All credit goes to Richelle Mead these are her characters. This is the revised first chapter of An Essay Feedback would be nice. Thank you to Sydney.

An Essay

APOV

She wanted me to write an essay. Me, Adrian Ivashkov to write an Essay? That was something I hadn't done for a long time. The old Adrian Ivashkov would have said no. But then again the old Adrian wouldn't have taken a message from a weird old man. But, I had...and I was Adrian Ivashkov. It was hard for others to see but she had changed me. I wasn't the same bastard she met at the ski lodge. Back then all I wanted with her was a way to Vasalissa and maybe just maybe something on the side. I hadn't intended to change hell I didn't ever want to change but I realise now that rose changed me for the better. I was in a haze before I her. Night after Drunken night, Girl after Girl. I lived a life of drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, pretty but shallow bitches, and meaningless sex. Before Rosemarie Hathaway came along I was an abuser and I didn't see it. I had been celibate since the night I dream walked her dreams while she was captured in Spokane. I hadn't lit a joint or inhaled any drug since that night as well. The only things I still abused though were alcohol and tobacco, but I needed them. Rose may have brought me out of my haze but I didn't think she would be able to get me out of my cigarette haze any time soon. As for the alcohol... well unfortunately that was the same, I wasn't yet ready to deal with the effects of spirit alone. If I could stop though, if I didn't rely so deeply on tobacco and alcohol I would. I would stop for Rose.

I sighed and stared down at the obnoxious piece of blank paper. I thought Rose might like a hand written letter. For anyone else though I would have typed it but then again if it were anyone else I wouldn't give a shit. I wouldn't have even agreed. I yet again looked down at the paper, it glared obnoxiously up at me. I took a deep breath and thought it's now or never, and with that I picked up a green pen and began to write.

Rose.

I know you were joking when you mentioned me writing this essay but I feel it's the only way I will be able to tell you everything. Some people think the words I love you say everything and maybe they do. But love can be different. You loved Dimitri. No One will EVER take his place. Dr. Seuss once said "You know you're in love when reality is finally better than your dreams" If that's true then I am not in love because I am still waiting for reality to catch up to my dreams. You know Vasalissa offered to help me write this. I said 'no' though. Rose. I wanted everything on this page to come from me and only me. I write this completely sober there is not one drop of alcohol in my blood not one ash in the tray. What I'm giving you right now is Little Dhampir, the man I want to be. I don't like who I am. The person you met at the ski lodge. He was a bastard, he was scared and he was running. However, now, now he is no longer around. Before I met you Rose...I was afraid. I was afraid of spirit, afraid of life, of commitment, of love... But then I met you Rose. You were Strong. You are strong. Little Dhampir. You helped me. They say you drain the darkness away from Lissa well you drain the sadness and fear from my life. When I see you I remember why I am here, why I try. Rose before I met you I was an abuser. My life consisted of night after drunken night, girl after girl and probably a few I am not sure about.... just kidding. I know they were all girls, I think.... Rose I have given up so much for you and I am glad I have in turn it has made me better and I am willing to give up more. But none of it will ever compare to what you have had to sacrifice. Rose you see me when no one else does. When I'm with you I don't have to hide. You give me the strength to be me, the will to change and the power to feel. I could promise you the world. I could promise you power. I could promise you a very comfortable life. Hell I could promise you anything and everything material. But I won't. All I can promise you is my life and everything I have within me. I can't promise you a 100 % sober life but.

It's the way you make me smile.

It keeps me going mile after mile

And when you speak to me

I feel totally free

I am without a care in the world

No one is sad or hurt

No one is there to make me feel like dirt

It's the way you make me smile

Even after the day is gone

It is the way I don't have to tell myself

That life would be better off fake or unreal

I don't know if you want me but please know that I want you

I can't wait to fly through the sky hand in hand with you

Cause when I am with you everything is okay

And when I'm with you I see the runs rays

And when you sit me down and tell me everything is going to be okay

I can believe for once that there is a world without pain

And when you make me feel this way I know your my saving grace

The girl who is always going to be there in her right place

I'll have patience my friend

I know you need time

I'll find it in my heart to wait for you

I know that this is selfish

And I know this is kind of mean

But I really know that you are the girl from my dreams

So I'll have patience Little Dhampir

I know there will be a way in time

I swear to you at each breaking day

Under the moons soft light

With the stars twinkling bright

I swear you on this very night

I truly love thee

- Adrian Ivashkov

And that was it. I had done it. I wasn't sure if I had said everything I wanted to but it felt right. I folded it up and sealed it in an envelope along with my heart. My fate rested in her hands. I had spilled myself out and al I had now was hope. Hope that she wouldn't laugh at me. Hope that she wouldn't tear me apart all I had now was what I had to offer her. A somewhat afraid man in love with a strong powerful beautiful woman. My Life was now in her hands.