Chapter 6 – New Beginnings

A/N: Thank you so much everyone for your reviews; I'm surprised you guys are still following – surprised, but definitely in a good way! I present to you, the conclusion to this tale of woe.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō

It was very fortunate that I knew and understood Hinamori as well as I did, because I immediately had an idea of where to look. It was understandable that Kira had not thought of Aizen's old rooms; as a new captain had yet to be chosen for the fifth company, no one had been in there for months - why would they? Unless "they" were Hinamori.

I hastened towards the fifth division housing. After a few paces in a brisk walk, I found myself breaking into a full-on sprint, not really knowing why. But a pit of dread was growing in my stomach and I couldn't help but feel that I was racing against the sands of the hourglass, that I must reach Hinamori before the last grain fell….

Kira Izuru

Hitsugaya-taichō had seemed troubled when I had told him of Hinamori-kun's disappearance, which in turn made me even more worried, as Hitsugaya-taichō's stoicism rarely faltered, and when he let on that he was even a little concerned, it meant that he was truly alarmed.

Once again, I wondered if I had done the right thing by being honest with Hinamori-kun.

Of course I did. The only right thing to do was to not have begun it in the first place. But there is no changing that fact. It needed to end…better late than never.

But the consequences may still turn out to be disastrous. If Hinamori-kun fell into depression or madness, or – heavens forbid – tried to harm herself, then I would never be able to forgive myself.

The only way I could put myself at ease now was to have faith in Hitsugaya-taichō and pray that he could save Hinamori-kun from paying the ultimate price for my terrible mistake.

If anyone can help her now…it's him.

I was so wrong to keep them apart.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō

I threw open the door, and time seemed to stop.

Hinamori was there, as I knew she would be. She knelt on the floor, seemingly in a trance, not noticing my presence. Her body was so pale and thin; her shihakushō seemed too big for her, like crows' wings hanging from a skeleton. Her hair was dull and unwashed, loose around her emaciated face, and haunting shadows of a vivid purple stained the skin under her eyes.

She was raising a wooden bowl up to her mouth. I had no way of knowing what its contents were, but I saw the multitude of small labelled glass bottles scattered around the room.

Poison-!

For a terrible moment I was frozen, watching as she tilted the bowl, and it seemed like I was watching in slow-motion as the dark-red liquid gathered at the bowl's rim, then began to spill over the edge, over her trembling, bloodless lips, into her mouth –

It was then when I snapped back to myself and, with a strangled-sounding yell, I leapt forward and, in a single bound, knocked the bowl out of her hands; the blood-coloured fluid sprayed everywhere. Simultaneously, with my other hand I reached around Hinamori and hit her hard between the shoulderblades; reflex kicked in and she doubled over coughing, spilling scarlet drops down her chin and the front of her robes. After a brief coughing fit, she gasped for air; I watched her throat to make sure she did not swallow. When she had caught her breath, she turned to me, as if in a daze. The look in her eyes was not one of anger or hatred, rather, one of confusion.

"Hitsugaya-kun…?" Her words were a bit slurred. "I – I don't understand…."

"What's to understand? I will not allow you to do this to yourself, Hinamori."

"But I –"

I crouched down next to her and looked her in the eye. "As long as I am alive, I will do everything in my power to make sure no harm comes to you. Even if it is yourself causing that harm. Hinamori, you will never be alone. I will be here to protect you, no matter what. Even if you hate me for the rest of your life, I will still be there for you, always."

She shook her head a little, still seeming confused. She tried to get to her feet, but couldn't get her balance and stumbled. I took hold of her waist to steady her and lower her back down, lowering myself to my knees to support her better. She had probably taken in a little bit of the red liquid, which I now saw from the bottles was sleeping medication. She had taken enough that she was probably about to fall asleep, but not enough to be harmful.

She tried to get up again, but I put my hand on her shoulder and gently ordered her, "Just stay down. I'll take you to the infirmary. You're going to be alright…despite your efforts."

"I—I feel sleepy…"

"You didn't swallow much. You're going to be okay."

Her eyelids began to flutter, and her body began to sink against mine, involuntarily. "I – almost died…"

"No you didn't. I would never let that happen."

She raised her head with effort, as though it were too heavy for her. She met my eyes, but her eyes were so dull with fatigue that I could not read her expression.

Her lips trembled as she tried, with the last vestiges of wakefulness, to form words. "W-why….—Shiro…?"

Then her eyes closed, and, with a little sigh, her head slumped against my chest; she was fast asleep.

I stayed like that, for a minute, cradling her, still reeling from what had happened.

If I had been two seconds later….

No. I would not think about that. No sense tormenting myself with those thoughts. Still, I could not help but glance down at her chest, to make sure she was still breathing, which of course she was.

As carefully as I could, I pulled myself to my feet and lifted Hinamori into my arms. Although I was only slightly taller than her, exhaustion and grief had taken their toll and she was extremely light, probably unhealthily so, and it seemed too easy to carry her the short distance to the fourth division's infirmary.

I vowed to myself then that I would not leave her side until she was once again the Hinamori Momo I knew so well.

Hinamori Momo

I didn't remember closing my eyes, but I opened them to find myself in a cot in the infirmary, and Hitsugaya-kun was sitting beside the bed; I was sure I saw his intense gaze soften when he saw I was awake.

I had no idea what to feel about him being there. He had rushed in at the precise moment before I was about to end my own life…but why? He knew that I wanted nothing more to do with him, that he brutally murdered Aizen-taichō, that I hated him…

…did I hate him? He saved my life, so it seemed wrong to hate him…but, after what he'd done….

I didn't know what to think.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Fine, I think," I replied, cautiously.

He nodded in response. "I've suggested that you be kept here for the next few days, and I am fairly certain Unohana will agree that is best for you. You are undernourished and need rest. And you'll be carefully observed for that time as well, after what happened…"

"Why did you bother?"

He seemed startled by the bitterness in my voice.

"Did you really think I would let you -kill yourself?"

"I was lonely; I was sad; I was in pain…what am I saying, "was"? I still am," I said, choking up a little as I tried not to start crying. "No one understands; everyone thinks I'm crazy and no one cares –"

"I do," he said sternly, but there was a note in his voice that caught my attention, though I could not figure out why it seemed so odd.

"But why? Didn't I make it obvious enough that I didn't want to see you anymore?"

"I knew what you were feeling. But I'd promised myself that, with the exception of my own death, I would never abandon you."

"But…I was so angry with you, Hitsugaya-kun…"

"Do you think that would matter to me?" he demanded. He had not raised his voice, but it had grown in intensity. "Listen to me, Hinamori: I have loved you for as long as I have known you. I made it my mission long ago to make sure you were safe and protected…and happy, if possible. You mean everything to me. You bring light into this dark life we have chosen for ourselves, and my heart may as well be merely an icy extension of Hyōrinmaru without you."

My heart was in my throat, leaping around in my chest like a frightened rabbit. Was I really hearing this?

"I can't stand to see you sad or in pain, and it was torment for me to have you hating me. But I could take it, as long as I knew you were going to be alright. And I did know you would be alright, because what was threatening you was gone."

He means Aizen-taichō…?

"I did kill Aizen. And I'm happy I did."

I don't like this….

"Because if I hadn't…"

"Please stop; I don't want to talk about this…"

"Let me finish. I'm almost done. If I hadn't killed him, if I had failed, he would have killed me, and then you."

"Hitsugaya-taichō had to stop him from killing you," Kira-kun had said. "What did you think was happening, when he leaped in front of you?"

"I - don't - know…"

"Hinamori-kun. Yes, you do."

"I would never let him hurt you, Hinamori," Hitsugaya-kun went on. "Not again. Not after the first time, in the Council's chambers. I thought you were dead then, and I have never known greater fear or despair than that moment. But you survived, and I knew that I would be willing to put my own life on the line to make sure I never had to feel that again."

My mind was a flurry of confusion and questions, and I could not help but think back to that day, that terrible day.

I was lying in Kira-kun's kidō net, injured and unable to move. Around me, Rangiku-san, Hisagi-san, and Iba-san, were all injured, too, and Kira-kun was moving back and forth between us, trying to heal us, four people, all on his own.

Then Ichimaru and Aizen-taichō were in front of us, and Aizen-taichō had killed Ichimaru-taichō.

No…something happened before that….

Aizen-taichō had ordered Ichimaru-taichō to kill Rangiku-san!

But…why would he do that…?

After he'd killed Ichimaru-taichō, he'd attacked Kira-kun. I'd spoken to him. I'd told him that it was alright, that it was over, that he could come back to be my captain again.

He'd laughed, softly.

"I underestimated you, Hinamori-kun…you truly are loyal to the very end."

And he'd raised his zanpaku-tō – why did he do that? – and began to swing it down at me – no please don't, wait, why, why?

Suddenly Hitsugaya-kun was there, appeared out of nowhere, facing shielding me with his body; Hyōrinmaru angled across his back to protect himself from Aizen-taichō's blade.

I remember looking into his eyes, and their vivid blue-green held desperation, and rage, and terror, and something else I couldn't name.

And then he threw me out of the way, as far away from him and Aizen-taichō as possible, and I remember as he turned to face the older, taller, stronger man. So much fear in Hitsugaya-kun's eyes! He knew he might die…

And then they were gone, in a whirl of robes, their blades ringing in a fight to the death…

But his eyes were burned into my memory…

And they were looking at me now.

"I could not stand to lose you, Hinamori," he said softly, "and, as long as I am alive, I will make sure that doesn't happen."

What have I done?

"Hitsugaya-kun…" My voice was barely even a whisper. "You saved my life…twice….but - I've been so…horrible…to you."

"You were grieving. It's in the past."

"But, Hitsugaya-kun…I am still grieving. Aizen-taichō – just because he tried to – even though he did - I – I still -" My vision blurred suddenly with hot tears that I couldn't keep back, though I tried so hard.

Hitsugaya-kun rose from his chair and came and knelt by my bedside. He grasped my hand in both of his, and I was taken aback by how warm they were.

"It's in the past," he repeated. "But that doesn't mean – it's never meant – that you aren't allowed to be sad."

"I am," I whispered, my voice choking with emotion. "I am sad."

"I know," he said, his voice not much louder than mine, and more gentle than I'd ever heard it. "But it's going to get better from here; it's going to be okay. You're going to move forward, and soon you won't be sad anymore."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because – I'm here for you, Hinamori. I always will be."

"Even though -?"

"Yes. Because, it's like I said: I love you, Hinamori Momo. I will not rest until you are happy again."

I couldn't stop it; I finally burst into tears. Though not all of it was bad, there was so much to take in all at once, and I didn't know how to handle it. I thought Hitsugaya-kun would tell me to stop crying, to not be such a baby, but instead he climbed onto the cot next to me and folded me in his arms. This only made me sob harder, and so he held me closer, letting me drench the shoulder of his haori in my tears, never letting me go.

Kira Izuru

I was relieved beyond measure when I heard the news that Hinamori-kun, though she'd attempted to take her own life, was stopped by Hitsugaya-taichō in time and was going to be alright. She was being kept in the fourth division for observation and a psychiatric assessment, but her health was perfect, aside from being fatigued and slightly undernourished. Hanatarō-kun, in passing, was able to tell me that she was "tired, but acting more like her old self."

I had not gone to see her yet; I was not sure how I would be received, and I wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to see me at all. So I'd decided to wait a short while and see how things played out.

In the meantime, though, a dark cloud of guilt still loomed over my head. Just because Hinamori had not had to suffer any consequences of my deceit did not mean I could no longer be guilty of having one wrong. I still felt that somehow, I should atone for what I had done, and all the pain I had caused – not just to Hinamori-kun, but to everyone around her.

But what to do?

It couldn't be a coincidence that the answer came to me right away, in the form of Matsumoto-san walking by. She moved with purpose, but she had a vague, distant look in her eyes, the same one she'd had for months and months, like her thoughts were somewhere far away, where even she could not find them.

And I knew what I had to do.

Matsumoto-san was the only one who had been as close to Ichimaru-taichō as I had been – and, I suspected, even closer. It was common knowledge that they had had some kind of a history that went a ways back, but the details remained pure speculation. The point was that Matsumoto-san was feeling the pain of the loss of Ichimaru Gin, as was I. But, as our pain shared the same cause, surely that meant we could heal each other.

It was a few days before I was able to approach her, and she seemed surprised when I invited her to go for a walk across the grounds with me. She accepted, however, and we walked a ways to somewhere relatively private, where we would be out of earshot, at least. The sun was low in the sky, and the air was cool. I sat in the long grass underneath a weeping willow tree, and Matsumoto-san followed my lead. When the breeze kicked up, I could catch whiffs of stale sake coming from her robes, and it made my heart ache to imagine what a joyless existence she must have been living since that day when all our worlds came crashing down.

"Izuru-kun, what is this about?" Her voice was soft, and not angry or impatient, merely curious, a little confused.

"I just wanted to talk to you, about something very important, and very personal. I want to ask for you to just listen to what I have to say, and if you feel that you want to say something as well, then I will gladly return the courtesy." Seeing she seemed slightly bewildered, I hurriedly continued on, "The reason that I asked you is because you're the only one I can talk to; you're the only one who has any hope of understanding…"

She understood then. "It's about…him, isn't it?" she said quietly. Her sadness seemed to have extinguished the light from her eyes.

"Yes," I replied. "You don't have to talk about him if you don't want to. I think it will help you if you do, but it's your choice. I'm not going to force you; it's not my place. I just ask that you listen to me, if you feel that's not too much to ask. No one has to know what – or, who – we talk about; it can be just between the two of us. Would that be alright?"

She gazed into the distance for a long time, staring at the sun, partially disappeared below the horizon, but she seemed to not see it, to be looking right through it at something beyond, biting her lower lip thoughtfully. Her eyes were shining, though it was impossible to tell if it was from emotion or simply from the brightness of the twilight sun. At least, she turned to me and nodded once, slowly and said, "Okay."

It was the same for both of us in that it was hard to get started talking, but once we began to find our voices, we found it equally hard to stop.

They say the dead cannot rest until the loved ones they have left behind begin to cope in their absence. I like to think that, that night, the spirit of Ichimaru Gin found peace at last.

Matsumoto Rangiku

The same dream. Over and over and over.

Or so it seemed.

There's you and there's me, darkness all around us. But we don't mind, because we're together.

The silence is beautiful. There's no need for words, and we walk into the darkness, unafraid.

"Rangiku…"

Gin….

"I've always – "

The path divides ahead of us, splitting in two roads, going entirely opposite directions.

You sigh and shake your head; your smile is gone.

"Here is where we part…I have to leave you again."

So soon?

"I didn't want it to be this way."

No, stay. We can try again…

"I've caused you too much pain, Rangiku. You're better off without me."

No, don't say that!

"You know it's true. You deserve more than this."

Please don't go…

"I'm afraid I don't have a choice. I must go."

Take me with you!

"I cannot. You must stay behind, once again. But, this time, do not wait for me. Live on and find happiness. I don't want to make you cry anymore."

Oh Gin…

"I'm out of time. This is good-bye, Rangiku."

Oh Gin, but how I'll miss you! Is there any way…?

"I will live on in your memories. I will share in your joy and your sorrow. I will always be a part of you."

Gin…

We stand at the junction between two paths. You reach forward and clasp my hand in yours.

"It's time."

My heart is leaden with sorrow.

Goodbye, Gin…

"Goodbye, Rangiku. Don't cry. And know that I've always –"

I know…

"I've always –"

Oh, Gin, me too –

" –loved you."

I close my eyes to hold back the tears.

Goodbye.

Your hand is gone from mine, and when I open my eyes again, you are not there, vanished down your path. I am by myself, but, strangely…

…I don't feel alone.

You cannot speak to me, or hold my hand, or kiss me anymore.

But I carry you in my heart as I turn and begin to take the first steps down my own path.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō

Several more months passed, and it was Midsummer's Eve, and everyone was going outside to observe the fireworks. I wore my dark blue pinstripe yukata for the occasion, and Hinamori looked wonderful in hers, a blue-green colour adorned with pink camellia blossoms. She wore her hair unbound and the pink flush that had returned to her cheeks seemed more prominent.

"Tōshirō, don't you have anything more colorful?" Matsumoto complained when she caught up to us. "That's hardly any different from what you normally wear." She herself wore a brilliant purple yukata decorated with a lotus pattern.

I decided to let the first-name address slide, what with it being a special occasion. Anyway, the fact that Matsumoto had finally come back to herself was such a relief that I was inclined to be a little more lenient as of late.

"I think he looks handsome," said Hinamori with a smile. "You can go ahead without us, Rangiku-san; tell Kira-kun to save us a spot!"

"Will do; hurry up though, it's going to start soon!"

"Why'd you send her away?" I asked.

"Hitsugaya-kun…"

"Wait," I broke in. "Is this about what I think it's about?"

"It's just that –"

I interrupted her again, though I was not angry or annoyed in the slightest. "I don't know how many times we have to go over this, Hinamori. I don't want an answer yet, and I don't want you to worry about it, alright?"

"But, when I was in the care of fourth division, after you'd saved me and I woke up…you told me you loved me. And I feel like I should have to know whether I should say it back or not."

"I know you do, but I've told you not to worry about it. You have enough going on in your heart and your mind, and I want you to take as long as you need - which I know is longer than you think it is - to decide what you feel."

"But don't you want to know -?"

"Of course I do. But I'll wait as long as it takes. We have our whole futures ahead of us – there's no hurry."

"But, Hitsu –"

"No buts," I said, feeling a smile forming in spite of myself. "I can wait. I don't want you to have to say it yet."

"Okay," said Hinamori, seeming a little crestfallen, but she seemed to be thinking about something. Then, swiftly as the wind itself, she stepped forward and kissed me on the cheek.

I froze for a moment, feeling heat bloom out from the point where her lips had touched my skin, making my whole face warm. Hinamori stepped back, a wide smile on her face, which had a red flush. She giggled, and then darted past me. "Come on," she cried, her voice trembling with giddiness, "we're going to miss the fireworks!"

As if on cue, a series of explosions sounded and the sky was painted with bursting spheres of reds, greens, and golds.

Hinamori let me catch up to her, then took my hand and we started running to join our friends. Even once we made it there, she did not let go, and neither did I.

I don't normally care to believe in omens, but with the spectacular display before me and the warm, soft hand in mine, I could not help but imagine wonderful things the future may hold, and I believed I was living an experience that most called 'a new beginning'.

A/N: So, that's all, folks! It kind of turned into a Fruits Basket-style ending, where everyone gets healed by crying xD I hope it wasn't too sappy for y'all :p Crying can be constructive, after all; it's certainly better than keeping everything bottled up inside. Do Kira and Matsumoto bond and end up getting together in the end? That's for you to decide. I'm totally GinRan myself, and normally I wouldn't think to kill off Gin, but this fic needed MOAR ANGST ;D

Next up: the much awaited Chapter 23 of my other HitsuHina fic, "Oblivion"! Not sure when that'll get posted, but I plan to start working on it ASAP.

For any of you reading the IchiHime B-side of this fic, and wondering if I am going to finish it…I'm leaning towards no. I have a ton of other things I'd much rather be working on, and I don't really have any ideas on where to go with it, but, that said, I still hate leaving things unfinished. So, we'll have to see. My recommendation, if you're interested, is to subscribe and hope for the best. :P

Thank you for reading, fav-ing, subscribing, and reviewing! Catch you guys in the next fic!

Love, Raye