Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or it's characters. I'm making no money from this but i do own this story and the plot. So steal it and i'll make you pay!

First SP fic…I really have no idea where this came from.

Only in South Park could a psychopathic, sadistic tub of lard, an immortal dirt poor pervert, a harassed Jew with an overbearing mother and a football playing, often turned goth all American teen be best friends. Well Cartman's case was certainly debatable by any means. Most speculated that his constant insults of Kyle were somewhat similar to foreplay, and that he'd wanted to get into the Jew's pants for years. This rumour was yet to be confirmed.

If I remember correctly the last guy we sent to find out any truth to this rumour ended up being pushed under a train. Oh well. Kenny will surely be back within an hour or so. Now if only Butters would kindly stop sobbing into my shirt and let me finish my book in peace.

As I'm sure you're aware, South Park is a haven for social outcasts from all around the globe. We have the son of Satan himself, Damien aka the Antichrist, The French mercenary with a fetish for digging, Christophe, two English boys, myself and Gregory, Tweek, the coffee addict and his boyfriend Craig who lives to flip people off. Hmm, then there's the token black guy, Token, the biggest slut in the world aka Bebe, the bane of Cartman's existence, (besides Kyle and the Canadians) Wendy and several other nutcases stashed in our small redneck community. Any outsiders who tried to upset the craziness of our little town rarely lived to tell the tale; those who did manage to survive were usually locked up in the loony bin anyway.

But I digress. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Philip Pirrup, an odd combination of names but you can call me Pip. Everyone calls me Pip, because they hate me. Apparently it's because I'm British but so is Gregory and they don't all hate him. Only the boys hate Gregory but that's only because he has the complete attention of their girlfriends whenever he walks by. I'm not sure what other reason they all have to hate me but I've learned to live with it. As long as I can breathe comfortably by the end of the day and no one is following me home then I'm happy.

Welcome to South Park, where the sane do not survive. We hope you enjoy your visit and please avoid Eric Cartman and Damien at whatever cost. Alone they're the next Hitler and the antichrist respectively. Together…well. Let's just say we have no confirmation on what truly happens when those to plot together. Anyone who tries to find out…well we have never been able to find them. Alive or dead…but generally we think its dead.

Just the prologue. This will be Pip centric with just a hint of KennyButters and others.

This isn't gonna have too many chapters…three at the most I hope since it's way too much pressure. I just realised how Tweekish I just sounded…Dear God it's contagious.

Anyway let me know what you think…I'm hoping for maybe three reviews? And I'll get the next chapter out asap.

KB