Title: Testing the Water

A/N- takes place after Undue Influence… but before Sneaking In.

Disclaimers: Not mine. Not at all.

Feedback: please oh please

Testing the Water

Chapter 6: Cool Blue Ocean

The morning just keeps stacking higher and higher, but I'm desperate to get some time just to sort out my head a little. We're dealing with the Appropriations bill and the stand down in Kazakhstan, and a senator who's stepped so far over the line there's likely to be criminal charges as well as an upcoming mini summit on Central America, so that pretty well fills my mind until we're done Senior Staff. After my office empties out… and even Sam isn't lingering today… I close my door and make a phone call.

I need a little help here, but my options are limited.

"C.J.?"

"Hey Sailor, how ya doin'?"

"Looking for advice," I cut right to the chase.

"You know that'll cost you…"

"Personal, not political."

"And I'm the one you call?"

"Well, it's either you or my mother..."

"Ouch… you are in trouble."

"Have you talked to Donna?"

"Donna… hmm… Donna… she's that irritating brunette that always sets you on edge isn't she?"

Oh great!... I've got C.J. the stand up comedienne when what I need is my big sister. "You know you're not even remotely funny, don't you?"

"Oh come on Mary-Anne… What is it?"

Oh hell… I've called her now... I might as well go for it.

"Donna's pregnant."

"Wow! That's great! Congratulations!"

And then there's a pause, as the penny drops.

"Wait… why are you calling… why isn't she calling… is there something wrong?"

Oh god.. that hadn't even occurred to me! "Yes… no…I don't know…it's too soon… we're not telling anyone yet."

"All evidence to the contrary. ..Josh, you just told me, so what's up?"

I sigh heavily. "Donna doesn't want to get married."

"What?... Of course she does…I mean, if it was one of your other questionable girlfriends I'd say.."

"C.J!" I warn.

"This is Donna, mi amore… You just messed up somehow."

"I know… I know I did… I mean we have to... the political fallout would be horrendous."

"Joshua?" There is a warning in her voice.

"What?"

"You didn't just say that…"

"What?"

"The political fallout?"

"Well it would!"

"You didn't say that to Donna did you, you idiot?"

"Not in so many words, no…"

"You want to get married to avoid some political thing?"

"No!" I protest, "I want to get married so we'll be a family.. I want to get married because I love her.."

"Did you tell her that?"

"Not exactly…"

C.J. sighs. She asks the next question slowly and clearly…Like I'm an eight year old… and not a very bright one at that.

"And what did she actually say when you asked her?"

Oh my god. I am a moron.

"Josh?" I hear C.J. say, "Are you still there?"

"What? Yeah…um… I may have figured it out."

"You want to give me a clue Lover Boy, or are you just going to run with it?"

"I'll call and let you know."

"So what do I get?"

"What do you mean, what do I get?"

"For consultation… An invitation to the wedding? The christening… or whatever it is you do? Favorite aunt status?"

"Did you invite me to your wedding?"

"We didn't invite anyone. We did however invite you to the party…. But it seems to me you had some kind of moronic excuse… running the country or something..." She laughs and it's warm and friendly. "It'll be okay Josh. You love each other. Trust me. You can work it out."

I make another phone call… this one to Donna's assistant, some smarmy blonde treasure named Erik, or Evan or something like that, and ask for her first available half hour.

"Um, she has an hour at one Mr. Lyman, but she told me to leave it open."

"I'll take the whole hour. I'll come to her."

"But..."

"I'll take the whole hour," I say as clearly as I can through gritted teeth.

"Yes sir."

And then the world starts pounding at the door, in the shape of Sam and Lou who both have issues with the Appropriations bill, but for totally different reasons, and by the time I get us all back on the same page I'm late for a meeting with the Attorney General, and things just snowball from there.

When I finally make it over to her office I'm a quarter of an hour… nearly twenty minutes late. Her assistant barely looks up at me.

'She's not here Mr. Lyman"

"Dammit," I snap at the little weasel, "Where is she?"

"She waited for awhile sir… uh, then she went for a walk…" he says shakily. "She said you'd know where…"

I turn and go, because the little rodent is right. I do know where.

She'll be where she always goes when she wants a little time, or a little space… or if she just needs to clear her head.

I can see her by the fountain. I walk towards her, trying to look like I'm just out for a stroll… like I never expected to find her here. She's watching me approach, and I can tell she's not falling for it. There's a warm wind blowing her hair, and she tries to smooth it back as I get close.

"What a coincidence," I say, "us meeting here like this."

"Took you long enough."

"I had to take a call…." I start to explain, but she cuts me off.

"I don't mean that."

"Oh……Oh! Right. Well, apparently I needed a tune up."

She sighs, "Yeah, me too….Your mother?"

"C.J. But in all fairness I figured it out for myself."

I look into her eyes, trying to see ahead a little, and there are no storms there, just calm blue water.

I ask one of many questions I should have asked in the last couple of days. "How are you feeling?"

She looks at me kind of ruefully. "I think I'm okay. I had a little 'Come to Jesus meeting' all on my own." She looks past me, and then back into my eyes. "I guess we really need to talk…. To each other."

"Well, maybe not talk, so much as ask." I admit.

I grab her hands and pull her away from the noise of the fountain.

"Come over here so I'm not actually yelling."

"You don't have to yell. You just have to say it out loud."

I take a deep breath. "You see, here's the thing… they didn't cover this at Harvard or Yale… I kind of don't know how to do the next step…"

"They don't cover this anywhere Josh,,, You just make it up…You just wing it."

I swallow hard. "I want to marry you because I want us to be a family… Because I want our children to have two caring and responsible parents… you notice how I slipped children in there instead of child? … But mostly it's because I love you, and I can't imagine not being with you, and I want to promise that in some kind of legal, binding way… and I don't really give a shit about the Mary Marshes or how Lou handles it, or what it does to the numbers, and if you want to wait and have a great big wedding that's fine by me… although legally it would be better for the baby if…it's just that…You need to know that right here…" I make a vague hand gesture between us, "this is really where I want to be…"

I take her face in my hands and look her in the eyes. "Donna, you know that I love you…. Will you marry me… please?"

She nods.

"Oh no…" I say, "You have to answer out loud. If I have to ask out loud, you have to answer out loud."

"Yes," she says simply. Then she puts her arms around my neck and kisses me, right there on the mall. "I think I just wanted you to ask me… not tell me. I wanted it to be about us, not about the news cycle." She puts her head down against my shoulder and says into my neck, "I wanted us to talk... but I didn't know what to say. I want us to still be us."

I have my arms wrapped around her, and it feels like I can breathe for the first time in two days.

"I can't imagine that will change."

"But you don't know that, do you."

"I just know this is what needs to be next." I pull back and look at her for a moment. "We've been through everything else…How hard can this be?"

"I have no idea."

"So…Would Tuesday be okay?" I ask.

"We can negotiate that."

That makes me smile. "Negotiating is what I do best"

"No," she says sweetly, "Negotiating is what you do second best."

And then I have to kiss her.

End

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