This is the last chapter. If you tell me you want me to continue this I'll feel all sorts of warm fuzzies inside, but I intend for this to segue straight into the beginning of New Moon. There's only so much Angstward I can write at a time. For anyone wanting a continuation of Carlisle and Edward goodness I recommend Giselle's Ithaca is Gorges.

EPOV

I stopped running where the edge of the forest met the Swan's backyard and smiled. Bella's window was wide open and the yellow light from her room spilled out of it. It was a glowing rectangle of welcome which promised me light and warmth and love. I quickly ran across the backyard and jumped up to her window, slipping inside the room where Bella's achingly sweet scent resided.

I heard the shower turn off in the bathroom. It seemed Bella was completing her nightly routine a bit early tonight. I hoped that meant she had missed me as much as I had missed her. I laughed as I kicked off my shoes and lay down on Bella's bed, placing Bella's gift on her nightstand. When we lived in Alaska I had thought a week-long run to the North Pole and back was short. But now I considered a few hours away from Bella to be an intolerable length of time.

I heard the bathroom door open and Bella walking towards her bedroom. I took a deep breath and braced myself for Bella's presence. It was torture, yes, but it was incredibly glorious torture.

Bella's smile when she saw me was so breathtaking I laughed.

"What's so funny?" Bella asked as she ran over and jumped into the bed next to me.

"You, you funny little human," I teased. "You know, most humans seeing a vampire in their bed late at night would scream and run away, not smile with joy and happiness."

"Yes, well this human isn't afraid of this vampire," Bella said adamantly, tapping me on my chest.

"Not at all?"

"Nope. I got this vampire from the very best vampire kennel club in the country. He's well house-trained."

"You can't be serious." Bella had just called me her pet vampire. I hoped Alice wasn't paying attention, I'd never hear the end of this from Emmett.

"Well, what did you expect?" Bella asked with a frown. "I come in here all happy to see you and you wonder why I don't act like my neighbor kid has left his pet spider on my bed."

I rolled my eyes. "Because unlike this hypothetical arachnid, I'm not afraid of you. In fact, I'm unbelievably attracted to you," I said, leaning forward quickly to place a kiss on her neck.

"Edward," Bella exclaimed, jumping in surprise.

"Shhhh," I reminded her. It was a good thing Charlie regularly fell asleep in front of the very loud television nearly every night.

"Oh, right. Is he...?"

"Still sleeping? Yes."

"Good. Because unlike your parents," Bella said with a giggle, "Charlie is quite old-fashioned."

"Yes, but unlike my parents, Charlie can't know just how responsible I am."

Bella gave me a humorous smile. "That's you, Mr. Responsible. Driving at three times the speed limit, carrying me on your back while running through the forest at a million miles an hour, and the most irresponsible thing?"

I quirked an eyebrow at her. What was my most irresponsible thing?

"Taking me to prom." Bella folded her arms over her chest. "That was quite irresponsible."

I smiled as I remembered her at prom. That dress and, oh my, that shoe. "You're right, that was quite dangerous."

"Quite. So just how responsible are you?"

"I'm responsible enough not to hurt you" I told her seriously. "That's all Carlisle and Esme need to know."

Bella nodded. "Right so they don't, I mean, do they think that we--," she trailed off with a blush.

"Well, they are also quite old-fashioned in that regard, perhaps even more so than Charlie."

"Imagine that," Bella commented.

"But they also know that I know that I don't have the control to--," I broke off with a frustrated sigh. I heard people's thoughts scream about sex all day, why was I too embarrassed to discuss this plainly with Bella? "They know I won't do anything that might hurt you," I repeated, hoping my meaning was clear.

Bella nodded again as she blushed a deeper shade of red. I looked at her curiously as I tried to figure out yet again what she was thinking. I felt my stomach clench uncomfortably as I considered the possibility that she may want that, and soon. One of my first surprises upon becoming a vampire and discovering my gift was just how often women thought about sex. Their thoughts were generally different than men's, but it was nearly just as frequent.

"Bella, I, I need to be honest with you," I fumbled quickly. "Even if I did have the control to be with you," I paused, "like that. I'm still rather old-fashioned myself. It's not something which is--," I took a deep breath, how could I say this and not sound like her father? "I mean, it's not something that I take lightly."

"I know," Bella mumbled, fiddling with the sheet.

I tilted my head in confusion. Did she mean that she knew I was old-fashioned, or did she mean that she agreed with me that sex was something that shouldn't be taken lightly? Bella remained silent and I thought that perhaps it was best if we let the matter drop.

"I brought you a little something," I said, changing the subject.

"You did?" Bella asked, looking at me excitedly.

I grabbed the CD from her bedside table and handed it to her. "Beethoven's Piano Concerto number four. Just in case you wanted to remember this weekend." I had made certain to take off the plastic wrapping, Bella wouldn't accept anything which was new. I wondered what she would say if she knew that I considered all the CD's I let her borrow to actually be on permanent loan.

Bella took the CD happily and hopped up to put it in the stereo. I watched her movements but then had to quickly look down at the bed. I had had to adjust to the rather drastic change in women's fashion in the last century. Esme, Rosalie, and Alice all attested to the fact that the acceptability of women wearing pants was most welcome, though it had taken Carlisle and I quite a few years to get used to seeing them go out in public wearing them. But now that it was a humid Forks summer and Bella was in a house without air-conditioning, she had swapped her regular sweat pants for some shorts. They were baggy basketball shorts, true, but I could never really get over my upbringing which taught that a woman's legs were inherently erotic, and Bella's were intensely so. Especially in light of our previous conversation.

The music came on and Bella sat back down on the bed. "It's better to hear it live in a concert hall," she commented.

"It always is," I agreed. It would also be much better if it was played on a decent sound system, but if I said that Bella would only get angry at me. If I had learned one thing about relationships from Emmett, it was that one shouldn't say something you knew would only make your mate angry.

"I loved going to the Symphony with you, and having you whisper things about the music in my ear, it was wonderful," Bella said.

"And it was wonderful for you to be there," I said, pulling her to lie down next to me.

Bella laid her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes.

"Are you tired?" I asked.

"No," Bella murmured in my ear, "just enjoying listening to the music with you."

She raised her hand and began tracing my chest with her fingertips and I had to quiet my involuntary purr of pleasure. It felt so good to be touched by Bella. "That's very nice," I murmured.

Bella looked up at me. "Why are you so thrilled when I touch you? You have a huge family, surely some of them touch you sometimes."

"I actually don't like to be touched."

"You don't?" Bella asked, stilling her hand.

"I love being touched by you, Bella," I hurried to assure her. "Just not by others."

"Oh," Bella said, resuming her movement with her hand. "Why not?"

I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "It's a combination of things, I suppose. In general, vampires don't get close to others of our kind, our self-preservation instincts are very strong. But I don't think I liked being touched very much even when I was human. Seventeen year-old boys don't like to show familial affection, that hasn't changed at all in the past century," I explained with a smile.

"But my family, we're different, we can be affectionate with each other in ways other vampires, the regular ones, can't. But with my gift," I shook my head, "I already feel that I intrude upon the space of others, well past the boundaries of skin. Esme insists on hugging me regularly, she likes to be a mother like that, but with others--," I broke off, thinking about Carlisle's tentative embrace earlier. If there was any touch I longed for other than Bella's, it was Carlisle's. I craved his acceptance and love nearly as much as I craved Bella's.

"I see," Bella said finally.

Eventually Bella simply laid her hand on my chest and her breathing slowed. "You should go to sleep, Bella," I suggested, trying to roll her onto her pillow.

"Not yet," Bella said with a yawn.

"Please," I insisted, lifting her up and placing her firmly on her pillow.

"I'm not going to go to sleep," Bella said with a pout.

Why did she have to be so stubborn? "Even still, Bella," I said, lying down on my side to face her.

Bella looked at me petulantly but scooted closer to tuck her head under my chin, slipping her arm over my side. I brought my free arm up to rest her back slowly. Surely we had embraced enough already today that she didn't need to lose sleep just to have me hold her some more.

I heard Bella continue to fight her sleep so I resigned myself to enjoying the feeling of having Bella in my arms. I ran my fingertips slowly up and down her spine, marveling in the complexity which lay under the delicate bones.

"Happy Birthday, Edward," Bella said softly.

I put a finger under her chin and lifted her head so I could look at her. "Thank you, Bella. But what brought that on?"

"It's midnight," Bella explained, nodding towards the clock on her dresser. "Your birthday is the twentieth, is it not?"

I smiled even as I groaned mentally. So this is why Bella stayed awake. "You didn't need to stay up just to say that. You could have told me in the morning." Or she could have not told me at all, it's not like my birthday actually mattered.

"I know, but still," Bella insisted, reaching up to brush my cheek with her hand. "I didn't get you a present," Bella said regretfully, "I couldn't think of anything I could get you."

"You didn't need to get me anything, Bella. Just having you with me this weekend was the best gift you could give me."

"Really?"

I frowned at the disbelieving tone I heard in her question. "Every time you're with me, Bella, is the most precious gift."

"Oh, okay," Bella answered, reluctance coloring her voice.

"Really, Bella. When you're with me I'm unbelievably happy," I insisted. Why couldn't she believe me?

Bella nodded slowly as her fingertips traced my jaw. "So I really am your birthday present then?"

I groaned at the reminder of Billy Black's macabre supposition. "Yes, I suppose you are. But unlike Lestat," I said with a grin, "I much prefer my presents to remain alive."

Bella answered my smile with one of her own before her face suddenly dropped. "I won't remain alive forever, Edward."

I pulled back from her, suddenly angry. "Bella, this is twice in one day. How have you already forgotten my answer?"

I immediately regretted my words when I saw Bella flinch and her eyes fill up with tears.

"Technically, Edward, it's not Sunday anymore," Bella hissed in a tone which was nearly dangerous enough to dredge up my vampiric instincts. "And in a few months I'm going to have a birthday of my own and then I'll actually be older than you. Well, okay, not actually older than you," she amended, "but physically--."

"It's how it should be," I cut her off flatly.

Bella's face fell in pain and she turned on her back, looking away from me. The feeling of her pulling away from me was nearly unbearable. Carlisle's sage words came back to haunt me, our inability to agree on this subject was going to drive a wedge between us. Would Bella eventually give up her request and agree to my plan? Or would she grow to find my refusal tedious and decide that she would be better off without me in her life and send me away?

The last possibility would be rational, but just thinking about it filled me with feelings of dread and terror. "Bella," I whispered, pleading for another moment of her time and acceptance.

Bella took a deep breath and turned her head towards me. I raised my upper body up to rest and my elbow and hesitantly wiped her tears away from her delicate cheeks with my hand. "Bella, I love you. Please understand that," I begged. How could I explain to her that everything I did, I did because of that love?

Bella nodded slowly and swallowed hard. "I love you too, Edward," she whispered.

I sighed in relief. "Wonderful. Now, may I give my birthday present a goodnight kiss?" I asked.

Bella gave me a teasing smile. "I suppose I can trust you," she said coyly, slipping her hands into my hair in preparation for holding onto me with all her strength.

I paused as I looked into her eyes, full of faith in me. I would never do anything to break that faith, I promised to myself, I would prove Alice wrong. I felt the burn in my throat as I swallowed the venom which had collected in my mouth and I leaned down and gently press my lips against Bella's.

I gently and deliberately placed my free hand on Bella's cheek as I hummed with the pleasure of feeling Bella's lips, satiny pillows of softness, move under mine. Realizing that Bella needed to breathe I moved my lips to her jaw and then brought my hand down to carefully sweep her hair away from her neck, burying my hand in the hair at the nape of her neck. I mentally checked that Bella's breathing was sufficient and allowed my lips to trail down her neck, pausing at the pulse point.

My birthday, the monster whispered seductively. I pulled back with a gasp, trying to clear my head, where had that thought come from? I reviewed my control and found that everything was normal. Giving my head a minute shake I kissed the place right behind Bella's earlobe which she liked so much. To have her forever, my birthday present, the monster purred. I swallowed hard and pulled back, giving Bella a quick kiss on the lips again in an expression of my regret.

Bella let me go reluctantly and I laid down beside her. "Go to sleep, Bella."

Bella took a shaky breath and I looked in her eyes, heavy with unfulfilled desires. It was yet another sign of the things I could not give Bella. I began to wonder if laying in bed with her was a bad idea. Surely she would eventually come to demand the things a woman would expect from the man who shared her bed. As much as I desired to be that man, I knew I could not. Just now my innocuous kisses had aroused the monster from his lair. But could I one day step aside and allow a man to take my place beside her?

Bella snuggled into my shoulder and put her hand on my chest again. "Mmm, my lullaby, please?" Bella requested sleepily.

"Of course, love," I whispered, humming the melody in her ear. I heard Bella slowly drift into her unconscious state and I pressed my lips quickly to her temple before pulling back slightly and tucking the covers around her to protect her warmth from my coldness.

I looked at Bella's sleeping face, so peaceful and restful. My mind went back to Carlisle's words this afternoon. This impasse, as I called it, was a wedge between us. But she deserved so much more than the endless night she was asking me to give her.

I wished I could be like the Little Mermaid. I had already saved her life instead of enticing her to her death. But I would gladly feel the pain of walking on a thousand swords if it meant I could be human for her.

Saa det drømte om Menneske-Lykke og en udødelig Sjæl.

I laughed softly to myself. The vampire wistfully longing after a mermaid's dream of mortal happiness and an immortal soul, Andersen was a fool for suggesting such a hope.

If I explained to Bella my concerns about her soul would she understand? Would she even care about the state of her soul? Or would she think me to be a religious fool? I shook my head. No, Bella thought even Petroushka, the poor little puppet, had a soul. She probably also thought Pinocchio could become a real boy as well. I suspected she would sooner agree with Carlisle than with me. It would be best to not mention this subject to her, it was bad enough arguing about it with Carlisle.

Bella murmured softly in her sleep, her sounds too jumbled for me to make out the words. Suddenly her body spasmed and her arms and legs began thrashing on the bed. She had been having nightmares intermittently since Phoenix. I had asked her the first few times what her nightmares were about but she always said that she didn't remember them. I suspected that it was her human mind's way of trying to protect her from her own memories.

Suddenly Bella's back arched and her right hand came up to shoulder, wrist up. I pulled back as I looked at her position. It was the same position she was in when I had sucked James' venom out of her, I could see the scar shining brightly in the moonlight. Bella let out a painful moan and I cautiously leaned closer to her. "It's okay Bella, I'm here. Everything is going to be okay," I whispered.

"Edward," Bella mumbled.

"Yes, I'm here, Bella," I reassured her, pressing my lips gently to her scar.

"M'kay," was Bella's incoherent response as she rolled over towards me and fell into a deep sleep.

En evig Nat uden Tanke og Drøm ventede hende, som ei havde Sjæl, ei kunde vinde den.

That was me. It was I who had a never-ending night without dreams, I who had no soul and could not get one. Instead I listened to Bella's dreams and I slumbered next to her as she slept. The humanness of it was comforting, even though it was simply derivative.

I had told Bella that she was my life, but she was also my soul. Andersen wrote that the Little Mermaid could gain a soul by gaining the love of a human as expressed in the bonds of holy matrimony. The human's soul, though love, becoming large enough to encompass the both of them.

I looked at Bella's sleeping form and groaned. I would like nothing more than to make Bella my wife, even though I was under no delusions that I would have a share in Bella's soul. But I could not be her husband. I could hardly kiss her, much less...I swallowed hard and pushed that thought away.

Carlisle's question rolled in my head. What were my plans with Bella? I greatly desired her company, but I could not give her the things she needed from a husband. I rolled onto my back and looked up at the ceiling. Could I be strong enough to do what the Little Mermaid did? Could I watch Bella marry another? Throw away the silver dagger which would bring her death, kiss her forehead, and leave her to her happiness?

If Carlisle was right it was this kind of self-sacrificing love which would earn me a chance for a soul and entry into Paradise. Was this my final proof for a soul, a test of my selfishness? I was already denying myself by refusing to take away Bella's humanity, must God demand that I deny myself Bella altogether?

I could not escape the fact that I was an intrusion on Bella's life, an anomaly cast here by the cruel Fortunes. By interfering with Bella's human life was I causing a problem in God's master plan for her? Preventing her from marrying the man she was supposed to marry, having the children she was supposed to have?

I groaned at my self-questioning. I should stop now before I started questioning whether it was too self-centered for me to question my own self-centeredness.

Three hundred years, that's how long Andersen said it would take the Little Mermaid to do enough good to have a soul and become something more than sea foam. Shorter, perhaps, if the little human children were good, longer if they were bad. The Little Mermaid would be stuck flying with the daughters of air for a while, little human children were nearly always bad. The ending was terrible, Andersen should have stopped the story when he was ahead.

I remembered my promise to Carlisle. His thoughts were already so anxious. How could I explain to him that my existence on this earth was now inextricably intertwined with Bella's? If he knew for sure that his suspicions were true, that if Bella was to die, no, when Bella would die, I would seek to end my own existence, he would have Bella in Alaska within a week, writhing in pain. I knew he would, and I could not allow it. When the time came, and Carlisle realized my betrayal, I could only hope that he would come to forgive me.

I looked at Bella's sleeping form and slowly ran my fingers along her hair that lay on top of the sheet. Dare I hope that I could one day have forever with Bella, a forever given to me by an all-merciful God?

Og den lille Havfrue løftede sine klare Arme op mod Guds Sol,

og for første Gang følte hun Taarer.

The Little Mermaid, learning she had a chance for an immortal soul, raised her eyes to God's sun and wept for the first time in her life. If I had a chance for an immortal soul, unlikely though it may be, I would do what the Little Mermaid did. I would raise my face to embrace the warmth of the sun and cry tears of joy.

A/N: More quotes from the Little Mermaid in this chapter. To my English readers – I'm sorry if the Danish is confusing, but if Alice can translate the Battle Hymn of the Republic into Korean Sign Language in Eclipse, I'm figuring that Edward knows Danish fluently. And like all literature, something is lost in translation, so I had Edward think about the story in the original Danish. My stats here on show that I have a handful of Scandinavian readers, so for y'all I hope you found the quotes enjoyable.

Here are the direct translations of the lines Edward quotes. You can find links to where I found both the Danish original and the English translation on my profile page.

Saa det drømte om Menneske-Lykke og en udødelig Sjæl. = She came to dream of mortal happiness and an immortal soul.

En evig Nat uden Tanke og Drøm ventede hende, som ei havde Sjæl, ei kunde vinde den. = A never-ending night, without thought and without dreams, awaited her who had no soul and could not get one.

Og den lille Havfrue løftede sine klare Arme op mod Guds Sol, og for første Gang følte hun Taarer. = The little mermaid lifted her clear bright eyes toward God's sun, and for the first time her eyes were wet with tears.