Chapter XVIII: The Chuunin Exams

"The ear tends to be lazy, craves the familiar and is shocked by the unexpected…" – W. H. Auden

"You look… nice." Sakura admitted, admiring Naruto's new jacket, as the pair arrived at the Academy.

"Yeah? I thought it might come in handy to have a jacket, I've got some scrolls tucked away in here," Naruto explained with a grin. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't dig the red trim, but I was kinda worried the Uzumaki spiral on the back was a bit much…"

Sakura shrugged. "Everyone in a clan tends to sport their clan's symbol."

"Until the clan dies horrifically and screaming," Sasuke announced in lieu of a traditional greeting, "then it just becomes tacky."

"Well, I imagine a good lot of mine drowned, so I'll just have to take your word for it," Naruto dismissed.

The blonde was keener on examining the small changes to his teammates' wardrobes. Sakura had done away with her midriff-baring top and replaced it with a dark red, sleeveless jumper that hung to her thighs. Her old shinobi pants had been replaced with a grey pair with more pockets– a good call, in Naruto's opinion. It didn't escape the Genin that Sakura had opted for high quality shinobi silk, either. The expensive material was silent when it rubbed against itself while remaining light and breathable.

Clearly, the members of Team 7 had begun investing their recent financial windfall into their personal careers.

For Sasuke, that meant a navy shirt with sleeves that reached just below the Uchiha's elbows and a black vest lined with weapons to match his black pants. Naruto was secretly glad Sasuke held a distaste for the traditional Uchiha high collar that his former clansmen were fond of.

There were much better ways to hide one's face.

"It's comforting that, though our clothes may change, the terrible people we are on the inside never will," Sakura pointed out. "Both of my boys look so handsome!" Team 7's kunoichi gushed, pinching Sasuke's cheek.

"…are you high?" Sasuke asked, slapping Sakura's hand away.

"We both are!" Naruto guffawed, causing Sakura to giggle uncontrollably.

"Hn."

"We tried to tell you last night," Naruto defended, "I told you to try and meet us early at my place, but nooooo," the blonde sneered, "Sasuke-sama is too cool for fucking school, so he just turns and walks away from people when they're mid-sentence!" Naruto scowled accusingly, hurt. "That's conversational emasculation, you asshole– you basically pulled down my pants, exposed my flaccid cock, and left me hanging!" Naruto's eyes turned glassy and he reeled back as if wounded before whispering, "How could you?"

The Uchiha sighed. "At least you acknowledged my innate superiority," he responded dismissively. "Even if it was in your own roundabout way."

Naruto made to retort but paused before any words could be formed as his expression became thoughtful.

Sakura turned to Naruto with a raised brow.

"…fuck," the blonde admitted.

"Hn."

"Don't ever change, guys."

Sasuke turned to Sakura. "Why would you even get high for what is basically a long, drawn-out test?"

"Well–"

"Because it's the Chuunin Exams!" Naruto interjected gaily before he adopted a somber demeanor and gravelly tone. "And some Genin will die in them." The jinchuuriki snorted. "With a sales pitch like that… how could we not?"

Sasuke "hn'd" thoughtfully. "…point."

"Exactly!" Sakura nodded eagerly. "Besides, it's exciting, isn't it? We might all become Chuunin! And we get to show off in front of the others." The kunoichi scoffed in manner that would have seemed more appropriate coming from Naruto. "Ino-pig still thinks she's my rival– as if."

"Mmmmm," Naruto growled, "I love it when you get vicious. It's a good look for the whole team, really. I certainly look forward to finding Gaara-kun– I bet I can talk him into letting me have Kankurou-teme as an appetizer."

"Ugh, I can't believe I tried to comfort you when you told me about the Kyuubi," Sakura grimaced as she recalled Naruto's confession during their date, "you're a little bastard just looking for trouble as an excuse to wave your bijuu around."

"You wound me deeply, Sakura-chan," Naruto sighed.

"Everyone knows you don't have feelings, Naruto."

"You, too!?" Naruto gasped, betrayed. "You were my first friend, Shikamaru!"

"We all make troublesome mistakes, Naruto. The best we can do is try to learn from them," the Nara shrugged as he and his team walked up to Team 7.

"Hn." Sasuke confirmed with glee.

"Hey, forehead!" Ino chirped in greeting.

"Ino-pig," Sakura nodded. "Good luck hiding from my team– we've been known to scalp our victims."

"Troublesome."

"Aren't they?" Naruto asked rhetorically. "Like the sea, they are ruled by the moon and its mysterious ways– that humanitarian singer from Kusa even made a song about it."

"Hn." The Uchiha snorted as the two kunoichi bristled.

"And, Ino," Naruto couldn't help but add, "hair grows back after the iryou-nins heal your missing scalp with medical jutsu, so it won't even be that bad."

Ino's angry retort died in her mouth as she saw a shadow creeping up on Naruto. The kunoichi held her breath in anticipation–

"Gotcha– aaaah!"

–only for Kiba to fall flat on his face after tripping over Sasuke's now extended foot.

"What the fuck was that, Uchiha!" Kiba snarled as he got back up to his feet and the rest of Team 8 arrived.

"It's the Chuunin Exams." Sasuke shrugged as if that explained everything.

Naruto chuckled and veered off to intercept Hinata, leading the Hyuuga a few feet away from the rest of the rookie Genin.

"You ready for this?" He asked quietly.

"I… I think so," Hinata nodded.

Naruto smiled, placing both arms on the smaller girl's shoulders. "You can do this, of that I am wholly certain. You've been working really hard with what we've gone over recently," Naruto reminded her. "The Byakugan and your Jyuuken are the tools you've had all along, I've merely stressed an unconventional way of using them." The jinchuuriki smiled, making Hinata blush, before pulling the flustered girl into a fierce hug. "Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't be amazing, Hinata-chan, and know that I am prouder than I can put into words– you're going to do great."

Hinata only squeezed Naruto tighter, not trusting her voice to refrain from wavering or cracking after hearing his softly spoken words. It didn't matter that the kunoichi didn't quite believe them with the same conviction as her blonde friend, just hearing him—anyone, really—say those kinds of things about her did more than she could ever articulate.

"Naruto-san is correct," a stoic voice agreed, startling the pair, "if we all do our best, there is no reason to not expect success. All of our teams are comprised of competent shinobi…" Shino adjusted his sunglasses, examining the two former classmates in front of him, "…despite some rather eccentric peculiarities."

"Gah!" Naruto intelligently added. "How long have you been there!?"

The Aburame raised a brow. "Long enough," he answered, "you would be surprised how helpful not announcing yourself with loud battle cries is."

Naruto laughed, releasing the now giggling Hinata, and turned to face Shino fully. "Maybe you should pass that information along to Kiba, it might help him, eh?"

"No." Shino answered succinctly.

It was Naruto's turn to raise a brow in curiosity.

"He is an excellent decoy," Shino elaborated, "it wouldn't do for Hinata-san and I to lose that advantage we have over our opponents." He nodded towards Hinata. "Hinata is an excellent scout, she will warn me and I will save Akamaru, if necessary."

"…Shino, did you just crack wise with me?" Naruto asked after a beat.

The Aburame merely pushed his sunglasses back up the bridge of his nose with a single finger.

"Gods above, I fucking love the Chuunin Exams!" The blonde crowed as the three Genin began making their way back to their congregated friends and teammates.

" –then maybe Naruto can explain it!" Kiba insisted as he turned away from Sakura to face the approaching Naruto. "Can you explain why you and Sakura both reek like a pound of skunk?"

The group collectively turned towards Naruto–

"Don't be a fucking narc, Kiba," the jinchuuriki dismissed, much to Sakura's immense relief. "No one wants to hear about how you invade our privacy and dump our affairs on the floor in public."

The assembled rookies quickly turned to Kiba.

"Hey!" The Inuzuka hastily objected. "None of you know the burden of being hyper aware! It sucks knowing every time someone was near a fire, or bought new cologne, or ran off to get high with a teammate, when females are on their–!" Kiba paused, having realized too late that perhaps he'd said too much…

"Y-you…" Sakura's voice was deathly quiet, "you know when we're on our... every month you know!?"

Kiba gulped. He did know. Every time. He kept it to himself, but the nose always knows if you're an Inuzuka. The cornered Genin looked at his companions; the males were staring back at Kiba as if he'd lost his mind while Ino and Sakura both looked ready to murder him. Kiba swallowed nervously– those two always did kind of overlap their cycles. Hinata just looked mortified and desperate for the ground to swallow her up.

Naruto did his best not to fall to the ground laughing and attempted to save Kiba. "Putting the scent of femininity aside–"

"Which you wouldn't know even if I made you smell my fingers, fuck-twat."

The blonde turned to find Tetsuo standing behind him. "Friends, allow me to introduce Tetsuo of no clan. He's here to fail the Chuunin Exams once again. Do give my condolences to the teammates I'm certain you will drag down with you."

"Birds of a feather flock together…" Sasuke commented innocently, causing Tetsuo and Naruto to glare heatedly in his direction. "Hn," the Uchiha smirked. "Point."

"Hundreds of Uchiha to pick from and Itachi saved you?" Tetsuo snorted. "At least Shisui would have been useful, what do you do?"

"Excuse me!" Another newcomer interrupted as Sasuke's eyes narrowed.

Naruto turned to face the bespectacled shinobi who had approached him.

"Uh," the silver-haired boy jerked a thumb at the throng of shinobi standing closer to the Academy's entrance, "you guys are kinda being loud and making a scene… I figured I'd let you know that the other Genin are agitated…"

Naruto turned around to find more than a few foreign teams glaring at the Konoha Genin. "Oh, are we causing a scene?" He asked rhetorically. The killing intent lightly caressing him from several sources only made Naruto smile wider. "Welcome to Konohagakure no Sato!" The jinchuuriki called loudly as he bowed theatrically to the gathered shinobi. "I look forward to personally showing all of you the hospitality that my village is famous for!"

"YOSH!" A voice called out from the crowd in agreement.

"No, no– don't agree with him!" A second voice insisted from amongst the masses. "What if he builds up steam and a huge brawl breaks out!? The fight could spill into all of Konoha– anarchy would set in! Surely the ANBU would intervene then, and then what would stop them from–!"

"Shut the fuck up already!" A third, feminine voice screeched from the general proximity of the second.

The Uzumaki turned away from the glares of his future opponents and faced Kabuto. "See?" He asked rhetorically. "All better!"

"Is it not enough to be despised by our village, Uzumaki? Will you not stop until the world is united in its disdain for your existence?"

"I like your Branch friend!" Tetsuo crowed as he began walking away to find his team. "I'll catch you later, fuck-twat– might be an invite to a party for ya if you and yours can manage to pass the first part of the exam!"

Naruto ignored Tetsuo in favor of focusing on Neji and his teammates. "Gai-sensei finally let the three of you come out and play after all this time?"

"Har har," Tenten drawled before adopting a faux-innocent voice. "Oh, no, we have an entire year of experience over the academy graduates– whatever shall we do!?"

"We shall persevere with the burning flames of our youth!" Lee passionately screamed to all who were gathered. The sermon had begun. "No force on this earth could hope to extinguish our collective Will Of Fire as we bloom in the springtime of our youth!"

"And, lo, I have come to reap the blooms; for I am a farmer of men– come to take in the bounty of the harvest." Sasuke reverently intoned for no other reason than to annoy his own teammates by reminding them that, to Sasuke, the cancer that spewed out of their mouths was only slightly more tolerable than what was produced by the people surrounding them all.

Tenten just tilted her head curiously. "…'Kay."

"Hn." Sasuke dismissed, closing his eyes.

"You guys sure are an eccentric bunch," the oldest Genin observed as he readjusted his large glasses.

"We are very cosmopolitan," Sakura offered before introducing herself. "I'm Sakura Haruno. Who might you be?"

"Ah," the boy bowed respectfully, "I am Kabuto Yakushi, it's a pleasure to meet you Haruno-san."

"Likewise," the kunoichi nodded kindly. "If you don't mind me asking, Kabuto-san, is this your first time taking the exams?"

"Perceptive of you, Sakura-san," Kabuto chuckled, "this will be my seventh attempt at passing." The older Genin shrugged sheepishly. "The rumors of the exam's difficulty were not exaggerated, I'm afraid."

"Awwww… fuck," Kiba moaned. "I wanted to coast."

"That'd be too easy, Kiba," Shikamaru grunted. "The people who devise these things are troublesome assholes that–"

"Everyone shut the fuck up and listen!" A Jounin boomed as he stepped up towards the assembled Genin. "I'm only going to give this speech once and I don't intend to repeat myself." The chatter died down and Naruto examined the tall man wearing a black trench coat. His face was scarred in a way that enhanced his grim demeanor. "My name is Ibiki Morino and I will be your proctor for the first stage of the Chuunin Exams."

Ibiki paused as a throng of Chuunin wearing dress uniforms stepped forward. Naruto noted that one of them held a box of index cards. "Firstly, each team will send one representative to retrieve a single index card for their team. Each team will memorize what is on their card and show no one. We will call you into the Academy, one team at a time, where you will present your shinobi identification cards and your index card to officially check in for the exams." The man paused as Genin began making their way to Izumo. "Any team without an index card and their IDs will be disqualified."

Sasuke loped off to go collect Team 7's card leaving Sakura and Naruto to study the proctor currently glaring at the amassed Genin. Neither had met this man, but both had heard of him from Anko– none of it boded well for what the first stage entailed.

"The finer details will be explained to you inside the Academy building," Ibiki continued. "Now, I'm told that the first test in these exams usually involves questions and will pose one to you all now: what is the purpose of these exams?"

The Genin continued watching the proctor, waiting for him to continue.

"Anyone?" Ibiki fished.

A hand rose from amongst the masses and called out, "For us to become Chuunin, sir?"

"No." Ibiki answered as the hand gingerly disappeared from view. "The true purpose of these exams is to gauge your capacity for leadership. As a Chuunin, you will be put in charge of other shinobi– you will make life and death decisions and be privy to information that could start wars. As Genin, you follow and you learn. A Chuunin will be asked to lead and a piece of paper with complicated questions won't tell me what I need to know for my recommendations. As such, you will be placed in a scenario that will force you to improvise as well as demonstrate some of the responsibilities a Chuunin can expect."

Sasuke returned with Team 7's card, showing it to Sakura and Naruto for them to memorize.

Naruto was proud of himself for not giggling when he read the word "pillow" and committed it to memory.

"Now, I want everyone to divide up: males to the left, females to the right." The Jounin ordered. "My assistants are going to escort you in groups to use the bathroom before we begin– this is mandatory."

Ibiki wanted to sigh as he gazed at the sea of confused expressions while the children attempted to comprehend why a bathroom break would be mandatory. Instead, he simply released some killing intent and yelled. "MOVE, NOW!"

The Genin scattered in their haste to sort themselves and Ibiki repressed a smile. "So far, so good."

Naruto and Sasuke merely glanced at each other in confusion before shrugging, wishing Sakura the best of luck, and slinking of to join the other male Genin making for the two Chuunin instructing them to form a line and follow their proctors into the building.

Sakura, for her part, ignored the fact that she didn't really need to use the restroom and continued to contemplate the horror that was starting your period the morning you're set to begin the Chuunin Exams while also discovering that there was an entire clan who knew about it.

Because they could smell it. Like fucking bears.

"Kill me…" the girl muttered in quiet disgust.

"I'm sure someone will oblige you soon enough," a blonde from Kumo offered helpfully.

"They're welcome to try if they'd like to die screaming," Sakura dismissed, doing her best not to stare at the older girl's ample chest.

Sakura sighed, hoping that Sasuke and Naruto were at least having fun while she got to debate the merits of putting in a fresh tampon while she still had the chance.

xxxXXXxxx

"This isn't as fun as I thought it would be." Naruto admitted as he and Sasuke waited in line to be escorted into the second-floor restrooms.

"You don't say?" Sasuke asked as his Sharingan observed the Genin in front of him. "And I was so certain the proctors were going to cater to your wishes, too."

"Don't be bitter, Sasuke– it's a shit look on you." Naruto snapped back. "This is supposed to be the time of our lives!" Naruto sobbed dramatically as he latched onto Sasuke's shoulder, much to the latter's disgust. "We were supposed to get to kill people without fear of legal repercussions!"

Naruto's last remark ensured that several Genin stopped their quiet conversations to turn and regard the loudmouthed blonde who couldn't seem to stop annoying everyone.

"Troublesome…" Shikamaru muttered as he attempted to distance himself from his comrades before he, too, became a target.

"Get the fuck off me, you cock!" Sasuke snarled, jabbing his fingers into Naruto's ribs. "I don't know what bothers me more: that everyone here might think we're gay, or that they might believe I'd ever settle for you."

"Gah!" The jinchuuriki wheezed as he slipped away from the Uchiha before grinning thoughtfully. "If I'm the cock, that makes you the asshole, ya know." The blonde shrugged, ignoring Sasuke's glare. "More importantly, I'm not gonna use the restroom because this is obviously a trap– for all we know, the test has already started and there's traps in them there toilets."

"Has it occurred to you that perhaps this portion of the exam will be lengthy and the proctors simply don't want to deal with bathroom breaks later?" Shikamaru couldn't help but ask.

"It has," Naruto admitted, "but these exams are devised and run by ninja. Everything they do has a purpose because it's not enough to just test Genin, they have to put us in our place as they do so to remind us that, even if we pass, we're still just Chuunin."

A Chuunin proctor with sunglasses grabbed Sasuke and herded the Uchiha to the bathroom.

Naruto glanced at Shikamaru after watching Sasuke leave. "Doing what they say? That's how they get the ones who can't look underneath the underneath."

xxxXXXxxx

"Now, we will begin calling you into the Academy, one team at a time to collect the previously listed required documentation, and beginning the first portion of the exams." Ibiki instructed once the last of the Genin had rejoined the main group outside the Academy's doors. "We will be testing two teams at a time and the test is designed to run about thirty minutes, give or take a few minutes depending on your skills and/or deficiencies." The Tokubetsu Jounin instructed. "Be ready to be called at any moment but bear in mind that this process will take all day…" The man's eyes narrowed dangerously, "fighting and disruptions will not be tolerated while you all wait."

Several Genin sighed at the prospect of milling about for a whole day under the watchful gaze of Ibiki's assistants but no one dared to voice their thoughts, instead opting for disappointed grimaces.

"Alright, Chuunin hopefuls, my name is Aoba Yamashiro," a man in sunglasses introduced as he took Ibiki's place. "When I call the names of your team, proceed into the Academy and check in with the two Chuunin proctors inside." The man produced a clipboard and pen. "First team, Konohagakure: Shun Oguri, Tetsuo, and Hiro Mizushima! Proceed to the Academy."

"HA!" Naruto crowed from his spot near the back of the crowd before glancing back at Sakura, "Fuck that guy, seriously."

"I don't know," Sakura smiled coyly, "I kinda liked some of his tattoos…"

"They were seals, actually– Tetsuo's into some shit." Naruto corrected. "And if you wanna see some ink or skin, yours truly could show you some real art."

Sakura patted Naruto on the cheek condescendingly. "Don't be jealous, Naruto-kun."

"More like bored," the blonde countered, "I didn't want to go first—who the fuck would want that?—but I really don't want to wait out in the sun all fucking day."

"At least you get to wait with us," Sasuke pointed out, "Sakura and I have to wait with you."

"I don't mind it so much," Hinata offered, "we haven't gotten to see each other as much since we graduated…"

"That's looking on the bright side, Hinata-chan!" Naruto exclaimed as he slung an arm around the Hyuuga's shoulders. "All of our friends are so negative, Hinata-chan, they don't see the importance of treasuring these rare moments."

"Do you treasure me, Naruto-kun?" Ino asked sweetly, eyeing Naruto's new jacket appreciatively.

"Hinata-chan is my only treasure!" Naruto declared amorously, pulling the flustered girl in front of him and wrapping his arms around her waist. The blonde perched his chin on Hinata's shoulder, ignoring the girl's burning red cheeks and grinning at Ino. "But we can still be friends, Ino-chan."

"And that's a firm rejection for Ino-pig!" Sakura interjected gleefully as Kiba snorted. "How will she ever recover– nay, can she ever recover? The world may never know, but Ino-pig will surely be haunted by her public humiliation at the hands of her obvious thirst." The pink haired kunoichi shook her head. "Shameful."

"Choke on a dick, Forehead!" Ino snarled, almost daring anyone else to laugh.

"I volunteer!" Kiba offered eagerly, causing the males to laugh.

Naruto let Hinata go, much to the girl's relief and frustration. "I'll never get tired of these moments."

"Y-you certainly have a way with people, Naruto-kun…"

"Eh," Naruto shrugged, "it's just fun to stir the pot. The last thing Ino needs is more positive affirmation. That girl is going to be fucking hot in a few years and she knows it, no need to pile onto her narcissism. Besides," Naruto added, focusing Hinata's attention on the still-gloating Sakura, "look how happy Sakura-chan is. That's two birds with one stone right there."

"Second team, Kusagakure: Shiore Imai, Kenzo Tomori, and Mitsuo Kamatsuzaki! Proceed to the Academy." Aoba suddenly called.

"What was that, about ten minutes?" Shikamaru asked.

"Correct," Shino confirmed. "It does not seem explaining the exam requires too much time."

"Still doesn't tell us much," Shikamaru grumbled. "Troublesome."

With nothing to refute the Nara's claim, the Konoha Genin continued to wait.

xxxXXXxxx

And wait Team 7 did, so much so that they were the only remaining team of rookies from Konoha. About four hours had passed as their friends had been summoned team by team and Naruto was beginning to grow restless. Worse, he was also growing hungry.

"This kinda blows," Naruto observed.

"Hn."

"What he said," Sakura agreed, not bothering to look up from the kunai currently spinning around her finger.

"Seventeenth team, Sunagakure: Temari Yoake, Kankurou Yoake, and Sabaku no Gaara! Proceed to the Academy."

"Wonder how they'll do," Naruto pondered out loud.

"I'd imagine they'll–" Sakura began before stopping as a man screamed before being ejected from a window on the Academy's second floor by a tidal wave of sand.

"…that's different." Sasuke observed as the sand began receding back into the room.

"Everything good up there?" Team 7 heard Aoba call from the courtyard.

"Yeah," a Chuunin called back from the window, "I told Tobo not to try it, but he didn't let me finish! We're good to proceed here– maybe call some medics for Tobo, though!" The window Chuunin advised before disappearing back into the room.

"Seems that Gaara-kun is irritable today," Naruto commented.

"Eighteenth team, Konohagakure: Sakura Haruno Sasuke Uchiha, and Naruto Uzumaki! Proceed to the academy." Aoba barked.

"Showtime!" Naruto beamed as he turned to make his way to the Academy's entrance.

Team 7 entered the Academy and made for a desk where Izumo and Kotetsu sat.

"Hand over your IDs and card, please," Izumo instructed with a grin.

"If you two are here, who could possibly be watching the gate?" Naruto asked innocently.

"We'll manage," Kotetsu dismissed as he examined Team 7's identification cards. "This all checks out, kids. Proceed up the stairs to room 212," he instructed as he returned the Genins' IDs, "and good luck!"

The members of Team 7 nodded and began ascending the stairs. Arriving on the second floor, Sasuke lead them off to the left before pausing in front of room 212.

"Ready?" The Uchiha asked, hand on the door's handle.

Seeing his teammates nod, Sasuke opened the door and stepped inside with Naruto and Sakura.

The trio squinted at the small table illuminated by a single bulb that was flickering.

"Hello–" Naruto called before arms grabbed him and a black bag descended over his face.

"You three have been captured by enemy shinobi," a voice explained as Naruto had his arms pulled behind his back and his wrists tied with ninja wire. "Two of you will be 'allowed' to escape while the third is tortured. Your objective is to locate and rescue your third teammate before he or she reveals the phrase written on your index card."

"Did you have to truss us up like this?" Naruto heard Sakura ask.

"No." The voice answered. "The exam will take place outside the village's walls with proctors keeping an eye on you. Assume you are in hostile territory, and treat any attacker you come across with lethal intent. You have one minute to decide which of you will be tortured."

"I volunteer!" Naruto insisted before Sasuke or Sakura could argue. "Torture is old hat for me and I'll heal through it anyway."

"Are you sure, Naruto?" Sakura asked uncertainly. She really didn't want to get tortured, but she wasn't going to force it on her blonde teammate just because he could take it.

"I am, Sakura-chan." Naruto assured the kunoichi.

"No argument here," Sasuke agreed. "Who am I to deny you your nostalgia?"

"It's settled, take me," Naruto instructed.

There was a pause that gave Naruto the distinct impression that the owner of the voice was sizing him up.

"Take the girl," the voice finally ordered. "We lied about letting the test takers pick the odd man out– it's a great way to gather intelligence."

"Hey–!" Sakura protested before being cut off.

The distinct sound of a body limply hitting the floor set Naruto's heart racing. "Sakura-chan!?"

A second thump indicated Sasuke was out, causing Naruto to struggle harder.

"Hope you used the bathroom, kid," the voice chuckled before a hand chopped the side of Naruto's neck, causing the Genin's legs to give out and his bladder to release just before he hit the ground and lost consciousness.

"Fuck!" One of the proctors helping to transport the Genin called out in disgust.

"What?" Another asked.

"The blonde one pissed himself…"

xxxXXXxxx

"Kakashi!" Hiruzen called jovially. "Come and join Kurenai and myself."

The masked Jounin nodded and made his way to the couch that the two shinobi were currently occupying, opting to seat himself on one of the plush chairs surrounding the sofa. "Hokage-sama," he greeted respectfully, "Kurenai-san."

"We were just speaking of the first portion of the exams– Kurenai was voicing some concerns."

"Oh? What does the task entail, exactly? Anko was a bit fuzzy on the details." Kakashi questioned.

"A simple search and rescue," Sarutobi answered, "we've set up two zones outside the village—one to the North and one to the South—which two team members will need to navigate to 'rescue' their third member."

"Any traps?"

"Various types of bunshin patrolling and harassing the entrants. The bigger challenge will be finding their teammate. Ibiki has set up several concealment genjutsu to provide more of a challenge."

Kakashi turned to Kurenai with a raised brow.

"Hokage-sama neglected to mention that the captured teammate is going to be interrogated." Kurenai explained. "I am unsure whether that is appropriate for Genin."

"But it is appropriate for a Chuunin," Kakashi shrugged, "anyone actually promoted will soon find the joys of rotating border patrols. The possibility of capture and interrogation is a very real one."

Sarutobi chuckled as he reached for his pipe. "Indeed," he agreed, lighting his pipe and exhaling a plume of smoke, "no lasting damage will be done to examinees, Kurenai."

"There are plenty of ways to destroy a human being that don't involve physically harming them," the kunoichi countered quietly. "Torture and interrogation is barely touched upon in the Academy and I know for a fact that all of Konoha's rookie teams have less than five C-rank missions completed." Kurenai nodded towards Kakashi. "Your team only has two. Do you feel that Team 7 was adequately prepared for something like this?"

"It's actually one C-rank," Kakashi corrected mildly, "our first mission outside the village was upgraded to an 'A' on account of the Jounin and all that." The cycloptic Jounin smiled, stretching the fabric of his mask. "As to why I am so confident in my team… it'd be the comfort of knowing that they've all tortured someone, so they'll at least know what to expect."

"You had your Genin torture enemy combatants!?" Kurenai asked incredulously.

"I did!" Kakashi chirped through the tobacco smoke, causing Hiruzen to sigh. "Naruto was the best at it. Which is funny because Sakura spends an inordinate amount of time with Anko and ironic because Naruto ended up captured and interrogated in Wave."

Kurenai was conflicted. Shinobi the Genin may be, they were still only thirteen– barely more than children. The thought of Hinata-chan—sweet, innocent Hinata-chan—torturing someone or being tortured made Kurenai's stomach turn.

Kakashi's teaching methods, however, were instilling her with confidence. The copycat-nin may be leaps and bounds ahead of Kurenai in terms of power and experience, but he was also teaching his first team just like she was.

Kurenai decided she felt rather good about herself before she returned to the conversation. "And you were unable to prevent his capture?"

"Naruto admittedly let his guard down and immediately learned the consequences of doing so," Kakashi answered bluntly, "I have every reason to believe that he will refrain from doing so for a very long time to come. Sometimes, Kurenai-chan," Kakashi drawled sweetly, "we must let our little birds fly from the nest to make their own mistakes. I prefer my students to be self-sufficient."

"That sounds like reasoning to explain your laziness which would also explain your chronic tardiness." Kurenai glared.

"Really? Because it sounds like the reason one of us is enjoying fine literature," Kakashi countered as he removed Icha Icha Violence from his vest, "and the other is worrying herself sick thinking about what her poor students will do without her."

Kurenai made to speak but came up short as the Hokage chuckled quietly.

"Probably why my students are stronger than everyone else's, too," the Jounin bragged, turning a page smoothly and ignoring Kurenai's heated gaze.

Kakashi needed to find Asuma soon if he wanted to continue stirring the pot– the only way putting Kurenai in her place for daring to compare herself to him could get any better was by taking Asuma's money in the form of bets placed on their students.

xxxXXXxxx

"Hey, wake up!"

Sakura's eyes snapped open as her body struggled instinctively.

"Calm down, calm down!" A black clad Chuunin instructed. "You're not going anywhere unless you tell me what was on your index card."

The kunoichi examined her surroundings. She was somewhere in the forest outside of Konoha, tied securely to a heavy chair, and surrounded by three Chuunin dressed in all black with full-coverage masks that left only their eyes visible. The Chuunin speaking with Sakura appeared to be female, judging by the swell of her chest, while the two males just sort of hung back. Sakura noted the metal table full of accoutrements.

"We're dug in pretty good and deep, so we should have some time before your teammates track you down– if they manage to track you down, that is," the Chuunin continued once she was sure she held Sakura's attention. "Now, I'm going to interrogate you until you tell me what was written on your card– it's good practice for when you actually do become a Chuunin!" She finished brightly.

"…what if I don't plan to get captured?" Sakura asked lamely.

"No stalling!" The Chuunin scolded before producing a kunai. "What was the phrase written on your card?"

Sakura sighed resignedly. "I'm not going to tell you, Kunoichi-san."

The Chuunin silently drew the kunai along Sakura's forearm from elbow to wrist, parting the soft skin and causing the younger girl to hiss in pain. "The smell of blood can have different effects on people– some people get aroused, some get hungry, and some people faint. At the very least, it makes a person uncomfortable when it's their blood they smell."

"So I've been told…" Sakura agreed.

The Chuunin's backhand lashed out faster than Sakura could track. "There's really no need for you to say anything other than the phrase on your team's card," she informed the now dazed kunoichi while withdrawing a disinfecting wipe and syringe. "Now…" The Chuunin found a suitable vein on the inside of Sakura's elbow, wiped it down, and inserted the needle, "…this should make you more pliable," she informed Sakura as she depressed the syringe's plunger.

"You're not going to break me," Sakura informed the Chuunin as she removed the needle, "there's no way the villages would let you permanently harm us– I'm not an idiot."

The Chuunin nodded thoughtfully before rising and walking to her table. "You very well might be right," she agreed as she grabbed what she needed and made her way to stand behind her captive, "but you are woefully ignorant if you think the only way to hurt you is physically."

Sakura attempted to move her head to see what was happening behind her but was prevented from doing so by her restraints.

"Now, would you like to tell me the phrase on your team's card before I begin?" The Chuunin asked once more.

Sakura forced herself to inhale and exhale calmly, sure that Naruto and Sasuke would find her. "You can fuck right off," she spat defiantly. Her pride was quickly curbed by a clicking sound and the ensuing whine and buzzing.

"That's a damn shame," the Chuunin lamented as Sakura's vision was filled with tufts of silky, pink strands that clung to her face and neck, "because I really liked your sensible 'do– whoever told you to use hitai-ate as hair band was fashionable and sensible. That's a rare quality in kunoichi."

The buzzing stopped with a resounding "click" and Sakura felt gloved hands begin clearing the clipped strands of her once prized possession from her head and shoulders.

Sakura wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to. There was no way she was that… vain. Becoming a Chuunin was infinitely more important than hair that was already gone and would eventually grow back. Sakura didn't care about the things Naruto and Sasuke would say behind her back.

She didn't think about Ino, crowing with laughter when she finally saw her again.

She didn't think about the stupid, fucking joke Anko already had prepared for her.

And she did not give two shits about how Naruto probably wasn't going to be in any rush for second date with a girl who looked like a recovering cancer patient.

The Chuunin stepped in front of Sakura, admiring the girl's shaven head as well as the furious tears welling in the corners of her eyes. The younger kunoichi's barely restrained rage was teetering on the edge of incomprehensible fury and complete breakdown.

The older kunoichi walked up to Sakura, her hand now glowing with iridescent, green chakra, and ran her hand casually over the shallow cut in Sakura's forearm. "You were right when you asserted that I am forbidden from leaving any lasting marks on your person," the Chuunin admitted as she passed her hand over Sakura's wound until the flesh knit itself back together, "but there is an incredibly long list of things I can do to you that won't leave any marks."

The viridian glow of healing chakra disappeared and the Chuunin stepped back with a smile that stretched the fabric of her mask, causing Sakura to gulp nervously.

"Now," the older kunoichi began after producing a senbon, "we read your team's files, did either of your teammates what a pair of skilled hands can do with one of these? She asked, chuckling at the beads of sweat forming on Sakura-san's forehead.

Sakura's breathing was no longer calm as she struggled wildly against her bonds while the Chuunin grabbed the middle finger of Sakura's right hand and placed the senbon under the nail.

"What was the phrase written on your index card?"

"F-fuck you…" Sakura trembled as she struggled futilely against her bonds.

The Chuunin giggled and withdrew her senbon. "The thing about physical pain is that people can stand it if they can see an end to it. You know your teammates are on the way and you know that I have limits," she explained as she tucked her senbon away. "And I'm sure Anko-senpai has taught you a thing or two about this sort of thing." The Chuunin motioned to someone behind Sakura and the younger girl heard soft footsteps approach. "If I had to bet, I'd imagine you can soldier through some pain," she admitted before pushing Sakura's chair over, causing the captured girl to wheeze painfully as her back slammed into the ground.

As Sakura made to draw in a shaky breath, a deluge of water cascaded down upon her, filling her mouth and washing over her face. The kunoichi coughed and sputtered, choking on the torrent of water that was continuing to pour down upon her.

"But the sensation of drowning to death is different," the Chuunin concluded over the cries of Sakura's choking gasps, "you'd be surprised what a person would do to not feel like that anymore…"

A/N: So, Naruto's outfit is basically Boruto's second one except with a black shirt instead of a white one. It's a good outfit, in my opinion. Also, the next chapter will show some of the other teams, I merely wanted this one to be Team 7 centric. As for the first test itself, I think you've all read enough rehashes of the ten questions. I merely wanted something a bit different to ease us all into the exams. The second portion is where the meat of the plot will be for this arc, anyway. This is a bit rushed because I wanted to get it out tonight, so I might come back and fix any glaring errors. Please review and let me know what you liked and didn't like.