Finally here, I know, i'm as excited as you are. This seemed to take me AGES AND AGES, but it's done now.

Can you believe it's been 60 days since i first published this story!

I should start putting a disclaimer on this!

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire academy. That is Richelle Mead. She is amazing.

It had been 5 hours. And every passing second was as agonizing as the last. My mind refused to stop reeling. And I was getting another headache, on top of my 'conscience' induced one. Every question that flew through my mind had thousands of different answers, most were insane and illogical, and I disregarded them quickly, but there were some that plagued my mind.

Like whether or not I was crazy. My mind told me no immediately, but was that just reflex? Self denial? And now that I'd explored what I truly hoped was every option, the answer was becoming unbearably clear.

Yes. I had to be crazy. With all of this evidence how couldn't I be? Something else was taking over my mind, something darker. Or lighter. I wasn't sure. I was no longer in complete control of my body, and I was experiencing feelings I'd hoped i'd never feel again.

Because through all of my questioning, there was only one question that had been fully answered. Why had I brought her here? At first I had thought it was to turn her strigoi. Which was true. But why did i want to turn her? I could choose anyone. Rose didn't have the best nature for turning strigoi. Nor was she the best fighter out there. I had millions of victims to choose from, yet I had chosen her.

The answer was simple. I loved her. I loved Roza. And now, if she didn't join me, eternity would not only be boring, but painful. The questions kept coming thick and fast, and I was getting tired of answering them, or trying to. Thankfully, my conscience had quietened, letting me think through everything without disrupting me.

Even though he wasn't talking, I could still feel him there. I was aware of his presence, even the tone of his thoughts. It was constant. Like the humming of and air conditioning unit, or a computer. It reminded me of the way that Rose had described her bond with Lissa. I vaguely remembered her telling me, and before I was ready for it, a memory pulled me in, suffocating me.

We were running. It was an early morning practise, and the sun was still visible above the horizon, I saw her look up and smile towards the sun, enjoying the feeling of the rays on her face. Though she'd never told me, I knew she missed the sun. As if feeling my gaze, she turned towards me.

"What?" She asked self consciously, running her hand through her hair. Every time she did that I always compelled to run my hands through it too. Her hair, like the rest of her, was so beautiful that sometimes it hurt. I always vividly remembered it's soft texture, and the way it glinted in the dim light of my room--. Stop I told myself. If I remembered that too much then I knew I'd be a goner. I'd loose control.

"Nothing, you don't seem to be tiring." I said, coming up with and explaination quickly, trying really hard not to look at her lips, instead, I opted to look at her hair again. I really was a glutton for punishment. It shined differently in this light. Brighter, fuller. It was breathtaking.

"Neither do you" she replied with a small smile on her face. Though underneath, I could see her trying to figure me out. I ignored it.

"How was your night with Lissa?" I asked. I knew she'd been excited about it.

"It was great. We watched Romeo and Juliet" She smiled again at the memory. Not that I understood what aspect Romeo and Juliet was worth smiling about.

"Did you cry?" I asked sarcastically, but with true curiosity, wanting to know whether she felt the same pull towards that movie as the rest of the female populas.

" Are you asking that because you want to know that your not the only one?" She shot back, equally as sarcastic. I didn't bother dignify her joke with a response, It hadn't really been that funny.

" A little," She sighed "But if Lissa wasn't such a softie for those sorts of movies I think I would've been fine." I gave her a questioning look, not quite sure what she meant.

"Lissa was so wrapped up in the movie, her emotions were all over the place, I accidently slipped into her head." Ah, that explained it, Rose always told me that when Lissa's emotions got too strong she would be pulled into her head. I could tell Rose never really liked it, in fact - and i'm not sure how i knew it was a fact - she hated that her personal experiences we blurred with Lissa's. I wondered what that would feel like.

"What's it like? The bond, how does it feel?" I asked, suddenly truly curious about what Rose went through every day. She sighed, as if she wasn't really sure how to explain the answer.

"Its like... I don't know, a hum? I can't think of the right way to explain it." She frowned to herself. Thinking very hard about it. " It's like there is this space in my head, that it sort of warmer than everywhere else, and it radiates out what she is feeling. And if she has something she needs to say to me, it just comes out of that space."

I couldn't really imagine what that was like.

"What's it like when her emotions are too strong?"

"It's like, that warm place, it takes over everything and engulfs it. Then I'm not in my own body anymore. I can feel everything she feels. I'm not me anymore. I'm her. Then when I finally do realise it, I'm a prisoner. I can't feel the warmth, so I have to look for it, but her emotions are so tangled up, I don't even know where to start." I hadn't realised that we had stopped running.

"That sounds horrible." I said quietly.

"It is, when it happens, I feel like I can't control myself. It's terrifying." She said, almost to herself. Then, suddenly, she popped back into reality, and gained some composure. She smiled, and laughed it off with some mediocre joke. I pretended to smile, but all I could think about was what she had said I feel like I can't control myself. It's terrifying.

Now, I knew what Rose felt like. Because now I had a personal experience. Loosing control like that was terrifying. It made you sick, it made you tired, it made you weak. I almost felt sorry for her. Then suddenly, I wasn't sure if it was me or him.

I went back to my room and picked up one of my Western Novels. It was one of my favourites, Creede of old Montana, by Stephen Bly. I could remember the first time i'd seen this novel after i turned Strigoi. As it's familiar cover art had greeted me I had gotten a headache. Had that been My conscience? Or just a coincidence? Trying to forget about it, I walked down the hallway to Rose's room. Hopefully she'd feel my presence and wake up.

I had no such luck. It took her about 5 hours to wake up. Her face had looked so peaceful in sleep. My conscience was envious. It must be nice he thought bitterly to be able to go to sleep, and not worry about your body running off and killing someone. His words had been bitterly, but i knew that there was a part of him that worried for her. Worried i'd run off and kill her.

You're right i told the voice sarcastically it would be nice if you slept. If he had a face, he would've hit him to make him sleep. Unfortunately, he didn't. Are you sure? He asked me maybe you could punch a mirror? It was a pathetic joke. If it could be called that. But honestly, I was surprised he could muster up enough emotion for something like that. I certainly couldn't. Not right now. Not really surprising. I'm not like you. He answered simply. He was becoming unbearable.

Who was he anyway, to criticise me. He got himself into this 'mess'. I could feel his agreement, but I could feel something else. He was trying to hide it hell i thought to myself he's been invading my privacy all day! I dove into the warm spot, searching. And i couldn't believe what I'd found. I couldn't comprehend it. It was the most confusing jumble of emotions i'd ever felt. Surely no one person could feel all of this at once, they'd explode.

With a resignated sigh, he started to list what he was feeling. I feel guilty about leaving Rose to deal with you, sad because she actually did, scared because i don't know what is going to happen to me, scared shitless because i don't know whats going to happen to her, disappointed that I actually let this happen to me in the first place. And honestly, downright pissed, because your stuck in my head. I couldn't really have imagined what all of that felt like, but i knew thanks to him.

Behind his explaination, I knew he was hiding something. As soon as he heard me think this I felt him jam a wall between us. It was similar to a brick wall though, easy to break down. He was jealous. Jealous I got to kiss her, jealous i'd have the chance to hold her, jealous I had the chance to be free. In a manner of speaking he clarified i don't think that being angry and blood obsessed is free, but you can live a little. I had to laugh. What did you expect would happen when you let Nathan bite you! I shot back. I felt the warmth in my head scream disgust at Nathan's name. At least we agreed on something. I turned to start reading, before he could start back up.

That was when Rose started stirring.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, climbing out of bed.

" Waiting for you to wake up." I answered as she walked over to the opposite side of the room to stand against the wall.

"Not so boring," i told her. "I had company." I said that part more to myself. Then I hastily held my book up, making it seem as though I was talking about my western, not the voice inside my head.

I just looked up popular western novels and it came up with the creede of old Montana. To say i'm not into westerns is an understatement. Though I do enjoy imagining Dimitri in a cowboy outfit.

I know this isn't all depressed and angry strigoi Dimitri, but writing Dimka like that was making me depressed. So i've decided, for my mental well-being , he'll still be a bit of a bloodsucking creep, but a little less "i'm going to eat you know." :D:D

I did actually write him all stereotypically strigoi in this chapter. But it wasn't nearly as good or funny. I'll post it if you want me to.

R&R

xxx