Prologue

As I reflect on my life, I often wonder how this all happened. As I watch my two boys fight, all I can do is wonder what is left to do? I stare at them helplessly there is nothing I can do. I remember how hard it was back when I was their age.

John is seventeen, the age I was when I met his father. God how time has passed. James is only fifteen and it hurts me to see the pain he has to go through every day. Then there is my little Annemarie twelve years old and tired of all the yelling and confusion. I look to my husband he is standing in front of John, and I in front of James.

I hear John yell those awful words towards his baby brother, "I hate you!"

James laughs cruelly, "You cannot possibly hate me as much as I hate you!"

Tears stream down my face, I feel like I am in the same place I was seven years ago, when it happened the first time it was supposed to be fixed it was supposed to be easier.

Annemarie is standing motionless on the stairway watching in terror, she was only two the first time this happened has probably can't ever remember seeing me cry. Suddenly, someone opens the door, and it is my twenty-four year old stepdaughter Cassidy watching in terror, she remembers what happened seven years ago, and she knows exactly what has happened as she sees my face.

Cassidy screams, "Knock it off!"

Both boys stare at her in shock, Cassidy was never one to take charge. She looks to my husband weakly, "Did it happen again?"

He nods, those boys are the reason he's losing his hair, I think to myself, how ironic when we first met he was quite fine with only having a Mohawk for hair, now he wishes that he had a full head of hair.

"John," says Cassidy sternly, "go to your room!"

"You're not the boss of me!" He screams at her.

Cassidy get into his face, "Go to your room! Listen to me! You're not ten years old anymore, go to your room!"

"No!"

Cassidy's fiancé Joshua walks in, he was around back then too, and he knows immediately what happened. "James," he says softly, "Wanna go outside, we'll throw around a football or something."

James nods, and Joshua leads my little boy outside.

"John," I say weakly, "Please listen to your sister, and go up to your room, you're not in trouble, just please give your father and I time to figure out what we have to do."

John grudgingly goes up to his room. My husband Noah rushes to me as he watched John walk past Annemarie up to his room. I collapse in his arms, I don't normally cry, it's only when this happens. How could this have happened again?

I somehow manage to pull myself together, I turn to face my stepdaughter, "I am so sorry Cassidy, I know we were supposed to be going to look at your dress today, but-"

"Don't worry about it," she brushes it off, "We have all weekend."

Annemarie is angry she doesn't understand what is going on, "I'm not little anymore! What happened! Why is James so upset, and why is Johnny so angry! What happened! I was the one who told you something was happening the first time and no one bothered to explain it to me! No one tells me anything! I want to know everything!"

Cassidy smiles weakly to Annemarie, "We can't tell you what happened, simply because we don't know why it happened, or why it keeps happening."

"But I want to know! I want to know everything!" Annemarie is frustrated, "Why is Cassidy only my half sister? Why does John get so mad at James when he doesn't even do anything, and how came James cries all the time?"

"You want to know everything?" I ask her, "I'll tell you everything but it is a long story, and starts back when I was seventeen, back when I was Johnny's age. It was when I decided to go to Lima, Ohio, I was going to visit Uncle Kurt, he was my best friend even back then, and that is where this whole story is going to really begin.