We've reached our end. I just want to thank you all for sticking with this, even those of you that didn't necessarily enjoy where the plot went on occasion. That means you liked my writing as well and it means a lot to me. Thank you for reviewing with honest opinions: good and bad. I tried to remain true to characters and the story. My primary goal in this was telling a story, I hoped you liked the ride.

Put me on Author Alert if you want to hear about AB uploads. Things are looking good for Chapter One this Monday.

Thank you all, once again.

SM owns.

Jake and I had left three years and five months ago. We were off to do so some soul searching. Jacob's dad, Billy, had just passed and he was feeling kind of lost. He was pack Alpha and the man of the family. He just wasn't ready for adulthood. And I couldn't blame him; at the time he was only seventeen. Although he still shifted and was frozen in his physically twenty-something state I could see the creases starting to form more deeply around his eyes. He was starting to look like Sam, all serious and introverted.

Me. Well let's be honest I was a raging clusterfuck from the getgo. But Jake and I left. We ran from our problems like all good teenagers. We'd checked in when we were in range of a phone. Jake kept up with his sisters and the pack. I would call my family and the phone would pass to each as they talked to me rapidfire before my change ran out. We talked to them in Caracas, in Havana, in Paris, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Djibouti, Minsk, Jerusalem, Beijing and some hole in the wall joint in Laos. Only about twice a year or so. I don't deny it was a bit sad but the benefit of our kind was that no one else was really dying anymore and we were going back someday. We'd run out of Earth eventually.

The strangest time was our stint in Italy. I stopped by to make some polite talk and pay my respects to the Volturi. I was honestly terrified that they would find out I had been in the country and not stopped by. That concept just horrified me. So, Jake went on a day long hunt and I took a long hot shower to wash the months of his smell off me.

The old human secretary had been replaced. I don't like to think about why, but I didn't run across her in my visit. I exchanged some polite words with Aro, Marcus and Caius. They were – oddly enough – glad to see that I was happy. They seemed to enjoy my more talkative and sarcastic side; two traits that had been markedly lacking in my prior time with them. Jane entered to relay a message about halfway through, she just smiled at me and waved. And it was a nice smile. On the way out, I met Demetri and Felix coming in. It took them a minute to recognize me. Apparently they weren't accustomed to seeing me look 'happy'. The experience was scary and kind of nice all at the same.

Outside the Volturi visit, I spent a good solid fifteen minutes standing outside an Italian cathedral on Holy Saturday – the eve of Easter. I always enjoyed the church at night, lit by nothing but candles. It was always a smaller of the masses because it was late at night and averaged about two hours long. But I liked the peace of it.

I stood on the cobbled road before it, just staring. Part of me wanted to go in, but I didn't know if I could bring myself to do it. In addition, I didn't forget the more macabre intuition the Volturi had imbued in me: I was damned. I didn't want to tarnish the building or the people within it. Who's to say the crosses wouldn't spin off the walls once I entered?

As per usual, Jacob seemed to understand at least a portion of what was raging inside my head. I almost anticipated him pushing me through the door, but we sat, instead, under one of the stained glass windows. The small hatch was open and we could hear the whole service. I could understand a part of it based on the smattering of Italian I had picked up, but I knew the process by now.

Jake had never been to a Catholic service before – even though we weren't really there, per se – and some of his questions amused me or made me think. The incense – even from outside – made him sneeze convulsively.

He liked that we came together each week to hear stories about our past and our people. He got confused when I told him there were different kinds of Bibles and some had more stories while others left some out.

"See this is why we just pass things tribe to tribe by word of mouth," he told me.

"Yeah," I agreed, "but some Christian denominations number more than a lot of tribes. It's hard because we're all over the world."

"But you all tell different stories," he said, "so what are you supposed to believe?"

"Think of it this way," I tried an alternate tactic, "I'm willing to bet that some of the nearby tribes and reservations have some similar stories to the Quileutes, right? But you're all kind of spread out so things change."

"I don't think it's the same."

"Neither do I," I smiled. "It's the best analogy I could think of. We're not perfect. Just people."

He thought it was strange that in our attempts to praise our God and all his creation that we sat ensconced in our own man-made church.

"Shouldn't you be out in the creation?"

"Western theology seems to be a lot different than what you're used to," I said. "I think you guys have a much better grasp on the Earth as more than just a concept. We do a lot of things in odd ways. But we've been an establishment for two thousand years, sometimes we're slow to change."

"I think that's where all these problems stemmed from. All this religious racial animosity between us." I knew he wasn't talking about him and I specifically but I didn't know if I was following his train of thought.

"Jacob," I asked, "are blaming the repression of an entire race on our habit of holding religious services indoors?"

"It kinda all stems back to that," he said thoughtfully. "Think about it: Europeans come here and they're used to doing things their own way – which is natural – but they 'discover' this group of people who do things entirely different. In the end we're all really thankful for the Earth and what it gives us, but we relate our beliefs directly back to the Earth. We are with it when we celebrate it. The newcomers celebrate the Earth inside buildings. We have markedly different perceptions of the Earth and how to handle it."

I just listened as Jacob explained. I let his thoughts just pour forth freely because it was the most he'd spoken in a long time.

"Even in politics, we didn't do the whole 'land ownership' thing until you people got here," he said lightly, trying not to heap any blame on me personally. "It was for everyone."

That was one of the longest conversations I'd had with Jake since we'd left Washington. It was a nice experience and Jacob helped me at least be at peace with my old faith. But, excluding that occasion, he never spoke more than really necessary. He'd answer when I'd ask a question. But I had to initiate everything.

He was always with me, mentally and physically. But sometimes I could tell... he would spend time just thinking in silence. For days or weeks. He wasn't there emotionally.

We had spent the time living out of backpacks. I needed nothing but clothes and Jake even managed weird ways to wrangle himself some food. We carried nothing with us. We cut down expense by sleeping outside and shower tokens were cheaper when you showered together.

Whenever we stayed in hostels - and there was a possibility I needed to appear human - I would just lay down on my stomach and curl up to him. He'd roll on to his side, cast one arm across my shoulders and let me burrow into his chest. I'd close my eyes and for hours nothing but his scent, his warmth, his breathing and his heartbeat would pass through my mind. That was my sleep.

I know it's odd but since my transformation, being with Jacob sometimes brought me as close as I could possibly be to sleep. His presence is just so calming to me and I know that if I were that defenseless, he'd let me sleep and watch out for me for ages.

I felt a little bad and once told Jake he didn't have to indulge my insanity and hold onto an ice cube all night - especially when we were above the Arctic Circle. He would just looked offended and pulled me closer.

But no matter how many showers we shared, no matter how close I got to him every night he would never touch me. I mean, he would touch me - it was kind of unavoidable - but he would never touch me. And I had to try really hard not let that ridiculous feeling of being unwanted overwhelm me. Because I knew Jake was dealing with a lot. I could see the war raging behind his eyes but that feeling just kind of instinctively ate at my insides. But I never mentioned it. I knew he cared. I knew he still loved me. He still said it and he'd hold my hand or put his arm over my shoulder all protective when we inevitably wandered into scarier urban areas. He even jumped in front of me when a ten foot stack of banana-filled crates toppled over somewhere in a market in Southern Egypt. He could still read me like a book - but there was always something missing.

He used to humor me with small pecks, but I knew his heart wasn't in it and I didn't ever mention it. Through it all, I'd only received one genuine kiss. Six months into our journeys found us in the Sahara It was dawn and we were lying behind a dune out of range of the low sun. "I want to show you something," I told him. I stood up and extended my hand. He trailed behind me as we scaled the sand. When we finally crested the top I stood up straight.

I could see the rainbows as they danced over Jake's face. I picked up my hands and looked. I had truthfully only seen myself in the sunlight a few times. The Pacific Northwest had little in the way of sunshine and in our travels we'd avoided it because I knew the humans wouldn't react so well. I mean, Jake knew about the sunshine thing, but he'd never seen me before.

I smiled as I closed my eyes, turning in the sun's warmth, feeling the burning sand between my toes. It was almost as good as Jacob's warmth. Almost. He stopped my turn as he took a hand of mine. I looked towards him with a small smile. He didn't say anything, just spent a very long time looking at me. He held my hands in his own and examined them closely.

He bent down and placed a slow, warm kiss on my forehead. His lips lingered there for a while; I closed my eyes. I just took a deep breath and could feel that this one was real. Only an imprint of the ones he used to give me, but it was there, laying beneath the surface. I knew it would come back eventually.

Then one day about a year back Jake and I were sitting on the Great Wall of China watching a storm coast through the mountains in the distance, when he took my hand. I just bit my lip hesitantly because I hadn't really got much from Jake. I know that sounds terrible but that's just how it was. The first year he didn't even seem to register anyone else's presence. And like I said - he was never really there, so I didn't push it.

So when he took my hand - seemingly out of nowhere - in the middle of China, I really didn't want to get my hopes up. Because I missed my Jacob. I missed the guy who used to crack jokes. I missed having my best friend to talk to or ask seemingly random or obvious questions. I missed his smile - the real one - I got plenty faked for my own benefit. And I missed that physical contact. Yeah sex was one thing but I just wanted him to reach out and touch me in a way that wasn't such a protection-based action. I wanted him to do it because he wanted to.

When he took my hand I chanced a peek at his face and he looked over to me as well. "Everyone dies, huh?" he said. I just nodded. I wasn't about to bring up my family and I's exception to that rule. Or his and his brother's. It was fundamentally true. Humans died. Heck, even we could die - we just needed someone to kill us. "Life sucks, then you die," he elaborated.

"Well I like to hope that most people make it out of here with a shred of happiness."

He shook with a small internal laugh before picking up my slight hand and bringing it to his mouth. His lips lingered over my knuckles for a moment as his other hand traced gently along the top of my hand. His touch was warm and soft and real. His warm breath washed over my skin and it was the best feeling in the entire friggin' world. "Thank you," he whispered to my hand, "for putting up with all my bullshit."

I was glad I couldn't embarrass myself with sentimental tears anymore. I just slipped my hand so my fingers intertwined with his. Big and small. Light and dark. Fire and ice. I took a deep breath and released it in a small sigh. "I thought I'd never get you back," I told him honestly with a small smile.

And from there we ventured home. Because it was okay now. Time doesn't heal all wounds but it certainly helps put stuff in perspective. So we came home in the start of winter. We arrived at the Sea-Tac at the end of October and for some odd reason we never told anyone we were coming home.

We ended up in LaPush first.

Jacob kind of instinctively was drawn to the cemetery, now browned over with the season. I was going to give him some time alone but he just reached for my hand and took me with him. I was happy to see that Billy's grave had not been neglected. I imagined the well-groomed plot - along with the fresh flowers - were Rachel's doing. Billy shared the headstone with his wife, Sarah - a more aged engraving - but both were still easily discernible.

I sat down just out of range of sitting on either of them. Jacob joined me shortly in his stoic silence. I hoped this visit wasn't causing any regression. "You know," I said after a swallow, "at Bella and Edward's wedding, I sat next to your dad. I found out you get your temper from your mom." I'd never told Jake that.

He let out another one of those small, internal chuckles. "Yeah," he smiled, "if we got her real mad, she'd chuck shit out the window. Something totally random or arbitrary. Like a ladle or houseplant. She hit Old Quil in the head with an oven mitt once"

I smiled to myself. I could imagine it. Sort of a mix of Jacob, Rachel and the little I'd seen of Rebecca all piled into one woman. And in my mind she was tiny, which I think complimented her ferocity well. I could see her storming about the house when shoes were lying around or dishes left in the sink. I imagine her running a tight ship. The kind of mother who seemed quite stern but was the first into the backyard when someone scraped a knee. Someone who would spend the night singing away a child's stomach bug. Jacob didn't like to think about her much, he'd told me once; he really loved and missed her.

In typical Pacific Northwest fashion it began to rain as the afternoon subsided. I offered Jake a goofy half grin as I looked at him through my sopping bangs. "Where to first? Your family or mine?"

We ended up staying in LaPush because Jake couldn't make up his damn mind and I decided for him. We headed for Emily's place because it was closest in the downpour and it was kind of the epicenter of Jake's remaining family - despite the Great Quileute Schism of '07.

He grasped my hand and ran ahead as we traipsed through the now swamp-like yard and up the front steps. He gave the door a brisk knock and I hoped Emily or Sam heard us over the racket the rain was making. Not a minute later the door swung open a foot and both Jake and my eyes dropped to just the height of the doorknob - to the little girl with large brown eyes, an angular jaw and long dark hair that had opened the door. Jake and I just kind of gaped for a minute. I climbed the last step and wrapped my hand around his arm as I gazed at this tiny girl.

She just looked at us for a moment, with a few of her fingers in her mouth. "Uh-oh," she muttered before turning away from us.

Then a voice from within. "Makayla? I've asked you not to open the door before, right? I don't want you to—" and then the hulking figure of Sam Uley came to fill the gap left by the little girl. Again, the staring persisted for a moment as he caught sight of us. He rubbed the little girl's head and told her idly, "Go see if your mother needs any help." The small child scampered away and Sam continued, "Jake? Bree?"

And I was just so ecstatic to see a familiar face - even Sam, who I barely knew - I had the biggest most ridiculous smile ever. He let Jake and I into the house and pulled Jake into an enormous bear hug - one if the biggest signs of affection, excepting Emily, I'd ever seen him give. I just hopped up and down like Alice on crack. This was Emily's house. I'd been here before. I didn't need directions. And I knew the people here. It was amazing being back.

At that moment Emily came out of the kitchen, "Sam what's going on? Makayla just— Oh my goodness!" and she just kind of charged me down. Hugging my sopping ass and jumping with me.

Two pairs of dry clothes and one hot meal later, the storm had calmed and Jake and I were sitting with Sam and Emily trying to catch up. It was odd because we kept gawking at each other periodically. You could see the three years on Sam - especially in his face. He was a good looking guy but - according to Jake - he always 'took on more crap than was necessary' and it showed. Emily was much the same. Her flowing hair was tucked back now and she had the 'mother' air about her. More so than when I last saw her, at least.

They'd been married not long after we left. Makayla was born the same year. She was two now. I liked seeing the father in Sam. As Makayla busied herself with a variety of toys not five feet away from us, she would occasionally crawl up the side of the couch and offer him a Play-Doh cookie or ask for the reattachment of a doll's head. As she scampered by with a small telephone, Sam scooped her up mid flight.

"Makayla," Emily began, "we want you to meet some of our family."

"Who family?" she asked.

"All of ours, you goose," Sam clarified, tickling her sides. "This is your Uncle Jake and Aunt Bree. We've been friends for a long time but they've been living far away." My eyes kind of popped with that one. Family? Aunt and Uncle?

"Please," Emily intoned reading my expression, "you have to disappear a lot longer than that to get knocked off this family tree."

Makayla squirmed off her dad's lap, taking her telephone with her as it banged and jingled with the effort of her climb. She pulled herself up on the opposite couch between Jacob and I and offered him the phone. "It's for you."

This intrigued me and I didn't fight my smile. Because I'd never really seen Jake with kids. We ran into few along our way and well... It wasn't really an option for us. But he handled it like a pro. Big hulking figure did fine with the two year-old playing telephone.

"Really?" he asked in mock astonishment, "who is it?" She just shrugged and handed him the bright red receiver. "Mhm," he said into the phone, "Mhm... I do believe it's for you," he offered me the phone. I bit my lip trying desperately to keep a straight face. Makayla was all giggles as she bunched her small legs up, eyes squinting with laughter.

I took the phone and held it to my ear. "Hello? Oh well how do you do? Yes," I nodded to the silent recipient, "I am at my new friend Makayla's house... Well now!" I pulled the receiver from my ear and faked my shock. "They hung up on me! How rude!" Makayla took the receiver back and proceeded to hop off the couch.

She held the small device to her ear as she dragged the dialing bit with the smiley face behind her back to her play spot. "You no hang up. They's my friends. How rude!"

After Jake passed out on my lap that night, we did our rounds around LaPush the next day. When we went to his house, Rachel opened the door and proceeded to scream, causing Paul to run out of their room half naked in a sleep-induced fog poised and ready to kill. We spent the morning over there before venturing to the Clearwater's where - according to Paul - everyone was today.

We really didn't know what to expect when someone opened the door this time because it was a surprise every time. We were just trying to avoid bodily harm. So we took a deep breath and I pushed Jake forward as his knuckles rapped on Seth and Leah's door. It sounded like there were quite a few of them inside. And it was definitely a female that approached to open the door. Leah was in mid laugh as she swung the door. When she saw us her laughter stopped, she gasped, she gaped and then she proceeded to slam the door on us. It re-opened not a moment later. "What the hell is wrong with you?" and "Oh my god!" escaped Jake and Leah's lips at the exact same time. Then she just sort of jumped on him, gripping his enormous waist in the biggest hug she could manage.

Then - apparently disturbed by the rumpus at the door - came Quil. An impish smile crawled up his broad face and he held his arms out in genuine surprise, "Bree?" To which my response - in the same posture and tone - was, "Quil?" He leaned forward picking me up off the ground and spinning me like a rag doll in the proceeding hug.

I don't know if Jake and I ended with more hugs or information that day. Leah was at a local community college for the time being in order to remain pack Alpha. Jake was grateful. He'd always told me he felt like a toolbag - his words not mine - leaving Leah here to rot when she was probably the one that would actually be able to get the hell out.

Quil was happily spending the rest of his life with Claire, who was now a growing nine year old.

Seth was as much a screwball as ever but had picked up plumbing and made a relative killing off the ancient pipes in LaPush. He was dating a girl from Leah's college - which she seemed none too thrilled about. But he got this goofy far off stare when spoke of her; it was cute.

Embry had imprinted on a girl named Stephanie, which had initially been weird because he'd met her in Tacoma. She was a member of the real world.

The packs had remained relatively the same size. Because of a prolonged visit by the Denalis coven two years back about half a dozen more Quileute boys were forced to heed the genetic call. Three had fallen to each pack. Everything had been so quiet in our absence.

Jacob took a moment to talk to Leah outside. I could still hear it all through the inside conversation. He thanked her and apologized for being the aforementioned toolbag and told her that he was ready at any time to reassume his place as the Alpha. He wanted her to be able to leave and go to college now, instead of just biding her time.

About three days after we'd arrived back, we broke away from LaPush long enough to go visit my own family. Jake seemed re-energized as we trekked through the woods towards my property. "What?" he tried to pout, "you don't like my family?" In addition to the pout he also kept grabbing me and kissing me whenever and wherever he could reach. Having the real Jake back was superb.

"That's not it at all and you know it. I love your family," I said turning around and jokingly pushing him away. "You're lucky Alice can't see me when I'm with you because if she could she would've marched onto that reservation and killed us both - as far as she's concerned," I warned, "we just got back."

"It's all right. I like my chances," he told me, burying his face in my neck. I had missed this so much it wasn't even funny. But I didn't want our reappearance to be preceded by Edward hearing our thoughts out here in the woods.

"You know if my brother hears this he might just beat Alice to the punch." Somehow I couldn't work a convincing air into my voice as his warm, tender lips worked their way down my neck and across my exposed chest.

He looked at me with a dubious expression. "It's been three years. He can give us five minutes. Besides," he said kissing my collarbone slowly, "I've missed you."

"I missed you too, Jacob," I replied as he backed me up to a mossy tree.

"I miss the coolness of your skin," he said ghosting his fingers down my arms. "I miss that intake of breath when I touch you right here," as his fingers grazed my obtrusive pelvic bones. I closed my eyes, taking in as much of this as I could. "I miss that sexy little mewling sound you make when I kiss you here," I felt his warm, soft lips move to the soft spot beneath my throat before it was replaced by his tongue. He was right: I couldn't really help the noises. "I miss touching you here," his hand slid down my back, over my butt and rested on the back of my thigh as he hitched it up a few inches. "And I miss your instinctive reaction to me when I do this," and his hips pinned me to the tree behind me. Again he was right, I couldn't really help my legs' attempt to wrap around him.

Needless to say Jake's five minutes quickly turned to an hour. An hour with me pressed against that tree trying to prevent my knees from giving out on me. An hour of Jacob rediscovering every contour, bend, dip and curvature of my body with his hands and mouth - everything left behind in recent years. He'd always been such a physical being. He'd thrived on that contact, the touching and that instinct had been hibernating for three years. So he decided to make up for lost ground now. I was ecstatic having him back and the physical contact was quite assuredly missed.

"Oh my god," I muttered as he definitely pushed me to a state I would not be able to greet my family in. "Okay! Later. I promise. Please, Jake? You're driving me crazy and I need to be normal for a little while longer."

He simply growled into my abdomen. But he finally released me and I was able to calm down as I stayed out of arm's reach and we crossed into my home turf.

Alice greeted us with enough squealing to break the sound barrier. She held me to her and we jumped and screamed in the foyer. It felt so good to be home I thought I might actually cry. I might coax enough fluid from this stone to make tears. Being back was just right. I wanted to melt into the floorboards of this house and never leave. Jasper grinned when I saw him and he just folded me into his arms; his familiar brother smell all around me. It made me feel content. He even managed a grin and handshake for Jake.

All the screaming brought Rose and Emmett downstairs and much the same pattern repeated. Esme just walked towards us with her arms outstretched. She hugged us each rocking back and forth for about three solid minutes. I just closed my eyes. My mom. I got to hug my mom again. She was all caramel waves and maternal smells. I had been away longer than I'd known her, but she took this dysfunctional pair back into her arms and her home. All that screaming brought Edward and Bella up from their place, therein resulting in more screaming.

There was a lot of screaming. Well actually, Carlisle just laughed and smiled a lot when he got home from his shift, but I was glad he didn't scream. It was happy screaming, though and that's all that mattered. Jasper, Rose and Emmett weren't even spiteful towards Jake - which made me really happy. Emmett actually thanked him for watching out for me. Brothers...

So we were home. And it was fantastic. That night we told my family we'd be in LaPush and we told the pack we'd be in Forks. It felt really teenaged but we were kind of sneaking out. No one would've let us leave otherwise. We spent the majority of the night on a small rocky beach - just outside of wolf territory. I didn't particularly enjoy lying to everyone I knew but I needed some time to get reacquainted with the man I loved. I got to talk to my Jacob - for the first time in eons. It felt like he'd been away all this time and I was just filling him in now. He couldn't believe how much I was smiling and I couldn't help it. I felt bad keeping him up, but he talked with me for hours.

And it was a darn good thing we were outside, because we probably would've cracked my bed clean in two. Jake's hands-on approach to his return to me couldn't be abated for long.

The next day I moved back into my room. It was the interim until Jake and I found our own place to live. It was weird. It felt like I was coming back to my youth after being an adult for three years. But being in my old room was also comforting. It was exactly the same as the day I left it. Down to the blouse draped over the bedpost.

The day after that, Jacob came crying to me of unspeakable horrors. Apparently Paul and Rachel had been the only ones in his house for the past three years. They were not used to company. Unspeakable horrors, indeed. I tried not to laugh but let him crash in my room for the remainder of the day. He just sort of held onto my waist asking me to keep the nightmares away. I smiled and stayed until he fell asleep. Which was a grand total of seven minutes.

I wiggled my way out of his grip and returned downstairs. The shit hit the fan when Jasper found out. "No! No! No! No!"

"Jasper, what gives? I've been with the man for three years and you will not allow us to share a bedroom. I don't even sleep anymore!"

"That's exactly what I'm worried about. No! No! No!"

"Dude," Emmett interjected, "Even I don't care that much."

When Emmett was the voice of reason you know things were friggin' warped.

"Okay! Your screaming 'no' at me doesn't even allow me to form a proper counter argument, Jasper Hale! You're a natural empath and a fellow man, try and feel for him. He doesn't want to spend the night listening to his sister and her boyfriend! Would you like to share a room with Rose and Em?"

He didn't have a response for that one.

"Exactly. And I didn't want to completely lay it out there for you but apparently it's necessary. I love him and sex is a natural part of life but we'll not be macking like rabbits here in the living room. So calm down."

He tried not to gag and buttoned up a bit with that one. "I just don't like it," he concluded.

"Well," I said crossing my arms, "we'll talk to Alice and see if we can sort out getting you two separate rooms, 'mkay?"

"Fine. You win this round."

"That's what I thought."

W

Before the week was out Jake's Alpha kicked into high gear as he was told by Sam that some Mega-Important, Hi-Falutin Wolfy Con was to take place in northern Canada. Next week. Naturally, I sat on the porch and pouted.

"Please," Jake begged, "don't make this harder than it is." It was D-Day. Departure day.

"Five months, Jacob! Are you kidding me?!" I cried.

He just sighed and pulled me closer as he kneeled in front of me. "You had me for three years. It's time to share." That was a bold faced lie. Because for the better part of those three years no one had him. And he knew it. I never brought it up because it always upset me and it would make Jake feel like a load of crap and it just wasn't conducive to moving on with our lives. But it was true.

So I would stay here in Washington playing the good housewife - which I most certainly was not - until he came back and I would be too desperate to be mad for even a second. It wasn't technically his fault. Just part of the job description, really.

"Look," he said breathing into my lap, "stay here. Spend time with your family. Get reacquainted with life. If you get bored find us a place to live because five months is quite long enough for Jasper work out a chastity belt for me and I want more than a hug when I come back."

"Just go," I told him quietly. He gathered up my hands in his. I felt something drop into them but was too distracted by his kiss to look downwards

"Five full moons and then you get your wolf-boy back. I promise," he told me.

I watched him shift and then trot into the woods out of sight. I opened my hand gently to see what he'd dropped there. A ring lay in the palm of my hand. It was a silver band, the front was interspersed with open squares and these abstracted wolf-like forms. The back was all open - held together at the top and bottom by two thin bands.

What the fuck was this?!

Month One

I spent the rest of the week sulking with Emily and getting acquainted with my niece. She was no better off than me. True she'd been able to really be with Sam everyday but she had that imprint going on. That was some strong shit.

When I showed her the ring and explained my state of half panic she examined it closely and listened to me intently. I wanted to know what this ring wanted with me. It was beautiful but I was a little afraid of it. Not in some gollum-esque-Lord-of-the-Rings-take-over-my-soul kinda shit but people didn't give this stuff away for no good reason. There were purposes behind rings. And I knew from experience, Jake especially didn't do things for no good reason.

I wasn't ready to get married. I probably never would be. And it wasn't because of Jacob but just because the whole institution scared the ever-living out of me. It was like being afraid of the dark. You know there is nothing there and that your anxiety is unfounded but you're scared anyways. Marriage had that affect on me. And no, I don't know why.

Emily just nodded rolling the ring over in her hands. "Well," she said definitively, "I wouldn't worry about marriage because I definitely think he would have said something. But did you look at the inside?"

I shook my head. Because when I wasn't initially staring at in my hand that day in a twisted mix of horror and love, it was on my finger. The other hand, thank you very much.

Emily offered me the band. I took it and peered inside, not even needing the light with my hyper focal eyes. I promise.

It was a promise ring. The cold day on my front porch and his last statement to me flashed in my head. Five full moons and then you get your wolf-boy back. I promise.

That shit I could handle. That in fact put me over the moon. And it made the horrendous wait just a little more bearable.

Month Two

I spent time with my family. I was happy enough when my mind was occupied. I talked forever with Alice and Bella. Rose helped me with my Chevelle. Apparently I'd completely burned out the transmission on my emotion-fueled ride to Jacob's that day three years ago. They towed it back but never touched it - not knowing what I wanted done with it. So I spent time under the chassis of my car fixing, repairing, passing and holding things and just laughing and talking.

I spent time on the floor of Jasper's study with him and Edward as they showed me all the music acquired over three years time. Jasper had actually been to about two dozen more concerts. He smiled at me telling about how his thirst had really died down. It wasn't controlling him so much anymore. Edward just smirked at me. He was the only one who ever knew I'd tried a tiny bit of voodoo on Jasper's thirst that day before his very first show.

Month Three

Nights sucked. Because the Cullens still did the evening alone time so I was left alone with my thoughts and the little hole in my heart. I would spend my nights in the backyard, or I'd scramble on to the roof and watch the stars. I watched the changing moon every night, telling myself that each night I saw that moon I was that much closer to the end of this sick experiment.

It was better than sitting on my bed, thinking about Jacob splayed crosswise on it after coming from his night of horrors. If I closed my eyes I could see him clad in nothing but shorts as his dark, warm back rose and fell with his each breath.

I never thought or wanted to be the girl so completely dependent on another human being. To be someone's everything was not healthy. I just wanted to be a piece of everything. I'd seen that sort of behavior with Bella when she was human. I decided I was nowhere near there. Jacob had told me briefly about Bella's coma stage when the Cullens had left a year before I arrived. I never wanted to be there. It was just this darn nighttime that got me to thinking. My stupid brain just couldn't shut off. Edward tried to tell me how he zoned out through his high school days but I couldn't swing it.

Month Four

I'd been the good woman and found Jake and I place to live, thereby taking his balls off the endangered species list. My lovely inheritance had grown substantially thanks to Carlisle and Jasper's wise investment and I was able to afford the down payment easily.

It was a little bungalow-cottage-contraption on the outskirts of LaPush. Jake made no qualms about moving elsewhere but I was not about to take him away from his brothers and the res. Plus, I liked it there. The ten-minute commute to my family was hardly a big deal. It wasn't really too run down; just very well lived in. It came with appliances. That's about all I cared about. The work would keep us busy.

Month Five

I was waiting to sign the papers on this house to make it all official one Monday a week before Christmas when Rose, Alice, Jasper and I were babysitting Makayla. Emily had gone into Seattle for some doctor's appointment and it was last minute so she asked Rose, Alice and I to watch her. Jasper had been in the other room at the time and Alice roped him into it when he returned. None of us minded at all, Makayla was an amazing girl. She was so much fun, and just a ray of sunshine and happiness all the time. It almost made me regret my obsolete uterus. Almost.

Rosalie really took to her. Alice told me that she'd always wanted a baby but had been changed before that became possible for her. I didn't mind stepping back and letting Rose do her thing. Rosalie honestly didn't strike me as the 'kid' type but with Makayla she was so maternal and caring. It was like a whole new blond sitting on the floor amongst the colored blocks. It was a nice side to Rosalie that I'd never seen before and she looked more beautiful than usual with that big grin on her face.

Makayla was running around doing laps between Jasper, Alice, Rose and I when I noticed it start to rain. Or snow. It was that miserable in between where slush just fell from the sky. The three of them were perfectly content to watch Makayla while I made a mad dash to pick up the remainder of her toys that had found their way around the yard. It was odd but I swear I felt like I was being watched - that tingle you get on the back of your neck. But again, with my eyes, I could actually see into the woods - even in this weather - for a mile. An actual 5,280 feet. I shrugged it off and jogged around back to make sure the garage door was closed. The sky was now dark and it was raining buckets.

Out of nowhere I was tackled from behind. Normally I wouldn't have been so jumpy but my earlier observations had me a little on edge. I spun around using the full force of my leaden arm. Whoever it was ducked in a blur of rainwater as I missed, grazing through nothing but air.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" I heard. My vision cleared long enough to realize who it was. Jacob Black had tackled me from the woods and almost gotten his head taken off. I hadn't recognized his scent. Hadn't recognized his voice. It had been long enough that those defining traits about him had begun to blur in my mind, been warped by my perception of him. It had been so long that they were foreign to me. He didn't have the usual smell of ocean salt with the smoke. He smelled of campfire and ice, from his trails in the Yukon. And I could smell hundreds of other distinctive wolves on him.

It about wrenched my useless heart in two and I wanted to dissolve into a pile crap, because that's how I felt for moment. To forget... It was beyond sad. There were no words.

But I didn't have to forget because Jacob was here holding onto me to prevent his decapitation. I just stared at him for a moment before I scrambled out of his grip and jumped on him, sobbing hysterically. He hugged me back with all his big warm strength, spinning me in circles and kissing my face in the not-so-miserable-anymore slush rain.

I peeked up at the sky and noted the full moon with a smile. I'd only seen four of those since he'd left. "I told you," he said as I fingered the band on my finger.

Five minutes later, Jacob and I were both shirtless and soaking wet in my room as our faces refused to detach. There were tangled arms, sloppy kisses, bumped teeth, and impatient growls. He didn't seem to mind that Jasper the Great Emasculator was only two floors below us. "He won't kill me in front of a child," was his muffled argument as his hands ran up my back to the clasp of my bra. Then I heard soft footsteps coming up the stairs. Care to test that theory?

It had been five months since I'd seen him and I was not prepared to share. Allow me to make that perfectly clear.

"Sh! Sh!" I said covering his persistent mouth. I gasped and turned our twined bodies around so he was facing my door. I hid behind Jacob's broad back. "What the?" he asked in confusion. He couldn't finish the question because at that moment my bedroom door burst open and I could see both Alice and Jasper under Jake's arm.

"Oh my God!" Jasper just covered his eyes and continued on down the hallway.

"Yes Alice?" I asked hiding behind Jake as I heard Jasper pacing and muttering to himself, "I'm okay. I'm okay."

"Oh, you're back… Ah, Bree? Something is up with Makayla," she told me.

"Yes!" Jasper added, "There are little girl fluids everywhere!"

"Puke?" I asked, "are the fluids coming from her mouth?"

"Oh you betchya. Rosalie is with her in the bathroom now..." Alice confirmed.

"Okay. Emily mentioned she was coming off a stomach bug. If you go downstairs into the bag she left, there should be some supplies. Give her some Pepto Bismol."

"What the hell is a bismol?!" Jasper asked in manic frustration from the hall.

"In the bag," I called, "it's pink, just follow the instructions. It will calm her stomach. Settle her on the couch with her blanket, turn on some cartoons and give her some of the ginger ale in the fridge."

"I can handle that," Jasper affirmed. I heard him turn and walk back towards the stairs, shuddering slightly as he passed my open bedroom door.

"And clean the puke," I called after him.

"Thank you," Alice laughed lightly. "He's not used to kids and that really threw him. This," she waves at me and Jake, "didn't really help matters. Anything else we should know?"

I thought for a moment, "Get her a big bowl."

"Oh, good plan," Alice smiled, "Welcome back."

I heard the door close with a small click. I let out a breath and sat on my bed. "Thanks for that," Jake said coming to stand between my legs. "I think I may have killed part of your brother's soul. He was not pleased to open your bedroom door and see me half naked. And I don't think he missed the hard on."

I stifled a laugh into his abdomen. "Sorry, but better you than me. I'm topless. But on the plus side you're still fully intact."

"Yes," he agreed, "this is a very good thing."

"Don't worry. I won't let him get you; I get far too much enjoyment out of your male parts," I smiled reaching down to grab his package. "Wow, nothing kills the mood like kid vomit, huh?"

"Nope, or your brother essentially kicking in the door like something out of Kung Fu," he said truthfully. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay," I said kissing one of his raised abs, "I'll take a rain check."

He sat beside me and moved back, pulling me between his legs. The cool skin of my back against his scalding flesh never got old. I was just so glad to be able to feel it again.

Jake reached in front of me picking up my hands and resting his chin on my shoulder. He fingered the small band on my finger. "Thanks."

"What for?" I asked curiously.

"Wearing this," he indicated.

"Jacob," I scolded, "why wouldn't I? It's been five months and it's only left my hand once. It's beautiful."

"I just didn't want you to freak out," he said turning his head slightly to kiss my neck.

"Well mission failed, because I flipped the hell out," I chuckled once.

"Really? Please explain. I kind of expected it but I really can't get inside your mind."

"Jake," I said methodically, "you left me for five solid months and dropped a ring in my hand on the way out. I didn't know what to think. In fit of panic I thought..."

"Yes?" he said indicating for me to continue.

"I thought," I tried to rein in the embarrassment because I didn't want him to read this wrong. I didn't want him to think I was some self-conscious girl who wanted her boyfriend to pop the question and was all disappointed when it never happened. Quite the contrary. I was pleased there was no question popping. We covered this. "I thought you were asking a very big question."

"Oh," he said with understanding. "Well, would you like me to?"

"No!" I said shrieking a little more than I liked. "No, please. Don't."

"You really don't want to get married?"

"No, Jake," I sighed. I was afraid of this conversation. I turned in his lap to face him, "I don't want to get married. It scares me."

"Is the prospect of spending your life with me really that bad?" he asked. He wasn't joking either.

"Jake," I hopped off his lap and padded to my closet. I grabbed a t-shirt and pulled it over my head, "It's not like that. You know I love you."

"But you won't marry me? Regardless of if I was even contemplating the idea, your answer would always be no." It wasn't a question.

"I really don't like you putting it that way. I have no idea what I would do, Jake. I couldn't possibly say no. But the thought of getting married makes my throat close up and the walls move in."

"What are you thinking?" I asked after a few moments of his silence.

"I don't know. Is this just some kind if emergency escape route for you? Like if shit goes awry? Because I'm not going to do that you, Bree."

"Jesus Christ," I muttered leaning my forehead against the closet doorframe. "Jake are we going to rehash this bull again? I'm not going anywhere."

"Well I'm sorry but your blanket answer to the marriage question is a little scary to me."

"Jake, could you not be such a fucking girl please?" because he was starting to sound like a chick.

"I'm not being a girl, Bree, but I feel like your flipping the fuck out on me. You're scaring me. I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm just asking what the hell is sending you to pile a mush at the simple thought of the matter. It's just a little concerning."

At that moment I heard the crunch of wheels on gravel. "That's probably Emily, let's go." I stomped towards my door, picked up his shirt and fired it at him, fighting my traitorous face all the way down the stairs.

I was not prepared for Jacob to be such a girl about this whole marriage thing. He said it himself he wasn't even necessarily thinking about it. And that made sense because in this magical, messed up world we lived in a wedding seemed a ridiculous prospect with all the insanity surrounding it. How did a traditional bonding ceremony compete with imprinting and mates for eternity?

That night found me outside again sitting under the stars. I thought I'd seen my last night of this behavior in myself but the Jacob that came back was not exactly whom I expected. I leaned forward and growled in frustration to the grass. Why did everything have to get so fucked up at the first sign of happiness? Was it all conspiring against us? Because we were defying mythological law, were we reaping some kind of horrid punishment?

I could count it all back in our history. The happiness followed by a swift kick of pain. My psychosis surfaced right after Jake and I figured out we liked each other as more than friends. We had to deal with the fact that I couldn't process certain bits of information; particularly admiration and compliments. Then his dad up and died just after we'd begun to take it all seriously and the outlook was sunny.

Then he just fell apart on me. And I don't blame him for that because it's natural. To be honest, I didn't know if my mother was alive and I didn't particularly care. But Jacob loved his dad and his reaction was kind of expected. He was still really young to have no parents. But I had to see all of that digest in him for almost three years and there was nothing I could do about it. I would do it again in a heartbeat but my mind was just so drained from trying to stay happy and help him. Then the shell finally cracks and we can come home and just be normal and together. But no, some freakish Mega-Important, Hi-Falutin Wolfy Con from hell had to pop on the calendar and yours truly got the short end of that stick.

There is only so much I can take before I go completely batshit here. Pretty soon I'd end up in the corner muttering about how the dust bunnies were plotting my assassination and couch was giving fucking death glares. We didn't want to go there but we were getting close.

So I just had a little misery party for myself right there in the backyard for about thirty seconds. And because misery loves company my best friend of the moment came out the back door and started towards me. I just was not up to coping with shit right now so I rolled over on my side in a little ball and glared at Jacob as he came towards me with his head down and his hands in his pockets. And for a moment I kind of just wanted to bust a limb of his - heck, he'd heal all right - but then I decided against it. "What do you want Jake? You're interrupting my self-loathing and diatribe against the world in general."

"I'm not just going to leave you out here like this," he said indicating my rather disturbing shape. "Can I sit?"

"Yes, I have seen you do it. It is possible," I replied dryly.

"Look," he said coming down with a tired and unceremonious thud, "I'm going to try and explain things in my head. That way you see where I'm coming from and maybe I can see yours better. I don't like this. It's been too long since I've really been with you. I'm not letting this mess shit up."

I begrudgingly picked myself up off the ground and sat up. "Jake," I said wearily casting my face to the ground, "I'm tired. I just, I don't know..."

"Then I'll go first," he said.

I nodded and he began. "So this Alpha convention... There were so many different animals roving about this piece of Arctic tundra it's no wonder we had to hold it where we did. I'm talking hundreds. And this was only North American packs. At least two or three dozen alphas. Some had brought other pack mates - no one came alone. But there were at least a few shape shifters from almost every tribe. Makahs from around here, Inuit, Cherokee, Navajo, Chickasaw, Pawtucket, Crow, Micmac, Pueblo - everyone from all over. But not everyone shifts to wolves. There are foxes, coyotes, hawks, mountain lions, all sorts. It seems like the wolf is the tribal animal of choice so there were more wolves than anything but it was insane."

"I could've guessed about the number," I began quietly, "you wreak of them all. I'm thinking you Quileutes are the only exception to that rule for me."

"Sorry," he nodded, "I do need a shower."

"What else?" I asked staring at the grass.

"Well, we were all Alphas so we can all hear each other. And the conference - for what we gathered - was largely uneventful. It was to meet new guys like Sam and I, touch base, make sure no one was having any problems."

He paused for a moment and let me process all this information. I wondered if any of them shared such close proximity to vampires. Or if Sam or Jacob had shared that tidbit about the Quileute pack. "Well," he continued "a peek inside all their minds lead me to reach one conclusion: our lives generally suck. Your brothers aren't totally off base when they talk about my being unstable. Because I am. We all are. Just look at Sam and Emily. That's the norm in our world. There are a lot of imprintees that get hurt and it starts to seem like more of a curse then it does in our little peninsula where things have been ending well for the past couple generations. And for those mates that are there by choice - the non-imprintees - they get hurt to. But the difference is a lot of them panic and just pick up and leave. In the middle of the night or without a word to anyone. And these guys - and a few girls, but mostly men - are now just so angry, violent and soulless. They spend more time shifted than not and you can read it in their minds, it's like they're becoming the animal. There's less and less free will, less kindness, empathy and more rage, bloodlust. It seems inevitable. It happens to anyone who has lost a mate like that. The animal just takes over."

"But you're not going to hurt me Jake," I said quietly. "You'd be hard pressed to try. We're evenly matched."

He sighed, "It's not always the physical damage that drives them away."

"Well you're even further from damaging me emotionally or psychologically," I said taking his hand. "You are so careful around me it's rather ridiculous."

This really seemed to be screwing with his head. "Jake it may be the norm for everyone else but it's not in the Quileute boys. I know your brothers and I don't see an ounce of that in them. Yeah, Paul's a pain in the ass but I'm sure shifting has nothing to with that. And he's got your sister. As for Sam and Emily... That's a fluke. Have you noticed that they're two of the happiest people we know? I'm not saying that that is what it takes to reach happiness. I'm just saying that you can't judge yourself by those around you. You're all messed up. There is no norm for your kind; everyone is clearly different. I will not marry you to simply calm this fear in you because we wouldn't be married for the right reasons and it would not squelch your fear for long. It's probably a better testament having no formal commitment because the only thing holding two people together is the love."

Jacob's fears weren't completely unfounded but he would never get rid of me at this point. And I didn't want this eating him alive or making him do stupid things.

"I love you. I'm not leaving. And I won't marry you... Right now."

"So," he spoke, "are you altering your blanket 'no'?"

"I am. But I won't marry you because you're scared and I won't marry you if I'm scared." I shrugged, "If it ever feels right, then I don't see why not." I stretched my hand with the ring towards him, "But just know I can be happy with this until the end of time."

He laughed, "Do you know what I'm promising you?"

"Well you promised me five moon cycles and you were right on the nose. I can see you're a man of your word." I had forgotten my anger entirely. Jake had shown me inside his head and it made a lot more sense now. I understood so I couldn't be mad.

"It's a little more long term than that. Come here, little lady." I smiled at the moniker as he held his arms out for me. I really couldn't help myself - I know I was supposed to be angry - as I took my usual seat in his lap. He took my hand with the ring in his own and slipped it off. Before I could protest I watched him slip a solid cobalt blue band off his own hand. He clicked his own into mine. It slipped right into place and they interlocked perfectly.

"I promise that no matter where I go, I'll always come back to you. I promise to never hurt you - in any way, shape or form. I promise to love you forever."

Forever was a scary concept. It used to terrify me but as I wrapped my arms around his neck and Jacob gently held my face in his hands, I knew that we had a lot more to trudge through. But this was one small step in the right direction.

Finis