Halloween Its NOT All About The Costume

Chapter 3

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Once outside, Vala rummaged around in Sam's car for the long leather coat that went with her outfit...the one Sam was in...with Daniel thinking Sam was Vala. It was all so puzzling now that her plan had gone the way all her plans went...to hell. "And I thought this would be fun. Ha! What a mistake, I should have known! I screw everything...."

"Hey, Carter! Damn, its good too see you."

Vala spun around to find a stranger getting off one of those Harley motorcycles she'd come to recognize. The man was grinning at her happily. "Oh, ah, hey!" she squeaked out wondering who the hell this guy was.

"Like it?" The man, stocky and about Sam's height, indicated the motorcycle, then patted her on the butt.

Vala blinked Sam's eyes rapidly, unsure how to respond.

"It's the 1999 FXSTS Springer Softail I was telling you about the other day on the phone. Rode it all the way from Texas after Shaft called me about the party."

Uh oh. Vala just smiled and nodded. Who the hell is Shaft?

"I forgot to tell you, Hamster, you remember him, just got a crotch rocket – just like a youngster! And he's still crying over no longer flying the A-10 Warthog."

Hamster? Warthog? What kind of people are these? Vala continued to nod, stunned, but very curious as to exactly what a crotch rocket was. "Holy Hannah."

"Carter? You okay?"

"Yes. Very much so... ah, my friend needs her coat. Come on in and say hi to Jack. Then we can chat."

"Jack?"

"Er... Did I say Jack? Who's Jack? Ha ha. Silly me, see you soon."

Dashing back in into the house Vala yanked Sam by the arm and rapidly fired an explanation to Daniel. "This coat has a … ah... button problem. We need to go fix it...in the bathroom. Now!"

Being pulled quickly down the hall and past the window, first Sam looked at her Vala reflection, then she saw Tweetie coming up towards the house. "Holy Hannah!"

"That's what I said!" Vala whipped Sam into the bathroom and locked the door.

"Tweetie's here. Oh, boy, this is bad...really bad. I didn't think he'd come. I knew Cam invited him. I dated him before I joined the SGC. He was in a few classes at the academy with me and Cam. I found out yesterday he got accepted for the SGC program, he's a rocket scientist."

"And this Twitter guy, he makes rockets for crotches? I don't get it..."

Sam manipulated Vala's face into a classic, tilted head, lip biting, Vala brow lifted, baffled look.

Sam's face on Vala went, yet again, wide-eyed. "I look really odd sometimes, don't I?"

As one, they turned to peek at their reflections in the mirror to stare confounded at their friend's face staring confoundedly back.

Shaking her head to clear the confusion, Sam manipulated the device. "Close, but not yet. I need more time. I think I can get yours off but not sure at this angle I can get mine off. I don't want to remove yours without removing mine... that could really be a catastrophe."

"I'm exhausted being you." Shoulders slumping and head dropping, Vala sighed.

"I totally understand. But it's going to be a lot harder now. Tweetie...

Vala brushed the blond strands of hair from her face."Why is he called Tweetie, Twinkie, Twilight, Twitter, whatever? Who is Shaft, Hamster, and Warthog? I thought a Warthog was a fictional character...like in Harry Potter...but it seems that this Twinkie man...."

"Stop! I told you who Tweetie is, that's his Air Force nickname, lots of pilots have them, Shaft is Cam as in Camshaft...well, as in a nickname. Tweetie's brother is Hamster...don't ask why. And a Warthog is a fighter jet... got it?"

"The only thing I've 'got' is a headache!"

"Hmm, me too. Let's take a break and let me think about the devices. I'm close to a solution, so try to avoid Tweetie at all costs. And do not mention Jack if you do have to talk to him! I'm going to try to avoid poor Daniel. He's very mixed up and I think it best not to let him talk...to me...ah, you... oh, damn! Come on, let's get out of here. Give me fifteen minutes and meet me back here.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Vala?" Came Daniel's frustrated and slightly irritated voice from behind Sam.

Damn! He's found me. Sam pivoted her head around and smiled as best she could. "Daniel, darling, I've just been so busy talking to everyone...I still haven't had a moment with...."

Daniel took her by the arm, gently, but persistently, and started off towards the house. "Look," he said, sounding nervous, "if you really don't want to... well, er, it's just that I thought, I mean, I guess I might have..."

Sam pulled back, forcing Daniel to turn fully towards her. "Daniel, I want you to trust me. Please. Give me twenty minutes. I really have to help Samantha out of a very strange predicament with Tweetie."

Taking a breath, Daniel eyed her speculatively.

"Please. I promise we can talk very soon and..."

"Who the hell is Tweetie?"

Sam blanched at the rising irritation in his voice. Worry made her nervous. She couldn't mess this up for Vala or Daniel. "Tweetie, is an old boyfriend of Samantha's. Jack doesn't know about him. Lately, he's been calling me...er...her and wanting to get together. He came from Texas...actually, in hopes of starting up something with, ah, Samantha. So, I need to help her out. Daniel?"

"What!?" He frowned, unsure of exactly what was going on, but knowing something was besides...Tweetie.

"Ah, I...I really do want to go home with you. I want to have a long, wonderful talk with you. I just want you to – be able to really talk to me – without something weird going on with...well...Samantha. Five minutes?"

He smiled softly. "Okay, but Sam needs to learn to take care of her own problems! She doesn't need to run to you every time..."

Sam raised one of Vala's dark brows as high as it would go.

Feeling contrite, Daniel nodded. "Okay, five minutes."

"I said ten."

"You said five." His brows lowered and eyes squinted.

"Ten." She said matter of factly, having been 'Vala' for a few hours, Sam was getting the hang of it.

"Five." Daniel pursed his lips and held his ground.

"Eight." Sam offered with a perfectly executed Vala pout.

"Okay."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Carter, who the hell is that clown with Mitchell who keeps sending you all those … inappropriate looks?"

"Oh, Twinkie? He's harmless. Really, Jack, he's just some crotch rocket scientist who I might, I think, have possibly, dated... or more, or just had beer with in school...Air Force School." Vala self-consciously flipped at Sam's blond hair and sneered across the room at Tweetie and missed the completely baffled look from Jack.

"Carter?" Jack said, very quietly.

Vala turned to him, "Hmm?"

"You have got to stop spending so much time with Daniel's little pirate friend, you're starting to sound just like her."

"Oh! Right. Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you REALLY think of Vala? I mean, really?"

Jack stared at Carter. He'd known her a long time, but still, times like these he'd figured out he better watch his step. He like Vala fine, she was a bit quirky, but hell, she was just the perfect match for Daniel. "Fine. She's fine."

"Do you think she's...attractive?" Vala asked, batting Sam's lashes.

"Yeah, sure. Not my type but Daniel's head over heels for her. She's perfect for him, and I gotta say, he sure has been talking a lot about her lately."

"Really?"

"Carter. You have to know the man is crazy in love with her. She's weird, different, and all wacko, but she's right for him."

Vala smiled, sighed and then kissed Jack on the cheek. "Yes, she is right for him. Thanks, Jack. You're really not such an ass after all. Hey, hmm, I think 'Vala' needs me, so I'm going to check on her, be right back. And Jack,"

"Yeah?"

"Could you go over there and tell Colonel Twinkie to lay off your girl?"

"My pleasure, Carter, always my pleasure."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sam handed the alien object to Vala. "There. Finally. We have got to get these to R and D soon. They need some really serious study. And Vala, I have to say, all in all it's been quite interesting – I mean being you."

Vala hugged Sam, "Thanks! I'll put them back in Daniel's office first chance I get." Vala spun around to the mirror and was relieved to see her own reflection there. Fluffing her hair, she took off calling over her shoulder. "Now, I'm going to hear what Daniel has to say...to ME!"

Also relieved to see herself looking back from the mirror, Sam smiled, straightened her uniform, and ambled out to have some time with Jack as herself.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hey," Sam said softly, placing a hand on Jack's arm, "miss me?"

"For crying out loud, Carter, you've been channeling the space pirate all night! Can you give it a break?

Running her hand down his arm to his hand, Sam squeezed gently. "Not really channeling, but it's me here, Jack. Let's go home."

"Now, you're making sense! I think we should sneak out. Let's be seen and high tail it outta hear in about twenty minutes."

Sam sighed and laid her face on Jack's chest.

"Or maybe ten." Jack gave Sam a hug, unconsciously buzzing her hair with a little kiss, and then he let her go.

Smiling, Sam studied the room looking for the best escape route.

"You're old boyfriend's gone, if your looking for him. I took your advice and told him to leave my girl alone. You've never mentioned him...and which was it? Date, more, or a few beers?"

Vala and her big mouth... expect, maybe she did me a favor. "Three beers and one very short date!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Cam had lifted the beer bottle to his mouth just as Sam, who he thought was still Vala taking up residence in Sam's body, leaned into the General. Standing there, open mouthed, beer hovering, he stared. "Uh oh," whistled across the bottle.

Turning from his perusal of Daniel and who he thought was Carter occupying Vala's body, Teal'c's eyes followed the Colonel's and a brow rose suddenly. "This is escalating to disaster level. We should intervene. Perhaps ValaMalDoran and ColonelCarter are unable to keep their ruse within a safe boundary."

Teal'c turned his attention back to Daniel and Vala, and Cam, beer still hovering, followed the Jaffa's action.

Vala's head was tilted up towards Daniel and his smile was wide and obviously tender. Suddenly, Vala moved in closer and planted a hot, brain sucking kiss on the open and happy to receive mouth of the archeologist.

Both Teal'c and Cam seemed to flinch and their heads pivoted towards each other in amazement, just as Vala pulled free with some comment.

"What the hell did she say?" Cam asked, finally lowering the bottle he'd held up throughout the exchanges.

Voice deep and concerned, Teal'c recited the comment. "She said...'Yes, darling, let's go home to your place and stay for days.'

Cam chugged down half the beer and then commented quietly, "Uh oh."

Nodding every so slightly, Teal'c responded, "Uh oh, indeed."

~END