Summary:

Shisui has a Plan involving his best friend and the newest addition to his team. He hasn't failed a single of his Plans yet, all two hundred and seventy three of them. It's now just a case of getting Itachi to realise that this isn't a set up, and get Naruto to stop hating Itachi. ItaNaru.

Pairings:

Itachi x Naruto

Warnings:

Basic first chapter, shonen-ai in the second, Naruto hate-loving Itachi, no Uchiha massacre (all Uchiha's alive, except Obito because he really did die), slight age alterations (as in Sasuke/Naruto 17/16 and Itachi 20), swearing, uhm...

Presenting, Shisui: the Amazing Matchmaker.

Part One: Itachi, the Glorious Bastard.

It was no secret that Uchiha Itachi was a very handsome man, and in fact, many people would comment him as being the 'Most Gorgeous Thing In The World.' Complete with capital marks and all.

In theory (and practice, even though it was a seldom used practice), Itachi could get anyone he wanted. He hadn't slept his way round the village, after all there was no need to; everyone was head over heels in love with him anyway, letting them get body contact would be practical suicide. He had had a few select partners in his time, yet now he was passing through a stage of celibacy... and for a good reason.

His last partner had threatened to kill themselves when Itachi told her it wasn't working. The one before that had claimed that if he did one hundred missions in a day, Itachi would fall in love with him.

The first one was going through a counselling programe and the second was recovering in hospital, falling short of the mark at... twenty missions.

"You're gonna get frown lines."

Itachi started as a can was thrown at his face, and his shinobi reflexes kicked in, blocking the drink from smashing into his nose. Shisui smiled at his best friend, sitting down on the pier next to him.

"I'm always free if-"

"That was one night, a drunken mistake that I'd really like to forget. I prefer you with your clothes on, despite what people speculate." Itachi popped the can open and took a sip, smiling as the taste of green tea invaded his senses, the added sugar heading straight to his teeth like little mad rabbits on motorcycles.

"Come on Itachi! Look up, the sun is bright, you're a normal twenty year old guy, you're a high ranking ANBU captain, pretty much créme de le créme of Konoha... and you've got everyone in the village after you."

Itachi nodded in agreement, yet remained silent, sipping his drink. He agreed wholly with Shisui, and yet he didn't want all of that. He was twenty and he'd never been in a meaningful relationship.

What did that mean exactly? For starters his family were growing concerned. Fugaku and Mikoto had married young, even if they hadn't had children straight away, and had arraged to set up Itachi if he was still without anyone by the time he was twenty two. Which really, really sucked.

Another thing was that Itachi himself had become to be worried; what if he was emotionally incapable of loving someone? He hadn't found an attractive person in all those who followed him (they were pretty, or handsome, but not attractive to the Uchiha), and what if, somewhere along the line, he'd become asexual.

"Shisui..." Itachi began, glancing to his friend as he took a sip of his drink. The nin hummed in response, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yeah? What d'ya want?"

"What if I can't love anyone?"

For once, the infamous Shisui, second most powerful Uchiha in the village (second not to the head of the clan, but Itachi) was stumped into silence.

"Do you love your mother? How about Sasuke? And me? You have to love us all in some way, Itachi. You're not incapable of it at all." Shisui smiled.

"That's not what I meant," Itachi said quietly, looking down to the ground. It looked as though his cousin was about to reply when Itachi stood, brushing dirt off of his trousers.

"I'm heading back. I have a few errands to run first, so I'll see you another time. Dinner tomorrow? I think we've invited the whole bloody district."

Shisui bobbed his head, curly black hair swaying in time. "Yeah, Okaa-sama said something along those lines. It isn't every day you little brother turns seventeen is it?"

Itachi shrugged. "I'm off."

And so he was, walking down the path with the solitary can in his hand. Shisui watched him leave, his smile falling into a contemplative stare. Perhaps it was time to introduce Itachi to the newest member of his Jounin squad...

.x.x.

Itachi sighed as he walked, ignoring that he would be scolded for being late and missing dinner when he finally chose to go back home. Maybe it was easier just to stay out tonight... then again, people would speculate where the Uchiha heir actually was, and, knowing Mikoto, she would call out the highest division of the Uchiha police, getting them to track him down.

And he could not be bothered to evade everyone.

With another sigh, Itachi turned the corner and fell suddely, his knees clicking on contact with the ground. A grown sounded under his chest and Itachi looked down in suprise to see a mop of blond hair.

"I'm sorry," he apologised, standing up smoothly and offering his hand out to the teen. The drink in his hand rolled out of his palm, the juice dripping into the earth.

"It's okay, I should look where I'm going." A brilliant pair of eyes looked at Itachi as the smaller man brushed himself off, ruffling his hair and adjusting the leaf insignia on his forehead.

"Uzumaki Naruto at your service!" The blond kid saluted, and Itachi stared at him, unsure if he had hit his head more than expected, maybe he had brain problems, he seemed a little odd.

"It's only polite to introduce yourself, you know. I've done the hard part, all you need to do is tell me who you are."

Itachi stared blankly at Naruto and tilted his head. "I probably should."

Silence reared its ugly head and Naruto stared blankly at Itachi, the two directly in front of each other.

"Goodbye."

Itachi walked off, leaving a gaping blond behind. He smiled to himself, at least there was one person in the village who didn't know him by face, and who probably wouldn't like him on account of his rudeness.

Itachi: 1, World: 0.

.x.x.

Itachi went to bed after a fifteen minute rant from his mother, on how he should respect her rules. She had briefly threatened to throw him out of the house, when Itachi had merely left the dinner table, exiting to his room. There he had sat, nodding off, and jumped in surprise when Mikoto poked her head round the door, kitchen ladle still in hand and a steaming plate in the other.

"I'm sorry Itachi, I know how hard you've been working in the ANBU." She bit her lip, and Itachi knew she wanted to say something.

"What is is? Thank you, by the way," he said afterwards, taking the beef curry from her hands and picking up a tender piece of beef with the offered chopsticks.

"You've been in the ANBU forces for seven years now... do you think you'll ever give it up? It's just," Mikoto hastened to add, "That I hate seeing you go away in secret, and you're hardly ever home anymore is all."

Itachi swallowed his mouthful and looked at his mother with a smile. She had always been there for him and he knew she would continue to be. She was the support for their family, the one who Sasuke would go to for reassurance, the one Fugaku would speak to if he needed advice and the one Itachi could relax fully with, knowing she expected nothing from him but Itachi being Itachi.

But he couldn't leave the ANBU just yet. Especially not yet. There were threats of a war starting soon, between the five nations, and reports of a group centred in Amegakure had begun to pick up. Itachi didn't know what would happen, but the Hokage needed them in full strength, and Itachi was still in his prime, the strongest Uchiha in the clan even without the rumoured Mangekyou Sharingan.

"I still have some jobs to do." Itachi took another mouthful and chewed thoughtfully. "I'm not going to let myself die, Okaa-san. Sasuke hasn't surpassed me yet, and Otou-san is still in full control of the Uchiha clan. O have too many things to do."

Mikoto nodded, brushing aside a few stray hairs that had fallen into Itachi's eyes.

"I just wish that you could have what we have, a family you've raised. You can say we're the only family you'll need, but I see it in your eyes Itachi. You're unsure aren't you?"

Itachi started and averted his eyes, dark irises avoiding contact from the all-seeing mother.

"Itachi," she said, in a slightly stern voice, laced with worry.

"I am."

With the admittal, Mikoto withdrew and kissed his forehead lightly. She smiled and spoke softly, "Everyone is. It's being able to recognise being unsure, and being scared. When you're scared... well, that's when you've found the one."

With a final smile, she left and Itachi finished his meal in silence, the only thought ringing in his head being: 'What if I'm scared and there's no one by my side?'

.x.x.

Itachi smiled as Sasuke raced down the hallways, a slight current passing by Itachi and ruffling his clothes and hair. Today he was dressed in casual wear, dark, Uchiha-stamped, traditional clothing (as he knew most Uchiha members would be dressed, as they were of age), and his hair still hung loose.

Combing his fingers through the tresses and pulling it backwards, Itachi made his way down the hallway, following his brothers foot holes in the flooring. Or where foot holes would have been if the wood was weaker. Sasuke had a tendancy to get extremely overexcited at birthdays, but then again, how many times did you turn ten? Or Eleven... or seventeen...

"Seventeen and still running down the hall like a kid?"

Sasuke turned his head round, grinning at Itachi as he entered the family dining room. Mikoto and Fugaku were already there, smilling at their son, and Itachi joined them.

"Can I have cake for breakfast?"

Sasuke hated sweet things, except on two days; his and Itachi's birthday. Itachi's birthday because he would be forced to eat it out of courtesy, and his own birthday because, well, it was his birthday.

Mikoto smiled, kissing Sasuke on the cheek and nodding, as if he were a small child. Which, by the way, was exactly how he was acting.

"I'm having my old team over later. We still go out on missions every now and again, but Sakura specialises in medicine and the Dobe's decided to specialise in idiocy I think."

"Sasuke! Don't be so rude!"

Sasuke shrugged and began to eat his cake. It didn't matter what his mother said, Sasuke would never refer to the mysterious third team member anything other than 'The Dobe'. Itachi was beginning to wonder if he was actually called that.

"Right, present time!"

Itachi rolled his eyes once again at his mother's antics, only this time she caught him.

"Uchiha Itachi, show some respect. It's not every day Sasuke turns seventeen, and it's only fair we share the joy we feel together. Stop being so miserable and stuck up," she paused, her eyes sliding to her husband. "Fugaku!" She barked, "Wake up!"

Itachi and Sasuke both hid smirks as their father's head slipped from the palm of his hand and his eyes reopened. He looked blearily at his sons before spotting Mikoto frowning.

"I'm sorry?" It was obvious he had no idea what had angered the matriarch, but wasn't willing to upset her further.

"Just pay attention. Sasuke's opening presents now."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, taking the presented package from his mother and opening it slowly. Inside was a Jounin jacket, not unlike the one he had recieved for on-duty, but this one had the Konoha Police Force insignia stitched onto it.

"I've been thinking over the last few months at how skilled you are. Because you're often seen in Itachi's shadow," here Sasuke glanced to his brother, "People don't get to see your true worth. People underestimate you, but I know exactly how skilled you are Sasuke. I know this is something you've always wanted, and I think you're ready."

Sasuke was speechless. Itachi smiled softly, already being aware that Sasuke's application to the Police had already been submitted, after all he had forged the signature using his Sharingan for the authentication to get the insignia stitched on. Fugaku had muttered that they'd get Sasuke to sign the forms properly when he knew, but they wanted it to be a surprise.

"Thank you," Sasuke said sincerely, no longer playing up the kid card. He hugged Fugaku, clutching the uniform to his chest as he did so.

"Here you are honey," Mikoto passed Sasuke his next present and he opened it slowly, revealing a book with printed letters on the front.

"It says 'Photo Album'. I overheard you talking to Kakashi-san the other day and he said something about you needing somewhere to put your photos. Kakashi's going to be supplying the other half to this, but I want you to keep your memories precious."

Mikoto gave a winning smile and Sasuke placed the Jounin jacket on the floor next to him, flipping through the empty pages with a smile.

It wasn't until his mother poked him in the side that Itachi realised he had to offer his gift now. It was much smaller than the other two gifts and Itachi would have felt embarrassed if not for the fact Sasuke would enjoy it.

Sasuke took the card and opened it, a sheet of paper falling out. On the paper was print saying that he had a maximum amount of ryo to spend at a weaponry shop, and it was clear why on the card.

"You want to train me, properly train me?"

Itachi nodded and their parents smiled happily.

"Someone needs to help you with that Sharingan, and Otou-san's getting on now." An indignant huff escaped Fugaku, yet Itachi carried on, "Plus I owe it to you."

Sasuke got up and walked round to him, burying his head in Itachi's chest and hugging him tightly. Itachi knew how much this would mean to Sasuke; it wasn't just a simple training proposal, but an offer to show Sasuke how much Itachi thought of him. Before, Itachi never had much time and instead of showing Sasuke trivial things, he would continue with various ANBU duties or Clan matters. Now, however, Sasuke was the most important, and Itachi couldn't bear to let him grown any older and keep at this relationship.

"Thanks Aniki."

Itachi smiled and pushed Sasuke back a little, poking him on the forehead as he always had.

"Don't get too cocky, I'm a harsh teacher."

"You're a real softie underneath though, flash a little wide eye and he'll cave."

The family turned round to see Shisui and his parent standing at the door. They were dressed similarly, Shisui being the only one in a colour other than blue or black, and even then it was a red to keep in tone with the Sharingan.

"Morning Sasuke-chan! Happy birthday, happy birthday!"

Sasuke went to greet his aunt and uncle as Shisui passed him, and the elder Uchiha looked at Itachi as he stood next to him.

"That's a nice thing you did. I know how much Sasuke looks up to you, and now he's recieved proper recognition from both you and Fugaku."

Itachi nodded, "He doesn't know it yet, but Otou-san wants him to take over as head of the Police. He gave up any hopes of me being that weeks ago."

"Ah, was that the night you camped round ours? I wondered what you'd fought about..."

Itachi hummed, balancing on one leg as the heel of his opposite foot rubbed against the itch on his calf. "I apologised the following morning, but Otou-san said he'd given up hopes for me in that direction."

Shisui glanced at Itachi with a slight grin. Itachi caught the look and rose an eyebrow questioningly.

"Who would have thought Itachi would turn down the position to be head of the Konoha Police eh? Everyone in the clan's always gossiping about you, you know. You're a ladykiller and a super shinobi apparently, and I've heard that you'd make a good Rokudaime Hokage too. Ever thought about it?"

Itachi scoffed, his amused eyes meeting Shisui's serious gaze.

"You're kidding, right? I love the village, true, but I couldn't be in control of her. People don't like me, they are attracted to me. I wouldn't make a good Hokage, and besides, Tsunade-sama has apparently chosen someone she'd ideally like."

Shisui smiled then and patted Itachi on the shoulder. "I'm going to go see Sasuke, I'll talk to you later."

Itachi watched his best friend walk over to Sasuke and present the package he had tucked under his arm. Sasuke responded much the same as he had for other prsents, hugging his cousin and thanking him. When Shisui returned, Itachi was curious what he had given Sasuke, and asked him.

"It's a card that's got his order on it."

Itachi sighed; when would Shisui make things easy? Never.

"Okay, okay. I've been collecting money from the whole clan and I managed to get enough to buy him a sword I found in an old antique shop. The guy didn't seem to know how much it could have been worth, and I got it for a decent price, took it to the weaponry guys and they fixed it up a treat. It's still going through the final checks, for balance and whatever, but he'll be able to pick it up soon. The package was just the hilt for it."

"Will he be able to channel lightning through it?"

Shisui, who had been about to continue on, stopped suddenly. "Lightning?"

Itachi nodded, a slight smirk on his face.

"But... why doens't everyone know about it? Heck, when I found my second element everone in the clan knew about it! They even threw me a bloody party."

Itachi chuckled, remembering when the whole Uchiha teen population had kidnapped Shisui and taken him to a bar, proceeding to get the newly named 'Shunshin no Shisui' extremely drunk, which resulted in a game where the man of the hour was left tied up, naked, on the pier. Which just so happened to be near the favoured training spot of the Uchiha Police, and his family had gotten a very shocking sight the next morning.

"I wouldn't call it an element, Shisui," Itachi said.

"Maybe, but time-space transport is one, whether you think it is or not."

Itachi shook his head lightly, knowing how defensive Shisui could get when someone said his famous technique didn't count as a secondary element.

"I don't see why not," Shisui continued, falling back to the actual conversation. "I bet he'll have fun showing that one off to his old team."

Itachi hummed, moving to the kitchen to grab some food and a drink. As expected, Shisui wasn't far behind and the whirlwind moved through the kitchen, grabbing anything and everything he could in the process.

"Say, Itachi? What's the time?"

Itachi sipped the glass of water in his hands and looked at the kitchen wall clock.

"Nearly half one. Any reason?"

Shisui shrugged, and Itachi knew that he was hiding something. Normally his friend would tell Itachi anything and everything, from the colour of the sky (which was still blue today, no surprises) to what girl had been featured in his fantasy last night. The latter of which Itachi really didn't want to know.

"Shisui."

"Okay, okay. My team's coming over in a bit."

There was nothing wrong with that, so it was obviously something that Shisui had planned. Whenever Shisui planned something, it usually ended horribly. And by horribly, Itachi remembered the last of Shisui's plans. The resident cat was still growing back its fur.

"Fine, but stop whatever plan you're thinking of. It won't work."

Itachi left then, yet didn't see the wide grin on his cousin's face.

"It's a brilliant plan this time."

.x.x.

"Sasuke!"

The yell was heard before the door was even open, and Itachi watched as his father literally jumped out of the way of the blur entering their house. Following behind where the other members of Shisui's team (he had met a few of them before), and they greeted his father sheepishly, no doubt apologising for the crazed loon they had brought along.

"Happy birthday Teme!"

Itachi, and the rest of the family for that matter, looked round sharply at the person who insulted Sasuke. Instead of an angry Sasuke, however, they saw the seventeen year old smirking at a blond kid, his hand outstretched.

"Where's the present Dobe?"

Everyone relaxed as they realised this must be the infamous 'Dobe' and looked on in interest. Sasuke was always polite, yet around this person the fiery side he had been rumoured to have came out.

"Well you see, Sakura-chan's bringing it round later. I had to do something for Baa-chan this morning so I couldn't pick it up in time. I swear I have it!"

Sasuke looked on skeptically and the rest of the group tittered, turning away in disinterest now they had secured the location of the Dobe. Itachi left at the call of his mother, and he helped set up the food table.

It was only twenty minutes later that Itachi finally came face to face with this Dobe. Shisui was talking to him and spotted Itachi, waving him over wildly.

"Ah, finally. I've been telling Naruto all about you!"

Itachi looked at the blond and recognition flared up.

"You?"

"Yes, me, you rude idiot."

Itachi's eyebrows rose and Shisui's jaw dropped. No one had spoken to Itachi like that (other than Shisui, but he meant it in good nature), and now the Plan was falling in tatters before it had even started.

"So you're the Teme's brother? Figures that a bastard would have an even bigger bastard of a brother."

Shisu brought his finger up to his mouth and chewed on the nail, a nervous habit he acquired years ago. He hadn't been this nervous since he developed it.

"That's generally how the gene pool works. The older brother gets the worst genes, and the younger somehow escapes with manners," Itachi said softly and Shisui dropped the finger in surprise. Never did Itachi speak so many words to a stranger, it was unheard of!

Naruto chuckled then, his laugh catching the attention of the people around him, and he patted Itachi on the upper arm.

"Whaddya know? You're not that bad after all."

Naruto wandered off then, flocking to the door as a pink haired woman walked in. Shisui rolled back slightly on his heels, a smile on his face.

"So you know Naruto, eh?"

Comprehension dawned, and Itachi shook his head.

"No. Don't even go there. Really."

Shisui glanced around, "What do you mean dear cousin?"

Itachi frowned, knowing exactly what he was up to. If Shisui wanted to act ignorance, then let him.

.x.x.

Itachi really didn't know why he had accepted the offer. In hindsight it was likely to be a bad thing, but Shisui had promised to distract his 'fans' for a whole week, and a free meal.

He hadn't told him the catch.

Across the table sat a scowling blond, dressed as smartly as he was. Itachi could tell Naruto had been tricked into this 'date' as he had. Shisui had told him that he wanted to try this new restaurant and begged (bribed) him to go.

"Taichou told me this was important business," Naruto deadpanned, ignoring the waiter that had walked up to them.

"He told me that he would be here," Itachi replied, turning to the waiter and asking for a few more minutes.

"He's paying, right?"

Itachi considered the words and smirked, earning a matching grin from his companion.

"He is now."

Naruto stood up, waving to the waiter. He hurried over, pad in hand and smile on his face.

"What can I get you two sirs?"

Naruto grinned.

"Everything on the menu. Can we put it to Uchiha Shisui's name? He said that he'd come in tomorrow and pay for us."

The waiter looked dubious, "I don't think-"

Itachi turned to the man and smiled slightly. The man's full attention was now redirected to him, and Itachi spoke softly.

"I'd be willing to talk to the manager if required, it's just that I was reccommended to eat here by a friend who came last night. I hate to ask you to do this, but my friend promised and he's always true to his word."

"I'll... speak to the manager," the waiter mumbled, fleeing the scene.

Itachi turned back to his partner with a smirk.

"Wow, Sasuke wasn't kidding when he said half the village wanted to jump your bones huh?"

Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"It's a good skill, really. I mean Sasuke has it bad enough with the stalkers, but you must have them ten times as bad." Naruto paused suddenly, eyes locked with Itachi's. If he was aware of the innuendo behind the statement (that Itachi was better looking that his brother), he didn't show it, and Itachi remained silent.

"That will be fine, sir."

Itachi knew the manager was a woman.

"Great, thanks, so everything on the menu!"

The waiter ran off again, headed towards the kitchen, and Itachi turned back in his seat to face the smiling Naruto.

The rest of the evening ran smoothly, and small conversations blossomed between food trays. In the end, most meals were delivered packaged and the pair split the amount between them, Itachi ending up with a rather large amount of cake.

As they left, the restaurant waved them goodbye, and Itachi promised to pop in the following day with Shisui to pay off the debt. Bowing accompanied their exit, and the pair walked for a little longer.

"So you didn't know about Shisui setting us up either?"

Itachi shook his head, "No. It's another of his Plans, and it'll either tear up in tatters or remain a complete failure. Let me tell you, Uchiha Shisui had never had a Plan fail before. Not even one out of the two hundred seventy three he has executed."

Naruto stopped walking, and Itachi turned round.

"Naruto-kun?"

"Would it be such a bad idea? I mean... really?"

Itachi looked at him, confused. He wasn't sure what Naruto meant, but his gut twitched suddenly.

"I don't understand..."

In the dark shadows thrown by the moonlight shining through the trees, Naruto's face was shadows. His eyes stood out, and Itachi was, for once, drawn into someone who didn't posess the Sharingan.

"I mean... if he's not going to fail anyway..."

Itachi understood now, and the bag of boxes slid from his grasp. It didn't matter that the food could be spoilt now, all he could focus on was Naruto, Naruto who was asking him out.

Itachi opened his mouth to reply, and then the penny dropped.

"When did you last see Shisui? What did he say?"

Naruto frowned, unsure of how this linked in.

"I saw him before I came out... why?"

Itachi nodded, picking up his bag. "Then it's simple, Naruto-kun. Shisui used his technique to draw you into a relationship against you will. Good night."

Itachi walked, leaving Naruto standing there with his mouth open. A second later, something was thrown at the back of Itachi's head, and he turned to see Naruto with a blood red hand, meatballs dripping in tomato sauce clutched in his hand.

"You bastard! What the hell are you doing? I'm not being controlled you idiot!"

Itachi raised a hand to the back of his head, wincing at the amount of sauce coating his hair.

"Even if I was being controlled, you're the last person on earth I'd even consider going out with now. Screw you Uchiha bloody Itachi, just go... go..." Instead of completing the sentence, Naruto threw a meatball, and this one, backed by a twin, hit Itachi on the cheek. It seemed two meatballs were harder to dodge tan expected.

As Naruto stalked off, loudly moaning about bastards and last people on earth, Itachi's heart leapt. His eyes widened and Itachi knew what this meant; he was scared.

"Oh shit..."

Itachi: 0, World: 1.

.x.x.

Notes:

As you can tell, this isn't the end. It'll be two chapters long, and they'll overcome everything really. This chapter is pretty boring, but necessary I'm afraid.

Shisui's plans never fail! And he'll get them together at whatever cost :)

Thank you for readin, and I hope you enjoyed it. Reviews are always appreciated!