A/N- Crackficlet dedicated to all Decepticons 'Prime has disfigured. It's okay…

Disclaimer: I don't own transformers, much to my chagrin…

Warnings: Vaguely implied SLASH.

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Optimus Prime found himself in a rather amusing situation. He had applied for a Sex Addicts and Fetishes seminar, along with Megatron, The Fallen, Bonecrusher, (or his head, rather) Demolisher and Grindor.

"It's okay Megatron," Grindor said reassuringly, patting the larger Decepticon on the shoulder. "I'm sure if Blackout objected to that he'd say something about it. Just talk to him sometime, bring it out in conversation. Ask if he likes it. Who knows, maybe your just over-worrying yourself… "

The others nodded reassuringly. Once Megatron got his emotions back under control and was able to maintain a straight face, The Fallen faced Optimus.

"Ok, now something a little less sadistic. Alright Optimus, your turn…"

The Autobot leader could not believe he was about to spill his great secret in front of his enemies. However he had gone to the seminar, with a little persuasion from ratchet of course, to say exactly what got him going. Maybe, just maybe he could fix this… ongoing issue.

"Well," the Autobot started, nervously, "I sort of have a… uh… thing for… facial disfigurement."

The other robots choked on their Energon drinks, astonished at this little disclosure from the mouth of a supposed "Peace Advocate"

"What?" inquired the Fallen in disbelief.

"I knew I shouldn't have come here…" muttered Optimus.

"I reckon it all started when I first fought Bonecrusher on a Mission City overpass. We fell off the freeway, onto pavement where we had a little brawl. I punched in his face, and then cut off his head with my blade."

Everyone stared at Bonecrusher, or rather his head. Everyone seemed, including Optimus, to only now realize that one of Bonecrusher's optics hung rather limply in its socket, bobbing with every slight little movement. Everyone just figured out why.

"And…" Everyone's attention returned to Optimus. "…then in Shanghai I tackled Demolisher, and shot him in the face repeatedly, in complete fury. Then I ripped parts off of your face, and your face," He pointed at both Megatron and The Fallen respectively.

"And you!" He pointed specially to Grindor, who flinched. "You where my magnum opus, I hacked your face apart with my hooks, remember? Remember that?"

"I do!" growled Grindor, fresh Energon seeping out of makeshift patchwork. "I do very much remember that…"

Collecting himself after his little excited burst, he scanned the room to find everyone's optics intensely focused on him. He chuckled nervously, blue optics darting back and forth.

"Um… sorry….?"

Optimus considered silence as his cue to leave.

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Optimus is one violent prime, eh?