Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders

What Incest Does

Warnings: Incest, self harm, attempted suicide, and lots and lots of angst

Chapter 1: Pain

Pony is in love with somebody he shouldn't be in love with.

Not only is it a guy, but it's his own brother.

That's just so sick and wrong in so many ways.

You're NOT supposed to love your brother like that.

It's bad enough to be gay, but to be in love with your own flesh in blood?

That's just WAY too over the top.

He would cause riots if anyone knew. He would definitely be thrown in the wacky shack if he wasn't murdered first.

Why did it have to be him? Pony would rather it be anybody, but him…Even Steve.

Pony can't even look at him anymore.

He's full of shame, guilt, disgust, loneliness, and hurt.

He can never be with the one he loves. NEVER! Not only is it wrong and unnatural, but his brother will never love him back. Pony knows him, he's not like that. He's the responsible one, the one with common sense; he ain't a sicko like Pony. He'd be disgusted and kick him out, and never want to see or speak to him again.

This secret has been eating him up inside, it's been killing him. He has become distant from the gang, not talking to anyone, or acknowledging them, he's been in his own little world.

And, Pony just can't take it no more. He grabbed his notebook and pencil off of his desk in his and Soda's room, then made his way to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

He sat on the toilet seat and wrote something in his notebook. When he was done, he sat it on the sink, and dug into the covert, until he found what he wanted.

'A razor'

This ain't new to him; he cut himself a lot of times before.

This was his punishment for the gay, incestuous love he had for his brother.

He would rather feel physical pain, than the emotional pain he always felt.

The first couple of times hurt like hell, but after a while of doing it, it felt good.

It freed him.

Pony pressed the razor blade right into his pulse on his left wrist and cut the deepest he's ever cut before. Blood gushed out like a raging waterfall. He got dizzy and lightheaded.

This doesn't mean anything, Pony wasn't Pony anymore, he was just a shell of his old self, the real Ponyboy Michael Curtis died along time ago, the secret he carried ate up inside until there was nothing left and he just can't stay like this anymore.

He was ready to leave this earth.

People say if you kill yourself you go to hell, but Pony's already going there no matter what, so what's the difference?

He fell off the toilet seat, falling face first onto the cold tiled floor. The room started spinning, before his whole world went black in complete darkness.

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

I'm sorry if it's too short and sucky...It will get better I promise! I wrote this for my challenge. Every chapter in this story will be based off of a Three Days Grace song. Review, but please don't flame!