. As Bowser was getting into the limo, Marth approached the front door of the car. The limo driver, with his slicked back blond hair and his sleek sunglasses, rolled down the window and handed Marth a piece of paper, leaning his head out the window and tilting his sunglasses down slightly so his icy blue eyes could be seen. He winked as Marth took the paper. "There's my number," he said, "call me." Then, they drove off. Marth smiled out the corner of his mouth. Maybe this isn't such a bad end to the week after all. . . . And as Marth was walking away, he was chased into the evening by Game & Watch and Dr. Mario, running after him with a pad of paper and a couple of pens. . . .
A/N: TA-DAAAAAA! A-thankyou, a-thankyou :p. Vaccum Luigi, I hope the sneezing scene found you well :p. BTW, Star Fox Adventures was a WICKED game and I loved it O_O. It's inspired me to start my own Star Fox team, sorta thing. And you all remember Zyabor, right? Well, she's not Zyabor anymore :p. Her name is now Star Firefur. Just thought I'd announce that to you. Oh yeah, and me and an online friend of mine are quite possibly doing a collaboration fic of Star Fox! It's going to be EXPOSED-style, too! I'm also maybe thinking of making an Animal Crossing EXPOSED fic! Yes, no, maybe? I need opinions from the readers! ANIMAL CROSSING FANS, SENDETH TO ME THINE FEEDBATH! Er, feedBACK. Sorry. Typoes. Oh yeah, and the bonus disk for Wind Waker I am quite enjoying. Master Quest is a bit hard and often frustrating, but it's fun as hell! I've got 4 words for you: Inside Jabu-Jabu's Belly. Dude, THE COWS!! Heh heh! I don't know about the rest of you Zelda fans, but I am ANXIOUSLY anticipating Wind Waker. I think the cel-shaded thing is a great look for it, and I've already played a demo to it in-store. Unbe-fucking-lievable. Really, like wow, FUN. Once again, I'm looking for feedback about an SSBM:E website! Please! The forum I have is currently very vacant (visit it here --> ) and I'd like to see some posties, please! Also, the website would be for stuff like fanarts (fanarts are fun :D) and fan-fanfics (seriously, people!), so anyway, give me your feedback! I'm also on AIM now as VertexBerri, so give me a shout! Until next time! I loves you awl!! (Does anyone even read the A/N??)