Disclaimer: I don't own Les Miz at all. Not even the slightest bit. :(
Just so you know, this takes place before everyone either dies or gets their life all screwed up during 'The Last Olympian'. But yes, I did cast Rachel.
A/N: Songs from 'Les Miserables' will be in bold!!!
"Okay, half-blood cast of 'Les Miserables', gather round!" I called out. Backstage, the nerves were running high as the minutes to our opening night performance of 'Les Miserables' got shorter. Everyone formed a circle around me as I peeked around the thick red curtains to see the audience. The Vicomte de Chagny was helping Christine to her seat, and introducing himself to Ron Weasley, who's ears were shading into a cherry red at the reality of the beautiful Christine sitting next to him. Yes, all the characters who live in my head were invited to attend. The real Hugo-Mizzies were seated in the front row, in a bit of an awkward tension that would probably remain unbroken until Grantaire's fourth or fifth bottle of absinthe. As it appeared, he was only on his second or third.
Beckendorf approached, and towered over, me. "It's 'Red, the blood of angry men' first, then 'Red, a world about to dawn', right?" He asked, timidly. I pat him casually on the shoulder.
"Don't worry. You'll make a splendid Enjolras." I said, comfortingly. Pointing towards the stiff-shouldered blonde man in the center of the front row, I told Beckendorf, "See the guy in the red vest and 'Down With The French Monarchy!' shirt?" Beckendorf nodded. "That's the real Enjolras."
"Ah." He nodded, sounding not really interested in the godlike creature before him, and began shushing people to be quiet for my Director's Speech.
"Alright, everyone! You've all worked extremely hard on this magnificent play. I know you'll all do it justice. And just a bit more of advice," A sigh sounded from the group, as a result of my incessant advice-giving at rehearsals. "To love another person is to see the face of God!" I sang, trembling an over-dramatic vibrato. More groans echoed from the restless half-bloods.
"C'mon! Let's go!" shouted Nico, straightening his little Gavroche hat.
"Okay, convicts, Valjean, and Javert! Get in your places!" I called. The red curtains curled open and the Nine Muses began to play the overture. The anxious hush that always follows the opening of a curtain enveloped the theatre. My hand-picked ensemble, a mix of Apollo and Demeter kids, tread onto the stage and mimed using pickaxes.
ALL: Look down, look down
Don't look 'em in the eye.
Look down, look down
You're here until you die.
CONVICT #1 (a.k.a. Apollo kid #1): The sun is strong! It's hot as hell below!
ALL: Look down, look down
There's twenty years to go.
CONVICT #2 (a.k.a Demeter kid #1): I've done no wrong! Olympus, hear my prayer!
ALL: Look down, look down
Olympus doesn't care.
Yes, we had to change some words around so as to not get blasted into a million pieces.
CONVICT #3 (a.k.a Apollo kid #2): I know she'll wait. I know that she'll be true! [An Ares kid, playing a gendarme, takes this as an advantage to hit him with the butt of his 'rifle']
ALL: Look down, look down
They've all forgotten you.
CONVICT #4 (a.k.a Demeter kid #2): When I get free, ya won't see me, here for dust!
ALL: Look down, look down
Don't look 'em in the eye!
CONVICT #5 (a.k.a Apollo kid #3): How long, O gods, before you let me die?
ALL: Look down, look down
You'll always be a slave!
Look down, look down
You're standing in your grave!
Hardly daring to breathe, I signaled for Luke to come in. He didn't look very happy about it, playing a law-abiding character, but he walked on with that haughty air of his anyway.
JAVERT (a.k.a Luke): Now bring me Prisoner 24601. You're time is up and your parole's begun. You know what that means!
[Grover, being held by Ares kids, is brought before him]
VALJEAN (a.k.a Grover): Yes, it means I'm free!
JAVERT: No! It means you get you're yellow ticket of leave. You are a thief!
VALJEAN: [indignant] I stole a loaf of bread!
JAVERT: You robbed a house!
VALJEAN: I broke a window pane. My sister's child was close to death and we were starving-
JAVERT: You will starve again! Unless you learn the meaning of the law!
I bit my lip, in anxiety. I never should have let them watch the Tenth Anniversary Concert. Now Luke's convinced that it's pronounced "lawrrr." Thanks, Philip Quast. Nevertheless, Grover went on. Thankfully his goat noises were hardly noticeable now.
VALJEAN: I know the meaning of those nineteen years, a slave...of the law!
JAVERT: Five years for what you did. The rest because you tried to run. Yes, 24601!
VALJEAN: My name is Jean Valjean!
Javert: [holding his head high, pompously] And I'm Javert! Do not forget my name, do not forget me, 24601!
Again, I bit my lip. Luke had picked up another Quast-ism, and it was the tendency to over-emphasize the name Javert. You all know what I'm talking about, how he says it "ZHAVAIR!" Well, maybe he'll be able to hit the low note in 'The Confrontation' then. I crossed my fingers, hopefully.
ALL: Look down, look down
You'll always be a slave
Look down, look down
You're standing in your grave.
Uh uh uh uh, uh uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh, uh uh, uh uh uh uh uh uh
[Scene changes from galleys to small town of Digne]
VALJEAN: Freedom is mine. The earth is still. I feel the wind. I breathe again, and the sky clears. The world is waiting. [Kneels down] Drink from the pool, how clean the taste. Reduced, reused, recycled waste.
I clamped my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming "Those aren't the lyrics, you hippie!" Before Grover went to the next line, I whispered, "Grover!" Discreetly he looked over his shoulder, quickly enough to see me gesture decapitating him. Luckily he got the point and went on normally. The audience was waiting.
VALJEAN: Nor forgive them, for what they've done. They are the guilty, everyone. The day begins, and now let's see what this new world will do for me. [He finds work on a farm, and works for about five musical seconds and shows the FARMER his ticket-of-leave]
FARMER (a.k.a Demeter kid #3): You'll have to go! I'll pay you off for the day. Collect your bits and pieces there and be on your way! [hands VALJEAN a few coins. VALJEAN counts them]
VALJEAN: [angrily] You have given me half what the other men get! This hand full of tin wouldn't buy my sweat! [instead of throwing them on the ground, he unnoticeably pops one in his mouth like a SweeTart]
I facepalmed myself.
LABORER (a.k.a Apollo kid #4): You broke the law [he, too, says "lawr"]! It's there for people to see. Why should you get the same as honest men like me?
VALJEAN: Now every door is closed to me. Another jail, another key, another chain. For when I come to any town, they check my papers and they fine the mark of Cain. In their eyes, I see their fear. "We do not want you here." [He comes to an inn, and must show the innkeeper his ticket-of-leave]
INNKEEPER'S WIFE (a.k.a Demeter kid #4): [obviously lying] My rooms are full, and I've no supper to spare. I'd like to help a stranger. All we want is to be fair.
VALJEAN: [desperately] I will pay in advance. I can sleep in a barn. You see how dark it is? I'm not some kind of dog!
INNKEEPER (a.k.a Apollo kid #5): You'll leave my house, or feel the weight of my rod! We're law-abiding people here, thanks to the gods. [VALJEAN wanders the streets, desolately]
Yet another line we had to change around...Wha have we done to this amazing show. From backstage I could see the Mizzies exchanging glances about our new polytheistic lyrics. Oi.
VALJEAN: And now I know how freedom feels, the jailer always at your heels. It is the law.
I sighed in relief, that Grover didn't say "lawr." He was actually doing quite well, despite the minor incident at the beginning.
VALJEAN: This piece of paper in my hand that makes me cursed throughout the land. It is the law. Like a cur, I walk the street, the dirt b-b-b-e-neath their feet. [He looks at paper hungrily]
"Oh dear..." I murmured. Maybe no one realized...
BISHOP OF DIGNE (a.k.a Lee Fletcher): [enters and sees VALJEAN] Come in sir, for you are weary, and the night is cold out there. Though our lives are very humble, what we have we have to share. [Helps Valjean inside and seats him at a table] There is wine here to revive you. There is bread to make you strong. There's a bed to rest till morning, rest from pain and rest from wrong. [exits momentarily]
VALJEAN: He let me eat my fill, I had the lion's share. This silver in my hand, costs twice what I had earned. In all those nineteen years, a lifetime of despair, and yet he trusted me. The old fool trusted me. He's done his bit of good. I played the grateful serf and thanked him like I should. But when the house was still, I got up in the night. Took the silver [puts silver in bag] took my FLIGHHHHHHT!!! [runs, but is stopped by two gendarmes who bring him back to face the BISHOP]
GENDARME #1 (a.k.a Ares kid #2): [pushes VALJEAN onto his knees, and looks like he's enjoying himself doing so] Tell his Reverence your story.
GENDARME #2 (a.k.a Ares kid #3) [also enjoying the verbal and physical abuse he's inflicting] Let us see if he's impressed.
GENDARME #1: You were lodging here last night.
GENDARME #2: You were the honest Bishop's guest. And then out of half-blood goodness when he learned about you plight...
I prayed with all my might, that the "half-blood goodness" would go over well. The Mizzies still looked confused. Then again, we were in a theatre that was in my head, so they should be confused. They were my newest guests. Everyone else, like Harry Potter and the Phantom, had been here. Ah, memories...
GENDARME #1: You maintain he made a present of this silver-- [BISHOP intervenes]
BISHOP: That is right. [to VALJEAN] But my friend you left so early, surely something slipped you mind. You forgot I gave these also [hands VALJEAN two silver candlesticks]. Would you leave the best behind? [to GENSDARMES] So messieurs you may release him for this man has spoken true. I commend you for your duties and the gods' blessing go with you [turns back to VALJEAN, helping him off the ground]. And remember this my brother, see in this some higher plan. You must use this precious silver to become an honest man. By the witness of the martyrs, by the passion and the blood, They have raised you out of darkness. I have bought your soul for Them. [exits, leaving VALJEAN alone in center stage]
I smiled from my vantage point in the wings, when the audience burst into applause. They liked it! Grover's solo was next...
RRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoever reviews first gets a cookie....and Luke!